FicWad

James and I were now officially together. And I had to admit that I was much happier now. The two of us shared everything together and spent every possible moment together. Of course, even though I had James, life wasn't easy and I hadn't been able to forget the nightmares I had lived through due to Ray's hand. I was still pretty jumpy too. Once James had been his hand a little too low on my back for my comfort, and I had jerked away from him and hadn't allowed him to touch me for the rest of the day. But besides for little incidents like that, I was doing much better.

James had even gone to the drug store where I had been working had while I was sick and had told them that I would no longer be able to work. At first, I was pretty worried about this. After all, how would I find enough money for food and other necessities? James told me not to worry about that and had provided pretty much everything I needed for me. We always went over to my house together after school and had our dinners and spent our nights together. Well, kinda. James always left at nine which was pretty much for the good of everyone. Having a guy sleep in the same house or same room as me would probably creep me out and give me nightmares. Ray had convinced me that I never wanted to have sex again.

Sometimes I wondered how James was able to spend so much time with me. I wondered if his parents ever wondered where he was going after school, or if they even cared where he went. It was also a miracle that my mother hadn't discovered James' presence. But more often than not, she was usually passed out or had locked herself up in the bedroom so she could sit in solitude and drink her beer without any unwanted interruptions from me. I was getting pretty worried because she wasn't eating anymore. I didn't even know when she had eaten the last time.

School was going much better for me now as well. James had helped me catch up on every subject, and I had moved all my grades up to steady Bs. Okay, that wasn't great, but it was better than I had been doing before. I had still given up my college dreams, but that was okay for now. I figured that going to college would probably be boring anyway. Besides, think of all the unknown people lurking around the college campus! That thought alone was enough to send shivers down my spine.

At the moment, I was sitting in the middle of geometry, not paying any attention to what the teacher was saying. James and I were sitting in the far back of the classroom together. I had moved my desk over so it was aligned right next to James' desk. For some reason, I looked up to James for protection and comfort. I had never really had anyone to give me comfort and protection before. My mom certainly hadn't offered me either of those things.

James and I had been passing notes and whispering in each other's ears pretty much the whole time during class. Both of us decided we could tackle the geometry problems on our own later. James leaned over to my desk and whispered in my ear, "Hey, did I tell you that I was thinking about spending the summer in Los Angeles?"

My eyes widened. James was spending the summer in Los Angeles? What the hell was he doing that for? I certainly didn't want him going that far away. I didn't like big cities like Los Angeles anyways. Big cities meant lots of people, and lots of people still scared me. Frowning, I hissed back in James' ear, "You never mentioned that before. You're not really gonna spend the summer in Los Angeles, are you? Don't you like it here in Downey?"

"Yeah, of course I like it," James replied. I could feel his warm breath in my ear and that was enough to make butterflies dance in my stomach. James continued, "It's just that...well, you know how I play the guitar and stuff, right?" I nodded. James talked about guitar a lot. I had never heard him play it before, but I was under the impression that it was a big part of his life. He told me that he practiced it before school and after he left me at night. But regardless, how did the guitar playing have anything to do with James going to Los Angeles? Maybe whoever taught him guitar was moving and he was looking for a new teacher?

"I kinda want to start a band," James told me in a quiet voice, "or at least be in a band. There doesn't seem to be anyone who wants to start a band here in Downey, but I saw this guy advertise in the newspaper a few times. He says he plays drums and is looking for a guitarist. He lives in the Los Angeles area and I thought maybe I'd head over there and see what I could do about trying to put a band together with him this summer."

My heart clenched tightly and I immediately started panicking. Don't get me wrong, I completely supported James' plans for wanting to be in a band. I was positive that he was an amazing guitarist and would be great in a band. But a band in Los Angeles? Well, that wasn't okay with me. I didn't think I could manage a long, lonely summer all by myself here in Downey. Just when I thought I had gotten James, he was going to leave me. Tears pricked my eyes.

"But...but..." I floundered about, trying to come up with a reason for James not to go to Los Angeles. "What do your parents think? They're not going to let you go to Los Angeles alone, are they?" In my panic, I had forgotten to whispered and had said those last few words in a rather loud tone. Just as James opened his mouth to speak, Mrs. Anderson interrupted.

"James, Olivia," she said sternly, giving us a chastising look, "You know that I don't permit whispering during my class. If there is an emergency, you can tell me. Otherwise, please keep quiet. Unless...would you like to share your conversation with the whole class?" James and I both blushed and shook our heads. Mrs. Anderson nodded with satisfaction and said, "I thought so. Anyways, back to the Pythagorean theorem..."

I zoned out of Mrs. Anderson's lecture as soon as she started speaking again. I couldn't seem to get James' words about moving to Los Angeles out of my head. I couldn't let him go! My life seemed to be centered around him right now. He was my one true love - yes, I had finally been able to admit this true fact to myself - and I just couldn't bear to be separate from him. I would have to do everything in my power to keep him here in Downey.

James must've noticed by worried expression because he kicked my lightly under our desks to get my attention. I turned to him with a sorrowful, pleading looking on my face. I tried to beg him with my eyes not to leave me. James, unable to receive the message, rested his hand on top of mine and whispered quickly in my ear, "Hey...you okay?"

Looking towards the front of the class to see if Mrs. Anderson was looking, I quickly hissed back, "Let's talk about it after class, alright?" James nodded and we both jerked our heads back to the front of the class just as Mrs. Anderson shot us a look of disapproval. Under the desks, James stroked my hand gently in an attempt to calm me down, but even that wasn't enough to comfort me. I didn't think I would be comforted until he swore to stay here in Downey with me for the rest of the summer.

When class was finally dismissed, I wasted no time in getting my stuff together. After that, I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for James to get his stuff together. When James looked up and say me waiting for him, he said, "Go ahead, Olive. I have to stop somewhere after school. I'll meet you at your house in about an hour, okay? I'll bring stuff for dinner then."

My heart fell. Normally, I wouldn't have minded an hour delay, but today I wanted to speak to James about the whole Los Angeles thing immediately. Unfortunately, I didn't really have a choice as to what James wanted to do. With a knot in my stomach, I nodded and trudged forlornly out of the classroom and out into the hall.

Just when I had stepped out of the school building, a hand reached out to grab me and pulled me around the corner of the school. I let out an impulsive scream, but it was muffled by a hand that instantaneous reached up to cover my mouth. My heart was racing like crazy now and fear gripped me. Who was this person and what did they want from me? It couldn't be Ray...could it? I wasn't sure if I dared to look over to see who was holding me captive. After a long moment, I lifted my gaze. To my surprise, it was not Ray holding me captive. As a matter of fact, it was probably the last person I expected to see. It was Kitty.

Glancing around to make sure we were alone, Kitty slowly removed her hand from her mouth and got straight to the point, "Where's Ray?" I was taken back by the question. Why the hell would Kitty want or need to know where Ray was? For all I knew, Ray didn't even know who Kitty was. Seeing my miffed gaze, Kitty went on, "I wanna know where he is. I know you know where he is. You like to go and take all the hot guys for yourself, don't you? You're just a selfish little bitch."

Stunned by Kitty's hurtful words, I stayed silent for a moment before I managed to say, "I don't know where Ray is anymore. I do know that he's not gonna be back at this school though, so you might as well not spend your time worrying about him." A vein throbbed at Kitty's throat and she looked like she wanted to slap. For a moment, I actually believed she was going to slap me, but then she lowered her hand and her face turned into an ugly sneer instead.

"Do you even know why Hetfield likes you?" she asked, the twisted look spreading across her face. Ah, this was why she wanted to talk to me alone. She wanted James back. I had known that for a while, but there wasn't really anything I was willing to do about it. I loved James and he loved me back. Well, not in the having-sex way, but in the other way. Not sure what Kitty wanted me to say to her question, I just shook my head.

"He's only with you because he feels sorry for you. He's not really in love with your or anything. After all, there's nothing to like about you. You're not pretty and you certainly aren't good in bed. I can tell that just by looking at you. As far as anyone is concerned, you're just an ugly bitch," Kitty snarled, a sadistic smile falling over her face.

My face redden from embarrassment and anger. Why was Kitty saying all these hurtful things? Were they true? They probably were. I had been so blind not to see them before. It was indeed true that I wasn't pretty in the way Kitty was, and I certainly didn't have any experience in relationships. James probably just had such a kind hard that he felt sorry for me like she had said. Having heard enough from Kitty, I jerked out of her gaze and started running towards home. I felt terrible for not having realized why James was with me before. Was I really that blind? Apparently so. Not only was I ugly, now I was stupid too. Great.

~ ~ ~ ~

When I arrived home ten minutes later, I was in a terrible mood. I kept beating myself up over what Kitty had said about me. I still couldn't believe that I hadn't realized all this sooner. I had never been the smartest person in the class, but I had never thought of myself as stupid. It probably wasn't too surprise that I was naive in social situations though. After all, I had avoided them for the last seven years. It could only be expected that I would be able to read people's emotions like normal people could.

Anger pulsing through my veins, I kicked the door to my house open and them slammed it behind me with a loud bang. As soon as the door slammed, I instantly regretted doing that. My mom didn't like the door slamming. It only made her headaches worse. Biting my lip, I dropped my bags right in front of the door and dropped down on the couch to sulk. I still just couldn't get it through my brain that James had faked that he loved me. Emotions weren't something that were meant to be toyed around with. This was almost worse than what Ray had done with me. Screw that last sentence. It was worse than what Ray had done to me. I had trusted James, but apparently he had only given me lies.

As I sat there moping on the couch, I suddenly felt like something was wrong. Very wrong. There was a stillness in the house that just wasn't right. It seeped into me and put me on edge. Something was obviously out of place. I rose from the couch, forgetting about James momentarily, and walked around the room. Everything seemed in place. Maybe I was just being paranoid? Then I remembered my mom. It couldn't hurt to check on her. She was probably watching TV in the bedroom with a bottle of whiskey, but I just had to make sure she was okay.

Creeping towards the bedroom, I opened the door as quietly as I could and gazed inside. My mom was lying on the bed on her side, facing away from me. I was surprised not to see any whiskey or beer bottles in the room. That was very odd. My mom usually went through three or four of those each day. With an eerie feeling in my heart, I hurried over to her side and called, "Mom! Mom, are you okay? Answer me if you can hear me."

But there was no answer. She was lying on her side with her eyes wide open in a fixed stare. Panic seizing me, I felt for a pulse. There was nothing. I placed my ear against her chest and listened for a heart beat. Still nothing. That's when I knew it; my mom was dead.