Categories > Original > Humor > The Suicidal Immortal 2
-Derek walked out of the store with his purchase. His lost temper from the day before had cost him $150 for a new VCR, not to mention the lecture from his mother. If only the power hadn't gone out when it did he wouldn't be dealing with any of this.
-He made his way to his car and found that someone had so graciously dumped out a Pepsi drink over his roof. Derek sighed and shook his head as he opened his door and got into his car. He made his way home and handed his mother the VCR box to replace the one he had broken.
-"Well what are you handing it to me for?" she asked, "you broke the last one, you set up this one." She walked away and left Derek to figure it out. He sighed to himself knowing how this was going to turn out, but she asked for it.
-After nearly two hours Derek was about ready to spend another $150 just for the pleasure of smashing the new one. He finally got the thing to work and decided to reward himself with some computer time. He went into the back room, made sure that the modem was working this time and signed on.
-His first stop was one of his favorite flash animation sites. He clicked the link and saw a new submission. He clicked to watch it but instead of the flash menu the screen turned completely white. There wasn't even the page cannot be displayed message, it was just completely white.
-He clicked the back option and returned the main page. Shrugging it off as an isolated error he clicked on a different submission but again he was presented with a white page. Again Derek returned to the main page, this time clicking on a submission he had seen before but still he found the white screen.
-Disappointed, he decided that a little social interaction might make him feel better, if nothing else it would be a distraction. He double clicked his instant messenger; it was a new one that allowed him to have a little 3D avatar that he could customize and speak with other people's avatars in a 3D setting.
-The items that one could use to customize the avatar were "bought" with credits that were earned by various means. The only one that Derek bothered with was the slot machine, once a day there was the chance to win credits. He clicked on the option and watched them spin. Much to his surprise he won the jackpot.
-Five hundred credits in a mere second. Derek arched an eyebrow, maybe his day was finally looking up. He went to the catalog and found the shirt that he had been wanting to get for his little guy. Now he had just enough to get it so he purchased the item.
-Now all he needed to do was go to his inventory and put it on. He clicked on the inventory link; the window popped up, loaded and then closed itself. Derek squinted at the screen, confused by the outcome. He tried again and again the window just closed itself.
-Derek tried to go to his homepage to do it from there but it had the same result. Frustrated Derek tried once again to get onto his online game, only to have the entire computer freeze and shut down. He tried to restart the computer but once again it started a physical memory dump.
-"You dirty mother..." Derek let out a sigh of frustration and left the room. His parents were watching TV so that was out, leading him with only one means of recreation. And he already knew that it wasn't working properly.
-He went into his room and tried a different game then the one from the other day. He heard his system make a strange sound and again he got a disk read error message. He opened the disk drive and took out the CD to find it scratched up. A $40 game ruined in a heart beat.
-"Derek, take Brutus out for a walk." His mother called from the living room. The task was the only thing that stopped him from smashing his game council. Perhaps some fresh air would help. He left his room, got the leash and took the dog outside.
-The old dog pulled on the leash and dragged Derek around for half an hour. Finally Derek had had enough and pulled the dog towards home. That was when Brutus spotted a squirrel. The old dog went nuts; pulling at the leather leash until his collar broke and he took off after the small animal and chased it into the nearby woods.
-"...terrific." Derek said to himself as he slowly made his way after the stupid dog. He made his way down the steep hill and slipped on some loose rocks. After a short tumble he picked himself up and looked at his scratched up cloths and cut skin.
-He looked at the leash in his hands and decided to finish what he had started the other night. He climbed a tree and tied the end of the leash around a branch, and the other end around his own neck. There wouldn't be a freak electrical short this time.
-Derek took a moment to shoot a middle finger up at the sky, and then he let himself go. He felt a quick jolt on his neck and then everything faded into blackness.
-Derek woke up sometime latter with something licking his face. He opened his eyes to find Brutus standing next to him. Derek's body hurt like hell, especially his head. He looked up and saw only the sky above him.
-He sat up and realized what had happened, the branch had broken. Not only had it broken but Derek had landed on a rock which had knocked him out. He considered looking for a stronger branch when he heard someone coming.
-"Of all the rotten luck." Derek said to himself as he saw several kids walking his way. He took the leash off of himself and the tree branch, put it back on the dog and made his way back home.
-He made his way to his car and found that someone had so graciously dumped out a Pepsi drink over his roof. Derek sighed and shook his head as he opened his door and got into his car. He made his way home and handed his mother the VCR box to replace the one he had broken.
-"Well what are you handing it to me for?" she asked, "you broke the last one, you set up this one." She walked away and left Derek to figure it out. He sighed to himself knowing how this was going to turn out, but she asked for it.
-After nearly two hours Derek was about ready to spend another $150 just for the pleasure of smashing the new one. He finally got the thing to work and decided to reward himself with some computer time. He went into the back room, made sure that the modem was working this time and signed on.
-His first stop was one of his favorite flash animation sites. He clicked the link and saw a new submission. He clicked to watch it but instead of the flash menu the screen turned completely white. There wasn't even the page cannot be displayed message, it was just completely white.
-He clicked the back option and returned the main page. Shrugging it off as an isolated error he clicked on a different submission but again he was presented with a white page. Again Derek returned to the main page, this time clicking on a submission he had seen before but still he found the white screen.
-Disappointed, he decided that a little social interaction might make him feel better, if nothing else it would be a distraction. He double clicked his instant messenger; it was a new one that allowed him to have a little 3D avatar that he could customize and speak with other people's avatars in a 3D setting.
-The items that one could use to customize the avatar were "bought" with credits that were earned by various means. The only one that Derek bothered with was the slot machine, once a day there was the chance to win credits. He clicked on the option and watched them spin. Much to his surprise he won the jackpot.
-Five hundred credits in a mere second. Derek arched an eyebrow, maybe his day was finally looking up. He went to the catalog and found the shirt that he had been wanting to get for his little guy. Now he had just enough to get it so he purchased the item.
-Now all he needed to do was go to his inventory and put it on. He clicked on the inventory link; the window popped up, loaded and then closed itself. Derek squinted at the screen, confused by the outcome. He tried again and again the window just closed itself.
-Derek tried to go to his homepage to do it from there but it had the same result. Frustrated Derek tried once again to get onto his online game, only to have the entire computer freeze and shut down. He tried to restart the computer but once again it started a physical memory dump.
-"You dirty mother..." Derek let out a sigh of frustration and left the room. His parents were watching TV so that was out, leading him with only one means of recreation. And he already knew that it wasn't working properly.
-He went into his room and tried a different game then the one from the other day. He heard his system make a strange sound and again he got a disk read error message. He opened the disk drive and took out the CD to find it scratched up. A $40 game ruined in a heart beat.
-"Derek, take Brutus out for a walk." His mother called from the living room. The task was the only thing that stopped him from smashing his game council. Perhaps some fresh air would help. He left his room, got the leash and took the dog outside.
-The old dog pulled on the leash and dragged Derek around for half an hour. Finally Derek had had enough and pulled the dog towards home. That was when Brutus spotted a squirrel. The old dog went nuts; pulling at the leather leash until his collar broke and he took off after the small animal and chased it into the nearby woods.
-"...terrific." Derek said to himself as he slowly made his way after the stupid dog. He made his way down the steep hill and slipped on some loose rocks. After a short tumble he picked himself up and looked at his scratched up cloths and cut skin.
-He looked at the leash in his hands and decided to finish what he had started the other night. He climbed a tree and tied the end of the leash around a branch, and the other end around his own neck. There wouldn't be a freak electrical short this time.
-Derek took a moment to shoot a middle finger up at the sky, and then he let himself go. He felt a quick jolt on his neck and then everything faded into blackness.
-Derek woke up sometime latter with something licking his face. He opened his eyes to find Brutus standing next to him. Derek's body hurt like hell, especially his head. He looked up and saw only the sky above him.
-He sat up and realized what had happened, the branch had broken. Not only had it broken but Derek had landed on a rock which had knocked him out. He considered looking for a stronger branch when he heard someone coming.
-"Of all the rotten luck." Derek said to himself as he saw several kids walking his way. He took the leash off of himself and the tree branch, put it back on the dog and made his way back home.
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