Categories > Games > Devil May Cry > Cat Nip II

That was about as funny as you die'n kid

by Devilcest 0 reviews

Being a half demon half feline had become, with only some reluctance, second nature for Nero. But damn, why did it keep getting weirder along the way? Was there no end to the seemingly random effec...

Category: Devil May Cry - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Humor,Romance - Characters: Dante - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2010-06-28 - Updated: 2010-06-29 - 1552 words

A/N Ya know, I was implying something when I said 'Not all is as it seems' I mean come on, look at my kitty Nero's personality! That and I despise Mpreg, so just give it half a chance would ya's! Christ talk about jumping the gun!

I do not own DMC!


"I'm pregnant."

Dante blinked, his expresson flat. "Come again?" Nero sighed.

"You heard me Dante, this damn curse has fucked around with me too much...I'm pregnant!" Dante blinked...nodded once slowly...then...

For the first time in uncounted years...The crimson son of Sparda...


Chapter 2: Seriously, that was about as funny as you dyin' kid!

The first thing Dante became aware of when he slowly snapped back to consciousness, was the sound of insane laughter echoing throughout the shop. And when he said insane, he meant it...Who ever was laughing was no doubt the color of his coat and crying a new river. Not only that but something also went 'thud' and the laughter halted only for a moment when the sound of a ragged intake of breath replaced it, then it seems to double in lack of sanity.

If he hadn't known any better he'd think he was in a loony bin. When he finally gained enough sense to sit up, he poked his head over his desk to see an empty couch, but the insane laughter was coming from that direction. With a dazed grunt he pulled himself into a standing position with the aid of his desk. when he looked back the sight that greeted him was enough to smack any and all expression from his face...hell, even his mind went blank.

On the floor in front of the couch, rolling, banging into the table, half crying half suffocating...was Nero...whose face indeed resembled his coat perfectly. Even his Devil Bringer was flashing with his laughter and if the kid didn't stop soon he'd either pass out or pop. Then it occurred to him as everything prior to his 'manly black out' returned and actually snapped something in his brain.

"I think my brain just broke..." he mumbled as he scratched his head. The comment only seemed to add gasoline to the fire as Nero's laughter doubled again, only pausing for suffocated intakes of breath and the occasional bump when he hit the table...then it all slid into place...Nero had said something...then said he was pregnant...he had fainted...and woken up to said half demon literally rolling on the floor laughing himself to death.

He'd just been played...

And he'd fallen for it hook, line and stinker...

He wasn't amused...In fact, he wanted revenge...

When all of this finally snapped through his slowly repairing brain Dante's eyes slid to Nero, who had only recovered slightly but had managed to pull his laughing ass onto the couch, though he was gripping his sides and still crying with his laughter. If Dante hadn't known why the fuzz ball was laughing, he'd probably laugh as well, considering the kid looked damn freaky when he laughed like that. With a calmness that would make Vergil proud Dante cleared his throat and folded his arms across his bare chest. When Nero looked at him with a red face and insanely amused grin he spasmed ever slightly.

"Nero." He said calmly, his eye twitching violently while his inner devil went into a kind of twitching fit. The teen slapped himself slightly in the head to stop... ok not stop but at least slow his laughter ever so slightly and sniffed once, then covered his mouth as he continued to snicker. "You were joking...weren't you?"


"And what would...possess you, to say that?"


"You do realize I'm going to kill you now, right?"


Dante inhaled once, then exhaled shakily as he fought to keep himself calm. "Your not going to be able to stand let alone walk, when I'm done kicking your ass." Nero's eyes widened and his snickering tittered to a halt, then he grinned nervously.

"Ehehe, come on Dante...can't you take a joke?" Dante's nostrals flared as he cracked his knuckles.

"Oh I can take a joke. That wasn't a joke...that...Nero...was...was..." he couldn't even think of something to call it, so he opted to laugh evilly launch himself at a yowling neko.

Nero pounced over the back of the couch when Dante collided with it, an almost savage snarl on his face as he yanked himself back to go for him again. Nero hissed and ducked under the claw shaped fingers aimed for his throat and dove between the elders legs, springing to his feet and making a run for the stairs. Dante seemed to anticipate this as he whirled on his heel and Triggered, using his scaled tail to lash out and wrap around one of Nero's legs, effectively knocking him over. Nero hissed and dug his claws into the wood of the floor as Dante began to drag him back, his claws leaving deep cuts in the surface of the wood as he yowled, hissed and spat.

Dante smirked insanely as he lifted the teen by his ankle until they were face to face, Dante's demonic one lined perfectly with Nero's upside down one. "Oh Nero, your going to pay for that one." He growled as he raised a clawed hand to grip the front of the thrashing teens hoody. "Your going to pay...dearly..." Nero snorted and used his Devil Bringer to swat the scaled hand away from his clothing.

"Sheesh, your the one who fell for it old man, come on seriously! Me, pregnant? Whoa you've been eating to much pizza, all that fats gone to your head!" Dante growled shook the hissing teen by his leg, his tail easily keeping hold of him as he flailed and clawed at air.

"What ever am I going to do to you little kitty? You need to be punished. Hmm, I know a few curses of my own, maybe I should turn you into a real kitty and stuff you into a crab pot-" His sentence was halted by glowing fist smashing into his pointed teeth, actually chipping a few and making him stagger back, his tail releasing it's load with a heavy thud.

"That does it, I'm gonna make a new jacket out of your lizard ass old man!" Dante de-triggered and snorted as he flexed his jaw.

"Oh I'd like to see you try!" Nero growled and crouched low to the ground, building energy to his legs while he flexed his demonic arm. With a battle cry he launched himself from the ground and tackled the elder hunter into the pool table, sending numbered balls flying in all directions while pulled back raised his claws, ready to poison the other. His progress was halted however when Dante thrust his hips upwards, promptly bucking him off onto the floor with yet another thud. He was half cat, sure but he still hadn't mastered the art of landing on his feet... With a hissed he bounced back up just in time to get a bare foot to the face that sent him back to the ground.

Dante cackled as he rolled off of the table and landed on his feet, his face splitting into a smirk as he approached a still hissing Nero, who had skittered back into his desk. He cracked his neck to the side and cackled again as he bent and gripping the front of the teens shirt, yanking him off the ground to pull him to his face so they were nose to nose.

"You know what, I'm gonna give you a chance at mercy. Say your sorry, and I'll go easy on ya." Nero blinked, then snorted.

"I ain't apologizing, what ever you do to me will be nothing. Because the look on your face was damn hilarious! I'd say it's worth what ever you can dish!" This made Dante's smirk slide into a grin.

"Nero Nero Nero, your so screwed." Nero snickered and tilted his head to the side, one ear flicking outwards.

"Keh, do your worst geezer." Dante smirked and dropped Nero onto his feet, then pushed him back until his rear hit his desk. He grabbed both of the teens wrists and thrust them back, forcing him to fall back on the desk roughly, the force causing his head to smack against the wood none to gently. Dante leaned over him and snickered in his ear.

"I'm sensing a little Deja vu here kid, and if I remember correctly...I won that time as well." All Nero could do was shudder. Dante smirked, oh was he going to have his revenge. And since Nero wasn't going to say he was sorry...He'd be sure to make this experience a living hell...

Nero always was impatient with the four play...

Perfect for revenge...

A/N Oh jeez sorry to anyone who might be a little turned off by the whole Mpreg thing, that was just a crazy joke on Nero's part. He loves giving Dante heart attacks for his own amusement. Anyway, review for the next chapter. REVIEW! So sorry if it's gay so far –no pun intended- But I'm bored...
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