Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Caught Up In This Web
Special thanks to Framing Hanley and Paramore (: I can honestly say that without their amazing music, this chapter would've been a lot later (and a bit worse!) Not saying that it's completely bad.. haha (:
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it!
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Tuesday, November 10th
You know what I hate most about staying in hotels? There are kids. Lots and lots of kids, because for some reason, parents think that November is the perfect time of year for a vacation. Well, I’ve got news for you- I eat babies! Haha okay, not really, but I swear, if I hear one more screaming toddler outside my door, I will pummel it TO DEATH. No joke.
Taylor just said I’d make a horrible parent (before skipping out of the room.) I actually have to agree :O And for the record, I wouldn’t really pummel it to death. That would get me thrown in prison for the rest of my life. I rather like my life at the moment (:
Let’s see.. What’s been going on? Well for starters, I can officially say that Rhianna is GONE FOREVER -insert lots and lots of clapping and cheering here- So yeah. It happened a couple days ago, but it was just announced today that her absence is going to be permanent. They said something about a drug relapse, which isn’t so much a lie as it is a slight over exaggeration. But it’s still true, technically. I told you there had to be a reason behind her horrible behavior, besides the average bitchiness of us women. See? I’m always right (: I have to admit, though, that at first I felt a little sorry that she’d gotten herself into this mess. But now I’m pretty positive that I’m not, because it’s just what she deserved. She tried to sabotage mine and Taylor’s friendship, and she almost completely destroyed everything that Jeremy and I felt for each other. Brian found out about the pictures and the drugging Jeremy, btw. It was just something that couldn’t be avoided. I’m glad he knows. It was just another big factor that sealed her getting kicked out. (It was kind of embarrassing for Jeremy, though, to have Brian see his.. well.. you know..)
Since Rhianna’s been gone, Taylor and Jackie aren’t doing so well. I think Jackie and Rhianna were closer than any of us really knew. And yes, I do mean closer than even Leah because let’s face it, all she ever did was follow her around and idolize her. I don’t think there was actually any true friendship between them, other than what went along with the band. (But, then again, I could be wrong.) Sarah and Laura are kind of bummed about her leaving, but I think that’s mainly because now they have to find another drummer. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Okay, so technically it’s not that hard, because Brian’s already got it settled. From what I’ve gathered, ETL’s new drummer is flying in late tonight, and because Gerard and I are the only ones here without dates for tonight’s dinner (including Ray, but obviously Brian’s overlooked that), it’ll probably be us who picks them up. Total joy, right? Eh, it’s not that bad. At least it means more time away from all the icky face-sucking Lol
Oh, I forgot to mention that Jennifer’s getting married! She called Taylor a few days ago with the news that she’s getting married. To a man! I know, right, how weird? Taylor hasn’t really said anything on the subject, other than “I knew she wasn’t as gay as she led us to believe” or something like that. I’m still kind of shocked, I mean she had everyone completely fooled! I won’t go into detail or anything because it’s not all that exciting. Just know that everyone on this tour has been invited, so most everyone is going. Bob and Sarah (who are our newest couple on this tour, if I might add), Frank and Maggie, Ray, Mikey and a mystery woman (none of us have met her, except for maybe Gerard), Jeremy and Leah (who aren’t exactly together, but it sure seems like it), and last but not least, Connor and Laura (who are also a new couple). Taylor hasn’t really said it yet, but it’s pretty obvious that she’s not going to go. As her best friend, I’m not going to go either, and neither is Gerard- though I don’t really know why he isn’t. We haven’t really talked since the benefit concert. It’s all very annoying, really. I mean first we flirt, then make out, and suddenly it’s like high school all over again. You know, the way you get when you see your crush every day at school but you don’t know what to say? Yeah. Feel my pain!
So as I mentioned, there’s a semi-big dinner tonight. It’s like a couple’s thing, except even the single people are invited (aka, me and Gerard). I’m not positive, but I’ve got a pretty good (or bad) feeling that it’s going to be awkward. Maybe even extremely awkward. Hopefully I’m wrong (but let’s face it, I probably won’t be!)
Well, I think that’s it.. for now. I’ve got to go get all prettied up because Brian says I have to, plus I think it’s supposed to start in two hours...
TTYL!
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After making sure that the door is securely locked, I slip my journal into the nightstand next to my bed and then waltz (well not really waltz) into the bathroom for a nice hot shower. And when I say hot, I mean absolutely boiling. Trust me, showers are always better that way. After that’s all done, I peek out into the room to see if Taylor’s come back yet, and when I don’t see her anywhere I walk out and close the blinds. Don’t want anybody to see me naked, right? Right. As I pull open my suitcase and dig around for something suitable for the stupid dinner thing, I groan. Why me? Like seriously, why is this happening to me, of all people? I don’t like wearing dresses or skirts. More importantly, I don’t like wearing short dresses or skirts. Especially in public.
“Brian better fucking be happy,” I grumble, finally deciding on a rather short blue jean skirt that’s a little ruffle-y around the edges (and looks very very girly) and a white tank top. Because the top is spaghetti strapped, I also choose a plaid over-shirt thing. Yup. Brian better be pleased with what he’s getting, because after I leave this room I am not coming back up to change.
Loud knocking comes from the door, and I yelp, startled. “Just a minute!” I yell, struggling to clasp my bra the rest of the way.
“Amy, come on!” I grit my teeth and pull on the tank top, over-shirt, the skirt, and my converse (black and white) and then walk to the door and open it, right as Sarah was about to knock again. “Amy, I- whoa,” she says, looking me up and down. For some reason, a blush rises up in my cheeks. “You really know how to dress,” she giggles. I detect a bit of sarcasm, and I smile.
“So do you, Sar. Is everyone ready?” She nods three times and loops her arm with mine, and I barely have time to make sure I’ve got my key card before the door is shut and we’re halfway down the hallway, heading towards the lobby. We walk past a small mirror and I catch a look at myself, then gasp. “Sarah!” She stops and looks at me.
“What?” I point to my hair.
“I forgot to brush it!” She rolls her eyes, then stands on her toes and runs her fingers through my hair like a brush. “What are you doing?” She shushes me and continues to tease my hair, until finally she’s done and smiling, and I’m looking in the mirror once again. I raise a brow. “Nice work.”
“Thanks,” she giggles, then loops her arm with mine once again and we make our way to the lobby. The boys, much to my surprise, are all waiting for us, along with Taylor, Maggie, Jackie, and Laura. Leah is nowhere to be found, and neither is Jeremy. A brief image of her wrapped around Jeremy enters my mind, and for a second I feel like the room is spinning.
“Why so glum, Amy?” The world stops spinning and I look up at Ray. I swallow and shake my head.
“I’m not,” I say, looking around to see if anyone else has shown up. To my surprise, Jeremy and Leah are now here. The only one missing is.. “Where’s Gerard?” His name feels funny on my tongue, and I have to swallow again. Ray looks around and shrugs.
“Probably talking with Brian or somebody. Hey, do you want to-“
“Are you two ready yet?” Bob interrupts, tapping Ray on the shoulder. We both nod and follow Bob when he motions for us to do so. I nudge Ray with my elbow.
“Do you know the seating arrangements, by any change?” He smiles and shakes his head. I pout, slightly. “Bummer. I kind of wanted to know who I’ll be sitting by.” He pats my shoulder.
“Well, if you have to sit by someone you don’t like, you can blame Brian. He’s the one who put everything together. Oh, and Maggie helped, too, apparently. So you can blame her too.” Somehow, knowing that my cousin can be blamed for any misfortune that occurs tonight makes me feel better, and I take a deep, relaxing breath as we walk into the private dining room. It seems like everyone is already seated, except for me and Ray. After a quick scan of the room, I notice that pretty much everyone is sitting next to their partner, and after another quick scan, I realise that there are only two seats left; one in between Brian and Taylor, and one in between Gerard and Jeremy. I swear to God, if Brian wants to keep his life… My thought trails off as Brian clears his throat and stands up.
“Ah, there you two are,” he says, standing up. I shuffle my feet awkwardly as all eyes turn on us, and force the knot in my stomach to go away. “If you two could take a seat, we’ll get this thing started. Raymond, if you could-“ he motions toward the seat next to him, and the knot in my stomach threats to expand and explode. “Amy?” I look away from where Ray is walking and look over at where Brian is motioning. I smile.
“Right. Sorry. You can start now,” I say hurriedly, walking towards my seat. Jeremy looks up and smiles at me, then looks back down and continues talking to Leah, who’s seated on his left. I glance at Gerard and just barely catch him looking away before I sit down and scoot in. Brian clears his throat and takes his seat, then looks around the table at us.
“Alright,” he says, clasping his hands together and smiling. “As you all know, we’ve recently had some problems with a certain band member, who’s been properly let go. Because of the circumstances that this has happened, all of you- or possibly just a few- may be getting asked about it by the fans and paparazzi and interviewers and such at the upcoming shows. As your manager, I have to ask that you don’t give out any personal information on the subject. That means no bad mouthing, okay? I don’t care if you tell them about her stealing the song, or her bad attitude towards everyone in general, or even about her drug problem, but you cannot mention the photographs or anything else that might cause rumors to start. We’ve already got enough rumors as it is about the topic, so just be careful in what you tell them. I have faith in all of you, so I know that this won’t be a big problem.
“As I said earlier, I’ve already found a new drummer for ETL. He should be flying in tonight. I know that you asked for a female drummer if possible, Sarah, but I couldn’t find one who was willing. Jimmy was both willing and able to pay for his own means of getting here, so naturally he was our selection. Not that we couldn’t have paid for him, of course. Money isn’t a current issue that we’re dealing with. Our drivers, however, are a bit limited. Fillip and Diego can only handle so much driving, so as a courtesy to their health, Amy and Gerard, if it’s okay by them, will be driving to the airport to pick Jimmy up. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to properly ask you two, but you can understand why I’ve picked you, right?” Gerard and I both nod, and he smiles.
“Thank you both. I really appreciate it. And now, before we eat, there is one more thing that I’d like to discuss. I know that you’re all very happy with the touring arrangement right now, and that makes me very happy to know that, but as much as I’d love to keep it this way, it’s going to change. Original Signal Recordings and Universal Motown Records have sent us a request for one of you to tour with one of their signed bands, as they’ve just started a new tour and are missing an opening act- a good one, as they put it. Right now, we’re leaning towards having ETL tour with them, but if TIC wants to tour with them instead, that’s fine. Personally, I’d rather have ETL go, because you mentioned right off the bat that you’d love a chance to go to the UK, and that’s where they’ll be in a month’s time. We don’t exactly have to go over it right now, unless you want to. I know you’ll all probably hungry, but I just wanted to put that out on the table so that you’re all aware of it.”
None of us say anything. This is probably one of the biggest shocks we’ve had on this tour so far, and it requires a lot of thinking. Finally, Sarah clears her throat, and we all look in her direction.
“I’ll talk it over with the band, Brian. When do you need to know our decision?” Brian sighs, and I can see the gears working in his head.
“Two days from now, at the very latest. Is that enough time for you to talk it over?” Sarah nods, and so does Brian. “Alright. Anything you’d like to know before we’re done here?” Sarah bites her lip and looks around at her band mates. Laura clears her throat and leans over to whisper something in Sarah’s ear, and Sarah nods.
“Which band is asking for us?”
“That would be.. Kill Hannah, I believe.” I gawk at him for a split second before composing myself, and then think, That is just too weird. Wasn’t I thinking about it just the other day, what it would be like to meet them? God, Sarah is so lucky! Then I frown. Wait, what am I thinking? Would I actually consider leaving this tour for theirs, if Sarah doesn’t want to go? I look around the room. These guys have become our best friends. But a tour in the UK.. Would it even be worth leaving them for? The answer is no, it wouldn't be.
“We will definitely think about it, Brian,” Sarah says, and Brian nods.
“Good, good. Well now, I believe that’s all. Are you all ready to eat?” As if we hadn’t just heard Brian say that somehow we’re going to get separated from some of our closest friends, almost everyone nods enthusiastically, and Brian motions for the waiters to start.
“Would you like a menu, Ma’am?” a short man in a nice suit asks me, offering one up. I smile politely and take one, though I have no intention of actually looking at it. Don’t be rude, Amy, my inner voice scolds me. If you don’t order anything, Maggie’s probably going to bitch you out later. I sigh softly. It’s true. Maggie gets touchy about that sort of thing. So, against my protesting stomach, I open the menu and scan it, trying to find something that I won’t puke back up. After what feels like forever, I finally decide on some chicken noodle soup that comes with two pieces of toast, and when the waiters come back I give the short man my order and hand him the menu. He says, “Thank you, Ma’am,” and shuffles over to Gerard for his.
“I’m not hungry, thank you,” he says, handing the menu back. The waiter asks him if he’s sure. “Oh, I’m quite positive, thank you,” he says, and I can tell that he’s’ trying not to grit his teeth. I twitch my nose and focus on my water. Beside me, the waiter apologizes for something that he didn’t even really do, and shuffles on down the table, until finally everyone has placed their orders and the waiters leave.
The conversation around me varies from topic to topic, starting with the weather and the tour, until finally everyone just sticks to talking with and about their dates, as well as giving a few occasional kisses and touches. I roll my eyes and look across the way and see Mikey sitting next to a girl that I’ve never seen before, and when he looks up and catches me staring, he smiles. I wink at him and he blushes, then turns back to the girl. She’s very pretty, I must say. She’s thin, but not overly thin, and she’s got shoulder length black hair. As far as I can tell, she’s very into Mikey (who’s equally into her).
“Can you believe them?” I turn and look at Jeremy.
“Can I believe what?” He frowns in disgust and motions towards Taylor and Jackie, who are looking pretty occupied with each other. I frown as well. “Actually, I can believe it, although I wish they’d take it somewhere else or something. I mean, we’re at a dinner table. You’d think they-“
“I know, right?” he interrupts, turning to look at me fully. I try not to notice the way he looks me up and down and focus on his hands instead. “You know, you look really pretty tonight.” I blush.
“Thanks, Jer. You don’t look so bad yourself-“
“Jerry!” I shiver in horror at Leah’s nickname for him, and try not to show my irritation at her interruption. Along with not really talking to Gerard for some time, it’s been even longer since Jeremy and I have had an actual conversation, friend to friend. Why must women have such bad timing when it comes to this?
“Sorry, Amy,” he apologizes as he turns back to face Leah. I sigh and slump back in my chair, then look over at Gerard. He’s a little hunched over, and with a smile I realise why. He’s got his drawing book in his lap, and he’s trying to keep it hidden. Without actually meaning to, I lean over to try and get a better look.
“Pretty sneaky, Gerard,” I whisper. With a jolt he shuts the book and looks around, like he’s worried that other people are looking over this way. I chuckle. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” He looks over at me with slight relief written on his face, and then opens the book back up. I frown. “What’re you working on?”
“Nothing,” he mumbles, erasing something on the paper. To be honest, I can’t even see what he’s working on, but it’s starting to irritate me how I’m obviously trying to start a conversation, and he’s pretty much ignoring me. I mentally sigh and lean back into my seat. Fine. Whatever. Screw it. I’ll just try again later.
Three hours later, dinner is pretty much over, and Brian’s announcing something about a party of some sort a few blocks down. Apparently, some of his friends are in town, and they’ve got a whole club to themselves, so everyone here is invited (except, of course, me and Gerard- but Brian doesn’t specifically mention that part). Of course Taylor and Jackie are the first ones to say they’re going. Everybody else sort of joins in afterward, and when everyone starts leaving, I wait until the room is almost cleared before I stand up to leave. It’s not very late, but I can tell that a lot of people are probably sleeping already. Nobody goes up to their room or anything to change, but I think I just might. It’s a chance to be alone and maybe to change, so of course I’m going to take it. On my way upstairs, I ask Brian what time Jimmy’s plane gets in.
“Let’s see.. It’s almost five now, so you’ve got- give or take- two and a half hours to rest before you have to leave. Do you want to come with us, or are you staying here?” I don’t even have to think about it before I give him my answer. “Alright, well I’ll see you later. Remember, his name is Jimmy, and he’s a little taller than you are. You should probably make a sign, or something. ‘Kay?” I nod. “See you later.” I wait until he’s almost out the door before I continue walking upstairs.
I slowly make my way to my room and unlock it, then walk inside just as slowly and plop down on my bed. I don’t even bother to make sure my door is shut all the way before I’m out like a light and dreaming.
I’m kissing someone. Or, to be more specific, I’m kissing a man. My hands are tangled in his hair, and his hands are all over me, lightly pulling at my hair, rubbing my back, trailing down my thighs. His kisses are tiny little butterfly kisses that make me dizzy. It feels like heaven. “I love you,” he murmurs, and his kisses become stronger, more possessive. They trail down my throat, across my chest, and back up to my lips, which part and let his tongue fight mine for dominance. It’s like a war. Fireworks go off behind my closed lids, and my body gets warmer and warmer, until it’s too hot for clothes.
“Take them off,” I sigh, kissing down his throat now. A low moan erupts within his chest, and the heat in my stomach gets stronger with desire. “Please,” I add in a whisper. His answer is to pick me up and lay me down gently on what feels like a bed before he removes my clothing, leaving me naked and panting. He sheds his as well and lays down beside me, pulling me to him. The feel of his skin against mine is so erotic that I moan and climb on top of him, grinding against his hips. He groans and rolls over so that he’s on top, and I look up into his face, then gasp. His face is so blurry, almost as if he doesn’t have one. “What..?” He silences me with a passionate kiss, and I get so caught up in it that I almost don’t feel him preparing to enter me. I gasp, my head reeling in the process. What am I doing? I think, blinking rapidly. The man above me starts trailing his kisses down my throat again. I reach up and place my hands on his shoulders, trying to push him off of me. He doesn’t budge. “No, stop,” I whisper, pushing harder.
“What’s the matter, Amy? I thought this is what you wanted,” he growls, pinning my arms down. I shake my head.
“No. No! Get off. Get off of me, damn it!” I command, starting to tremble. The man chuckles and lets me go, but doesn’t stand up.
“What’s the matter, Amy? Are you scared?” he sneers. Then he hits me.
“Stop!” I cry, covering my face. But he doesn’t stop. He hits my back, my legs, my arms, harder and harder, until I’m sobbing and trying to crawl away. I make it to the edge of the bed before he grabs my hair and yanks me backward. I scream out for help as he throws me to the floor, climbs on top of me and grips my shoulders, hard. “Let go,” I sob, and with all of my strength I reach up and claw at his face. That’s when he starts to shake me. He shakes me so hard that my head hits the floor, and I see stars.
“Amy! Damn it, Amy, wake up! Fuck!” Though muffled, the voice is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. With a gasp, I realise that the man isn’t shaking me anymore, and is now stroking my face. I flinch at first, then lean into it. His touch, once burning and evil, now feels light and cool and feathery, like an angel’s caress. “Amy? Come on, Amy, wake up! Please? Shit. Don’t kill me, okay? Please don’t. I’m sorry, I swear I am-“ The voice cuts off sharply as the man above me suddenly strikes my face. I yelp in pain and try to push him off of me again, and this time I succeed. As he flies off of me, out of the picture, I sit up and smack my face on something hard, and this time when I fall down I land on a bed, and Gerard’s on top of me, cursing and rubbing his forehead, and I realise that I’m no longer dreaming.
“Amy? Shit, are you awake? I-“
“Gerard?” My voice sounds weak and raspy, just like it always does when I've just woken up. He stops rubbing his forehead and blinks down at me, and I blink back up at him. My eyes scan his face, looking for any trace of my nightmare- or daymare- and when I see the beginnings of nail-like scratches across his cheecks and the small bump on his forehead that's slowly growing larger, I close my eyes and cover my face. "Fuuuuck," I mumble.
Gerard touches my shoulder lightly, and without really meaning to I flinch away, and then regret it. “Amy?” I shake my head at him and he stops talking. I’m dizzy and I hurt all over, like I wasn't just dreaming but actually experiencing it. Thankfully, and to my relief, I’m not actually naked. But I feel like it.
“Was I seriously dreaming this entire time?” I ask after my world stops spinning and I sit up. He nods slowly. “Well shit. That felt so real..” He nods again, then stands up and walks into the bathroom. He comes back a minute later with a glass of water and a couple of Aspirins. I smile gratefully and take them both, then set the glass down on the night stand after I down the water. “Thanks,” I whisper, rubbing my face. He just stands there until I look up again.
“You okay now?” I nod and stand up, and he hands me my coat. “It’s uh, time to go. Do you need to do anything first?” I shake my head.
“Nope, I’m good. You’re driving?” He nods and jingles the keys in response. “Good. Let’s go, then.” Without further ado, I shut the door behind us and we walk downstairs, through the lobby, and out into the warm, Wyoming sun.
“Okay, which way to the airport?” I shut my door and dig around in the glove compartment for the piece of paper Brian put in there earlier. Gerard starts the car up and drives towards the exit, where we either have to turn left or right. “Well?”
“Hang on, I’m looking!” He sighs, and I mentally stab him. “Found it! Okay, um, Natrona County International is.. oh. You turn left.” I look over at him and smile, and he pulls out of the parking lot and heads toward the freeway. After a couple of miles he tells me to hand him the directions, and I do. He studies the paper for a while and then sets it down on the seat.
“Alright, I know where we’re going. So,” he says slowly, switching into the fast lane, “want to talk about what happened back there?” I twitch my nose and stare out my window, trying not to feel like absolute shit. I mean, it's not every day that you have one of the creepiest and almost scariest dreams of all time (at least in your life time) and wake up to realise that not only did none of it happen, but you've attempted to scratch a friend's face off. Not exactly the best feeling in the world, let me tell you.
“Not really, no.” He coughs a couple times, which makes me look over at him. “What?” He shakes his head, then runs his finger tips over his cheeks.
“Nothing, Amy. I just don’t know what to talk about.” I bite at my lip and look out my window again, and then look back over at him.
“Fine. What do you want to know?” I ask, sinking down into the seat. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him smile in victory, and I roll my eyes. “Well? Come on, ask me something.” The first question he asks, of course, has to do with what my dream was about. A blush immediately creeps up to my cheeks, and I mumble something about my dream being kind of sexual. He actually giggles at my discomfort, and I have to refrain from reaching over and smacking him.
“So you were screaming in pain.. because you were having sex or something?” I choke on my spit.
“I never said I was having sex!” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I groan. “Fine. Whatever. Maybe I was. But no, I wasn’t screaming because of the sex. I didn’t even actually have sex, come to think about it. Do you seriously want to hear about it?” He nods once, twice, three times, and I sigh. “Fine. Don’t interrupt, though.” He nods once more in response, and I tell him everything. Well, almost everything. I leave out the part about his voice sounding beautiful. That might come across as weird to him, y’know?
“..and yeah, that’s pretty much it,” I finish, leaning back even more in my seat. “So, anything else you wanna talk about?” He doesn’t say anything at first. He just stares straight ahead at the road, and before long I find myself starting to doze off.
“What brought on the dream?” he asks suddenly, and my eyes snap open.
“What?”
“What were you thinking about right before you dozed off? Like, what could’ve made you have that dream?” I shrug.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t really thinking about anything. Isn’t that weird?” I can’t tell if he knows I’m kind of lying or not, but if he does, he doesn’t say anything. The truth is, every night since that stupid benefit concert, I’ve been thinking about what exactly happened between me and Gerard, and maybe-kinda-always pictured it in my mind. I mean yeah, we kissed- well, ‘made out’ would be the exact word for it- but is that really all that happened? “You turn left, here,” I say quickly, changing the subject. We’re almost halfway to the airport now.
“I know,” he says quietly. I take a deep breath and let it out. Silence engulfs us for a good while, and my mind wanders over the past week until finally I can’t stand it anymore.
“Why did it take you so long to talk to me?” The way I ask it makes it sound like I’m angry. I’m not mad, really. I’m just a little irritated still about earlier. “Well, are you going to answer or not?” I look over at him and watch him as he chews on his bottom lip, like he’s debating staying quiet or actually answering my question. Finally, he stops chewing his lip and glances over at me.
“I thought you needed space,” he says quietly.
“Yeah, space my ass, Gerard. When a girl wants space, she tells you that she wants it. Or you ask her if she wants it. You don’t flat out ignore her for a week straight. And you definitely don’t go out of your way to avoid her at all possible costs!” He flinches a little at the end, and I frown. “Why are you flinching?!”
“Because you’re screaming in my ear, Amy!” he snaps at me, and I shut up.
“Oh. Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise that my ignoring you would bother you so much. I thought that by you not seeking me out, you really did want the space, so I didn’t try to talk to you. And then I started to feel bad, because after that I started thinking that maybe I’d pissed you off because I kissed you. And then I felt really stupid because I probably shouldn’t have kissed you in the first place, because you’d just broken up with Jeremy.”
I’m stunned. My mouth opens and closes like a fish, but nothing comes out. He looks over and sees me, curses, and pulls the car over.
“Shit, Amy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.” He starts to reach for my arm, but pulls back at the last minute. For some reason, that hurts my feelings.
“What, am I not good enough for you to touch, now?” I glance up at him and then look back down, crossing my arms across my stomach. This is not how I was planning on talking to him about it. But whatever, at least it’s working. “Seriously, Gerard, is that it?” This time when I glance up at him, he looks like he’s about to cry, and it makes me feel bad.
“Why would you think that’s the reason, Amy?” This time when he reaches out towards me, he reaches for my face, and without really thinking about it I lean in towards it. When his hand meets my cheek, my eyes flutter shut, and I sigh.
“Oh Gerard, I don’t know,” I say softly. “I’m just confused.” His thumb strokes my cheek a couple times, and I open my eyes. “Why aren’t you driving?”
“Why are you confused?” he asks, as if I didn’t just ask him a question. I shrug half-heartedly. “Come on, you can tell me. I promise not to laugh.”
“Well, what if I want you to laugh?” I whisper. At this moment, I feel like the most retarded person on the planet. I don’t expect it can get much worse.
“Then I guess I’ll laugh,” he says all serious-like. It almost makes me giggle.
“Tell me why you always hold back from touching me first.” He sighs and pulls his hand back, and it takes all of my strength not to scoot closer to him.
“Because.. Because.. Seriously, Amy? You can’t tell already?” I shake my head, not completely sure if I really don’t know already. And if I do, I'm pretty sure that hearing it from the horse's mouth- so to speak- isn't going to do me any harm. “Fine. Every time I touch you, it feels like I just chugged an energy drink. My heart races like a fucking criminal who’s running from the cops.” A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth, and I giggle a little as I finally start to understand.
“Really? You’re completely serious?” He nods. “Wow.” It feels like a weight’s just been lifted from my shoulders, and I can finally relax all the way. I finally get it.
“Alright, I answered yours. Now answer mine. Why are you confused?” I shake my head, smiling.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not so confused anymore.” He cocks his head to the side, and I giggle. “What?” He just smiles and pulls the car back onto the freeway, then reaches over and grabs my hand in his. I give it a little squeaze, and he squeazes back. "Gerard?"
“Nothing," he says, smiling over at me. "But this ride just got a lot better. Now turn on the radio and find something decent, would you?” I roll my eyes and do exactly as he asks, and the rest of the ride is silent, except for the sound of Gerard’s singing along with the music.
I’m officially the happiest girl in the world.
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Wow.. that only took for forever to write! 6 months.. 6 different drafts.. well, technically 7 including this one (: Anyway! I’m sorry that you all had to wait so long for this chapter. I just wanted to say that I lurve you all, and that everyone (except for Bob) wore black and white converse to the dinner thing lol
And now for the outfits!
Girls:
Amy: Over shirt: http://lh6.ggpht.com/_PT-EBJOR-EI/SoiZZvVrESI/AAAAAAAAJwg/PIeM_lWzfOM/GreenRed%20Plaid%20Shirt%20a_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg
Skirt: http://s7.sears.com/is/image/Sears/029B5272000?hei=500&wid=500&op_sharpen=1
Tank top: http://cdn1.ioffer.com/img/item/138/083/263/ANOF.jpg
Taylor: Dress: http://www.12allchat.com/upload/uploads/images/127edee4d01f.jpg
Maggie: Dress: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51ESyiiO0jL._AA280_.jpg
Sarah: Dress: http://www.notempire.com/images/uploads/diabless.jpg
Laura: Dress: http://www.calitown.com/images/products/white-dress.gif
Leah: Dress: http://www.bridella.com/Gownella/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/londonblue.jpg
Jackie: Shirt: http://www.vanmildert.com/womens-2/dresses-and-skirts-99/ted-baker-womens-octet-157586-25203.jpg?image=25203&extensions=jpg
Pants: She’s wearing black skinny jeans.
Alicia: Stockings and shoes: http://www.acefancydress.co.uk/images/images_big/28435%20STOCKINGS%20B%20and%20W.jpg
Dress: http://cn1.kaboodle.com/hi/img/b/0/0/37/a/AAAAC938rq0AAAAAADeuoA.jpg
Boys:
My Chem: http://music.ninemsn.com.au/img/blog/mychemicalromance.jpg
Keep in mind that Gerard isn’t wearing the jacket or tie, Frank isn’t wearing the Jacket, Bob isn’t angry, nor is he wearing the jacket or tie, Ray’s not wearing the tie, and Mikey isn’t wearing the jacket (but he is wearing the scarf!)
Connor: http://www.esuitgallery.com/style_loc/3_dressshirtblackfront.jpg
Jeremy: http://www.esuitgallery.com/style_loc/5_dressshirtbulefront.jpg
Any questions? Just message me (:
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it!
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Tuesday, November 10th
You know what I hate most about staying in hotels? There are kids. Lots and lots of kids, because for some reason, parents think that November is the perfect time of year for a vacation. Well, I’ve got news for you- I eat babies! Haha okay, not really, but I swear, if I hear one more screaming toddler outside my door, I will pummel it TO DEATH. No joke.
Taylor just said I’d make a horrible parent (before skipping out of the room.) I actually have to agree :O And for the record, I wouldn’t really pummel it to death. That would get me thrown in prison for the rest of my life. I rather like my life at the moment (:
Let’s see.. What’s been going on? Well for starters, I can officially say that Rhianna is GONE FOREVER -insert lots and lots of clapping and cheering here- So yeah. It happened a couple days ago, but it was just announced today that her absence is going to be permanent. They said something about a drug relapse, which isn’t so much a lie as it is a slight over exaggeration. But it’s still true, technically. I told you there had to be a reason behind her horrible behavior, besides the average bitchiness of us women. See? I’m always right (: I have to admit, though, that at first I felt a little sorry that she’d gotten herself into this mess. But now I’m pretty positive that I’m not, because it’s just what she deserved. She tried to sabotage mine and Taylor’s friendship, and she almost completely destroyed everything that Jeremy and I felt for each other. Brian found out about the pictures and the drugging Jeremy, btw. It was just something that couldn’t be avoided. I’m glad he knows. It was just another big factor that sealed her getting kicked out. (It was kind of embarrassing for Jeremy, though, to have Brian see his.. well.. you know..)
Since Rhianna’s been gone, Taylor and Jackie aren’t doing so well. I think Jackie and Rhianna were closer than any of us really knew. And yes, I do mean closer than even Leah because let’s face it, all she ever did was follow her around and idolize her. I don’t think there was actually any true friendship between them, other than what went along with the band. (But, then again, I could be wrong.) Sarah and Laura are kind of bummed about her leaving, but I think that’s mainly because now they have to find another drummer. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Okay, so technically it’s not that hard, because Brian’s already got it settled. From what I’ve gathered, ETL’s new drummer is flying in late tonight, and because Gerard and I are the only ones here without dates for tonight’s dinner (including Ray, but obviously Brian’s overlooked that), it’ll probably be us who picks them up. Total joy, right? Eh, it’s not that bad. At least it means more time away from all the icky face-sucking Lol
Oh, I forgot to mention that Jennifer’s getting married! She called Taylor a few days ago with the news that she’s getting married. To a man! I know, right, how weird? Taylor hasn’t really said anything on the subject, other than “I knew she wasn’t as gay as she led us to believe” or something like that. I’m still kind of shocked, I mean she had everyone completely fooled! I won’t go into detail or anything because it’s not all that exciting. Just know that everyone on this tour has been invited, so most everyone is going. Bob and Sarah (who are our newest couple on this tour, if I might add), Frank and Maggie, Ray, Mikey and a mystery woman (none of us have met her, except for maybe Gerard), Jeremy and Leah (who aren’t exactly together, but it sure seems like it), and last but not least, Connor and Laura (who are also a new couple). Taylor hasn’t really said it yet, but it’s pretty obvious that she’s not going to go. As her best friend, I’m not going to go either, and neither is Gerard- though I don’t really know why he isn’t. We haven’t really talked since the benefit concert. It’s all very annoying, really. I mean first we flirt, then make out, and suddenly it’s like high school all over again. You know, the way you get when you see your crush every day at school but you don’t know what to say? Yeah. Feel my pain!
So as I mentioned, there’s a semi-big dinner tonight. It’s like a couple’s thing, except even the single people are invited (aka, me and Gerard). I’m not positive, but I’ve got a pretty good (or bad) feeling that it’s going to be awkward. Maybe even extremely awkward. Hopefully I’m wrong (but let’s face it, I probably won’t be!)
Well, I think that’s it.. for now. I’ve got to go get all prettied up because Brian says I have to, plus I think it’s supposed to start in two hours...
TTYL!
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After making sure that the door is securely locked, I slip my journal into the nightstand next to my bed and then waltz (well not really waltz) into the bathroom for a nice hot shower. And when I say hot, I mean absolutely boiling. Trust me, showers are always better that way. After that’s all done, I peek out into the room to see if Taylor’s come back yet, and when I don’t see her anywhere I walk out and close the blinds. Don’t want anybody to see me naked, right? Right. As I pull open my suitcase and dig around for something suitable for the stupid dinner thing, I groan. Why me? Like seriously, why is this happening to me, of all people? I don’t like wearing dresses or skirts. More importantly, I don’t like wearing short dresses or skirts. Especially in public.
“Brian better fucking be happy,” I grumble, finally deciding on a rather short blue jean skirt that’s a little ruffle-y around the edges (and looks very very girly) and a white tank top. Because the top is spaghetti strapped, I also choose a plaid over-shirt thing. Yup. Brian better be pleased with what he’s getting, because after I leave this room I am not coming back up to change.
Loud knocking comes from the door, and I yelp, startled. “Just a minute!” I yell, struggling to clasp my bra the rest of the way.
“Amy, come on!” I grit my teeth and pull on the tank top, over-shirt, the skirt, and my converse (black and white) and then walk to the door and open it, right as Sarah was about to knock again. “Amy, I- whoa,” she says, looking me up and down. For some reason, a blush rises up in my cheeks. “You really know how to dress,” she giggles. I detect a bit of sarcasm, and I smile.
“So do you, Sar. Is everyone ready?” She nods three times and loops her arm with mine, and I barely have time to make sure I’ve got my key card before the door is shut and we’re halfway down the hallway, heading towards the lobby. We walk past a small mirror and I catch a look at myself, then gasp. “Sarah!” She stops and looks at me.
“What?” I point to my hair.
“I forgot to brush it!” She rolls her eyes, then stands on her toes and runs her fingers through my hair like a brush. “What are you doing?” She shushes me and continues to tease my hair, until finally she’s done and smiling, and I’m looking in the mirror once again. I raise a brow. “Nice work.”
“Thanks,” she giggles, then loops her arm with mine once again and we make our way to the lobby. The boys, much to my surprise, are all waiting for us, along with Taylor, Maggie, Jackie, and Laura. Leah is nowhere to be found, and neither is Jeremy. A brief image of her wrapped around Jeremy enters my mind, and for a second I feel like the room is spinning.
“Why so glum, Amy?” The world stops spinning and I look up at Ray. I swallow and shake my head.
“I’m not,” I say, looking around to see if anyone else has shown up. To my surprise, Jeremy and Leah are now here. The only one missing is.. “Where’s Gerard?” His name feels funny on my tongue, and I have to swallow again. Ray looks around and shrugs.
“Probably talking with Brian or somebody. Hey, do you want to-“
“Are you two ready yet?” Bob interrupts, tapping Ray on the shoulder. We both nod and follow Bob when he motions for us to do so. I nudge Ray with my elbow.
“Do you know the seating arrangements, by any change?” He smiles and shakes his head. I pout, slightly. “Bummer. I kind of wanted to know who I’ll be sitting by.” He pats my shoulder.
“Well, if you have to sit by someone you don’t like, you can blame Brian. He’s the one who put everything together. Oh, and Maggie helped, too, apparently. So you can blame her too.” Somehow, knowing that my cousin can be blamed for any misfortune that occurs tonight makes me feel better, and I take a deep, relaxing breath as we walk into the private dining room. It seems like everyone is already seated, except for me and Ray. After a quick scan of the room, I notice that pretty much everyone is sitting next to their partner, and after another quick scan, I realise that there are only two seats left; one in between Brian and Taylor, and one in between Gerard and Jeremy. I swear to God, if Brian wants to keep his life… My thought trails off as Brian clears his throat and stands up.
“Ah, there you two are,” he says, standing up. I shuffle my feet awkwardly as all eyes turn on us, and force the knot in my stomach to go away. “If you two could take a seat, we’ll get this thing started. Raymond, if you could-“ he motions toward the seat next to him, and the knot in my stomach threats to expand and explode. “Amy?” I look away from where Ray is walking and look over at where Brian is motioning. I smile.
“Right. Sorry. You can start now,” I say hurriedly, walking towards my seat. Jeremy looks up and smiles at me, then looks back down and continues talking to Leah, who’s seated on his left. I glance at Gerard and just barely catch him looking away before I sit down and scoot in. Brian clears his throat and takes his seat, then looks around the table at us.
“Alright,” he says, clasping his hands together and smiling. “As you all know, we’ve recently had some problems with a certain band member, who’s been properly let go. Because of the circumstances that this has happened, all of you- or possibly just a few- may be getting asked about it by the fans and paparazzi and interviewers and such at the upcoming shows. As your manager, I have to ask that you don’t give out any personal information on the subject. That means no bad mouthing, okay? I don’t care if you tell them about her stealing the song, or her bad attitude towards everyone in general, or even about her drug problem, but you cannot mention the photographs or anything else that might cause rumors to start. We’ve already got enough rumors as it is about the topic, so just be careful in what you tell them. I have faith in all of you, so I know that this won’t be a big problem.
“As I said earlier, I’ve already found a new drummer for ETL. He should be flying in tonight. I know that you asked for a female drummer if possible, Sarah, but I couldn’t find one who was willing. Jimmy was both willing and able to pay for his own means of getting here, so naturally he was our selection. Not that we couldn’t have paid for him, of course. Money isn’t a current issue that we’re dealing with. Our drivers, however, are a bit limited. Fillip and Diego can only handle so much driving, so as a courtesy to their health, Amy and Gerard, if it’s okay by them, will be driving to the airport to pick Jimmy up. I’m sorry I haven’t had time to properly ask you two, but you can understand why I’ve picked you, right?” Gerard and I both nod, and he smiles.
“Thank you both. I really appreciate it. And now, before we eat, there is one more thing that I’d like to discuss. I know that you’re all very happy with the touring arrangement right now, and that makes me very happy to know that, but as much as I’d love to keep it this way, it’s going to change. Original Signal Recordings and Universal Motown Records have sent us a request for one of you to tour with one of their signed bands, as they’ve just started a new tour and are missing an opening act- a good one, as they put it. Right now, we’re leaning towards having ETL tour with them, but if TIC wants to tour with them instead, that’s fine. Personally, I’d rather have ETL go, because you mentioned right off the bat that you’d love a chance to go to the UK, and that’s where they’ll be in a month’s time. We don’t exactly have to go over it right now, unless you want to. I know you’ll all probably hungry, but I just wanted to put that out on the table so that you’re all aware of it.”
None of us say anything. This is probably one of the biggest shocks we’ve had on this tour so far, and it requires a lot of thinking. Finally, Sarah clears her throat, and we all look in her direction.
“I’ll talk it over with the band, Brian. When do you need to know our decision?” Brian sighs, and I can see the gears working in his head.
“Two days from now, at the very latest. Is that enough time for you to talk it over?” Sarah nods, and so does Brian. “Alright. Anything you’d like to know before we’re done here?” Sarah bites her lip and looks around at her band mates. Laura clears her throat and leans over to whisper something in Sarah’s ear, and Sarah nods.
“Which band is asking for us?”
“That would be.. Kill Hannah, I believe.” I gawk at him for a split second before composing myself, and then think, That is just too weird. Wasn’t I thinking about it just the other day, what it would be like to meet them? God, Sarah is so lucky! Then I frown. Wait, what am I thinking? Would I actually consider leaving this tour for theirs, if Sarah doesn’t want to go? I look around the room. These guys have become our best friends. But a tour in the UK.. Would it even be worth leaving them for? The answer is no, it wouldn't be.
“We will definitely think about it, Brian,” Sarah says, and Brian nods.
“Good, good. Well now, I believe that’s all. Are you all ready to eat?” As if we hadn’t just heard Brian say that somehow we’re going to get separated from some of our closest friends, almost everyone nods enthusiastically, and Brian motions for the waiters to start.
“Would you like a menu, Ma’am?” a short man in a nice suit asks me, offering one up. I smile politely and take one, though I have no intention of actually looking at it. Don’t be rude, Amy, my inner voice scolds me. If you don’t order anything, Maggie’s probably going to bitch you out later. I sigh softly. It’s true. Maggie gets touchy about that sort of thing. So, against my protesting stomach, I open the menu and scan it, trying to find something that I won’t puke back up. After what feels like forever, I finally decide on some chicken noodle soup that comes with two pieces of toast, and when the waiters come back I give the short man my order and hand him the menu. He says, “Thank you, Ma’am,” and shuffles over to Gerard for his.
“I’m not hungry, thank you,” he says, handing the menu back. The waiter asks him if he’s sure. “Oh, I’m quite positive, thank you,” he says, and I can tell that he’s’ trying not to grit his teeth. I twitch my nose and focus on my water. Beside me, the waiter apologizes for something that he didn’t even really do, and shuffles on down the table, until finally everyone has placed their orders and the waiters leave.
The conversation around me varies from topic to topic, starting with the weather and the tour, until finally everyone just sticks to talking with and about their dates, as well as giving a few occasional kisses and touches. I roll my eyes and look across the way and see Mikey sitting next to a girl that I’ve never seen before, and when he looks up and catches me staring, he smiles. I wink at him and he blushes, then turns back to the girl. She’s very pretty, I must say. She’s thin, but not overly thin, and she’s got shoulder length black hair. As far as I can tell, she’s very into Mikey (who’s equally into her).
“Can you believe them?” I turn and look at Jeremy.
“Can I believe what?” He frowns in disgust and motions towards Taylor and Jackie, who are looking pretty occupied with each other. I frown as well. “Actually, I can believe it, although I wish they’d take it somewhere else or something. I mean, we’re at a dinner table. You’d think they-“
“I know, right?” he interrupts, turning to look at me fully. I try not to notice the way he looks me up and down and focus on his hands instead. “You know, you look really pretty tonight.” I blush.
“Thanks, Jer. You don’t look so bad yourself-“
“Jerry!” I shiver in horror at Leah’s nickname for him, and try not to show my irritation at her interruption. Along with not really talking to Gerard for some time, it’s been even longer since Jeremy and I have had an actual conversation, friend to friend. Why must women have such bad timing when it comes to this?
“Sorry, Amy,” he apologizes as he turns back to face Leah. I sigh and slump back in my chair, then look over at Gerard. He’s a little hunched over, and with a smile I realise why. He’s got his drawing book in his lap, and he’s trying to keep it hidden. Without actually meaning to, I lean over to try and get a better look.
“Pretty sneaky, Gerard,” I whisper. With a jolt he shuts the book and looks around, like he’s worried that other people are looking over this way. I chuckle. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” He looks over at me with slight relief written on his face, and then opens the book back up. I frown. “What’re you working on?”
“Nothing,” he mumbles, erasing something on the paper. To be honest, I can’t even see what he’s working on, but it’s starting to irritate me how I’m obviously trying to start a conversation, and he’s pretty much ignoring me. I mentally sigh and lean back into my seat. Fine. Whatever. Screw it. I’ll just try again later.
Three hours later, dinner is pretty much over, and Brian’s announcing something about a party of some sort a few blocks down. Apparently, some of his friends are in town, and they’ve got a whole club to themselves, so everyone here is invited (except, of course, me and Gerard- but Brian doesn’t specifically mention that part). Of course Taylor and Jackie are the first ones to say they’re going. Everybody else sort of joins in afterward, and when everyone starts leaving, I wait until the room is almost cleared before I stand up to leave. It’s not very late, but I can tell that a lot of people are probably sleeping already. Nobody goes up to their room or anything to change, but I think I just might. It’s a chance to be alone and maybe to change, so of course I’m going to take it. On my way upstairs, I ask Brian what time Jimmy’s plane gets in.
“Let’s see.. It’s almost five now, so you’ve got- give or take- two and a half hours to rest before you have to leave. Do you want to come with us, or are you staying here?” I don’t even have to think about it before I give him my answer. “Alright, well I’ll see you later. Remember, his name is Jimmy, and he’s a little taller than you are. You should probably make a sign, or something. ‘Kay?” I nod. “See you later.” I wait until he’s almost out the door before I continue walking upstairs.
I slowly make my way to my room and unlock it, then walk inside just as slowly and plop down on my bed. I don’t even bother to make sure my door is shut all the way before I’m out like a light and dreaming.
I’m kissing someone. Or, to be more specific, I’m kissing a man. My hands are tangled in his hair, and his hands are all over me, lightly pulling at my hair, rubbing my back, trailing down my thighs. His kisses are tiny little butterfly kisses that make me dizzy. It feels like heaven. “I love you,” he murmurs, and his kisses become stronger, more possessive. They trail down my throat, across my chest, and back up to my lips, which part and let his tongue fight mine for dominance. It’s like a war. Fireworks go off behind my closed lids, and my body gets warmer and warmer, until it’s too hot for clothes.
“Take them off,” I sigh, kissing down his throat now. A low moan erupts within his chest, and the heat in my stomach gets stronger with desire. “Please,” I add in a whisper. His answer is to pick me up and lay me down gently on what feels like a bed before he removes my clothing, leaving me naked and panting. He sheds his as well and lays down beside me, pulling me to him. The feel of his skin against mine is so erotic that I moan and climb on top of him, grinding against his hips. He groans and rolls over so that he’s on top, and I look up into his face, then gasp. His face is so blurry, almost as if he doesn’t have one. “What..?” He silences me with a passionate kiss, and I get so caught up in it that I almost don’t feel him preparing to enter me. I gasp, my head reeling in the process. What am I doing? I think, blinking rapidly. The man above me starts trailing his kisses down my throat again. I reach up and place my hands on his shoulders, trying to push him off of me. He doesn’t budge. “No, stop,” I whisper, pushing harder.
“What’s the matter, Amy? I thought this is what you wanted,” he growls, pinning my arms down. I shake my head.
“No. No! Get off. Get off of me, damn it!” I command, starting to tremble. The man chuckles and lets me go, but doesn’t stand up.
“What’s the matter, Amy? Are you scared?” he sneers. Then he hits me.
“Stop!” I cry, covering my face. But he doesn’t stop. He hits my back, my legs, my arms, harder and harder, until I’m sobbing and trying to crawl away. I make it to the edge of the bed before he grabs my hair and yanks me backward. I scream out for help as he throws me to the floor, climbs on top of me and grips my shoulders, hard. “Let go,” I sob, and with all of my strength I reach up and claw at his face. That’s when he starts to shake me. He shakes me so hard that my head hits the floor, and I see stars.
“Amy! Damn it, Amy, wake up! Fuck!” Though muffled, the voice is the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. With a gasp, I realise that the man isn’t shaking me anymore, and is now stroking my face. I flinch at first, then lean into it. His touch, once burning and evil, now feels light and cool and feathery, like an angel’s caress. “Amy? Come on, Amy, wake up! Please? Shit. Don’t kill me, okay? Please don’t. I’m sorry, I swear I am-“ The voice cuts off sharply as the man above me suddenly strikes my face. I yelp in pain and try to push him off of me again, and this time I succeed. As he flies off of me, out of the picture, I sit up and smack my face on something hard, and this time when I fall down I land on a bed, and Gerard’s on top of me, cursing and rubbing his forehead, and I realise that I’m no longer dreaming.
“Amy? Shit, are you awake? I-“
“Gerard?” My voice sounds weak and raspy, just like it always does when I've just woken up. He stops rubbing his forehead and blinks down at me, and I blink back up at him. My eyes scan his face, looking for any trace of my nightmare- or daymare- and when I see the beginnings of nail-like scratches across his cheecks and the small bump on his forehead that's slowly growing larger, I close my eyes and cover my face. "Fuuuuck," I mumble.
Gerard touches my shoulder lightly, and without really meaning to I flinch away, and then regret it. “Amy?” I shake my head at him and he stops talking. I’m dizzy and I hurt all over, like I wasn't just dreaming but actually experiencing it. Thankfully, and to my relief, I’m not actually naked. But I feel like it.
“Was I seriously dreaming this entire time?” I ask after my world stops spinning and I sit up. He nods slowly. “Well shit. That felt so real..” He nods again, then stands up and walks into the bathroom. He comes back a minute later with a glass of water and a couple of Aspirins. I smile gratefully and take them both, then set the glass down on the night stand after I down the water. “Thanks,” I whisper, rubbing my face. He just stands there until I look up again.
“You okay now?” I nod and stand up, and he hands me my coat. “It’s uh, time to go. Do you need to do anything first?” I shake my head.
“Nope, I’m good. You’re driving?” He nods and jingles the keys in response. “Good. Let’s go, then.” Without further ado, I shut the door behind us and we walk downstairs, through the lobby, and out into the warm, Wyoming sun.
“Okay, which way to the airport?” I shut my door and dig around in the glove compartment for the piece of paper Brian put in there earlier. Gerard starts the car up and drives towards the exit, where we either have to turn left or right. “Well?”
“Hang on, I’m looking!” He sighs, and I mentally stab him. “Found it! Okay, um, Natrona County International is.. oh. You turn left.” I look over at him and smile, and he pulls out of the parking lot and heads toward the freeway. After a couple of miles he tells me to hand him the directions, and I do. He studies the paper for a while and then sets it down on the seat.
“Alright, I know where we’re going. So,” he says slowly, switching into the fast lane, “want to talk about what happened back there?” I twitch my nose and stare out my window, trying not to feel like absolute shit. I mean, it's not every day that you have one of the creepiest and almost scariest dreams of all time (at least in your life time) and wake up to realise that not only did none of it happen, but you've attempted to scratch a friend's face off. Not exactly the best feeling in the world, let me tell you.
“Not really, no.” He coughs a couple times, which makes me look over at him. “What?” He shakes his head, then runs his finger tips over his cheeks.
“Nothing, Amy. I just don’t know what to talk about.” I bite at my lip and look out my window again, and then look back over at him.
“Fine. What do you want to know?” I ask, sinking down into the seat. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him smile in victory, and I roll my eyes. “Well? Come on, ask me something.” The first question he asks, of course, has to do with what my dream was about. A blush immediately creeps up to my cheeks, and I mumble something about my dream being kind of sexual. He actually giggles at my discomfort, and I have to refrain from reaching over and smacking him.
“So you were screaming in pain.. because you were having sex or something?” I choke on my spit.
“I never said I was having sex!” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I groan. “Fine. Whatever. Maybe I was. But no, I wasn’t screaming because of the sex. I didn’t even actually have sex, come to think about it. Do you seriously want to hear about it?” He nods once, twice, three times, and I sigh. “Fine. Don’t interrupt, though.” He nods once more in response, and I tell him everything. Well, almost everything. I leave out the part about his voice sounding beautiful. That might come across as weird to him, y’know?
“..and yeah, that’s pretty much it,” I finish, leaning back even more in my seat. “So, anything else you wanna talk about?” He doesn’t say anything at first. He just stares straight ahead at the road, and before long I find myself starting to doze off.
“What brought on the dream?” he asks suddenly, and my eyes snap open.
“What?”
“What were you thinking about right before you dozed off? Like, what could’ve made you have that dream?” I shrug.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t really thinking about anything. Isn’t that weird?” I can’t tell if he knows I’m kind of lying or not, but if he does, he doesn’t say anything. The truth is, every night since that stupid benefit concert, I’ve been thinking about what exactly happened between me and Gerard, and maybe-kinda-always pictured it in my mind. I mean yeah, we kissed- well, ‘made out’ would be the exact word for it- but is that really all that happened? “You turn left, here,” I say quickly, changing the subject. We’re almost halfway to the airport now.
“I know,” he says quietly. I take a deep breath and let it out. Silence engulfs us for a good while, and my mind wanders over the past week until finally I can’t stand it anymore.
“Why did it take you so long to talk to me?” The way I ask it makes it sound like I’m angry. I’m not mad, really. I’m just a little irritated still about earlier. “Well, are you going to answer or not?” I look over at him and watch him as he chews on his bottom lip, like he’s debating staying quiet or actually answering my question. Finally, he stops chewing his lip and glances over at me.
“I thought you needed space,” he says quietly.
“Yeah, space my ass, Gerard. When a girl wants space, she tells you that she wants it. Or you ask her if she wants it. You don’t flat out ignore her for a week straight. And you definitely don’t go out of your way to avoid her at all possible costs!” He flinches a little at the end, and I frown. “Why are you flinching?!”
“Because you’re screaming in my ear, Amy!” he snaps at me, and I shut up.
“Oh. Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise that my ignoring you would bother you so much. I thought that by you not seeking me out, you really did want the space, so I didn’t try to talk to you. And then I started to feel bad, because after that I started thinking that maybe I’d pissed you off because I kissed you. And then I felt really stupid because I probably shouldn’t have kissed you in the first place, because you’d just broken up with Jeremy.”
I’m stunned. My mouth opens and closes like a fish, but nothing comes out. He looks over and sees me, curses, and pulls the car over.
“Shit, Amy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.” He starts to reach for my arm, but pulls back at the last minute. For some reason, that hurts my feelings.
“What, am I not good enough for you to touch, now?” I glance up at him and then look back down, crossing my arms across my stomach. This is not how I was planning on talking to him about it. But whatever, at least it’s working. “Seriously, Gerard, is that it?” This time when I glance up at him, he looks like he’s about to cry, and it makes me feel bad.
“Why would you think that’s the reason, Amy?” This time when he reaches out towards me, he reaches for my face, and without really thinking about it I lean in towards it. When his hand meets my cheek, my eyes flutter shut, and I sigh.
“Oh Gerard, I don’t know,” I say softly. “I’m just confused.” His thumb strokes my cheek a couple times, and I open my eyes. “Why aren’t you driving?”
“Why are you confused?” he asks, as if I didn’t just ask him a question. I shrug half-heartedly. “Come on, you can tell me. I promise not to laugh.”
“Well, what if I want you to laugh?” I whisper. At this moment, I feel like the most retarded person on the planet. I don’t expect it can get much worse.
“Then I guess I’ll laugh,” he says all serious-like. It almost makes me giggle.
“Tell me why you always hold back from touching me first.” He sighs and pulls his hand back, and it takes all of my strength not to scoot closer to him.
“Because.. Because.. Seriously, Amy? You can’t tell already?” I shake my head, not completely sure if I really don’t know already. And if I do, I'm pretty sure that hearing it from the horse's mouth- so to speak- isn't going to do me any harm. “Fine. Every time I touch you, it feels like I just chugged an energy drink. My heart races like a fucking criminal who’s running from the cops.” A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth, and I giggle a little as I finally start to understand.
“Really? You’re completely serious?” He nods. “Wow.” It feels like a weight’s just been lifted from my shoulders, and I can finally relax all the way. I finally get it.
“Alright, I answered yours. Now answer mine. Why are you confused?” I shake my head, smiling.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not so confused anymore.” He cocks his head to the side, and I giggle. “What?” He just smiles and pulls the car back onto the freeway, then reaches over and grabs my hand in his. I give it a little squeaze, and he squeazes back. "Gerard?"
“Nothing," he says, smiling over at me. "But this ride just got a lot better. Now turn on the radio and find something decent, would you?” I roll my eyes and do exactly as he asks, and the rest of the ride is silent, except for the sound of Gerard’s singing along with the music.
I’m officially the happiest girl in the world.
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Wow.. that only took for forever to write! 6 months.. 6 different drafts.. well, technically 7 including this one (: Anyway! I’m sorry that you all had to wait so long for this chapter. I just wanted to say that I lurve you all, and that everyone (except for Bob) wore black and white converse to the dinner thing lol
And now for the outfits!
Girls:
Amy: Over shirt: http://lh6.ggpht.com/_PT-EBJOR-EI/SoiZZvVrESI/AAAAAAAAJwg/PIeM_lWzfOM/GreenRed%20Plaid%20Shirt%20a_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg
Skirt: http://s7.sears.com/is/image/Sears/029B5272000?hei=500&wid=500&op_sharpen=1
Tank top: http://cdn1.ioffer.com/img/item/138/083/263/ANOF.jpg
Taylor: Dress: http://www.12allchat.com/upload/uploads/images/127edee4d01f.jpg
Maggie: Dress: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51ESyiiO0jL._AA280_.jpg
Sarah: Dress: http://www.notempire.com/images/uploads/diabless.jpg
Laura: Dress: http://www.calitown.com/images/products/white-dress.gif
Leah: Dress: http://www.bridella.com/Gownella/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/londonblue.jpg
Jackie: Shirt: http://www.vanmildert.com/womens-2/dresses-and-skirts-99/ted-baker-womens-octet-157586-25203.jpg?image=25203&extensions=jpg
Pants: She’s wearing black skinny jeans.
Alicia: Stockings and shoes: http://www.acefancydress.co.uk/images/images_big/28435%20STOCKINGS%20B%20and%20W.jpg
Dress: http://cn1.kaboodle.com/hi/img/b/0/0/37/a/AAAAC938rq0AAAAAADeuoA.jpg
Boys:
My Chem: http://music.ninemsn.com.au/img/blog/mychemicalromance.jpg
Keep in mind that Gerard isn’t wearing the jacket or tie, Frank isn’t wearing the Jacket, Bob isn’t angry, nor is he wearing the jacket or tie, Ray’s not wearing the tie, and Mikey isn’t wearing the jacket (but he is wearing the scarf!)
Connor: http://www.esuitgallery.com/style_loc/3_dressshirtblackfront.jpg
Jeremy: http://www.esuitgallery.com/style_loc/5_dressshirtbulefront.jpg
Any questions? Just message me (:
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