FicWad

School was a living hell over the next two weeks. I couldn't look at Lyn-z without wanting to burst into tears. Her words were mean but they were true. I was a social reject.
I was pissing Frank, Ray, Bob and Mikey off but at the time I didn't care.
"Why aren't we good enough friends for you?" They asked me nearly everyday. I had to be careful that I didn't lose them aswell but I was tired of trying to be kind to them. The whole world was mean to me, why did I have to be nice back?
I contunied to skip eating and sometimes, I still followed Pete around.

"You admit you were a bit of a poser?"
"For a while yeah. I thought being someone else would make them all like me, it had the opposite effect though."

I didn't ever come to school dressed like Pete ever again, even if I did follow him round. I had to find my own version of 'cool'.
So the next day, I went into school wearing a light blue long sleeved shirt and casual jeans. I wore my converse sneakers but I did the laces up this time.
I entered school with my head held high, sure I had finally done it this time. Nobody said a word to me, merely looked at me. I felt proud. It wasn't till I walked past Pete and his gang that I heard the truth.
"Why does he bother?"
"Guys, he just wants to fit in!"
"Look, everybody knows that if you don't fit in naturally then you'll never fit in at all!"
"Come on Lyn-z, he's a total loser. Admit it."
I waited untill they couldn't see me anymore and ran to the toilets. I locked myself in a cubicle and began to cry my eyes out. I pulled out my notebook and began to write. I barely noticed what I was writing, I just sort of wrote my feelings. When I finally looked at the sentence I had written, it looked and sounded pretty good.
It's the tearing sound of love-notes.
The bell rang for period one, so I shoved my notebook back into my bag and ran off.

After the long school day I came home and looked at myself in the mirror. I hated what I saw. I picked up my pocket knife and made some neat lines down the side of my arm. I liked how they looked. The bleeding didn't bother me, it made me feel much better.
I ignored th bleeding and just put on my jacket so my parents wouldn't notice my cuts. I had no choice but to eat dinner that night. My Mum never leaves the dinner table anymore unless she has seen me eat every last bite.
I felt so smothered. I had to get out for a few minutes. I said goodbye to my parents and my brother, then went for a walk to our local park. Big mistake. Pete and his friends were there.
I didn't want to turn and walk away. They had already spotted me. If I walked away now, they'd start calling me a coward. I opened the small gate and marched inside. I sat on one of the swings and began swinging slowly backwards and forwards, fully aware that Pete and Bert had their eyes on me.
Suddenly, someone pushed me in the back and I fell off the swing and onto the floor. Corey Taylor, the school bully, had just pushed me off the swing. I watched Pete and Bert laugh, I watched them all laugh.
"My turn on the swing I believe." Corey said, with a smirk.
Everyone was laughing at me. I didn't even think about what I was doing. I just suddenly pulled my arm back and went SMACK right in Corey's smirking face.
He staggered a few steps away from me, tripping over the swing and landing hard on the floor.
Nobody had ever stood up to Corey before. Everybody suddenly stopped laughing and froze, scarcely breathing. My palms went sweaty and I began to pant, but I refused to show I was scared.
Corey got to his feet "What the fuck's your problem man?"
"You!" I suddenly yelled. I didn't shut up though, I carried on "I am sick to death of you fucking thinking your the boss of everyone! Piss off and leave me the fuck alone!"
I thought that was it. He was going to punch me in the face and it would hurt a lot more than when Pete had hit me in the face. But to my surprise, he turned and left the park, his friends following him.
I didn't want to stay either, but I obdiently sat back down on the swing and resumed swinging slowly backwards and forwards.
And when I glanced at Bert and Pete, they were looking at me a way they never had before. They were impressed, maybe even jealous. Of me!