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When I woke up the next morning, I felt horrible. I found myself lying in the big bed on my back with all my clothes stripped off. The first thing that crossed my brain was what I had done last night. All of last night's events were kind of blurry in my mind, but I was pretty sure I had oral sex with Dave. The thought was enough to send shivers down my spine. What the hell had I been thinking? It was obvious to me that I wasn't in love with Dave. I had just used him for his sex. Shit.

I tried to get out of bed, but immediately fell right back into it. When I had tried to stand, the whole world had gone spinning and I had had to fight to keep my consciousness. Taking so many pills yesterday had not been such a good idea after all. I was going to have to live with the consequences of yesterday's decisions today. The pain in my back was all consuming and I coudn't really think about anything else besides for that. However, in the back of my brain, I kept reliving what I had done last night with Dave.

Somehow, I was going to have to tell him that I really wasn't romantically interested in him. How exactly was I suppose to do that now though? I mean, I had been the one to initiate everything last night. I had definitely led Dave on - there was no denying that. The high the painkillers had given me had pretty much made me go crazy. Well, now I had to deal with the results of my craziness.

The first thing I needed to do was figure out how to break the news to Dave. I wouldn't be able to do that without breaking his heart; that much was obvious. The thing needed to be done though. I just couldn't live with the guilt of using him anymore. I had been so damn selfish last night. I had used Dave to satisfy my sex needs while he had done it with me because he had really believed there was more between us than just the friendship that had always been between us.

On top of all these terrible feelings, I also felt really alone and kind of neglected. I really wanted James right now. It was a really passionate feeling. I wanted him in the bed with me right now so I could confess to him what I had done. James hadn't been right to accuse me of being involved with Dave before...but now? Well, let's just say that his suspicions had become a reality. God, I felt even worse now. James had been right to suspect me. And seriously, what exactly was my status with James right now? Had we broken up or were we just having a lull in our relationship? I prayed that it was just a lull in the relationship. However, deep down inside, a little voice told me that we had broken up for good. James had been really upset when I saw him last. I was still hurting over the "fucking bitch" comment and I knew that James wouldn't have called me that unless he meant it.

Tears started to leak down my face. Ray had totally messed everything up for me. If it hadn't been for Ray, I wouldn't have ended up kissing Dave in front of James like that. It was all Ray's fucking fault. Well...kind of. Part of it was my fault too. I shouldn't have taken all those pills yesterday and I should've been able to control myself around Dave.

So now that James had broken up with me, did that mean that I should leave the apartment? James and I had moved into it together at first, but now that we weren't together anymore, did that mean that I was expected to leave? James hadn't come to the apartment the last two nights so he was obviously avoiding me. This was really James' and Ron's apartment, so if anyone had to leave, it should be me. The big question was: where was I going to go now?

I had no money. All the money I had earned had gone straight to James. After all, James was the one who had been doing the shopping and he had been the one who was taking care of our bills as well. Unfortunately, I didn't have any source of income right now either. I just knew I couldn't go back to my job at the Tatou Super Club. I couldn't walk in that place without getting the creeps and I certainly couldn't face Marty. The only option seemed to try to find a new job. Maybe I could ask Lars for some help in that department. He seemed to have lots of ideas for jobs for me last time we had met.

Contemplating my future, I found my eye lids growing heavy. Deciding that maybe it would be a good thing to take a nap since I was in too much pain to do anything else, I let myself drift off into the darkness and dream of eviction.

~ ~ ~ ~

When I finally woke up again, most of the day had passed by. I could see by the clock that James and Ron would be home from band practice in just a few minutes. Stretching my arms above my head, I suddenly realized that I was really hungry. I decided I needed to go get some food before I ended up starving to death! Carefully, I slid off the bed and onto the floor without moving my back too much. Deciding that maybe I should actually get dressed before going out, I reluctantly moved over to the black bag where I stored all my clothes and looked for something to wear. The first items I grabbed were a black tank top and some old jeans.

Figuring that it didn't really matter what I was wearing as long as I wasn't still wearing my nightclothes, I stripped down and pulled on the new clothes as carefully as possible. Once I was dressed, I wandered into the kitchen and started digging through the fridge for something to eat. I was surprised to see that there was hardly any food in the fridge, but that there were a lot more beer bottles in there than last time I check. I bit my lip, but decided not to make a big deal out of it right now.

I was so intent on trying to find something to eat that I didn't even hear the apartment door opening. Completely oblivious to the footsteps in the living room, I selected a piece of bread and threw some cheese on it to eat. Taking a bite of my cheese sandwich, I leaned against the counter and tried not to cringe from the pain that seemed to be cutting my back in two pieces.

After taking only a few bites of the sandwich, I realized that I was feeling really queasy. Making a face, I threw the rest of the sandwich into the garbage and started precariously making my way back to the bedroom. Not only did I have to deal with the pain from my back, but now I also had to deal with a queasiness in my stomach. Damn those pills that the doctor had subscribed me. They had totally messed up my whole digestion system. But again, I suppose if I had taken the pills in the right doses they might have done me a world of good. Oh well, regretting my decision from yesterday certainly wasn't going to do any good now.

Sighing, I pushed open the bedroom door, stepped inside, and then froze. James was sitting on the bed cross-legged and was looking at me with an expression that I couldn't quite identify. He didn't seem mad exactly, but he didn't seem overjoyed to see me either. Normally, I would've been thrilled to see him. I would've ran into his arms and told him just how much I had missed him and I would've explained to him that the whole thing about me and Dave being a couple simply wasn't true. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that anymore. I had betrayed James' trust and had done everything with Dave that James had been afraid I would do.

So I just stood in the doorway to the bedroom, looking like an idiot. Finally, I found my voice and asked weakly, "What are you doing here?" James frowned at my question and replied sarcastically, "Well, hello to you too. Might I remind you that this is my house and bed too? It's not just yours, you know." I nodded, James was obviously right. I had just hadn't expected him to barge into the bedroom after being absent for two whole days and nights.

James tried to wipe the frown off his face and he pointed to the spot next to him on the bed, "Come sit with me. We need to talk." He was right again; we did need to talk. I moved slowly across the room to prevent further injuring myself and sat down down tentatively next to James on the bed. For the quickest second, our eyes met. An electrical spark seemed to shake through my body as I stared into James' hazel eyes. They were full of questions and obscured deep within those eyes was the love he had always had for me. An immense wave of guilt washed over me and I quickly glanced down at my lap.

"Okay," James took a deep breath as if he was about to testify in court, "I know we've been avoiding the subject, but we really need to know what's been going on with you and Dave. Let me first say that I'm sorry for what I called you the other day. I was kind of having a temper problem. Anyways, that set aside, tell me what you feel about Dave."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, a flurry of tears started filling my eyes. James immediately looked concerned and offered me a tissue from the night stand. I took it from him and dabbed my eyes lightly until the tears were gone temporarily. James tried again, "Olivia, I know you don't want to talk about this, but I need to know what's going on, okay? I mean, I'm totally fine if you like Dave better than me. I just wanna know about it. This doesn't have to me difficult, you know. Just tell me how you feel about Dave. If you're in love with him, then just tell me that. I'm not gonna hurt you. You know that."

I did know that. James never would intentionally hurt me. Unfortunately, I had been the one who had ended up hurting him in this situation. I opened my mouth again, but there was still silence. James sighed, showing the first few hints of irritation. Then after taking a closer look at me, his eyes narrowed and he asked suspiciously, "Hey, why do you keep cringing like that?"

"Uh..." I finally found my voice, but didn't really think that now was the best time to inform James on the rape. That could come later. Right now, I just needed to tell James the truth about Dave. Taking a deep breath, I started, "There wasn't anything between me and Dave. It was obvious that Dave liked me, but I never liked him back in the same way. I didn't let him know that. I figured if I just ignored his obvious attraction to me then we could just be friends like I wanted us to be. That kiss that you saw outside of the apartment? Well, it was just Dave kissing me. I didn't kiss him back or anything. He caught me completely off guard."

James' whole body immediately relaxed and I could tell he believed me. He quickly apologized, "God, I'm really sorry Olivia. I guess I really jumped to conclusions. Can you forgive me for fucking everything up between us?" That was too much for me. I definitely didn't need James apologizing before he knew the whole truth. Of course, I didn't have to tell James the whole truth. I could just hide it from him and pretend that I had never had oral sex with Dave. But deep in my soul, I knew I couldn't do that. It would eventually get out somehow or the other and besides, I would always end up feeling guilty if James didn't know what I had done.

The tears I had been trying to hold back started leaking from my eyes and trailing down my face. James' expression changed and he looked nervous again. Trying to smile, he said wryly, "Wait, there's more isn't there?" I nodded without meeting his eyes. James sighed deeply and said, "Go ahead and tell me about it then. Like I said earlier, I'm not going to be upset at you. I just wanna know the truth. If you've fallen for Dave, then it's okay. Tell me what you need to tell me."

I wasn't really sure how to present last night's events to James without sounded like a total slut. I had thought about how I was going to break up with Dave, but I hadn't really thought about how I was going to break the news to James. My head was hammering from a headache, the pain in my body was so intense that it felt like I was being ripped in two, and the nauseousness I had felt after eating that cheese sandwich was just getting worse and worse. All this pain seemed to slow down my mental process and I was finding it extremely hard to concentrate on how to explain the situation to James.

Suddenly, from the living room, I could hear two new voices. They sounded like they were arguing. That was odd. There were rarely arguments formed between the four band members. I had noticed before that they had gotten along fine before. I wondered what they were arguing about and I wondered what two people were arguing.

A short cough from James brought me back to the present situation. Sighing, I knew I needed to get this over with. Not meeting James' eyes, I said quickly, "I...um...was feeling miserable last night and I got pretty high." James raised an eyebrow at this. He and I both knew I wasn't one to drink. Little did he know that I had gotten high from painkiller, not alcohol.

Now that I had started to explain this, I didn't want to stop and explain the painkiller to James. Taking another deep breath, I said, "Well...um...the high got me pretty fucked up. I wasn't really feeling myself and I certainly wasn't acting like myself. I...uh...had oral sex with Dave."