Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I've Got Headaches and Bad Luck
“WHOA WHOA WHOA! Wait a fucking minute!! Patrick is not missing! He’s downstairs!”
“Tsk tsk. Denial doesn’t look good on you Pete.” Andy said as he shook his head.
“Who knows? Maybe he is.” Joe said as he examined his teeth.
“No maybes. I know he is he has to be.”
“This is so stupid. If me or Andy went missing you wouldn’t give two fucks but since its Patrick let’s throw a fucking search party!!” Joe yelled.
“That’s not true! It’s just he’s just a little Patrick and this is Vegas.” Pete said as he stared out the window.
“Pete’s right. Patrick could’ve gotten raped or something.” Andy said.
“Or worse.” Joe said as his eye widened. “HE COULD BE DEAD!”
“Damn you Trohman don’t say that!!” Pete screamed.
“I’ll bee right back I gotta piss. Everyone calm down Patrick’s fine we just can’t find him or maybe he can’t find us..” Andy called from the bathroom.
“What’s the difference?” Pete asked.
“Maybe were the ones who are lost.” He shouted.
“You’re still wasted aren’t you?” Joe said as he started to get annoyed.
“Kinda.” Andy said as he started giggling. Suddenly Andy started screaming and ran out of the bathroom. Without pants. “AHHH!!! THERE’SAFUCKINGTIGERINTHEBATHROOM!!!!”
“WHAT?!” Joe screamed as he jumped on the couch.
“Calm down I’ll check it out!” Pete shouted as he slowly went in the bathroom.
“Be careful!” Joe screamed.
“HOLYFUCKHEWASN’TLYINGRUNFROYOURLIVES!!!!!” Pete screamed as he closed the bathroom door.
“Fuck this! Come on let’s go!” Joe said as he grabbed his belongings and walked out of the room his band mates followed but they heard something but they weren’t exactly sure on what it was.
“Am I still shitfaced or is someone crying??” Andy asked looking puzzled.
“Holy fuck! Guys that’s a baby!” Pete yelled as he got closer to a closet to find a baby. He picked up the little guy and had him stop crying. Pete is a dad after all.
“Whose fucking baby is that??” Andy yelled.
“Don’t swear in front of the baby dick face!” Joe yelled as he hit Andy in the back of the head.
“Okay whatever let’s just go downstairs and leave.”
“Where the fuck are we gonna go without our lead singer??!” Andy shouted.
“Let’s just try to retrace our steps.” Joe said as he shrugged.
Instead of doing that the three boys decided to get a bite to eat and clear their heads a bit and andy went around the hotel to look for Patrick.
“Check this out.” Joe said to Pete as he grabbed the baby’s hand and made it look like he was masturbating. “He’s jackin’ his little wenis.” Joe burst into a fit of laughter but Pete found it disturbing.
“Remind me to never leave my son with you.”
“Why can’t we fucking remember anything??” Joe whined.
“I don’t know. I’ve never been this hungover.” Pete said as laughed.
“Bad news I can’t find him. I looked everywhere and no one saw him.” Andy said as he sat down.
“Alright just a minor setback we’ll find him.” Pete said.
“What’s this?” Andy said as he held up a white chippy thingy out of his pocket.
“MY FUCKING TOOTH!!” Joe screamed.
“That’s it! Check your pockets!” Pete said.
And check their pockets they did. Joe had change a condom and his wallet. Pete had his wallet his phone a few poker chips and a valet ticket from Hard Rock. Andy had an ATM receipt for 800 dollars.
“Okay so we were at The Hard Rock.” Pete said sounding relieved.
“I remember going there.” Joe said.
“What else do you guys remember??” Pete asked.
“Honestly guys I don’t remember anything since those shots of Jaeger.”
“Me neither.” Pete said he slumped in his chair.
“I remember playing craps at Caesar’s then having food at the Palm and everything’s blank from there.” Joe said as he took a sip of coffee.
“We’re so fucked!” Andy screamed.
“Yeah we are.” Joe said as he started laughing.
“It’s not funny! Patrick’s body is probably in a ditch while a meth head butt fucks his corpse!!”
A look of worry and sadness came across Joe’s face.
“Hey man don’t worry Patrick’s fine.” Pete said as he rubbed Joe’s shoulder. “Here drink some juice.” Pete said as he put a cup of juice in front of Joe causing him to throw up.
“What if we go to the hospital where you went? Maybe they could tell us something.” Andy said as if nothing happened.
“Good idea! Come on let’s go.” Pete said as he left money on the table and got up.
As the three of them were in the lobby an elderly woman couldn’t help but notice the adorable child Joe was carrying.
“He’s beautiful.” She said as waved to the baby. “What’s his name?” Joe looked at his band mates and then down at the baby. “Carlos.” Joe said simply as he walked away.
The valet brought the guys their car but the problem was it wasn’t their car.
“Here you are officers.” The young man said as he handed Pete the keys.
“Uhh sir I think you-“ Joe was cut off by Pete
“Thanks kid here’s something for you trouble.” He said as he slipped him fifty dollars.
Once they were in the car and realized it was stolen the boys were on their way to the hospital.
“We stole this car. I can’t believe we stole a fucking cop car!!” Andy whined.
“I know. THIS IS SO AWESOME!!” Pete yelled as Joe started to laugh.
“Stop bitching Andy everything is gonna be okay.” Joe said calmly.
“Yeah I hope so.” Andy said as he rubbed his forehead.
“There’s so much fucking traffic.” Joe said to himself.
“You’re right.” Pete said as a light bulb went on in his head.
Pete turned on the sirens to the car and drove on the sidewalk most people ran in horror while others laughed.
“WATCH IT COMING THROUGH WERE COPS SO DO WHAT WE SAY OR WE’LL LOCK YOUR ASSES UP!!” Pete said through the intercom.
“Pete get off the sidewalk!!” Andy yelled.
“Dude calm down. I think it’s time for you to change your tampon.” Pete said to Andy.
“Fuck off.” Andy said in a serious tone.
“Fine.” Pete said with attitude as he rolled his eyes.
The boys finally reached the hospital they were at last night and hunted down the doctor that helped Pete.
“Yeah yeah I remember you boys. You had a mild concussion and some bruised ribs.” He said to Pete.
“How?” Pete asked.
“I don’t know. I’m a doctor not a mind reader. I’m busy so I have to go.” He said as he walked away but grabbed his hand and slipped a hundred dollar bill in his palm.
“Just a few minutes of your time please.” Pete said.
He took out the bill and put in the light. “Walk with me.”
“Okay so do you know what we were in here for??” Pete asked again.
“No. Like I said a mild concussion bruised ribs all very standa-oh wait.” He said as he read Pete’s file.
“What??” They asked at the same time.
“There was roofalin in your blood system last night.”
The boys shot confused looks at the doctor.
“Roofies? The date rape drug?” The doctor said to them.
“Are you saying I was raped last night?”
“Well” He said as he looked at Pete’s file again. “No but the drug was in your system. That’s probably why you fellas can’t remember anything.”
“But how??” Andy said as he pulled at his hair.
“Don’t know.” The doctor said to him.
“Was there four of us last night?” Joe said as he Pete and Andy followed the doctor.
“Yes. A short guy glasses hat sideburns but no baby.” He said as glanced at Carlos.
“THAT’S MY PATRICK!” Pete said happily.
“What time was it when we here?” Andy asked.
“Um around 3 or 4 last night.”
“Doctor do you know if we were talking about going somewhere?” Andy asked.
“Yeah I do actually. You guys were talking about a wedding.”
“A wedding? Oh wait Patrick!” Andy said.
“That’s right!” Pete yelled as he started jumping up and down.
“No no you guys were talking about a wedding you just came from….you guys mentioned it being at The Best Little Chapel.”
“Best Little Chapel. Do you know where that is?”
“Yes it’s near get a map and fuck off. I’m a doctor not a tour guide ok? You’re big boys figure it out.”
“Thanks doc.” Joe said as they left.
“Yeah thanks for nothing asshole.” Pete muttered as he put back on his sunglasses.
Thanks to the internet the guys found The Best Little Chapel and met a man named Eddie little did they know they’ve already met.
“There are my boys! You crazy mother fuckers come back for more?!” The man with a thick accent said as he started laughing clapping and hugging each of them. “This bastard is the craziest mother fucker I’ve ever met!!” He said as he pointed to Andy.
“This guy?” Pete said as he pointed to Andy.
“Yeah! And this bearded bastard I thought he was gonna eat my dick!” He said to Joe as he started to laugh harder.
The guys exchanged confused looks at each other.
“What? You don’t remember Eddie?” He said as he pointed to himself.
“Um not really. Who got married?” Andy asked.
“Who got married??! You! You lucky bastard you!”
I really enjoy writing this. I do comedy well. (I hope) So leave me reviews and stuff like that and uh yeah so that's all. XD
“Tsk tsk. Denial doesn’t look good on you Pete.” Andy said as he shook his head.
“Who knows? Maybe he is.” Joe said as he examined his teeth.
“No maybes. I know he is he has to be.”
“This is so stupid. If me or Andy went missing you wouldn’t give two fucks but since its Patrick let’s throw a fucking search party!!” Joe yelled.
“That’s not true! It’s just he’s just a little Patrick and this is Vegas.” Pete said as he stared out the window.
“Pete’s right. Patrick could’ve gotten raped or something.” Andy said.
“Or worse.” Joe said as his eye widened. “HE COULD BE DEAD!”
“Damn you Trohman don’t say that!!” Pete screamed.
“I’ll bee right back I gotta piss. Everyone calm down Patrick’s fine we just can’t find him or maybe he can’t find us..” Andy called from the bathroom.
“What’s the difference?” Pete asked.
“Maybe were the ones who are lost.” He shouted.
“You’re still wasted aren’t you?” Joe said as he started to get annoyed.
“Kinda.” Andy said as he started giggling. Suddenly Andy started screaming and ran out of the bathroom. Without pants. “AHHH!!! THERE’SAFUCKINGTIGERINTHEBATHROOM!!!!”
“WHAT?!” Joe screamed as he jumped on the couch.
“Calm down I’ll check it out!” Pete shouted as he slowly went in the bathroom.
“Be careful!” Joe screamed.
“HOLYFUCKHEWASN’TLYINGRUNFROYOURLIVES!!!!!” Pete screamed as he closed the bathroom door.
“Fuck this! Come on let’s go!” Joe said as he grabbed his belongings and walked out of the room his band mates followed but they heard something but they weren’t exactly sure on what it was.
“Am I still shitfaced or is someone crying??” Andy asked looking puzzled.
“Holy fuck! Guys that’s a baby!” Pete yelled as he got closer to a closet to find a baby. He picked up the little guy and had him stop crying. Pete is a dad after all.
“Whose fucking baby is that??” Andy yelled.
“Don’t swear in front of the baby dick face!” Joe yelled as he hit Andy in the back of the head.
“Okay whatever let’s just go downstairs and leave.”
“Where the fuck are we gonna go without our lead singer??!” Andy shouted.
“Let’s just try to retrace our steps.” Joe said as he shrugged.
Instead of doing that the three boys decided to get a bite to eat and clear their heads a bit and andy went around the hotel to look for Patrick.
“Check this out.” Joe said to Pete as he grabbed the baby’s hand and made it look like he was masturbating. “He’s jackin’ his little wenis.” Joe burst into a fit of laughter but Pete found it disturbing.
“Remind me to never leave my son with you.”
“Why can’t we fucking remember anything??” Joe whined.
“I don’t know. I’ve never been this hungover.” Pete said as laughed.
“Bad news I can’t find him. I looked everywhere and no one saw him.” Andy said as he sat down.
“Alright just a minor setback we’ll find him.” Pete said.
“What’s this?” Andy said as he held up a white chippy thingy out of his pocket.
“MY FUCKING TOOTH!!” Joe screamed.
“That’s it! Check your pockets!” Pete said.
And check their pockets they did. Joe had change a condom and his wallet. Pete had his wallet his phone a few poker chips and a valet ticket from Hard Rock. Andy had an ATM receipt for 800 dollars.
“Okay so we were at The Hard Rock.” Pete said sounding relieved.
“I remember going there.” Joe said.
“What else do you guys remember??” Pete asked.
“Honestly guys I don’t remember anything since those shots of Jaeger.”
“Me neither.” Pete said he slumped in his chair.
“I remember playing craps at Caesar’s then having food at the Palm and everything’s blank from there.” Joe said as he took a sip of coffee.
“We’re so fucked!” Andy screamed.
“Yeah we are.” Joe said as he started laughing.
“It’s not funny! Patrick’s body is probably in a ditch while a meth head butt fucks his corpse!!”
A look of worry and sadness came across Joe’s face.
“Hey man don’t worry Patrick’s fine.” Pete said as he rubbed Joe’s shoulder. “Here drink some juice.” Pete said as he put a cup of juice in front of Joe causing him to throw up.
“What if we go to the hospital where you went? Maybe they could tell us something.” Andy said as if nothing happened.
“Good idea! Come on let’s go.” Pete said as he left money on the table and got up.
As the three of them were in the lobby an elderly woman couldn’t help but notice the adorable child Joe was carrying.
“He’s beautiful.” She said as waved to the baby. “What’s his name?” Joe looked at his band mates and then down at the baby. “Carlos.” Joe said simply as he walked away.
The valet brought the guys their car but the problem was it wasn’t their car.
“Here you are officers.” The young man said as he handed Pete the keys.
“Uhh sir I think you-“ Joe was cut off by Pete
“Thanks kid here’s something for you trouble.” He said as he slipped him fifty dollars.
Once they were in the car and realized it was stolen the boys were on their way to the hospital.
“We stole this car. I can’t believe we stole a fucking cop car!!” Andy whined.
“I know. THIS IS SO AWESOME!!” Pete yelled as Joe started to laugh.
“Stop bitching Andy everything is gonna be okay.” Joe said calmly.
“Yeah I hope so.” Andy said as he rubbed his forehead.
“There’s so much fucking traffic.” Joe said to himself.
“You’re right.” Pete said as a light bulb went on in his head.
Pete turned on the sirens to the car and drove on the sidewalk most people ran in horror while others laughed.
“WATCH IT COMING THROUGH WERE COPS SO DO WHAT WE SAY OR WE’LL LOCK YOUR ASSES UP!!” Pete said through the intercom.
“Pete get off the sidewalk!!” Andy yelled.
“Dude calm down. I think it’s time for you to change your tampon.” Pete said to Andy.
“Fuck off.” Andy said in a serious tone.
“Fine.” Pete said with attitude as he rolled his eyes.
The boys finally reached the hospital they were at last night and hunted down the doctor that helped Pete.
“Yeah yeah I remember you boys. You had a mild concussion and some bruised ribs.” He said to Pete.
“How?” Pete asked.
“I don’t know. I’m a doctor not a mind reader. I’m busy so I have to go.” He said as he walked away but grabbed his hand and slipped a hundred dollar bill in his palm.
“Just a few minutes of your time please.” Pete said.
He took out the bill and put in the light. “Walk with me.”
“Okay so do you know what we were in here for??” Pete asked again.
“No. Like I said a mild concussion bruised ribs all very standa-oh wait.” He said as he read Pete’s file.
“What??” They asked at the same time.
“There was roofalin in your blood system last night.”
The boys shot confused looks at the doctor.
“Roofies? The date rape drug?” The doctor said to them.
“Are you saying I was raped last night?”
“Well” He said as he looked at Pete’s file again. “No but the drug was in your system. That’s probably why you fellas can’t remember anything.”
“But how??” Andy said as he pulled at his hair.
“Don’t know.” The doctor said to him.
“Was there four of us last night?” Joe said as he Pete and Andy followed the doctor.
“Yes. A short guy glasses hat sideburns but no baby.” He said as glanced at Carlos.
“THAT’S MY PATRICK!” Pete said happily.
“What time was it when we here?” Andy asked.
“Um around 3 or 4 last night.”
“Doctor do you know if we were talking about going somewhere?” Andy asked.
“Yeah I do actually. You guys were talking about a wedding.”
“A wedding? Oh wait Patrick!” Andy said.
“That’s right!” Pete yelled as he started jumping up and down.
“No no you guys were talking about a wedding you just came from….you guys mentioned it being at The Best Little Chapel.”
“Best Little Chapel. Do you know where that is?”
“Yes it’s near get a map and fuck off. I’m a doctor not a tour guide ok? You’re big boys figure it out.”
“Thanks doc.” Joe said as they left.
“Yeah thanks for nothing asshole.” Pete muttered as he put back on his sunglasses.
Thanks to the internet the guys found The Best Little Chapel and met a man named Eddie little did they know they’ve already met.
“There are my boys! You crazy mother fuckers come back for more?!” The man with a thick accent said as he started laughing clapping and hugging each of them. “This bastard is the craziest mother fucker I’ve ever met!!” He said as he pointed to Andy.
“This guy?” Pete said as he pointed to Andy.
“Yeah! And this bearded bastard I thought he was gonna eat my dick!” He said to Joe as he started to laugh harder.
The guys exchanged confused looks at each other.
“What? You don’t remember Eddie?” He said as he pointed to himself.
“Um not really. Who got married?” Andy asked.
“Who got married??! You! You lucky bastard you!”
I really enjoy writing this. I do comedy well. (I hope) So leave me reviews and stuff like that and uh yeah so that's all. XD
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