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I wrote him a song. Mikey.
That lyric I had written ages ago, I'm trying, I'm trying, to let you know how much you mean to me... It wasn't about Lyn-z. It was about Mikey.
He wasn't a bad guy, I could see why he shouldn't forgive me, why he should tell Mum I had been shop-lifting. And I also knew one song called Demolition Lovers wasn't going to change a thing.
I waited until Mikey went for a shower to talk to Mum about it. Mikey always spent a long time in the shower so it was the safest time.
"Mum," I sat down next to her and watched her knit for a second "What will it take to make Mikey forgive me?"
She stopped her knitting and turned to face me "Gerard, you know how Mikey can be. Very stubborn. But he loves you and he wants to forgive you. He's just too proud to let on."
"Mikey?" I asked "Are we talking about the same person here?"
"Yes Gerard. Don't tell me he isn't like that, because I'm his Mum. I know these things you see." She smiled at me "I also know that you have a gift for song writing. AND singing."
I blushed at the memory of being Peter Pan. "Yeah, well... I wrote Mikey a song but it won't change anything."
"I'm sure you'll think of something my love. But untill then, it's your turn to do the dishes."
I got up off the sofa and trudged into the kitchen. I was hurt because I had hoped Mum would have the answers and because Mikey couldn't let go of his stubborness to his own brother? Then who could he let go of it to?
Then I did a bad thing that I still sometimes feel guilty about. And it's something you shouldn't really do, but I was stuck for ideas and I had to do SOMETHING.

"Have you ever done something that you still feel guilty about now-a-days?"
"Yeah and I hate to admit it because he'll be watching this, but... When Mikey was mad at me and wouldn't forgive me, I read his diary."

I had always teased Mikey that he was a girl for keeping a diary. But if he had written down anything, anything at all, to how I could make him forgive me then I had to read it.
I felt terrible as I entered Mikey's room, felt around under his bed and pulled out his red diary. I didn't read it in Mikey's room, incase he came out the shower while I was reading. I took it back to my room, where Mikey never came anymore. That upset me aswell, because Mikey used to come in nearly every night. We used to talk about our day at school, help out with each other's homework, play computer games, talk about girls, ANYTHING.
But he stopped, the day I became a jerk.
I opened it up to the date when I had started behaving like a total asshole.

12th March
Gerard has made some new friends. It's good for him but he has ditched me with the rest of his old friends. I always got this feeling that they never really liked me, but when Gerard ditched us they all comforted me straight away. Did Gerard do me a favour?

13th March
Gerard got a girlfriend. Lyn-z and he has liked her for a long time. I'm happy for him and I want to show him that, but he is blanking me.
Frank's pissed off at him aswell. Frank and Gerard used to be best friends. I don't understand what Gerard has done to make the cool kids like him.

14th March
I understand a lot of things now. Gerard had a fight with Corey Taylor and won. Wow, he must be pretty good to have beat Corey! But now he has been challeneged again tommorow. Frank, Ray and Bob have already made up their minds to help. I don't see why they're bothering. Gerard is being a royal asshole lately.

15th March
I tried hard to convince him not to do it. All morning I tried. I could see how it would end. Gerard would take all the credit for Frank, Ray and Bob's work. Or they would ditch him and Gerard would end up hurt. Either way, I would get hurt mentally.
And Gerard chose to take all the credit for my friends work. I hate him. No, I don't. I love him... I just hate what he has become lately.

16th March
Pete called me a dork today at lunch. Gerard stood up for me. So he cares about me? And I care about him. I can see now. Underneath it all, he is still the same Gerard. I'm just too stubborn to admit that to anyone but myself.

17th March
Gerard has been excluded for a week. He tried to make it up with me but I see the way Mum and Dad are now. They keep argueing. I think they're going to split up and I'm scared. That's why I took it out on Gerard.

I skipped the next few pages because Mikey was just talking about Alicia and how nice her hair is... That didn't surprise me, because I knew Mikey had a crush on Alicia.

24th March
Gerard came back to school today. I saw him rob a corner shop. Ass. And Bert just ditched him. Hmm isn't Bert such a good friend?

25th March
Another arguement with Gerard today. I didn't like it but I'm scared, I need someone to talk to... But now Gerard has turned into an asshole, I have no-one.

26th March
Gerard's friends have ditched him and he's in trouble with his Maths teacher for bunking maths. Mum had words with him but I doubt he'll change.

Today's entry.

27th March
He changed. He's said sorry to everyone. He tried saying sorry to me but I acted like a jerk. I'm so mean. Maybe I don't deserve to be alive anymore...
I'm going to have a shower... And never come out.

"MIKEY!" I screamed and ran into the bathroom. I pulled back the shower curtain, expecting to see Mikey dead. But I was in time. He was standing there naked, holding a knife.
"How did you know?" He asked.
"It doesn't matter!" I cried, taking the knife off of him "What the fuck were you doing?"
"I felt so bad about..."
"Mikey," I sighed "If anyone should feel bad, it's me. I've been mean to you and everyone else the past few days and I know you want to forgive me, Mum says you're just too stubborn and... And..."
Mikey got out the shower and put a towel round himself "I forgive you bro. Thanks for saving me."
We smiled and I hugged him "Promise never to do anything that stupid again?"
"I promise!"
And we hugged each other like we'd never let go.