Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I've Got Headaches and Bad Luck
“Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.
1 reviewThe boys return Brendon his tiger and are 0 steps closer to finding Patrick.
0Unrated
“You need to drop that motherfucker like a bad habit!” Andy yelled.
“I can’t drop him his pipes are made of gold!!”
“Guys.” Joe said while looking guilty as he awoke from unconsciousness.
“What?” Pete and Andy snapped.
“If I tell you this will you all kill me?”
“Joe what did you do?” Pete said as he sat next to Joe.
“I drugged us last night. I’m the reason we don’t remember anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“It was supposed to be ecstasy! The drug dealer at the liquor store mixed 'em up!”
"Oh shocker the drug dealer at the corner liquor store was a bad guy!!" Andy screamed.
“Why would you give us ecstasy?!” Pete shouted.
“So we can have fun! That’s the reason we came here!”
“Patrick’s probably been raped and murdered!! IS THAT FUN ENOUGH FOR YOU?!?!” Andy yelled.
“Just calm down okay! Everyone calm. The. Fuck. Down.” Pete said as he took his own advice.
After a moment of silence Joe and Pete watched Andy’s eye as it twitched and a vein in his neck throbbed.
“YOU JEW BASTARD I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF LIKE A NAZI!!” Andy screamed as he lunged himself on top of Joe and began to choke him.
“Wait, wait Andy get the fuck off of him!!!!” Pete screamed as he pulled Andy off of the youngest member of Fall Out Boy.
“You’re right we should make it a slow painful death.”
“No! No deaths no killings. Joe do you still have any left?”
“Yeah why?”
Pete grinned an evil grin and looked at the bathroom door where the tiger was.
A little less than thirty minutes later a raw steak arrived from room service and Pete shoved 5 roofies in it.
“Who’s gonna toss it in there?” Andy said as he watched Pete.
“You.”
“Me?! Why me?!”
“Well I can’t do it I can’t afford anything happening to my face and Joe can’t do it because he already took a punch from Urie.”
“And you told me you’re gonna rip my head off so this is your apology towards me.” He said as he seasoned the steak with pepper.
“What are you doing??” Andy said.
“I’m seasoning the steak for the tiger.”
“Joe what if tigers don’t like pepper?” Pete asked.
“Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon."
“Alright whatever why is there no sympathy towards me?! I married a hooker!!”
“HEY SHE’S A NICE LADY!”
“Just do it.” Pete said.
“Fine but not only did Fall Out Boy lose their singer they’re losing a drummer as well he’s going to mauled by a fucking tiger!!”
“I get all your comics!” Joe said happily.
“Stop saying that! You’re gonna be fine and my Patrick is fine okay?!! Don’t be a pussy!!” Pete shouted.
And with that Andy took the steak from Pete and slowly entered the bathroom he almost screamed when he heard the noise the animal made when the door creaked.
“Hii kitty. Nice kitty. Andy has a treat for you.” He said in a whisper.
Andy slowly crept towards the tiger a tossed at him this making the tiger roar as loud as it possibly could.
“AHH!!” Andy screamed as he left the bathroom quickly as possible.
“Now what?” Joe said.
“Now we wait.”
So wait they did. Andy decided to pass the time with a little song on the piano.
“What do tigers dreams of?
When they take a little tiger snooze
Do they dream of mauling zebras
Or Halle Barry in her catwoman suit?
Don't you worry your pretty striped head
Were gonna get you back to Brendon and your cozy tiger bed
And then were gonna find our best friend Rick
And then were gonna give him a best friend hug
Rick Rick Oh Rick Rick Ricky Rick Rick
but if he’s been murdered by crystal meth tweekers...then were shit out of luck.”
The boys were now on their way to Brendon’s house and Pete was driving fast as he possibly could so the tiger doesn’t wake up so of course the trio was quiet.
“When is Haley’s Comet?
“Who fucking cares?” Pete said.
“Do you know Andy?” Joe said as he turned to Andy.
“I don’t think it’s for like another sixty years or something.” Andy mumbled.
“It’s not tonight right?”
“Nope.”
“But you’re not for sure right? Because my cousin saw it and he told it’s nothing I-“
“AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” Andy screamed as he noticed the tiger had awaken from his little nap.
“What?!” Pete said as he looked in the back seat through the rearview mirror. “HOLYSHITITWOKEUPWEREALLGONNADIE!!!” Pete screamed as the car swerved causin the tiger to leap up and claw Pete’s neck.
“STOP THE FUCKING CAR!!!” Joe yelled.
Pete hit dead breaks as the other cars behind him swerved onto the lane so they don’t hit him. The three boys rolled out of the car screaming and crying like babies.
“DUDE IT GOT ME IT FUCKING GOT ME!!” Pete screamed as he went to Andy so he could see how bad the damage was.
“What do we do?!” Joe screamed as he jumped up and down.
Luckily Andy hatched an idea in his head.
“How much further?” Joe said as he panted.
“Don’t worry man were almost there.” Pete said as he pushed the car up to Brendon’s house.
“These bastards! One hit album and they get fucking houses on hills!!”
“I taught them well.” Pete said as he chuckled.
“Guys why did I have to push near the driver’s side?!” Joe whined.
“Someone has to steer.” Andy said.
“I don’t if I ever told you guys this but I hate all of you.”
“We love you too Jewseph.” Pete said.
Joe could hear the tiger growling and he put his arm back in the window to steer once it saw his arm the tiger leaped from the back seat and Joe screamed and quickly took his arm out.
“Guys I can’t do this.” Joe said in a whisper.
“Were almost there!” Pete barked.
Once they finally reached Brendon’s house they returned his tiger and apologized.
“Brenny Bear you of all people know I do stupid shit when I’m fucked up. I’m sorry. We’re sorry I didn’t even know you had a tiger.”
“Which is beautiful!” Andy added.
Brendon nodded. “It’s okay guys. Where’s Trick?” Bredon said as he looked around.
“Pete and I think he’s missing but Andy keeps saying he’s been raped and murdered by meth heads.” Joe said quickly.
Brendon laughed. “No seriously.”
“Seriously we can’t find him.” Pete said with a serious expression on his face.
“I think I can help.” Brendon said as he turned on his TV.
Pete Joe and Andy watched Brendon turn on the TV and saw them and Patrick hanging around Brendon’s pool.
“Oh hey look I’m on TV!” Joe said as he pointed to the television.
“Patrick was with us!” Pete said with excitement.
“Yeah you guys were around here at 4 or 5.”
“Well Jade said we went to the Bellagio at 6 so that means…” Andy said as he looked at Brendon.
“Hey! I love Patrick I wouldn’t do that.”
“Well once again Brendon I’m really sorry.” Pete said.
“Don’t worry. You said it yourself we all do stupid shit when we’re fucked up.”
Just as Brendon said that he watched Joe piss in his pool while his band mates died of laughter.
“I’m gonna leave.”
“Yeah you should.” Brendon said as he nodded.
“We’re sorry.” Pete and Andy said at once.
“May I say that this is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”
“Watch me fuck this tiger!” Came from the TV as they watched Pete dry hump the tiger.
“We’re gonna leave now.”
“Yeah you should.”
Once the boys reached the hotel they heard loud banging noise from the trunk.
“If that’s Patrick I swear to god I’m gonna burst into tears.” Pete said as he Joe and Andy slowly approached the trunk. Once they did they found a naked Ryan Ross jumping out with a crowbar.
“YOU WANNA FUCK WITH ME!?!!” He said as he twirled the crowbar around.
“Whoa whoa Ry it’s me Pete what the fuck happened- OW!!” Pete screamed as he hit the ground from a crowbar to the head.
“Hey! That was uncalled for!” Joe yelled.
Ryan jumped on Joe’s back and beat him repeatedly with the crowbar.
“HEY! GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM!” Andy screamed as he pried Ryan off of Joe.
“ARGGHHH!!!!” Ryan screamed as he hit Andy with the crowbar and ran screaming “LEAVE ME BE!!”
“WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?!”
Hehehehe Ryan. XD
“I can’t drop him his pipes are made of gold!!”
“Guys.” Joe said while looking guilty as he awoke from unconsciousness.
“What?” Pete and Andy snapped.
“If I tell you this will you all kill me?”
“Joe what did you do?” Pete said as he sat next to Joe.
“I drugged us last night. I’m the reason we don’t remember anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“It was supposed to be ecstasy! The drug dealer at the liquor store mixed 'em up!”
"Oh shocker the drug dealer at the corner liquor store was a bad guy!!" Andy screamed.
“Why would you give us ecstasy?!” Pete shouted.
“So we can have fun! That’s the reason we came here!”
“Patrick’s probably been raped and murdered!! IS THAT FUN ENOUGH FOR YOU?!?!” Andy yelled.
“Just calm down okay! Everyone calm. The. Fuck. Down.” Pete said as he took his own advice.
After a moment of silence Joe and Pete watched Andy’s eye as it twitched and a vein in his neck throbbed.
“YOU JEW BASTARD I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF LIKE A NAZI!!” Andy screamed as he lunged himself on top of Joe and began to choke him.
“Wait, wait Andy get the fuck off of him!!!!” Pete screamed as he pulled Andy off of the youngest member of Fall Out Boy.
“You’re right we should make it a slow painful death.”
“No! No deaths no killings. Joe do you still have any left?”
“Yeah why?”
Pete grinned an evil grin and looked at the bathroom door where the tiger was.
A little less than thirty minutes later a raw steak arrived from room service and Pete shoved 5 roofies in it.
“Who’s gonna toss it in there?” Andy said as he watched Pete.
“You.”
“Me?! Why me?!”
“Well I can’t do it I can’t afford anything happening to my face and Joe can’t do it because he already took a punch from Urie.”
“And you told me you’re gonna rip my head off so this is your apology towards me.” He said as he seasoned the steak with pepper.
“What are you doing??” Andy said.
“I’m seasoning the steak for the tiger.”
“Joe what if tigers don’t like pepper?” Pete asked.
“Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon."
“Alright whatever why is there no sympathy towards me?! I married a hooker!!”
“HEY SHE’S A NICE LADY!”
“Just do it.” Pete said.
“Fine but not only did Fall Out Boy lose their singer they’re losing a drummer as well he’s going to mauled by a fucking tiger!!”
“I get all your comics!” Joe said happily.
“Stop saying that! You’re gonna be fine and my Patrick is fine okay?!! Don’t be a pussy!!” Pete shouted.
And with that Andy took the steak from Pete and slowly entered the bathroom he almost screamed when he heard the noise the animal made when the door creaked.
“Hii kitty. Nice kitty. Andy has a treat for you.” He said in a whisper.
Andy slowly crept towards the tiger a tossed at him this making the tiger roar as loud as it possibly could.
“AHH!!” Andy screamed as he left the bathroom quickly as possible.
“Now what?” Joe said.
“Now we wait.”
So wait they did. Andy decided to pass the time with a little song on the piano.
“What do tigers dreams of?
When they take a little tiger snooze
Do they dream of mauling zebras
Or Halle Barry in her catwoman suit?
Don't you worry your pretty striped head
Were gonna get you back to Brendon and your cozy tiger bed
And then were gonna find our best friend Rick
And then were gonna give him a best friend hug
Rick Rick Oh Rick Rick Ricky Rick Rick
but if he’s been murdered by crystal meth tweekers...then were shit out of luck.”
The boys were now on their way to Brendon’s house and Pete was driving fast as he possibly could so the tiger doesn’t wake up so of course the trio was quiet.
“When is Haley’s Comet?
“Who fucking cares?” Pete said.
“Do you know Andy?” Joe said as he turned to Andy.
“I don’t think it’s for like another sixty years or something.” Andy mumbled.
“It’s not tonight right?”
“Nope.”
“But you’re not for sure right? Because my cousin saw it and he told it’s nothing I-“
“AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” Andy screamed as he noticed the tiger had awaken from his little nap.
“What?!” Pete said as he looked in the back seat through the rearview mirror. “HOLYSHITITWOKEUPWEREALLGONNADIE!!!” Pete screamed as the car swerved causin the tiger to leap up and claw Pete’s neck.
“STOP THE FUCKING CAR!!!” Joe yelled.
Pete hit dead breaks as the other cars behind him swerved onto the lane so they don’t hit him. The three boys rolled out of the car screaming and crying like babies.
“DUDE IT GOT ME IT FUCKING GOT ME!!” Pete screamed as he went to Andy so he could see how bad the damage was.
“What do we do?!” Joe screamed as he jumped up and down.
Luckily Andy hatched an idea in his head.
“How much further?” Joe said as he panted.
“Don’t worry man were almost there.” Pete said as he pushed the car up to Brendon’s house.
“These bastards! One hit album and they get fucking houses on hills!!”
“I taught them well.” Pete said as he chuckled.
“Guys why did I have to push near the driver’s side?!” Joe whined.
“Someone has to steer.” Andy said.
“I don’t if I ever told you guys this but I hate all of you.”
“We love you too Jewseph.” Pete said.
Joe could hear the tiger growling and he put his arm back in the window to steer once it saw his arm the tiger leaped from the back seat and Joe screamed and quickly took his arm out.
“Guys I can’t do this.” Joe said in a whisper.
“Were almost there!” Pete barked.
Once they finally reached Brendon’s house they returned his tiger and apologized.
“Brenny Bear you of all people know I do stupid shit when I’m fucked up. I’m sorry. We’re sorry I didn’t even know you had a tiger.”
“Which is beautiful!” Andy added.
Brendon nodded. “It’s okay guys. Where’s Trick?” Bredon said as he looked around.
“Pete and I think he’s missing but Andy keeps saying he’s been raped and murdered by meth heads.” Joe said quickly.
Brendon laughed. “No seriously.”
“Seriously we can’t find him.” Pete said with a serious expression on his face.
“I think I can help.” Brendon said as he turned on his TV.
Pete Joe and Andy watched Brendon turn on the TV and saw them and Patrick hanging around Brendon’s pool.
“Oh hey look I’m on TV!” Joe said as he pointed to the television.
“Patrick was with us!” Pete said with excitement.
“Yeah you guys were around here at 4 or 5.”
“Well Jade said we went to the Bellagio at 6 so that means…” Andy said as he looked at Brendon.
“Hey! I love Patrick I wouldn’t do that.”
“Well once again Brendon I’m really sorry.” Pete said.
“Don’t worry. You said it yourself we all do stupid shit when we’re fucked up.”
Just as Brendon said that he watched Joe piss in his pool while his band mates died of laughter.
“I’m gonna leave.”
“Yeah you should.” Brendon said as he nodded.
“We’re sorry.” Pete and Andy said at once.
“May I say that this is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”
“Watch me fuck this tiger!” Came from the TV as they watched Pete dry hump the tiger.
“We’re gonna leave now.”
“Yeah you should.”
Once the boys reached the hotel they heard loud banging noise from the trunk.
“If that’s Patrick I swear to god I’m gonna burst into tears.” Pete said as he Joe and Andy slowly approached the trunk. Once they did they found a naked Ryan Ross jumping out with a crowbar.
“YOU WANNA FUCK WITH ME!?!!” He said as he twirled the crowbar around.
“Whoa whoa Ry it’s me Pete what the fuck happened- OW!!” Pete screamed as he hit the ground from a crowbar to the head.
“Hey! That was uncalled for!” Joe yelled.
Ryan jumped on Joe’s back and beat him repeatedly with the crowbar.
“HEY! GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM!” Andy screamed as he pried Ryan off of Joe.
“ARGGHHH!!!!” Ryan screamed as he hit Andy with the crowbar and ran screaming “LEAVE ME BE!!”
“WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?!”
Hehehehe Ryan. XD
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