Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > What a Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy
My alarm woke me up with a start, and my immediate reaction was to look next to me for Ryan. My heart dropped slightly when my bed was empty, and I felt the urge to cry. I didn’t like not waking up to him, which was silly, because not even a week earlier the thought of waking to him wouldn’t have even existed as an option. I curled into a ball, already missing him, but a small smile lit my face when I remembered that I would be with him at the end of the night, I just had to make it through an excruciatingly long day at school, and I would be spending my holidays with him in California. My pleasant thoughts quickly soured, however, when I realized that I would have to break the news to Lucas that I would not be going with him and his family to Mexico. I would miss the heat, sure, but I’d rather spend the time with Ryan.
After lying in bed for a few minutes, I reached over to the night table and grabbed my cell phone, eager to read the text message I knew would be waiting for me. My heart skipped a beat when I saw his name among others on my message list.
“Counting the hours till I see you mon ange.”
I smiled to myself and typed a quick reply before I got up to get my day started. On top of getting myself ready for school, I needed to pack for my trip. Going with Ryan had been a last minute decision, literally. The night before after we had had our little argument, he had gotten a frantic phone call from someone back in LA, and he had taken a red eye. Thanks to the phone call, he had decided that it was time for him to go back to LA, living our newfound relationship in limbo. I was frantic, terrified, and angry.
“I’ll miss you,” I whispered as we stood in front of the security gate. Tears stung my eyes as I pressed myself up onto my toes to kiss him, not knowing when I would be able to do that again.
“I’m sorry,” he said, desperately kissing me back. “I knew this time would come. My whole life is in LA, it was bound to happen.”
“I know,” I cried gently against his chest. “But we haven’t had a chance to work things out yet. I can’t lose you, especially this soon.” I buried my head in his neck and cried harder. “Please don’t leave me!”
“Mon ange, don’t cry.” He pulled my head up and smiled at me. “You’re not losing me, you’ll never lose me.”
“Then don’t go!”
His beautiful smile faltered and he looked down. “I don’t know what else to do. You won’t come live with me and I can’t stay here any longer.”
I was so desperate I almost blurted out that I would do it if it meant staying with him, but I bit my tongue. “You can’t leave like this. There are things that need to be discussed!”
Both of his hands picked up my own and he pulled them against his chest. Ignoring the people watching the scene we were making, he kissed me as if we were the only ones around, and the way my body needed to be with him, how it was begging him to be with me, I wished we were.
“Then come with me,” he panted, pulling away. “We can get everything figured out.”
“But-“
“But nothing, Val. Just come stay with me for the break and we can work out what will happen in the New Year. I can’t stand the thought of being away from you for so long, one night is hard enough. I’ll buy your ticket the second I land and you can be with me tomorrow night! I just-"
“Yes!” I said before he could finish, covering his mouth with my own and damn near jumping into his arms. “I don’t want to be away from you, not like this.”
After I had packed sufficiently and eaten my breakfast, I placed everything by the front door and headed off to school, but not before stopping to grab a coffee just a couple of blocks from my school. As I hurried down the street, hoping to catch Lucas before classes started, I felt an arm gently catch around my elbow. I turned around, slightly scared, and stood face to face with Ryan’s ex roommate.
“Brendon!” I exclaimed, taken off guard by his odd appearance. His hair was dishevelled, and it appeared as though he hadn’t shaved in a few weeks. Not to mention his glasses, which I had never seen before.
“We need to talk,” he said seriously, not daring to look me in the eye.
“I’m kind of on my way to school right now,” I replied shortly, not wanting to talk to him. I noticed both his jaw and his fists clenched as he continued to stare past me.
“There are some things I really have to tell you,” he paused, finally looking at me. “About Ryan.I hear that you guys are pretty serious now and I think you really need to know the truth. He’s not the great guy you think he is.”
What the hell did he possibly have to tell me? I wondered. He and Ryan were no longer friends after what had happened between he and I. “Ryan and I are none of your business,” I spat, suddenly angry at hearing his words. Why would I believe him after the things Ryan had told me about him? He didn’t seem to be a role model of any type.
“I’m not trying to piss you off, I’m trying to do you a favour! He’s not a good guy! If you knew what he was capable of, you’d have nightmares.”
“I’m not going to stand here and listen to your bullshit.” I turned to walk away, but turned back to add, “From what I hear, you’re not such a great guy either. Don’t go messing around in other people’s lives, especially when you’re not even part of them.” I left him alone calling after me, because there were more important things I had to think about, like how I was going to explain myself to Lucas. I was worried about how he was going to react to hearing that I was no longer going on our vacation, and I knew there was a reason I needed to be worried, because he did not take it well at all.
“You’re not fucking serious!” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “You can’t do this! We’re supposed to leave on Sunday and we’ve been planning this trip for half a year!”
“I’m so sorry, Lucas, I really am! But Ryan and I only just got serious and he’s moving back to Los Angeles. We have-“
“What!?” he near yelled, startling me and few people near by. “You’re ditching me for HIM? You promised me that you wouldn’t do this when you two started dating!”
“What did I promise?” I asked, growing agitated already.
“You said that you wouldn’t disappear! But when have you hung out with just me and not mentioned his fucking name in these past couple of months? It’s always Ryan this, Ryan that, Ryan is the best fuck I’ve had. Do you ever stop to consider anyone’s feelings but you’re own!? Oh, wait, I’m sorry, you’re Valarie. You think that you’re the only person who has ever walked the fucking earth. God forbid anyone else has a problem they want to talk to you about. You’re so wrapped up in your own world that you can’t see anything else! Like the fact that your so called boyfriend is a bad man! What are you still doing with him!? It’s been almost a year since Tyler was murdered and you’re on to the next one as if nothing happened! If he could see-”
Before I could stop myself, my hand came up and smacked his cheek loudly, leaving a red mark where my hand had been. I heard a few gasps around us, but I did not care because I was beyond livid, and more so, hurt. Of all people, I would never have expected my so called best friend to throw that in my face. He had been the one who helped me through some of the dark times, who had held me just days after Tyler had disappeared.
“How dare you talk to me like that!” I spat through my teeth. “You are supposed to be my friend! You are supposed to support me because you’re the only family I have left.” Despite myself, I felt a few tears fall down my cheek. “I’m sorry that I’m doing this, but I need to be with him right now. “
I couldn’t guess what he was thinking. His hand was holding his cheek, but his brows were furrowed. Finally, he opened his mouth. “I’m just looking out for you Valarie. That’s all I’ve ever done for you. Ryan is bad news and I don’t want you getting hurt again.”
“I’m old enough to decide things like that. And I’ve never once had any reason to believe that he’s not good for me.” I lowered my voice, knowing that people were still listening to us. When it came to Ryan, it seemed they wanted to know everything. “He’s the love of my life, and I know how wrong that sounds, but I need to go be with him right now. I just have this weird feeling that things worked out the way they did because I was meant to be with him.“
“I can’t listen to you anymore,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but I’m sick of you blowing me off. Nothing has been the same with us since that night because we’ve never talked about it! There are things I need to tell you.”
“What night are you talking about?”
He stepped close to me and whispered, “That night we slept together. We haven’t been the same after that. It never should have happened! We were both smashed and it was the stupidest thing we could have done, and now look what it’s done to us! We don’t talk anymore! How did he suddenly become you’re best friend? Do I mean nothing to you anymore?”
“Of course you do!” I replied without hesitation. “I love you Lucas, you know that! I’d never have gotten better without you, you-“
“We both know that’s not true!” he scoffed. “I didn’t help a fucking bit after the first month. Every weekend you were sharing someone else’s bed. That’s how you decided to help yourself. I tried so fucking hard to pull you out of that hole you dug yourself, but you wouldn’t listen to me. And then in Ryan waltz, and then you’re all better! But it’s all a fucking lie. You’re entire relationship is a lie! He’s not who you think he is! He’s manipulated you into thinking that you’re in love with him, but you’re not! He ruined your life!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about Lucas! He is the best thing to ever happen to me!”
“I’m so done,” he whispered. “Have a good break, we’ll talk again when you’re back, if it’s not too late for you.” He walked into the crowd of students before I could say something, and I stormed off in the other direction.
The rest of the day was torture. Lucas never showed up to the 2 classes we had together, and time passed excruciatingly slowly, which in turn made me a prisoner to my thoughts. Why did it seem that everyone either thought Ryan was some sort of God, like all the women I came across, or a so called bad guy like Lucas and Brendon? Was it just coincidence that both shared their suspicions with me on the same day? Then something else popped in to my head, a memory from only days ago when Ryan had made it official. The two girls I had encountered in the bathroom asking each other “Do you think she knows?” There was something major I was missing, and I had put it off too long. I had to figure out what Ryan was hiding from me, because obviously something was going on, and it appeared I was the only one who didn’t know it.
I ducked out of my last period and hurried home so that I could have the long overdue conversation in private, but yet again there was another surprise awaiting me at my apartment. As I walked up to my suite, I noticed a large bouquet of flowers, but not just any flowers, they were blue roses, my favourite. I had a flash back of my first official date with Tyler, and him bringing me blue roses and telling me that they were unique, just like me. That was the only reason they were my favourite in the first place, because I didn’t care much for flowers really. But how did Ryan ever figure out? I don’t believe I had told him, but my memory wasn’t so great anyway.
I picked up the small card, expecting to see a message from Ryan, but all it said was “The New Year will be ours.” I picked them up and brought them inside, setting them in a makeshift vase of an empty milk carton before making my phone call.
“Mon ange,” he breathed, picking up before the first ring had even finished.
“Hey Ry,” I said back, enjoying the little flutter in my stomach at his voice. “Thanks for the roses.”
“Roses?” He paused. “Oh, right! Totally forgot about those. I ordered them a week ago as a surprise for your last day of school before the break.”
“You’re so sweet.” I held the phone tight to my ear, revelling in the closeness it made me feel to him. “How did you know I love blue roses?”
“Every girl loves roses,” he said matter of factly. “And I remembered that your favourite colour is blue, so I thought it would be a good idea. I’m glad you like them.”
“I love them, but I’m a bit confused by the card. What do you mean?”
His words seemed a bit cautions when he answered. “What did the card say?”
“You don’t remember?” I found that a bit strange that he didn’t remember what he had put on the card.
“I ordered them a week ago, Val,” he said, sounding a bit irritated. “What did it say?”
“It just says “The New Year will be ours.”
I heard a crash from his end and a slew of cuss words escape his mouth.
“Ry?”
“Shit, sorry. I, uh, I broke something.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yea, fine, just cut my hand. My thoughts are just really preoccupied, especially knowing that you’re coming tonight.” Although I believed it, something in his tone was off. “Right now is not the best time to talk though, mon ange. We’ll have all the time in the world to talk when you get here, okay?”
“I ran into Brendon today,” I said quickly, hoping that it would catch his full attention, which of course, it did.”
“What did he say?” Was that fear I heard behind his normally confident voice?
“That’s what I want to talk to you about. He said something strange that I’ve been putting together with all these other pieces in my head that I’ve been meaning to ask you. Why do so many people keep telling me that you’re bad? Not just for me but bad in general. What are you not telling me?”
“We can talk about that when you get here. I really don’t have time to do this now though, alright mon ange? I promise you’ll get my full attention the second you’re in my arms.”
“No!” I said forcefully, surprising myself. However angry I was with Lucas, he was right about one thing, Ryan did seem to overpower me in a way. I always sat back and let him, but this time, I had to know. “We will talk about this right now or else I will not board that plane and I mean it!”
“Valley,” he mumbled, and a weird sense of recognition washed over me. That nickname sounded familiar, yet Ryan had never called me that before. Perhaps my parents did as a child. Was it a memory? It was certainly possible. The doctors had told me it was, but that it was unlikely. “I am a man of many talents. I am a business man, but at the same time, I am so much more. Yes, I have my secrets, but I keep them to protect you. I will be the first to admit that I am not always a good guy, but I am keeping you safe, I promise you. You are never alone, and no one will ever be able to hurt you. The less you know about what I do, the better it is for the both of us.”
“Okay,” I said, a tad deflated. It had taken me awhile to sum up the courage to start the conversation with him only to find out that he would not tell me anything at all. Perhaps this should have scared me, because he implied that he was keeping me safe from danger, and whatever he was doing must have been dangerous, but strangely it didn’t seem to bother me. As long as he promised I was safe, then I trusted him.
“Don’t be upset with me.”
“I’m not,” I answered truthfully. “I love you.”
I could hear the smile in his voice when he answered “It feels so fucking good to hear that. I love you so much. You are my world. I’ll see you in a few hours, and I’ll be counting every second till then.”
“Goodbye,” I said and was about to hang up when I heard his voice again.
“Do me a favour?”
“Anything.”
There was another pause and his softer voice came through the line. “Don’t ever say goodbye to me. There won’t ever be a goodbye between us. You are it, you are my forever and I don’t ever want to hear that word.”
“Well then what do I say?”
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you, Ryan Ross.”
“And I love you, Valarie Lawrence.”
okies, its a day late but whatever it finally came. I havent stoped writing this, but I needed to distance myself from it for awhile. I needed to figure out how I felt about where it was going and i FINALLY decided on which ending I was going to pick. You smarties will be picking up more clues starting now, so keep your eyes peeled!
love ya!!!
Chapter 14
After lying in bed for a few minutes, I reached over to the night table and grabbed my cell phone, eager to read the text message I knew would be waiting for me. My heart skipped a beat when I saw his name among others on my message list.
“Counting the hours till I see you mon ange.”
I smiled to myself and typed a quick reply before I got up to get my day started. On top of getting myself ready for school, I needed to pack for my trip. Going with Ryan had been a last minute decision, literally. The night before after we had had our little argument, he had gotten a frantic phone call from someone back in LA, and he had taken a red eye. Thanks to the phone call, he had decided that it was time for him to go back to LA, living our newfound relationship in limbo. I was frantic, terrified, and angry.
“I’ll miss you,” I whispered as we stood in front of the security gate. Tears stung my eyes as I pressed myself up onto my toes to kiss him, not knowing when I would be able to do that again.
“I’m sorry,” he said, desperately kissing me back. “I knew this time would come. My whole life is in LA, it was bound to happen.”
“I know,” I cried gently against his chest. “But we haven’t had a chance to work things out yet. I can’t lose you, especially this soon.” I buried my head in his neck and cried harder. “Please don’t leave me!”
“Mon ange, don’t cry.” He pulled my head up and smiled at me. “You’re not losing me, you’ll never lose me.”
“Then don’t go!”
His beautiful smile faltered and he looked down. “I don’t know what else to do. You won’t come live with me and I can’t stay here any longer.”
I was so desperate I almost blurted out that I would do it if it meant staying with him, but I bit my tongue. “You can’t leave like this. There are things that need to be discussed!”
Both of his hands picked up my own and he pulled them against his chest. Ignoring the people watching the scene we were making, he kissed me as if we were the only ones around, and the way my body needed to be with him, how it was begging him to be with me, I wished we were.
“Then come with me,” he panted, pulling away. “We can get everything figured out.”
“But-“
“But nothing, Val. Just come stay with me for the break and we can work out what will happen in the New Year. I can’t stand the thought of being away from you for so long, one night is hard enough. I’ll buy your ticket the second I land and you can be with me tomorrow night! I just-"
“Yes!” I said before he could finish, covering his mouth with my own and damn near jumping into his arms. “I don’t want to be away from you, not like this.”
After I had packed sufficiently and eaten my breakfast, I placed everything by the front door and headed off to school, but not before stopping to grab a coffee just a couple of blocks from my school. As I hurried down the street, hoping to catch Lucas before classes started, I felt an arm gently catch around my elbow. I turned around, slightly scared, and stood face to face with Ryan’s ex roommate.
“Brendon!” I exclaimed, taken off guard by his odd appearance. His hair was dishevelled, and it appeared as though he hadn’t shaved in a few weeks. Not to mention his glasses, which I had never seen before.
“We need to talk,” he said seriously, not daring to look me in the eye.
“I’m kind of on my way to school right now,” I replied shortly, not wanting to talk to him. I noticed both his jaw and his fists clenched as he continued to stare past me.
“There are some things I really have to tell you,” he paused, finally looking at me. “About Ryan.I hear that you guys are pretty serious now and I think you really need to know the truth. He’s not the great guy you think he is.”
What the hell did he possibly have to tell me? I wondered. He and Ryan were no longer friends after what had happened between he and I. “Ryan and I are none of your business,” I spat, suddenly angry at hearing his words. Why would I believe him after the things Ryan had told me about him? He didn’t seem to be a role model of any type.
“I’m not trying to piss you off, I’m trying to do you a favour! He’s not a good guy! If you knew what he was capable of, you’d have nightmares.”
“I’m not going to stand here and listen to your bullshit.” I turned to walk away, but turned back to add, “From what I hear, you’re not such a great guy either. Don’t go messing around in other people’s lives, especially when you’re not even part of them.” I left him alone calling after me, because there were more important things I had to think about, like how I was going to explain myself to Lucas. I was worried about how he was going to react to hearing that I was no longer going on our vacation, and I knew there was a reason I needed to be worried, because he did not take it well at all.
“You’re not fucking serious!” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “You can’t do this! We’re supposed to leave on Sunday and we’ve been planning this trip for half a year!”
“I’m so sorry, Lucas, I really am! But Ryan and I only just got serious and he’s moving back to Los Angeles. We have-“
“What!?” he near yelled, startling me and few people near by. “You’re ditching me for HIM? You promised me that you wouldn’t do this when you two started dating!”
“What did I promise?” I asked, growing agitated already.
“You said that you wouldn’t disappear! But when have you hung out with just me and not mentioned his fucking name in these past couple of months? It’s always Ryan this, Ryan that, Ryan is the best fuck I’ve had. Do you ever stop to consider anyone’s feelings but you’re own!? Oh, wait, I’m sorry, you’re Valarie. You think that you’re the only person who has ever walked the fucking earth. God forbid anyone else has a problem they want to talk to you about. You’re so wrapped up in your own world that you can’t see anything else! Like the fact that your so called boyfriend is a bad man! What are you still doing with him!? It’s been almost a year since Tyler was murdered and you’re on to the next one as if nothing happened! If he could see-”
Before I could stop myself, my hand came up and smacked his cheek loudly, leaving a red mark where my hand had been. I heard a few gasps around us, but I did not care because I was beyond livid, and more so, hurt. Of all people, I would never have expected my so called best friend to throw that in my face. He had been the one who helped me through some of the dark times, who had held me just days after Tyler had disappeared.
“How dare you talk to me like that!” I spat through my teeth. “You are supposed to be my friend! You are supposed to support me because you’re the only family I have left.” Despite myself, I felt a few tears fall down my cheek. “I’m sorry that I’m doing this, but I need to be with him right now. “
I couldn’t guess what he was thinking. His hand was holding his cheek, but his brows were furrowed. Finally, he opened his mouth. “I’m just looking out for you Valarie. That’s all I’ve ever done for you. Ryan is bad news and I don’t want you getting hurt again.”
“I’m old enough to decide things like that. And I’ve never once had any reason to believe that he’s not good for me.” I lowered my voice, knowing that people were still listening to us. When it came to Ryan, it seemed they wanted to know everything. “He’s the love of my life, and I know how wrong that sounds, but I need to go be with him right now. I just have this weird feeling that things worked out the way they did because I was meant to be with him.“
“I can’t listen to you anymore,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but I’m sick of you blowing me off. Nothing has been the same with us since that night because we’ve never talked about it! There are things I need to tell you.”
“What night are you talking about?”
He stepped close to me and whispered, “That night we slept together. We haven’t been the same after that. It never should have happened! We were both smashed and it was the stupidest thing we could have done, and now look what it’s done to us! We don’t talk anymore! How did he suddenly become you’re best friend? Do I mean nothing to you anymore?”
“Of course you do!” I replied without hesitation. “I love you Lucas, you know that! I’d never have gotten better without you, you-“
“We both know that’s not true!” he scoffed. “I didn’t help a fucking bit after the first month. Every weekend you were sharing someone else’s bed. That’s how you decided to help yourself. I tried so fucking hard to pull you out of that hole you dug yourself, but you wouldn’t listen to me. And then in Ryan waltz, and then you’re all better! But it’s all a fucking lie. You’re entire relationship is a lie! He’s not who you think he is! He’s manipulated you into thinking that you’re in love with him, but you’re not! He ruined your life!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about Lucas! He is the best thing to ever happen to me!”
“I’m so done,” he whispered. “Have a good break, we’ll talk again when you’re back, if it’s not too late for you.” He walked into the crowd of students before I could say something, and I stormed off in the other direction.
The rest of the day was torture. Lucas never showed up to the 2 classes we had together, and time passed excruciatingly slowly, which in turn made me a prisoner to my thoughts. Why did it seem that everyone either thought Ryan was some sort of God, like all the women I came across, or a so called bad guy like Lucas and Brendon? Was it just coincidence that both shared their suspicions with me on the same day? Then something else popped in to my head, a memory from only days ago when Ryan had made it official. The two girls I had encountered in the bathroom asking each other “Do you think she knows?” There was something major I was missing, and I had put it off too long. I had to figure out what Ryan was hiding from me, because obviously something was going on, and it appeared I was the only one who didn’t know it.
I ducked out of my last period and hurried home so that I could have the long overdue conversation in private, but yet again there was another surprise awaiting me at my apartment. As I walked up to my suite, I noticed a large bouquet of flowers, but not just any flowers, they were blue roses, my favourite. I had a flash back of my first official date with Tyler, and him bringing me blue roses and telling me that they were unique, just like me. That was the only reason they were my favourite in the first place, because I didn’t care much for flowers really. But how did Ryan ever figure out? I don’t believe I had told him, but my memory wasn’t so great anyway.
I picked up the small card, expecting to see a message from Ryan, but all it said was “The New Year will be ours.” I picked them up and brought them inside, setting them in a makeshift vase of an empty milk carton before making my phone call.
“Mon ange,” he breathed, picking up before the first ring had even finished.
“Hey Ry,” I said back, enjoying the little flutter in my stomach at his voice. “Thanks for the roses.”
“Roses?” He paused. “Oh, right! Totally forgot about those. I ordered them a week ago as a surprise for your last day of school before the break.”
“You’re so sweet.” I held the phone tight to my ear, revelling in the closeness it made me feel to him. “How did you know I love blue roses?”
“Every girl loves roses,” he said matter of factly. “And I remembered that your favourite colour is blue, so I thought it would be a good idea. I’m glad you like them.”
“I love them, but I’m a bit confused by the card. What do you mean?”
His words seemed a bit cautions when he answered. “What did the card say?”
“You don’t remember?” I found that a bit strange that he didn’t remember what he had put on the card.
“I ordered them a week ago, Val,” he said, sounding a bit irritated. “What did it say?”
“It just says “The New Year will be ours.”
I heard a crash from his end and a slew of cuss words escape his mouth.
“Ry?”
“Shit, sorry. I, uh, I broke something.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yea, fine, just cut my hand. My thoughts are just really preoccupied, especially knowing that you’re coming tonight.” Although I believed it, something in his tone was off. “Right now is not the best time to talk though, mon ange. We’ll have all the time in the world to talk when you get here, okay?”
“I ran into Brendon today,” I said quickly, hoping that it would catch his full attention, which of course, it did.”
“What did he say?” Was that fear I heard behind his normally confident voice?
“That’s what I want to talk to you about. He said something strange that I’ve been putting together with all these other pieces in my head that I’ve been meaning to ask you. Why do so many people keep telling me that you’re bad? Not just for me but bad in general. What are you not telling me?”
“We can talk about that when you get here. I really don’t have time to do this now though, alright mon ange? I promise you’ll get my full attention the second you’re in my arms.”
“No!” I said forcefully, surprising myself. However angry I was with Lucas, he was right about one thing, Ryan did seem to overpower me in a way. I always sat back and let him, but this time, I had to know. “We will talk about this right now or else I will not board that plane and I mean it!”
“Valley,” he mumbled, and a weird sense of recognition washed over me. That nickname sounded familiar, yet Ryan had never called me that before. Perhaps my parents did as a child. Was it a memory? It was certainly possible. The doctors had told me it was, but that it was unlikely. “I am a man of many talents. I am a business man, but at the same time, I am so much more. Yes, I have my secrets, but I keep them to protect you. I will be the first to admit that I am not always a good guy, but I am keeping you safe, I promise you. You are never alone, and no one will ever be able to hurt you. The less you know about what I do, the better it is for the both of us.”
“Okay,” I said, a tad deflated. It had taken me awhile to sum up the courage to start the conversation with him only to find out that he would not tell me anything at all. Perhaps this should have scared me, because he implied that he was keeping me safe from danger, and whatever he was doing must have been dangerous, but strangely it didn’t seem to bother me. As long as he promised I was safe, then I trusted him.
“Don’t be upset with me.”
“I’m not,” I answered truthfully. “I love you.”
I could hear the smile in his voice when he answered “It feels so fucking good to hear that. I love you so much. You are my world. I’ll see you in a few hours, and I’ll be counting every second till then.”
“Goodbye,” I said and was about to hang up when I heard his voice again.
“Do me a favour?”
“Anything.”
There was another pause and his softer voice came through the line. “Don’t ever say goodbye to me. There won’t ever be a goodbye between us. You are it, you are my forever and I don’t ever want to hear that word.”
“Well then what do I say?”
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you, Ryan Ross.”
“And I love you, Valarie Lawrence.”
okies, its a day late but whatever it finally came. I havent stoped writing this, but I needed to distance myself from it for awhile. I needed to figure out how I felt about where it was going and i FINALLY decided on which ending I was going to pick. You smarties will be picking up more clues starting now, so keep your eyes peeled!
love ya!!!
Chapter 14
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