FicWad

It was late when I finally passed through the arrival terminal and I was tired, but not tired enough to stop me from dropping my bags and wrapping my arms around the love of my life. He held me tightly as his lips met mine before either of us had said a word, but words could not show how I glad I was to see him and it felt as if he felt the same way. His hand firmly held the back of my head as he deepened our kiss. I struggled to breathe, but that didn't matter to me, I only clung to him more tightly. He was the first to pull away, grinning from ear to ear.

"My Valley Girl," he murmured, kissing my forehead every so lightly as I revelled in the attention he was giving me. I always felt like the world didn't exist with him.

"What?" I giggled at the new nickname that still rang a bell somewhere in the back of my mind. It must have been because of the Sweet Valley High books I read all through summer.

"It's just something I use-I mean I thought of awhile ago. It suits you perfectly."

"What about mon ange?"

"That you are as well." He smiled, but it was a bit off, and I wondered what I had done. I touched the side of his face and frowned.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, kissing the frown line that he tried so hard to hide when I was looking. I remember when we were still in a casual relationship, I would notice once in awhile that he looked at me with sadness, and when he wasn't looking at me, when he didn't notice I was watching, his face resembled what he looked like just then. For a brief moment, his face looked tormented, and he almost looked afraid. My heart clenched to see him in such a state, but when he looked back at me, it was gone, replaced by his heart warming smile.

"Nothing."

I wasn't buying it. "Tell me please," I whispered again, this time against his lips.

He sighed, not in an exasperated way, but sad. "It was a lot harder to be away from you than I expected, even if it was just one night. I didn't like it at all. We need to figure out what we're going to do after these two weeks are over."

I knew the subject would come up, I was just hoping it wouldn't be so damn soon. There was no way, despite my love for him that I was moving in with him, especially if it was a different state. For starters, it really was too soon. I was still adjusting to the new feelings and experiences with him, moving in with him would jut rush everything and make things different. I loved and needed to be with him, and having him so far away terrified me, but being with him every day? No. That was not an option so soon.

"Let's not talk about this now okay? Let's just enjoy the time we have and talk about it when the time comes." I tried to kiss him, but I should have known better. His eyes turned dark and he said, "No!" grabbing the attention of a few others around us. "Is it because I won't want to hear the answer? I don't want to spend the next 2 weeks wondering what the fuck is going to happen when it’s over. I can't live in the now when the future is uncertain."

I could see that I was not going to escape having this conversation, but I was not going to do it in an airport terminal, because he was so right: the things I had to say, he would not like. I picked up my bag and grabbed his hand. "We're not going to talk about this here okay? Can you at least wait until we're in private?"

He grunted and pulled me along. "Whatever you want." I could sense a note of sarcasm in his words that hurt my feelings, perhaps because I wasn't used to him speaking to me like that, so I quietly followed, not bothering to say something hurtful back.

We reached a limo, not really surprising me at this point, and Ryan handed my suitcase to the driver and ushered me inside. I was hoping that I would have time to think of something to say to him before he brought up the conversation, but he pounced the second the door was closed behind him.

"Please tell me that you're not going to go back," he pleaded, losing his angry tone.

"You know that I won't move here Ryan."

"Well what do you stand to lose? There's high school here you can finish! You're estranged from your family. You have nothing left there!"

For the most part, he was right. I knew that the more time I spent with Ryan, the less Lucas would become a part of my life. He could not accept Ryan as a part of me. I couldn't understand why, but he was pretty firm on his decision. And my family, and school, he was even more right. why couldn't I commit? My reason of course was that it was too soon, but I felt like there was something even bigger, and I didn't know exactly what, until Ryan said it.

"It's because of him isn't it?" He said gently. "You feel that if you leave, it’s him you're leaving, am I right?" I sat in silence, realizing that this was exactly true. He continued. "You built a life and memories with him in that apartment. And you're afraid that by moving away, you're leaving him behind and forgetting him. Valley, he's always going to be with you, whether I like it or not, he'll always be a part of you. Moving does not mean that you have to forget him." His voice had an edge to it that I ignored, because I knew that he was right, but it really was too soon.

"Even if that is true, don't you understand that it’s too soon for me? The last person I lived with was my husband. The last person I woke up to every day was him! We still have steps in between a short while of dating and moving in together."

"What?" He cried. "Tell me what things? We've already told each other that we love the other! What are we missing?"

"I don't know!" I said flustered, realizing that I had backed myself into a corner. "I don't know okay! What I do know is that it’s just too soon for me! I can't handle this pressure. You knew that my answer was no so why did you bring it up again? Why did you bring me all the way here just to argue?"

"I just thought..." he trailed off, leaving me to finish that sentence in my head.

"You brought me out here because you thought that once I was here I wouldn't want to leave? You thought you could convince me to stay didn't you?" His silence gave me the answer I already knew. "You are so fucking unbelievable" I muttered, crossing my arms and moving away from him. "I am not someone who can be manipulated into doing what's best for you. Let's get that straight right now. Just because I am now you're girlfriend does not meant that I am your property and something to be toyed with. I do what I want. If something in this relationship is wrong, then we both work on it. Compromise, no manipulation. Am I clear?"

"I'm sorry if I had any wrong intentions, but I can't and won't lose you over this. I've worked so hard to get you to love me, and distance will not be the thing that drives us apart Valarie." He was angry again, his face flushed red as he delivered his words. "Do not tell me that we can't make this work."

"Ryan," I sighed gently. "It’s not as if we won't ever see each other again. We're only a state away, I can come see you on weekends or you can come see me. We will make this work. You are not going to lose me. I don't see why you are constantly bringing this up."

"Because I lost you once and I can't go through that again!" He yelled so abruptly and loudly that his words did not sink in right away. Both of us sat in a stunned silence as the driver pulled away from the curb.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered, my voice almost inaudible. Then, quite unexpectedly, his eyes filled with tears and he responded, "I guess it's time I tell you everything I know." But he did not continue, instead, he broke down, crying loudly against the leather seat, and I slid over to wrap him in my arms.

"What's wrong!?" I cooed in his ear, rubbing his back. He did not answer, but gently clung to me and cried softly the duration of the drive. I felt it best not to say anything so I held him, kissing his head or cheeks every so often. He pulled himself together enough to thank the driver and help move the luggage to the lobby of an apartment building. I knew better than to say anything there, so I waited patiently as we entered the elevator. As the doors closed, I reached over and took his hand in mine and whispered, "I love you." Without missing a beat, he whispered back "I've loved you since forever."