FicWad

Categories > Books > Harry Potter

Reviews

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) Cerindipity 2010-08-30

  Has it come to this? Are FicWad readers so desperate for smut that they are willing to give a positive review and/or rating to anything that contains some variation of the phase "Harry groaned in pleasure as (random HP female character) wrapped her lips around his throbbing (slang or euphemism for penis)."
  It must be because there is no other explanation as to why anyone would leave a positive review or rating for weigancw's Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela. The story hits upon nearly every cliché in fanfiction. The improper punctuation and style shows the author doesn't have a grasp on basic writing skills. There is a major error in the dates listed. Important plot points are glanced over. And most damning of all, the smut is poorly written and dull.
  
  
  
  As a side note: who the hell misspells "asshole?" Seriously, weigancw wrote "asswhole." That speaks volumes.
  

  Author's response

  Cerindipity I have to say all of your stories are written well. Not. You have not written a single story. You do not have the right to be so disrespectful. Additionally I have Aspbergers and writing is not exactly my specialty. Finally if you don't like it don't read it.

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) Jden 2010-08-31

  Yes there are problems with the story but the author is trying to improve it. I, for one, have no problem with attempting to give encouragement since the author is attempting to at least give a couple of twists to the story.
  
  Cerindipity, I can only assume you do not try to wade through the slash fest of fanfiction very often. With all it's problems this story is superior to a great many posted there which have large following of posters (damned if I know why unless their all unsane).

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) brawlingjohn 2010-08-31

  I do have a problem encouraging this. Aspberger's has nothing to do with your writing so keep that to yourself, douchefag.
  
  I agree with Cerindipity completely, and hope that you'll at least attempt to come up with a coherent storyline that consists of more than a bunch of chicks throwing themselves at a guy that the author wishes he was.

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) Jden 2010-09-02

  Hmm goes immediately to name calling and petty, childish insults and expects to be taken seriously.

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) mahjong 2010-09-05

  Right, because we're going to take someone with your apparent problems with both grammar and spelling seriously. He has a point, both about the disease and about the story.

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) Maxtaf 2010-09-16

  Cerindipity and brawlingjohn,
  
  So smug in your superiority. You two produce nothing on this site, you log on, paying nothing for the privilege, yet you whine when someone who is trying to write a story doesn't meet your high standards. At least he's trying to contribute something other than vitriol. He had the courage to write something, and to put it up here for you to sneer at. You two either can't write yourselves, or you are too cowardly to put your own work up for review. Grow up, and grow a pair.
  
  Oh, and dyslexia and Aspergers are often found together. I know. My son has both. So he can be excused for misspelling Aspergers. You cannot.
  
  Now, having said that, weigancw, I will grant that your story does need a fair amount of work. You do have an interesting premise, and even a few rare elements in a fairly cliched story type. Your core is OK, what needs work is how you tell it.
  
  Much less sex. Unless you are just writing PWP, too much sex gets in the way of the story.
  
  
  Much more dialogue. Take the time to stop for conversations. Most of us readers would rather read overly descriptive dialogue and excessive descriptions, than too little. It makes your story feel like Cliff's Notes. And don't just restrict it to the harem members. Dialogue with everyone, including internal dialogue (thoughts).
  
  (I know it is hard to read your own work objectively, so try this. Read this fic : http://www.ficwad.com/story/125924 . It is called Parsel by stargatesg1fan1. It is a great concept, and a cool story. It just reads like it's on fast forward. And it has the same kind of feel that yours does.)
  
  Get a beta reader or three. I understand the weird spelling and stuff. As I said, I have a son who does the same thing. But you can get a beta reader who can catch the things you can't see.
  
  A good beta can also help guide your thoughts on the story, and can help you bring the story in your head out onto paper.
  
  As I said before, you have a good story idea. But if you want to make it better, try some of the things I've suggested.
  
  I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with this.
  
  Maxtaf

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) Balquao 2010-09-16

  This story doesn't just need improvement, it needs to be re-worked completely.
  
  The spacing, grammar, and spelling are non-existent. The PWP is childish, unrealistic, and lacks even the most basic ability to convey passion to the reader. The storyline is a lot like the PWP and manages to come off even more surrealistically.
  
  As for the whole Aspergers debate...Seriously!? If you want to get sympathy and/or a pass because you have a disease, post this somewhere where the people will be sympathetic like Maxtaf up there. The DLP crew uses this site, and I, for one, would love to see the response to this.

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) keegan 2010-09-19

  Balquao for the win! I agree with that completely^^^^

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) ImNotRomeo 2010-09-25

  This fic seriously sucks. And I do mean seriously. Childish, illiterate, plot-less, and juvenile. Do I need to continue?
  
  To quote brawlingjohn: "I agree with Cerindipity completely, and hope that you'll at least attempt to come up with a coherent storyline that consists of more than a bunch of chicks throwing themselves at a guy that the author wishes he was."

• Harry Potter and the Harem of Veela

  (#) EvilGenius 2011-11-18

  I know it's cliche… but it's just so damn cool. I look forward to the next chapter.

Sign up to review this story.