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RENJI

I settled into my cot, wondering if Tessai was ever going to leave. He stood vigilant in the corner, his glasses glinting, as if he was waiting on my command. I wanted to sleep and he was making me incredibly nervous.
"Tessai?" I asked. He didn't move.
"Yes?" he answered. I wasn't sure if I even saw his mouth move.
"Go away?"
His moustache twitched, and he disappeared. Problem solved.
I rolled over restlessly, staring out the window. The moonlight was soft, light blue, filtering in and reflecting off Zabimaru's blade. What was I going to do if another Espada showed up? What if Rukia pulled something else like hitting Michiru?
That was considered an offense against another officer, and Rukia had already been the center of a lot of trouble. She didn't need to be in a mess like that again. In fact, she didn't need to be in a mess, period. I wasn't going to save her this time.
I reached over to my goggles, making sure the live feed was turned off for the night. The Research Department didn't need to watch me sleep. I wondered how they were evaluating Michiru by what they had seen. Or if they were evaluating me.
If they were evaluating me, I was probably in trouble, too. I handled the Wonderweiss situation poorly. If Grimmjow and Shawlong were to come back, I wasn't sure what I would do. It wasn't a question of my strength, it was a question of my planning. Poor planning.
I was disappointed in myself.
And what had I done to Michiru?
Had I been too harsh to her? No, I told myself. I did the right thing. She had better things to do than worry about me, and I didn't want her to fall behind because of me. She was too talented to let anything or anyone stand in her way.
Was I really that much of a distraction, though?
I was an Asisstant Captain, and a rather handsomeone at that. But really. What was it that she found so appealing? She was rather attractive herself, but I didn't want to get twisted up in something like that. I didn't want the emotional attachment. The baggage associated with having a lover.
Lover.
The word brought my mind to a halt, and I struggled to make myself think. What was a lover? What constituted love, or loving someone? I hadn't really ever given it thought. Captain Kuchiki had a wife, and so did Kaien Shiba.
When I thought of Shiba, I realised why I had shrugged off the possiblilty of a mate. When Shiba's wife was killed, it ultimately led to his demise. He couldn't let the Hollow go, and it killed him.
I didn't want that emotional entrapment of losing a loved one.
But Michiru. She was so beautiful, so innocent. But determined, and in her own way, confident. She was talented, and highly intelligent. I forced myself to not think of her, to ignore her. But I couldn't. I couldn't forget her, no matter how hard I tried.
She was definitely something special to the Soul Society, but I couldn't understand why she was so distracting. What was it about her that caught my attention?
I didn't know, and at this point, I didn't care. I dragged the sheets over my head, hoping that maybe in the morning she would be gone.

I couldn't be so lucky. Kisuke woke me, shoving my shoulder with his sandals. "Abarai! Up! Hitsugaya is calling a meeting. Up!" he shouted, forcing me to sit up. "C'mon. Now."
I swatted at him. "What does he want?" I asked sleepily, reaching for my robe.
"Emergency. He says Yamamoto contacted him early this morning, something about Aizen and his plan. C'mon downstairs."
He disappeared, so I threw on my robe, not bothering with anything else. Aizen had most likely let information leak just so we'd be up in arms; we were comical to him, and less of a challenge than a bump in the road. But threats weren't taken lightly, and whatever information Hitsugaya had was more than likely very important.
The underground room was silent. I noticed that Akon was standing by Hitsugaya, clutching a clip board, pointing to things that seemed to be important. Hitsugaya's face was blank. Shocked. And Akon seemed even more concerned than usual.
Hitsugaya noticed me enter, shaking his head. "This is not good, Abarai," he began. "We need support."
"Why? What's going on?" I asked, concerned. Hitsugaya worried was not a good sign.
"The Department of Research and Development has documented a change in the Hueco Mundo. Things are moving. Changing." He motioned for Akon to hand him the clip board.
"Changing how...?"
He moved to my side, pointing at a chart. "The number of Espadas has doubled. See the change in the levels?"
The graph looked awful. It dipped only once, then the line shot to the near top. "But there were only ten. What happened?"
"I don't know. Neither does Research."
For the first time in such a long, long time, I was scared. Honestly afraid of what these Espadas could do. There were only 10 Captains left, and Momo and Izuru were in no condition to fight. Yachiru was virtually useless because of her size, and Ukitake was getting to sick to help. What in the world could we do?
Rukia and Ichigo were close behind me, Rukia immediately coming to my side to peer at the clip board. "What is it?" she asked, Ichigo looking over my shoulder.
"Espadas multiplying is what it is," I muttered.
"By how many?"
"Doubling."
She gasped. I didn't blame her-- this was beyond shocking.
Rangiku, Orihime, and Michiru finally came in, Orihime still in pajamas. Rangiku nearly ran to Hitsugaya's side. The room fell silent except for their frantic murmuring.
Then, true silence. Not one of us knew what to say, or how to respond. Even Hitsugaya was nervous. He shifted uneasily, his eyes darting from face to face. But there was one presence in the room that was calm.
Michiru was silent, contemplating, staring over my shoulder at the chart. I offered her the chart, and she studied it for a moment as if she could come up with the solution.
"We should go back. Gather help," Hitsugaya started. "There's no way, if he was to--"
"No." Michiru said it calmly. "That's probably what Aizen wants us to do, if you really think about it."
Hitsugaya rounded on her. "Don't question me," he snapped, glaring up at her. "Do you think I don't know this?"
"Do you want to make the predictable move, Captain? Do you want to help him set the trap??" she asked frantically. "Captain, please."
"Do. Not. Assume that-"
I suddenly felt defensive. Angry, even. I snagged Hitsugaya by his shihakusho, yanking him out of Michiru's face. "Let her talk, Captain," I growled. His eyes narrowed.
"Watch your place, Abarai," he muttered.
I nodded to Michiru to continue, and she squirmed. Scared. "He... Aizen probably expects us to go straight back to the Seireiti for help. Which puts every officer and captain directly in his path. It would be too convenient. Too easy for him to just drop all twenty Espadas and let them go wild. Not to mention how many Arrancars there already are, and how difficult they are to handle in groups. All of us in one place would be dangerous, and I think that if we need reinforcements then we need to spread them out evenly. That way Aizen will be less likely to send them all at once, and we can handle them in small numbers."
"What if he sends them all at once anyway? Did you consider that being divided could really be a dangerous option??" Hitsugaya complained. "I fail to see your logic, student. And remember, you're still a student, and you have no place in the Seireiti's plans."
She sighed, looking to Rangiku for a suggestion. Rangiku shrugged. She was obviously just as angry at Hitsugaya as I was, and she glared at him darkly.
"What's got you so jealous, Hitsugaya?" Ichigo asked. "Seriously. What did she do but make a suggestion? A good one at that. And personally, I think you'd better listen, because this is the "student" that saved mine and Abarai's asses out there. And maybe you weren't there to see it but I don't care." Hitsugaya turned on him, his jaw clenched in anger. "If she's as good of a fighter as I think she is, you'd better start treating her as an equal, because I think she's going straight to a captain's slot."
Ichigo stood his ground, hand on Zabimaru's hilt, glaring down at Hitsugaya. For a moment, the tension was suffocating. Hitsugaya was cornered and he knew it. He had no more logic to use and even if he did, everyone was on Michiru's side.
"Fine. We stay here," he growled. "But at the first sign of anything we can't handle, we're heading back. Immediately."
But then, I noticed something. There weren't enough of us here. "Where's Ikkakku and Yumichika?" I asked.
"They're patrolling. Said they didn't need to come," Rangiku said. "Which sounds normal."
"Go back to your...positions, people," he ordered. "We're awaiting orders from Yamamoto."
Ichigo and Rukia were already gone. I turned, ready to leave, when Rangiku pulled me to the side.
"I think you owe Michiru a thank you and an apology," she said quietly. "You were a little harsh with her."
"I wasn't, Rangiku, and I'll decide that," I said, shrugging her off. "She has to know her place."
"Renji, be careful with her then. Please. She really just wants to impress you."
"I don't want to be impressed. And drop it."
She sighed. Michiru noticed, though, that Rangiku was glancing over her shoulder as we were talking. She caught on.
Michiru glanced at me nervously, tugging the front of her shirt. Which I noticed was different.
And her hair, braided down her back instead of hanging loose. The black shirt, the white jeans, all of it accentuated what was already beautiful about her. She stared back at me, confused, her grey eyes flickering from my face to Rangiku's. She knew we were talking about her.
Rangiku nudged me. "Either stop staring and get over this, or say something to her. I know the way you're looking at her and I've seen it before. Do something, Renji, because if you don't, you're going to make yourself sick over this. And you know you were harsh on her. You know it. I'm done." She turned, motioning for Michiru and Orihime to follow.
For once in my life, I began to feel as if Rangiku was right.

The weather was drab, with a low cloud cover over Karakura town. I found myself back in the park. Sitting on the same bench, wishing that I hadn't come here. I knew that it was desperation, that I wanted to remove that night by tearing apart the scenario.
I could still see her there, sitting next to me, her long hair falling over her shoulders. I could see the expression on her face when I walked off, her confusion, and I felt terrible. She had admitted to me that she loved me, and I put her down.
Had I broken her? She was so fragile, and she only wanted to feel accepted by me. What had I done?
What did I want?
I didn't have time to think about it. My mind was already on her, already thinking about her beautiful face, her body, even her power. Standing between Hitsugaya and Michiru told me so much about how strong she was--her pressure overpowered Hitsugaya's by leaps and bounds.
I knew what I wanted. I couldn't bring myself to question it, couldn't make myself deny it. I wanted to resist and to tell myself no, but I couldn't. It was almost a physical effort. It hurt deep in my chest, made my throat clench. I couldn't deny it.
As much as I wanted to just enjoy it, I couldn't make myself. I knew this was a bad situation, and that there was no way Byakuya could find out about it. He would never approve. And I wasn't entirely sure that I could keep it secret. If Rangiku had seen through me that quickly, then Byakuya would figure it out the moment he saw me.
I had never felt so helpless.