FicWad

We left the ranch riding our horses. Of course we didn’t leave until we found Zucchini, who was hiding under a tree that was far away from the stables. Malon also asked us to find her father for she says he was exiled from the ranch to Kakariko Village a long time ago. We also promised to her that we would fix the stables and that damn fence. However, Malon said that she sent Link and I a present for saving the ranch, which was sent directly to his tree house. He, of course, wanted to rush there and see it, but we had work to do.
Of course it didn’t take us too long to reach Kakariko Village. We tied our horses to the tree by the entrance and started up the flight of stairs. Lux, Zucchini, Coffee Bean, and the Growlithe followed us up the stairs. It was then that I noticed a different feeling in the atmosphere, like a dark feeling and I felt a chill go down my spine as the light of the sun disappeared quickly. I looked above me and saw that, instead of a blue sky, dark grey clouds were in masses in the air. There was no rain, however.
We came to the entrance and saw what had become of Kakariko Village since we had last seen it seven years ago. That annoying construction was over and there were no longer guys running around with lumber and yelling various things. I couldn’t see the buildings quite yet, so I walked forward a little, not paying attention to Link at all.
From what I could see, there was a new building that was made of bricks, but I couldn’t see much more. I knew that there would be time to explore the new Kakariko Village, so I didn’t go too far forward. The village was just so busy now with an abundance of people running around. Some were older versions of the Castle Town folk. This just made me rather happy that most of the citizens around the Castle Town made evacuated safely and didn’t become one of those zombie creatures that Link and I had encountered when we came out of the Temple of Time.
“What’s wrong?” Link asked me and I looked back and smiled a little.
“Oh nothing,” I said, “but time sure does fly, you know?”
Link let out a small, nervous smile and began to walk forward with me. The grass was actually dry, so below us I could hear the crunching of each blade of grass. Despite being so vibrant now, the village seemed a little depressing and I could see that emotion in the citizen’s eyes. Something had happened, or was happening, but both Link and I had to get up to Death Mountain as quickly as possible, after we found Talon of course.
“So, where do you suppose Talon is?” Link asked.
“Uh, probably sleeping somewhere,” I said smartly as I looked at the buildings. Instead of being a knight for Hyrule, I suddenly wished that I was a super hero, like the ones that were in comic books back at home. That way I could have X-ray v ision and see inside the buildings, instead of going around and asking where this lazy guy was.
Since the building was new, I had a hunch that Talon was sleeping in it or maybe it was his new home, so I directed Link over to the place. However above the door was a sign that said something about a bazaar and some sort of archery competition. Suddenly, a drunken man came out of the bazaar with a keg of beer. He was hairy and dirty looking, but we knew for a fact that he wasn’t Talon.
“Must not be in there,” I said, so I redirected Link and the gang towards the building beside it, which seemed like a quaint, little home. We walked up a small set of stairs and I reach for the door knob and the door completely broke off the hinges. I shrugged my shoulders and walked in to see a bunch of cobwebs. Spiders, beside ladders, were my biggest fear, so I ran out and never looked back.
“What was in there?” Link asked as I kicked the door and shook a little. I felt like there were cobwebs all over me, but I didn’t even walk in to the building.
“Um, absolutely nothing,” I said and I smiled.
I went back down that small set of stairs and decided to go to a bigger looking house that was across from the bazaar. I decided to knock, just to be polite and I heard some rather thick, heavy footsteps and a little voice say, “Coming!”
The door came open rather quickly and standing there was an obese woman with very thick lips. “Oh my,” she said and she pinched my cheeks, “you’re a cute young lady. You must be here to help me find my doggie, Richard!”
“Uh, who?” I asked hesitantly.
The woman sighed and said, “Back before Lord Dragmire became out new king, there was a terrible flood and it swept my Richard away. He was an amazing pooch and I miss him…so…” and then that fat lady started to cry. These weren’t just normal tears however; they were big, huge fat woman tears. If she cried the way she was now when she lost her dog, she probably contributed more to the flood than I did.
“How old was Richard when he disappeared?” I asked.
“He was-was…seven years old,” the woman said, “but for an older dog, he sure was amazing.”
Seven years old? I thought to myself. If the damn dog was seven at that time, it would mean, if he was still alive anyway, that he would be fourteen. In this whole medieval setting that Hyrule was in, there was no way that dogs were taken care of the way they were back at home. There was no way Richard would have survived to be fourteen, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her that.
“Well, I will be sure to keep an eye out for him,” I said. “I’m travelling all over Hyrule anyway. I’ll be sure to spot him somewhere.”
The woman then gave me a huge hug and her boobs squished my face. I couldn’t hear much but a couple of muffled ‘Thank yous’ but I sure felt like I was suffocating. When she dropped me, I began to breathe slowly to catch my breath, for I didn’t want to breathe heavily and be rude and all.
I suddenly came up with a plan and said, “I’ll help you find your pup if you help me find someone.”
“Why sure, sweetie,” the woman said. “What is it?”
“Well, I have a friend and she’s a girl about my age,” I said. “Her name is Malon and she is the co-owner of Lon Lon Ranch. Her father, the main owner, was said to be banished here and his name is Talon.”
“Oh, Talon?” the woman said and her face brightened again. “I know that man. He came to me one night about four years ago. He reminded me of Richard, so I took him in. I even let him sleep in Richard’s bed.”
“Wait,” I said, “his bed?”
“Yes, I gave my Richard his own full size bed. Don’t you know that beautiful dogs need their own bed? You’re silly.”
“Yeah, anyway, can you please let me see Talon?”
The woman moved from the opening and showed me the way in. I looked back at Link, Lux, Coffee Bean, and Growlithe, who just stood there. Because Coffee Bean and Growlithe were dogs, I motioned Link to just stay outside. I didn’t want for those two to cause this obese lady to have a rush of emotions.
She led me into her small, but cozy home and in the corner, on a rather huge dog bed, was Talon, who was doing what he always did: sleeping. He was curled up on this round dog bed like he was a dog himself and I noticed that he was even hairier than usual. It looked like he hadn’t shaved in ages.
“I’ll feel bad to see the little guy go,” the woman said. “It gets lonely here, sometimes. I do know that I won’t miss his eating habits and that dreadful smell he has. My Richard never smelled as vile as this man does.”
Now that she mentioned it, Talon did have a terrible odor emitting from his body. By the looks of it, he probably hadn’t showered in a while either. I didn’t want to poke him with my naked finger, so I grabbed a shovel that was against the wall and poked him with the blunt, wooden end. He dove right up and started to look around.
“Now who did that?” he said and then his eyes met mine. He looked angry for a second, but soon his face lightened up. “Hey, I know you,” he said and he gave me a huge hug. During this hug, my lungs were being crushed while the body odor from this man’s armpits burned my nostrils.
He dropped me a minute or so later and actually started to cry. “My ranch has been given to Ingo and Ganondorf has taken it over and I don’t know what to do!”
“Well Talon, Link and I already took care of it,” I said. “We came back here to tell you that Malon would really like you back to help out around the ranch.”
“Really?” Talon said with a brightened face. “My gosh, I better go then. Thanks!”
Talon then took off, running faster than I had ever seen him run. Usually he was sloth like and always sleeping, but I started to feel a little light hearted. Maybe Ganondorf taking Lon Lon Ranch would help Talon realize just how lucky he was to have a nice ranch home with a well-known ranch, so maybe he would start to take care of the thing a little bit. I smiled as I watched him run right out of Kakariko Village.
“Thanks for the help,” I said to the fat lady and I told her to take care and I walked out of the home.
Link was waiting outside and looked a little baffled. “Was that Talon that I just saw running?” he asked.
“Yeah actually,” I said, “I told him to go back to the ranch because it was safe. Anyway, we got some stuff to take care of right now, so let’s get up to Death Mountain.”
Link nodded and we made our way up a set of stairs that were attached to some land. Some girl in a green shirt was patting her knees and asking for items. I would’ve helped her out, but we needed to move. What we also noticed was that two new shops were in Kakariko Village. Of course, they weren’t entirely new for they were once located at the Castle Town area, but they were in new buildings.
On the right of me was the potion shop that I had gone into seven years ago. I flirted with a guy named Matt, who ran the store, and I wondered how he was and all. I pondered on leaving Link outside and going in, but it might have hurt me a little seeing Matt after so long. This whole seven years difference was pretty depressing anyway, I didn’t want to make it even more of a downer.
We passed the gate that lead to Death Mountain and the terrain went from grass to dirt and crag rather quickly. Growlithe went a little ahead of the group and started to sniff. He seemed to be smiling, which I could understand. This must have been his home and must have missed it when he somehow ended up in Lon Lon Ranch. Who even knew where he was before then?
Unlike seven years ago, there weren’t any random rocks rolling down the hills of Death Mountain. They had created a smooth path over seven years, so the walk wasn’t as rocky as before, but those annoying spider things were still jumping around like idiots. I just slashed them with my, alongside Link. They were terribly annoying, but not really that big of a deal.
The rocks didn’t slow us down like they had when we were kids, so we were able to reach the Goron Village quicker than usual. The welcome gate was extremely beat up, so a sort of fear went through my head. Something didn’t seem right and I was afraid to walk in. I thought it was a bit odd that Link and I didn’t see any Gorons standing around on the Death Mountain path.
We walked in and it seemed quiet, but I heard a small yelp and heard a rolling sound immediately after. I walked a little more towards the end of the third floor and saw a Goron all balled up and it was rolling around in a circle. It looked like it was on the second floor and I was certain that it was the one that made the yelp sound.
“Where are all the Gorons?” Link asked and I looked to see the Growlithe sniffing.
“I’m afraid that the only one left is that coward down there,” I said and I pointed to the rolling Goron with the blade of my sword. “I couldn’t tell you how that guy survived but the others died…”
“They’re not dead…” Link said quietly. “Do you think they’re dead, Ashley?”
“Nah, nothing could’ve taken out all of the Gorons that lived here,” I said. “Maybe most of ‘em are hiding somewhere.”
I didn’t feel too strong about that statement, but I needed to say something to reassure Link and myself that everything was okay.
I wanted to figure out whom that lone Goron was down on the second floor, so I took the group down there. This Goron was rolling really fast, so I wasn’t quite sure how we were going to stop him. Every time one of us tried to approach it, it would just turn around and roll the other way.
We decided to team up and Link approach it one way and I approach it the other, just to throw him off. Fortunately for me, the Goron came to me first and took off speeding towards Link and knocked him down on his ass. The Goron rolled over him, which I swear it looked like Link was beaten up by a giant bread roll. The Goron rolled on while Link sat up and scratched his head. I felt a bit sympathetic, so I came and helped him up. For some reason, Zucchini was watching the Goron intensely.
I dragged Link to a small indent in the wall so he wouldn’t get ran over again. I looked over at Zucchini and said, “Hey boy, what’s wrong?”
Zucchini glanced at me, but didn’t move his head. Something was wrong. Growlithe even began to growl. Suddenly, there was this rumbling that shook my whole body. Growlithe started to bark and I looked back at Lux and saw sparks come out of his cheeks. The rumbling grew louder and more furious and then, piercing my ears, was a loud screech, a screech that I had heard at Lon Lon Ranch.
“Watch out!” I heard and all of a sudden, I saw something and felt something different. What I saw was the long, snake like dragon that I had run into on Lon Lon Ranch. However, what I felt was an immense pain as that stupid Goron bowled over all of us and it had its arms out, which I had never seen before. It used its arms to scoop all of us up and it kept going, making us run into packs of dirt. The dirt was pretty touch, but we were able to burst through it. He stopped and we ended up in a room, which had a fireplace and a table. There were also scraps of metal. This must have been a blacksmith area in the Goron Village.
I stood up as soon as the Goron stopped. It balled up though, and I noticed it was shaking badly. I wanted to look out and see where that dragon was, but we went far downhill, so I couldn’t see anything. I quickly checked to make sure that the Goron scooped up all of us and it actually did. I wondered who this Goron was, so I approached it.
When I got close, it shouted, “Don’t touch me! I know you’re here to take me. Ganondorf might have gotten the whole village, but you won’t take me you bastard.”
“Uh,” I said and I was a bit speechless. I didn’t really know what to say. “My name is, well, Ashley Brandt…I’m here to awaken the Sage of Fire or whatever you call it.”
“Ashley Brandt?” it said, its voice a bit muffled. “Do you know the hero by the name of Link?”
I looked back at Link, who was still a bit out of it and said, “Yeah, he’s actually right here.”
The Goron sprung up and had this huge smile on his face. “Are you two here to help me?” he asked.
“Well, it depends on what you need help with,” I said, “but most likely, yes.”
“I need help defeating Volvagia,” the Goron said.
“Who’s Volvagia?” I asked.
The Goron shivered and then said, “Volvagia is an ancient dragon that feeds on Gorons. He was defeated many years ago by my great-great-great-great-great grandfather. He was a great man, at least from what I heard. Anyway, about a week or so ago, Ganondorf came to the village to see my father, Darunia because he wanted my father to step down and let Ganondorf use the Gorons for slave labor, which Ganondorf said we would be working to fill back up Lake Hylia to close off this temple from a group of people. Gorons sink and die in water, though, but Ganondorf didn’t care. My father refused to release the village to him, so Ganondorf went to Death Mountain and awoke the great Volvagia and Volvagia came in and grabbed a bunch of Gorons at a time and now I’m the only one.”
“Where’s Darunia?” I asked quickly.
“Well, after Volvagia appeared, my father decided to do something rash. He took the Megaton Hammer, which my ancestor used to kill Volvagia the first time, and went in the middle of Death Mountain to take him down…but that was two days ago and Volvagia is still alive. I think my father is dead.”
Light bulb, I thought. Darunia, I assumed, was the next sage I needed to reawaken. I mean, there were tons of Gorons that were probably dead, but Darunia seems to be a tough, important guy and I also assumed that the Goddesses would pick reliable sages. Darunia would be the best choice.
“I think Link and I can help you,” I said and the Goron’s face brightened. He started to tear up a bit while he told me his long story, so his brightened face made me feel a lot better. “By the way, what’s your name?”
“Link,” he said.
“Wha-“ Link moaned as he came back to earth.
“Is that him?” Link the Goron asked and he looked rather excited and I nodded, which made him jump around and look like he was going to piss himself. “Oh Mr. Link,” he shouted and he actually ran over to Link, “I’m your biggest fan. My Poppa told me all about you. He said you saved the Goron race from famine.”
That was true, seeing that I was busy in Gerudo Valley at the time. I was flying solo; trying to uncover more dirt about Ganondorf. I probably wasn’t remembered by anyone nor did I have any Goron girls or boys named after me. It was a shame, but I would get over it.
“What’s your name?” Link said a bit wearily.
“My name is Link!” he yelled excitedly. “My Poppa named me after you. He said that you were a great hero! I waited so long for you to return so I could meet you! My Poppa said you would return someday and here you are!”
Link had pretty much came to since Link the Goron pounced on him and how ‘famous’ Link was. This Goron seemed a little weird, like he wasn’t very strong. I had a feeling that he was a rather ‘special’ Goron, like he didn’t fit in. Regardless, he was going to be oodles of help to Link and I.
“Link,” I said, which caused both to look at me, “er, I mean, Goron Link. Where exactly does Volvagia come out?”
“Volvagia comes out of two places sometimes,” Link the Goron said. “Sometimes, he enters the village by going through my Poppa’s throne room. Other times he will come straight out of the volcano in Death Mountain to try and find Gorons that may have left the village.”
“Interesting,” I said and I became indulged in thought. If Link and I could somehow lure this dragon to come out of his hiding place, we could benefit greatly. I wanted to lure him out through the volcano, so if a battle took place, we would have more room to fight Volvagia. Goron Village was rather dinky compared to the open space of Death Mountain.
“Do you have an idea?” Link asked.
“Do I ever,” I said with a smile. “Here’s what I have come up with as of now-“ and I took a stick on the side and started to rub it in the dirt to create a visual for everybody. “Now,” I said and I drew a line, “at the opening of Death Mountain trail, before the entrance and where you can see that downhill area to Dodongo’s Cavern, we will set up a little wall. Then,” I continued and I drew a small circle about 6 inches away from the wall, “one of us, whether it be Link, uh, Link the Goron, or I, will act as a Goron to lure Volvagia out of his volcano. Of course, we’ll have to yell a lot, but if we can fish him out, we have a chance to get him outside of his area.”
“So we’re going to fish him out by putting ourselves in danger by being the lure?” Link asked.
“Yeah, basically?” I said and Link the Goron began to shake.
“And since I’m the easiest one to be a Goron, I must be the bait,” Link the Goron said and he started to tear up again.
“Well, I’ll automatically say that you’re out,” I said. “I mean, you are the last heir to the Goron Village throne, so we can’t put you in any danger. And, by law, I am a girl, so that rules me out of being the bait, so that only leaves Link over here.”
“Wait, what laws says that,” Link said and his eyes were wide. “There’s absolutely no law that says that.”
“Maybe there isn’t,” I said, “but it’s the polite thing to do, you know?”
“You’re kidding?” Link said.
“But Mr. Link,” Link the Goron said, “I thought you were a brave hero. You can’t leave all of the hard work to a damsel. You’re supposed to be tough and strong.”
“Yeah Link,” I said with a smile, “tough and strong.”
Link glared at me, but said, “Alright, I’ll be the bait. But you owe me one, Ash.”
I smirked and was going to tease Link a little, but Link the Goron said, “By the way, if you two are planning on going into the volcano or the Fire Temple and stuff, you’re going to need a different set of clothes.”
“What do you mean?” I asked and I was a bit curious. Despite being the tomboy I was, I absolutely loved to get new clothes, especially clothes that didn’t include the green tunic and that annoying floppy hat, even though I wasn’t sure where Max would go if I didn’t have that dumb hat.
“The volcano and the Fire Temple are extremely hot and you need a certain garb to stay alive,” Link the Goron said. “I can set you both up with a complementary pair of these clothes, but we first need to make sure that Volvagia isn’t still out there, terrorizing the village.”
“I’m on that one,” I said as I unsheathed my sword. I walked slowly up the ramp and fortunately, Volvagia was nowhere to be found. “All clear!” I yelled down the ramp and the group began to file out.
Link the Goron led us down some stairs to the main floor, where the shop and the throne room were located. There used to be a huge pot with a Goron face on it that rolled around, but that was gone. Goron Village was much colder and lonelier than it was seven years ago. I shivered as we walked into the empty shop, which never really had anything in it anyways, so I wasn’t too upset about it.
Link the Goron walked behind the counter and used a key to unlock a cabinet. I peeked over Link to try and see what was in store for us in that cabinet, but he was too tall. Link had a smile on his face though, so the stuff must have been good.
Unfortunately, when Link the Goron held up these clothes, I realized that I wasn’t really in for a big surprise. These clothes looked just like our regular clothes, except they were red and the damn floppy hat was included with matching colors.
“These are Goron tunics,” Link the Goron said. “I have one in men and one in women, so yay!”
I took the tunic, but I made sure I slouched and looked upset. I knew that wouldn’t really help at all, but at least I had a legit reason to whine. Well, maybe it wasn’t so legit reason, but at least I had some sort of excuse.
“Well, let’s change,” Link said to me, “and then we’ll get ready to fight Volvagia.”
I nodded and began to search for a small room to change in.

We walked out of Death Mountain with our brand new tunics. Link, however, had a rock tied around his back so he looked like a Goron. It was the best I could do in a place as redundant as Death Mountain. Rock after rock after rock and everything was brown, which was alright seeing that Goron’s were brown, but I couldn’t use paper or anything to make a Goron mask because all there were to utilize were rocks. I thought of hollowing a rock and making Link wear that to appear as a head or something, but that would have probably broken his neck.
I had built the small wall out of rocks and had Link the Goron, Lux, Growlithe, Coffee Bean, and Zucchini slouch by it. I helped Link lay on his stomach and curl up, so he appeared to be a Goron.
“Are you sure this is going to work?” Link asked as he laid down.
“Um…yeah,” I said. “Just don’t move and be extremely quiet.”
I ran behind the wall like Link was a bomb about to detonate and pointed at Link the Goron, who started to make Goron noises and yell. He said something about being too weak to move or whatever.
However, we waited there for about two hours and still, nothing happened.
“Ashley, this isn’t going to work!” Link shouted and I peeked over the wall to see Link taking off his Goron rock. He stood up straight once it was off and stood there. “I knew this wouldn’t work, but nah, you have everything figured out, right?”
Now, I was pretty pissed at Link, so I didn’t notice the long, snake-like dragon coming out of the volcano. As I was yelling at Link to put that damn rock back on, I also didn’t notice that the dragon was coming towards Link with its stubbly arms spread as wide as they could go. And, at the moment that I yelled the king of all cuss words, that dragon let out a loud screech and, instead of picking up the big rock, he scooped up Link.
I stood there dumbfounded as Link was carried away. He was wobbling his legs and screaming, like he was on the rollercoaster machines that existed back at home, but unlike people who rode rollercoaster, it didn’t look like he was having much fun.

As Link flew away and I just watched it was then and there that this whole mission was going to be taken care of the weakest Link and I.