FicWad

Heartbreak was a fucking bitch, and was even worse if you didn't see it coming. I had fallen in love and had my heart had been stepped on in less than a week. What's worse, the girl I loved and couldn't have paraded around school on the arm of my ex best friend, and my only other friends had taken Brendon's side because of the way things had went down. Waking up and dealing with the constant throbbing pain was hard enough, but having to drag myself to school to have their relationship thrust in my face was just brutal. It was like rubbing salt into an open wound over and over again. It wasn't a simple heart break. It was more like I had been shattered. I wasn't myself anymore. I was a pathetic shell of what I had been until I fainted in her bedroom. I was different the second I had come to and rushed from her house. Who I was, who I wanted to be was left behind with her. Only she could change me, but I knew that wasn't going to happen, because after that night, she and Brendon seemed to become even closer. I had pushed them together.

Valarie had been right that night only a week before. If I hadn't been such a coward and just admitted to myself that I wanted to be with her, I could have saved myself all the fucking hurt that I had caused for myself, and for her. She had wanted me first. Me. Ryan. As opposed to Brendon, whom, even if neither one of us was good with girls, was better looking and girls tended to be more attracted to him. Now that he was a senior, it seemed that girls found him even more attractive, despite the fact that he and Val were serious. I could have been the one with the great girl, having the best senior year. Instead, I was the loner who spent his lunch hour writing music under a tree outside, pining after a girl who, after admitting that she had once had feelings for me, would no longer acknowledge my presence. She wouldn't look at me when we crossed paths, she blocked my number so that when I tried to ring her, it told me I could not reach her. The worst part was that she didn't even care enough to hate me. If she glared at me every once in awhile or went out of her way to avoid me, then that would have given me the slightest hope that maybe she still liked me. But it was if I didn't exist. She didn't see me anymore. It was only a week, and I no longer existed.

My depression wasn't helped by the fact that my home life was terrible, one day after another. I hated going home almost as much as I hated being at school to the point where I was only going home to sleep and grab some food. The park and school ground became me new hangout places, and my notebook was my best friend. Lyrics flowed from pen to paper at a rate that would have excited me had it not been for their grim content. I had to face the truth- I was unwanted everywhere, left alone with the pain.

I think it was a month after I found out about her and Brendon when I had my first thoughts of suicide. They weren't all too serious. Mainly, I just wondered to myself if it would just be easier if I wasn't alive. Then there wouldn't be any pain or numbness to my surroundings. What an easy way out. Besides, she had said that no one would care if I was gone, and I was beginning to think she was right. After that realization, the thoughts became more frequent to the point where there were a few times a day. And one afternoon I found myself contemplating how I could do it, what would be the most effective and least painful way? Surely a gun would be quick, and most definitely effective, but I had no access to guns. I did however have access to a ridiculous amount of medicine and booze on account of my sick, alcoholic father. But soon I realized that killing myself wasn't what I really wanted. I just wanted a clean slate, a fresh start. I didn't want a reminder every day that I was unwanted. I just needed to leave Nevada. I'd always wanted to go to California, so it was an easy decision to leave town. The decision was made the second it had come to my mind: I would do it at the end of the week. There were still things that needed to be done, most importantly, to tell Valarie that I loved her. I had never got to tell her. She knew that I was going to say it and she didn't want to hear it, but I needed her to hear.

On Thursday night, I made my way over to her house. It was past midnight when I knocked on her window, but she opened it seconds later, only telling me that someone knocking at her window was a regular occurrence and that she was probably expecting him sometime.

"Oh," she said quietly, showing no anger as I stood there, hands in my pockets looking like an idiot. "What are you doing here?"

"I uh, I came to say goodbye." I shrugged.

"You're leaving?" The lighting, or lack thereof might have tricked me, but I thought I saw a look of sad surprise flash across her flawless face. I laughed at such a stupid thought. Of course I didn't see that. It was just my mind seeing what it wanted.

"Yea. There's nothing keeping me here. Not that you would care because you said that nobody would miss me. I figure I'm doing everyone a favour."

"Ryan," she said, a gentle edge to her words. "I never-"

"Valley, its okay. I'm not here asking for an apology. I just need to tell you something before I leave."

She looked hesitant as she stared down at me, but that did not change how beautiful she was. Her perfect full lips, lips that I had kissed just once, turned downwards before she whispered "Brendon is going to be here soon." Of course he was. My stomach felt as if it had been kicked and then twisted, but I needed to tell her. My bus was leaving in less than 6 hours. She seemed to sense my urgency because she told me to hold on and retreated into the darkness of her room.

"Brendon," she whispered, and then paused. "Tonight's not going to work. I'm just really tired and I want to sleep." Another pause, this one longer, and I wished I could hear what he was saying. "I know, I'm sorry! I just really don't-"

"But I'm already here," I heard a voice come from around the corner, and I ducked behind the nearest bush. He came into view seconds later carrying something in his free hand.

"Hey," Val whispered, appearing at her window again. She leaned down to kiss him on the lips but I could see her eyes darting around.

"So are you really going to make me go back home? I brought you a gift." He lifted his hand up to her and produced a muffin. She giggled and leaned down to kiss him again, making me think about walking away, but then thought better of it.

"I'm sorry, B. I'm just too tired tonight."

"But we won't be together all weekend!" He groaned. "Please?"

She kissed him one last time, her hands grasping the back of his neck as I cringed, and they both pulled away, breathless.

"I'm taking that as a No?"

"We'll talk in the morning," she whispered.

"Alright, I love you." Much to my surprise, she didn't say it back to him; she only smiled and said "Goodnight." She closed her window and he lingered a moment before walking away. I stood up, unsure of what I was supposed to do, when she was at her window again.

"I'm sorry about that," she mumbled. "I didn't know that he was already here."

"So can I come in?"

"Yea."

I climbed up through her window and sat on her messy bed, but stood up again. I didn't even notice I was shaking until she took her hand in mine and told me to calm down.

"Valley. I really fucked up, and I'm so sorry. You were right about me being a coward. That's all I've ever been, that's probably all I'll ever be. After tonight, you'll probably never think of me again. But I just need to tell you something. 'm sure you know after the last time we talked, but I need you to hear it." I took a deep breath, more nervous than I thought I would be." I love you. And if I could change everything, if I could go back and admit my feelings, then maybe you and I would be together. At least that's what I want to believe. Forgive me for being such an ass. You never deserved it." Through the darkness, because of the little moonlight there was, I could see her face glistening with tears. I didn't know what to make of them, but I knew I couldn't stay and find out. The longer I stayed, the more likely I would beg her to reconsider, but I knew the outcome. I would lose to Brendon, once again.

"But I have to go. You know how my family is. I can't be around them anymore." I whispered, trying to hold back my own tears. "And I can't be around you. It's too fucking hard to see you with Brendon. I can't just pretend these feelings will go away if I stay, so it's just better for me to go. Take care of yourself, Valley."

As I turned away, I felt her hand on my shoulder. I paused mid step but couldn't bring myself to face her.

"Ryan," she whispered.

"What?"

"Please look at me." Her hand gently spun me around so that I stood close to her. I could see her eyes searching mine, a determined look on her face. She opened her mouth to say something, but instead, she started crying. "I'm sorry Ryan. I never meant for you to feel like this. I thought this was what I wanted but this time I was the coward and lying to myself." Her fingers prodded gently at my cheeks as she cried. "Don't go. Don't leave me." She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me like no other before. Her lips were urgent, desperate against mine, as she pressed herself against me. I was too shocked to react in time, because she pulled away and I knew without seeing that she was blushing. What was I doing!? I stepped forward, closing the momentary gap she had created, and kissed her hard on the mouth. My hand held the back of her head as we moved towards her bed. She lay back on her sheets and pulled me down on top of her but she paused.

"I never loved Brendon, Ry. It's always been you. I love you."

It took a millisecond for me to have a complete turnaround, like flicking a light switch. My heart swelled and tears once again welled in my eyes, but I pushed them away. I wasted little time in embracing her, my lips kissing her face, chin, neck and reaching her perfectly sculpted breasts over top of her silk nightgown. She let out a soft moan that made my cock stiffen the slightest, and I longed for the fabric between us to be gone. Slowly, to gage her reaction, I pushed her chemise up to just below her breasts and brushed my lips along the contours of her stomach. Her skin was almost like the silk of her night dress under my quivering lips. My cock grew even harder as my lips reached the bottom curve of her breasts and her breathing became more rapid. I hesitated for just a second before I pushed it the rest of the way up and revealed her perky breasts with beautiful pink nipples, and moaned at the sight. My lips softly kissed them before my tongue licked the awaiting flesh and she whispered "Oh god."

I smiled and moved to her other breast, giving it equal attention, and she began to writhe under my touch. When I started to suck on her nipples, I felt her legs part as she began to pant. I moved my mouth downwards to the top of her panties and in one swift motion, pulled them down and discarded them. My warm breath collided with her intoxicating scent, and I shivered. I began to lower my mouth to her but she whispered, "What are you doing?"

She was looking down at me, her eyes frightened.

"Has he never done this to you?" She shook her head, and I had a moment of excitement. Brendon may have had her first, but I doing something he hadn't done. "Trust me Valley. If you don't like it, I'll stop." She nodded, giving her consent, and I lowered my head down, eager to please her.

With one hand, my fingers parted her soft lips, and with the other I gently massaged the moist flesh hidden between. Her hips jerked and she moaned loudly.

"Shhh," I whispered and then replaced my fingers with my tongue. Her hips bucked again, more wildly this time, and she bit her lip to keep herself quiet. I lapped at her, unable to get enough of her taste. I had never tasted anything so sweet and addicting in my life.

"Ryan," she moaned quietly, but I could feel her becoming tense, trying to stay quiet as she neared her orgasm. "Uhhhhhh. Mmmmm. Uhhh uhhh." Her moans became louder but I couldn't stop. I licked and sucked with more force as she began to shake against my mouth until she froze and cried "Ryannnn!" Dragging out my name as her orgasm washed over her, and a sense of triumph and pleasure over took me.

She collapsed back on her bed, and after a moment of silence, she burst into a fit of giggles. “My parents are heavy sleepers. Ryan," she said happily, and looked down at me, still between her legs. She held her hand out and pulled me back up her slender body. Once our faces were level, she whispered my name again but there was something different this time. Her eyes were different too. "I want you."

Her words were clear and concise. She didn't tremble, or flinch, and I knew that it was right. I undressed as she watched me, her eyes smiling along with her mouth. I could see her eyes travel down my pale torso and stop at my fully erect member. Without turning around, she reached under her pillow to grab something, and then handed it to me. I smirked down at the condom and pack of lube in my hand. These were meant for Brendon, I thought, but I was the one who was using them. She had picked me over him, at least for the night.

It took me only moments to put it on, and then I looked at her. She was still smiling as she whispered "I love you."

My body covered hers and as my length entered her warm, moist entrance, I whispered back "I love you, too."




A/N. Next chapter will be the last ryan pov chapter.