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"So how's your girlfriend?" I asked Bren as he helped me clean up our practice space before the other guys could come over. I hadn't seen him in a few days since we last talked, so I never had the chance to confront him about my suspicions. It wasn't the best time to do it considering Spence and Brent would be here soon, but for some reason, wanting to know the truth had been eating away at me ever since the thoughts entered my mind. It bugged the fuck out of me. It shouldn't matter that my best friend could be dating the only person in the world I hated, yet it did. I needed to know the truth.

"She's great," he said, his voice an octave higher than normal. "God she's great! She totally gets me. I've never had that before! She listens to me and all my bullshit problems and she still wants to be with me!" His smile was wide and his body language was very enthusiastic.

"She hot?" I asked, hoping to make the conversation sound normal.

"She is to me, but that's not why I'm dating her."

"How old is she?"

"Uhh," he said, his manner suddenly changing, much to my anger. "She's a bit younger than me, but I don't care."

"What's her name?'

"Dude," he laughed nervously. "Why are you so interested all of a sudden? It's not like you've bothered to ask about her before in the past month."

"Well if you had told me about her before I wouldn't have to ask you about all this at once?" I said more angrily than I had meant to. "I never see you anymore so sorry if I want to ask questions one of the few times you bother with me."

"Are you mad because I'm not spending time with you? We've been best friends for a long time Ry, no girl is going to come between that, but it’s new and exciting for me ok? Girls don't tend to like dark moody types like us so I'm just trying my hardest to make it work out." He shrugged his shoulders and said nothing more, and I had no other chance to get my answer because Spence and Brent showed up after that.

I spent the rest of the summer trying to prove to myself that I was right about him and Valarie, but I couldn't. The only revealing information that he gave me was that his girlfriend was an only child and hated living in Nevada, both of which were true about Valarie, but could have been just about any which only got him made fun of, so he called her June on those rare occasions he did talk about her. But that was all I had to work on, and I nearly gave up, telling myself that it wasn't worth the trouble. Really. I didn't care if Brendon was dating her, he would realize sooner or later why I couldn't stand her, and everything would go back to normal, except that, it didn't. Because despite everything I was telling myself, I knew deep down that it was a lie. I did care if they were dating, I cared a lot. If only I could pinpoint the damn reason, then I could make all the frustration disappear. It all became clear to me the day that we returned to High School after I had ducked into the classroom to avoid running into Valarie and the awkward situation that was sure to ensue.

Somehow, by some good stroke of luck, I had ducked into the classroom that her locker just happened to be beside. My ears immediately picked out her melodic voice apart from the ordinary ones, and I strained to hear what she was saying above all the greetings being shouted in the hall.

"-got plans this weekend but maybe next?" she said to her friend.

"With who? Your delicious senior boyfriend? You guys finally going to seal the deal this weekend?" her friend replied, and it felt as if my heart stopped pounding just to hear her answer.

"Ugh, Roxy you are so immature you know that?"

"Well, yea, that's a given! But seriously, you going to let him take your V card or what?"

"We've been taking it slow. He doesn't want to rush me into anything," she replied, and I clenched my fist. Who was the damn 'he' they were talking about? Would someone say his name already!?

"Val, you're seriously playing that card? You've been dating for over 3 months now, don't you think that's slow enough?"

"I know, I know!" She sighed, and finally, the piece of the puzzle I had been waiting to find all summer fell into place. "Brendon just wants to make sure that we make the right decision. He doesn't want me to regret it. But I know I'm ready now. I want to be with him in every way possible. I mean, I think I'm in love with him. He's been really-" Their voices trailed off as they left the locker area, and my fists were clenched as I fumed. I was out of that classroom so fast, rushing down the hall to find Brendon. He was standing with Brent as they discussed some comic they had bought and my anger over flowed at the sight of him, I couldn't stop my fist from punching him square in the eye. He toppled backwards against a wall, arms flailing wildly as he looked for something to grab on to.

"What the fuck!?" He yelled at me with his hands on his face, shielding himself from another blow as my fist came towards him again, landing with a satisfying thump against his cheek. Brent and someone else grabbed me from behind as I screamed, "You fucking bastard! Why her? Why did you take HER!? “Had I not said it allowed, I would never have believed it, but in that moment, I knew why it had all mattered. I was in love with Valarie. Ma had been right, and Brendon knew it too! He had known and still went ahead and dated her. I felt betrayed like never before.

"What are you talking about?" He stood up, blood dripping from his nose.

"You knew how I felt and you went behind my back!"

"What the fuck are you talking about Ryan!?"

"VALARIE!" I yelled even louder as a crowd began to gather.

Brendon's eyes went wide before he laughed viciously. "You're not serious! Don't even play that fucking game bro. When I brought it up you laughed in my face and told me you hated her! You said that you never wanted to see her again! How could I even know how you felt about her! I did nothing wrong here!"

"But if you even thought of the possibility in the first place, you must have known! You knew I had feelings for her!"

He opened his mouth to speak but the crowd that had formed around us was broken up by Valarie, who rushed over to Brendon and cradled his face.

"B! Spence came to find me! Are you okay?" She kissed the side of his face free of blood, and my own boiled beneath my burning skin at the sight. Someone handed her a napkin as she began to wipe the blood away, and when she had more or less cleaned it, she turned to me, face red and tears about to spill from her beautiful eyes.

"What is your problem?" Her voice trembled with anger. I suddenly had lost all words as she moved towards me. I had hurt her. And seeing her cry made me feel terrible. My insides twisted and clenched, and I felt as if I was going to be sick to my stomach. How had I come to fall for her when I truly thought I hated her?

"I'm sor-" I choked out but was cut off by a fierce slap to the face. I heard a couple of people laugh, and some were trying to figure out what was wrong, but when she spoke, everything else was drowned out by the sheer anger behind her words.

"And I thought I hated you before. I don't know why anyone bothers with you. You are an asshole and you would not be missed if you left." She grabbed Brendon's hand in hers and they walked away, leaving me with Brent, who after he said "You fucked up, nice going," turned and left me alone.

It was definitely an odd turning point for me. It was as if I had opened a flood gate of emotions. The next few days, I couldn't think of anything but her, and maybe a few thoughts of suffocating Brendon in his sleep. Her smile was there, even when I closed my eyes, and her voice floated through my mind, keeping out all my other thoughts. I wasn't even trying to deny the fact that I was in love with her because the feelings were just too strong to ignore. How was I ever going to apologize for everything now? Not even Brendon was accepting my phone calls; he wouldn't even pass me in the halls at school. It was terrible, but it wasn't losing the friendship that was bugging me, it was the thought of him sleeping with her that made me sick to my stomach. I had to stop it. In my sick, deranged state of mind, I began to believe that the only reason she hated me was because she had feelings for me too. Brendon could not have her.

It was Friday evening, and if I had understood correctly, Valarie was planning to sleep with him sometime during the weekend. Maybe if she knew how I felt, she would realize her feelings for me. I had to do something. My thoughts were going so fast through my head that I was in the car before I realized it, and it felt like only seconds before I was pounding on her front door, but it was her mother who answered.

"Is Valarie here?" I huffed, peering around her to see inside her house, as if Valarie would be there waiting for me.

"You have some nerve showing your face around her Mr. Ross!" She said to me while glaring. "You really hurt my daughters feelings with those things you said. You have no right to be here!" The door closed on my face and I was left standing there like an idiot. I didn't know what to do. Was she out with her friends? Or Brendon? I didn't want to think about that. I had to find her.

I made sure that no eyes were watching me before I walked around the house, looking for her bedroom, and it wasn't that hard to find. Her window was open and I could hear her favourite band, Something Corporate floating out. The window was only a few meters off of the ground, so I quietly crept along until I was standing in front of it. Her curtains were drawn, but I could hear movement in the room. Before completely creeping her out, I decided that it was best if I rang her one more time. I could hear her cell ring from inside.

"For fucks sake, Ryan" she groaned. On my end, it went to voice mail. Of course. I inhaled sharply, scared to do what I had to. My hand rapped quietly on the glass, and a moment later, she pushed aside the curtains and jumped when she saw me.

"Don't scare me!" She cried before her anger surfaced. "And what the hell do you think you're doing here?"

"Can we talk?"

"I've said everything I have to say to you." She glared at me, but made no movement to shut me out like her mother had.

"Then just listen to me. I still have so much to say to you Valley." Her face softened the slightest at the use of her old nickname, and she sighed.

"Are you going to be mean?"

"No," I promised. "I'm here to explain myself, and why I've been such a jackass."

She laughed and nodded. "That you have!" She opened her window wider and offered me her hand, helping me up onto the sill. I stood awkwardly for a moment, not knowing where to sit, but she pulled out her desk chair and motioned for me to sit there. After she sat herself on her bed, I cleared my throat.

"I think I should start with an apology about what I did to you at the beginning of the summer, but I really mean it from the bottom of my heart. At the time I didn't know what I was doing. I thought that I hated you; I think I was just in denial. I regret everything I said more than you will ever know."

After avoiding eye contact with her, I looked up to see a strange look in her eyes; she looked as if maybe she was about to cry.

"You really hurt me Ryan. I know I'm a lot younger than you, but I never once acted like a child around you. I tried my hardest not to because I didn't want you guys to think of me as a child, especially you! I wanted you guys to like me. I thought it was cool to have older friends. But I guess no matter what I did, you couldn't help but think of the age. I don't blame you for that part I guess, it's not so cool for you to be hanging around with younger kids." She shrugged, and our conversation was interrupted by a knock at her door.

“We’re going out for dinner now honey!” her mom called through the door. “We will be back in a few hours.”

“Alright! Have fun!” she called through the door, and waited a few seconds before continuing. "Brendon didn't really have a problem with me. He said that he thought you were just pushing me away because you liked me. As much as I had hoped he was right, I thought that was ridiculous. But then he expressed interest in dating me. It was never him that I liked, but seeing as you obviously hated me, I gave him a chance and I really began to like him."

"But when we talked you said insinuated that it was Brendon you liked all along!" All this information was messing with my head. Was she admitting that she liked me?!

"Yea, well, my ego was bruised, and Brendon was sitting right there. I wasn't about to admit that you were the one I had wanted. I thought that none of it really mattered now anyway. Brendon and I got on really well and we got a lot closer in such a short amount of time, and it only took a week until he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was scared to tell you because he still thought that maybe you like me, so we decided not to tell you. We didn’t think it was any of your business anyway. Everything was going great, until Monday...” She trailed off awkwardly, but I didn’t want to say anything.

“Ryan. What exactly happened?”

“Didn’t your boyfriend tell you?” I replied sourly.

“He won’t talk about it. Brent and Spencer have told me what they think happened, but no one really quite understands. From what I heard, you were fighting over me.” She blushed madly, and I couldn’t help but smile. If I had realized how I felt about her earlier, then everything would have been so much different. I would be the one with the girl, not fighting for her affections with my best friend.

“Is it true?” she whispered so quietly, I almost fell forward trying to hear her.

“Yea.” Cautiously, I stood up and walked to her bed. She didn’t protest when I sat down next to her.

“But why? You said you hated me.” Her eyes lifted to mine and her tears started falling. My skin prickled, being so close to her and seeing her like this. I had made her like this, so I had to fix it.

“I don’t hate you Valley.” I took her face in my hands. “I was fighting with Bren because I heard you at your locker, telling your friend that you were with Brendon and that you and him were going to-“ I stopped myself, not wanting, and not able to say it aloud. “I snapped. The thought of you with him fucked me up so bad that I punched him, and that’s when I realized that I was jealous.” I felt myself leaning forward, her face coming closer to me. My eyes closed as my lips finally met hers, and it was the closest thing to perfection I had experienced. Our lips moved as if they were meant for each other, my heart raced and my fingers got tangled in her as the kiss lengthened, but she pulled away abruptly and looked at me for an explanation, which I certainly owed her.

“Valley, I want to be your first. Not just sex, but I want to be the first one you love, because I lo-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence Ryan Ross!” she said harshly before she burst out in sobs, covering her eyes and turning her body away from me. I placed my hands on her shoulders but she shook them off and cried even harder. “Just leave,” she managed between her sobs. “I don’t know what you’re thinking but nothing will ever happen between us. Brendon and I are together, and nothing you say will ever change that. You’re too late. He’s my first boyfriend, my first love, and he took my virginity. You don’t get to be any of that because you were to stubborn to admit what you felt for me.”

Her words, mixed with the fact that she wouldn’t look at me stung more than ever. She and Brendon already had sex!? More importantly, she was in love with him? My heart felt as if it had taken a serious blow. Out of nowhere, there was an ache in my heart that began to throb even harder with each heartbeat. The walls felt as if they were closing in on me, I couldn’t breathe. I began to hyperventilate as the room began to spin around me and I felt myself falling sideways, but I was out cold before I hit her bedroom floor.