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It was a perfect night ruined by the awkward morning after.

I woke with Valarie’s head nestled against my neck, her naked body pressing against mine. She stirred as a grabbed a small handful of her hair and twisted it around my fingers, but her eyes remained close. I knew she was awake however when she tightened her arms around me, and then felt her stiffen in my arms. She bolted upright, the covers falling off her body to her waist to reveal her breasts and I had to stifle a moan at the sight.

“Hi,” I said, leaning over to kiss her but she jumped off the bed, pulling her sheet with her leaving me exposed.

“Uhm, I think you should leave Ryan. My parents will be up soon and I have to start getting ready for school.” She looked just past me as she talked, avoiding eye contact. “Here.” She leaned over and tossed me my clothes.

My whole body knew that was something wrong, but what could it possibly be? She had admitted that she loved me, and then we made love. For me, it was waking to a whole new world, wrapped up with her body. But now, that all seemed about ready to crash around me, I could tell by the look on her face.

“We’ll talk later,” she said, but I could tell she didn’t mean it.

“What’s wrong?” I pulled on my pants but remained standing there, waiting for her to say something, anything, but she didn’t. She wouldn’t look at me. It was like the whole month all over again. “Valley, please say something.”

She shook her head, her eyes staring at the bed. “We should not have done that. I always promised myself I would not be that kind of girl and Brendon doesn’t deserve this. He loves me. He would never hurt me. ”

“So , what? What you said last night, did you even mean it?”

There was a pause before she looked up at me, and I was scared of what she was going to say. “Regardless of what I said-“

“Did you mean what you said?” I said through gritted teeth.

“Yes,” she whispered, and my body felt that rush of adrenaline all over again. “But I just need time to figure things out Ryan. I can’t just leave Brendon like this. We’ve been together too long for me to break up with him just like this, he deserves so much better. He’s a really good guy and I care for him”

“So we can be together?”

“Just give me time. This all happened so fast! You came here to tell me that you’re leaving and I just got so caught up in everything. I’ll sort things through with Brendon.” The room became silent for a moment as she looked at me. I could tell she was fighting something. Her eyes were focused and her jaw was clenched. “Please,” she finally said, “just don’t leave.”

“I’m not going to stay if you’re going to choose him Val.”

“Please Ryan. I’m leaving after school for the weekend. We’re going to a wedding in Colorado. I’ll be back Monday, we can talk about it then.” Her answer was not clear, and I knew this was for a reason. I loved her, and she loved me, but Brendon also loved her, and even if she did not love him, there were feelings there. She was not going to choose me just like that, no matter how hard I willed it to happen.

She clutched tightly to her sheet as she waited while I dressed, neither one of us saying anything else as I slipped out her window, despite the fact that I had so much to say.
I would be better for her than Brendon ever could be. I would be there for her whenever she needed me. I would do anything for her, be whatever she needed or wanted me to be. I would do anything to wake up next to her again. It was something that felt so natural, like I could spend the rest of my life doing it. Somehow, I knew that she wasn’t just my first real love; she was the love of my life.

I saw her later that day at school, and for some reason I had this expectation that everything would be different. Maybe she would smile at me, even say “Hi” when he passed each other between 3rd and 4th period, as we always did. But nothing had changed. She still walked down the hallway with her hand in Brendon’s as she giggled at something he whispered in her ear. She looked at me, her cheeks blushing as she hid it with a brush of her hand against her face, and then looked away.

Still, I waited for something different. The weekend passed, as did another school week, and she was still with him. By Friday, I was crawling in my own skin. What was she doing to me? Was she trying to play me? Get me back for how I had hurt her? Was it just a fucking game to her?

I walked down the hall with my hall pass clutched in my hand and turned one of the hall corners to see her standing at her locker. She turned, saw me, and ducked her head back towards her locker. I finally had a chance to talk to her.

I walked up quietly behind her, but I knew that she knew I was there because I saw her shoulders tense. I leaned in, brushing my lips against her ears.

“My Valley Girl,” I whispered. “Why are you doing this to me? Do you have any idea how much you’re hurting me? I want to be with you. I love you.”

“It’s not that easy,” she whispered back turning to face me, our lips only inches apart, and then she kissed me. “I care about Brendon,” she said after pulling away. “He’s not just my boyfriend Ryan, he’s my best friend. If I tell him about us, if I choose you, it will break his heart. Not only will I lose his friendship, but my best friend! I’m not ready for that.”

It suddenly became clear that she did not have any intention of leaving him anytime soon. How could I have been so stupid? She didn’t fucking love me. She was a tease, and nothing more.

“Go to hell,” I muttered and stormed off, ignoring her calls after me. I chucked the hall pass into the nearest garbage and flew out the front door of the schools. I was never going back there. I was finished with Nevada and everyone in it, and I never intended on going back.




“You got any references kid?” the balding, overweight man asked me as he looked at me over my resume.

“Uh, no. Sorry.”

He looked me up and down, and shrugged. “Yea, guess not. Well, the job is yours if you want it. Can’t say its Hollywood glamour but it’ll pay some pills.”

“Great! I’ll take it!” I shook his greasy hand enthusiastically.

“Alright. See you tomorrow at 12.”

I walked down the street, pleased that I had actually gotten myself a job within the first week of being in Los Angeles. A job where I could play all the instruments I wanted to all day. I would be able to buy myself a new guitar. After my first pay cheque, though, I would abandon the YMCA for a cheap motel. Staying with a whole bunch of older, nearly homeless men was not my cup of tea. Maybe I would be able to find some people looking for roommates to keep my costs to a minimum.

It didn’t take long to find a chill roommate named John to move in with. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and looking for the same things I were, so I moved in right away. He was never around much after a bit, but I was fine with that. I needed time to myself to write my music and figure out what I was going to do with my life. I knew that I wanted to pursue my music, but without Brent, Brendon, and Spencer, I didn’t have a band. I wasn’t interested in going solo; I wasn’t much of a singer. I was good at writing lyrics and playing guitar, and I was too shy to sing. That was all Brendon. For the first time since everything happened, I started to miss him, to the point where I decided that maybe I should call him, but the second the phone was in my hand, I could only picture him kissing Valarie.

Trying to forget her was like trying to forget the lyrics of any song of my favourite band, it literally was impossible. I even went out on a few dates with some girls that had come through the music shop, but it was pointless, because while they were cute and nice, I would always find myself comparing them to her. No matter how fucking hard I tried to deny it, I knew deep down that she was the one for me, as ridiculous as that sounded. I had to get her out of my mind, and there was really only one day to do it.

I called one of the girls I had been out with and invited her over for a couple of drinks, supplied by John. It didn't take much to have her undressed and in my bed, and while it satisfied some of my sexual needs, it didn't help as I had hoped it would. While Ashley, or whatever her name was, called out my name as I fucked her, I could only hear Valley's voice and only saw her underneath me.

It took a few weeks of fucking a few different girls until the pain of her not choosing me began to lessen. I told myself that I could do better than her, and that she was just a tease, which she was. I really began to believe all the lies I was telling myself until one afternoon, just moments after Ashley and I finished having sex, my phone rang and I could hear her voice saying my name for real this time.

"Ryan?" Her voice was just below a whisper but I heard her clear as a bell. Her beautiful, feminine voice melted any anger I felt towards her away in a matter of seconds.

"Valley!?" Of course I knew it was her, but I couldn't suppress my surprise. I pushed Ashley's arm off of my chest so that I could get up and leave the room. I almost felt guilty next to her with Val on the phone.

"Yea." she replied, and then remained silent. I wasn't sure whether or not to wait for her to say something. "I’m sorry," she finally mumbled. "Calling was a mis'-"

"No!" I said a little too loudly. "Please, don't hang up!" I could sense her hesitation, but I didn't hear a click, so I knew she was still there and spoke truthfully. "I've tried so hard not to miss you but I can't do it Valley. Something inside me keeps telling me that you and I are supposed to be together, and I can't keep fighting it. And I know that you know it! Maybe you’re just too scared to admit it, or whatever, but you told me you love me! That has to mean something."

She breathed a sigh; I think it was relief, before she said "I thought you'd hate me after what I did. I wouldn't blame you if you did. I'm sorry that I ever lead you on. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I didn't want to hurt Bren either. I was trying to do what was best for everyone else but myself. I just needed time away from Brendon and you to see what I wanted Ry, and that's you. I love you. And I know I'm only 14 and people think I don't know what love is, but I do. And the pain I felt in my chest every day since you've been gone has been wearing me down and I can't deal with it anymore. I want to be with you. I don't want to be away from you anymore."

My heart thumped with happiness as I grabbed the phone tighter, wishing that she was with me right then. "So you and Bren..." I trailed off.

"I broke up with him not too long after you left."

My happiness seemed to stop for a second as I realized how long ago that had been. "Then why did it take you so long to call me?"

She sighed again. "I really thought that you'd hate me. I was afraid to do it, I was afraid of what you would say to me."

"Even if you did mean to hurt me, I don't think I'd be able to hate you when I love you as much as I do."

"So you still want me?"

I laughed at such a stupid notion; I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. "I don't want anything more than to be with you."

"Well then when can I -"

"Tonight!" I blurted out, all the adrenaline pumping through me. "Come be with me tonight. We've waited too long for this to wait any longer."

She paused, and I swear it was the longest moment of my life. I felt like the world had been frozen. "I'm already packed," she whispered, and I immediately felt tears threaten my eyes. "Where are you?"

"I'm in L.A."

"I'll be on the next bus out." I heard a voice in the background that I recognized as her friend. There was a short conversation on their end before she was back. "Uhm, it leaves in an hour. I won't be there to until 10.45. Is that okay?"

"I’ll be there to pick you up." I was almost shaking with anticipation as I left my bathroom, and for a second I forgot Ashley was still there.

"Ryan," Val cut into my thoughts.

"Yea?"

"I love you."

"I love you too," I said back, not caring that Ashley looked over at me with a confused look. "See you soon."

I closed the phone and tossed it on a pile of clothes, looking around at the mess I had to tidy up.

"Uh, listen Ash, you gotta get going. My girlfriend is coming to stay with me and you can't be here."

"I'm sorry, what!? Since when do you have a girlfriend?"

"We just got together. Now please, get dressed and leave."

She called me an asshole, rightfully so, as she threw on her clothes. I really wasn't listening much to what she was saying, or rather yelling to me, because all I could think about was that my Valley was finally going to be with me. All the pain was finally paying off, because I got the girl.

I cleaned up the apartment and called John, begging him not to come home. After I explained the situation, he agreed to spend the night at a friend’s, and I sat in my quiet house, flipping channels and trying to relax. I dozed off for a bit and awoke around 10. Close enough, I thought to myself, and called a taxi for myself. I made the driver stop at a convenience store so I could pick up some flowers. It seemed a bit lacklustre, considering the magnitude of what this meant for Val and I, but it was the best that I could do given the time of night.

I got to the bus terminal around 1030, and I was as antsy as ever. I sat by the bus bay her bus was scheduled to arrive at, both my legs bouncing up and down as my hands gripped the sunflowers, her favourite. I began to grow anxious as the minute hand passed the 9, angry as it passed the 10, and worried when it reached the 11. Finally, at about 11.10, a vehicle pulled into the bay, but it was not a bus, it was a police car. My pulse quickened as two officers, both looking rather disgruntled and upset, stepped out and walked towards me and the others who were waiting for the bus to arrive.

"Ya'll waiting for passengers from the 10.45 Vegas bus?" One of the officers asked us. A few murmured yes', but my body and mouth seemed to be frozen. They were about to give us bad news, I could feel it in my gut.

"We hate to be the ones to tell you this, but the bus has been an accident. It's pretty bad. Driver fell asleep, ran into a guardrail and flipped the bus onto its back into oncoming traffic, then got hit by a few cars. There are only a few casualties, but just 'bout everyone else has been seriously or critically injured. Most of the patients are being sent to Good Samaritan Hospital down on Willshire Boulevard right now-"

My feet were up and moving before I could even think about what was happening. I could hear some people crying behind me, and one of the officers shouting something over the sudden panic of the crowd, but the doors shut and then I could only hear my feet and heart thudding. As I jumped into a free cab, my ears began to ring, head began to spin, and I broke out into a cold sweat. I had to will myself not to pass out as I shouted at the driver to take me to the hospital. I had to stay awake, I had to stay awake, because I had to pray to God that Valarie, my soul mate, was not one of the dead, and that she was alive, because if she wasn't, there was nothing left for me.

I looked down at the wilting, crushed sunflowers still clutched in my hand, and began to cry.








fyi guys, I always update my profile on mibba first because the response on ficwad is completely pathetic to the point where I don't know if I'm going to continue posting this story here...I get hundreds of reads yet one person reviews...really not cool...my user name is AshleyBaby
also, I always update my twitter before I'm about to update my stories twitter.com/blkmetalbicycle