Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Only Hope for Me is...
This was unbelievably hard for me to write. Don't hate me for it. Please.
Frank's POV-
I stopped walking when my head forced me to, leaning heavily against a tree that was hidden well enough from the lot. For the first time since we began our trek, I let my eyes wander to Gee. He was smiling at me, and that smile made me want to cry because I knew I was going to be the one to wipe it off of his beautiful face.
Better to get to the point than to drag it out, I thought miserably. I steeled my heart and did it.
"Gerard, I don't think we should be together anymore."
His mile disappeared, replaced by a desperate look. Fear and pain washed over his face. His shoulders slumped.
"Is this because of... what I did? I didn't mean to-" he stuttered, his voice small and pained, his eyes filling with tears.
"No, Gerard," I assured him. "That's not it. I don't love you like I did." That was true; I loved him more. Now for the lies. "In fact, I never did. I was using you for a good time, but now I realize that you are going to end up hurt if this continues, which I never anticipated. Thank you for saving me from her, but it's over." My heart shattered.
Gerard's eyes widened in shock. Anger and pain filled his face before all of the emotion left. I had never seen him this completely emotionless and empty, and it scared me.
"I see," he said, his voice monotone. "That changes things."
He turned on his heel and strode back towards the parking lot where Mikey and Mrs. Way were waiting, leaving me no choice but to follow.
That night as I lay in Mikey's bed with him snoring beside me, I finally let myself cry.
Gerard's POV-
I lay in bed for hours, tears of rage pouring down my cheeks. He used me. He fucking USED me, and I loved him. He never cared.
I roused myself and walked down the deserted hallway to the bathroom where I knew my beloved Xanax was waiting. I dumped four times the recommended amount into my palm and hid the bottle in the back of the medicine cabinet. I did NOT want my mother seeing that I was using my pills again.
Now for something to wash it down with, I thought, clenching the pills in my fist. My mind immediately flew to my father's liquer cabinet. It was late; he was away on business; he wouldn't notice having one bottle of whiskey or vodka missing when he got back from his trip. I crept down the stairs, skipped the creaky step, and pulled the key from it's hiding place in the freezer. I could've just picked the lock, but I didn't want to take the time or risk waking my mom with the noise.
I grabbed a bottle of Goldschlager and downed the pills, taking care to leave just enough in the bottle to make it seem as though I hadn't touched it. I re-locked the cabinet, stashed the key, and went back up to my room, closing the door silently behind me. I opened my sketchbook, flipping sullenly through the pages before finding the one I was looking for.
It was THE drawing, the one he didn't know about, the one I did the first night that I'd seen him. He was sleeping innocently; his mouth was turned up in a slight smile. My anger flooded away, leaving only sadness behind. I reached up to tear the picture, intent on destroying it, but stopped. I would keep it, as punishment for allowing myself to be so blind, and as a memory of the first person I ever truly loved.
The alcohol and pills began to catch up with me, and I started to sing groggily.
"Oh motherfucker, if life ain't just a joke then why are we laughing? And why am I dead?"
With that last line, I fell into a drug induced stupor.
Mikey's POV-
I slammed the snooze button on my alarm clock and rolled over- right on top of Frank.
"Omigosh I'm so sorry!" I gasped, jumping up. He grinned at my embarrassed look and took a good look at me.
"Are you checking me out?" I asked as his eyes raked over my nearly naked body.
"Yup. And you look VERY good. I advise you put some clothes on before I tackle you. I only have so much self-control, you know."
I smiled deviously, striking a pose while standing on the bed. "Take one long look at all this sexiness before I go cover it with black clothing!" I exclaimed, making Frank break down into hysterics. I went to hop down from the bed when he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back to the bed.
"What, so now I'm not ALLOWED to go put clothes on?" I asked, still laughing, as Frank straddled my chest.
"Nope," he replied, a huge grin breaking across his face. "I told you I only had so much control. Prepare to be eaten!" He started growling hungrily, leaning closer to me. I began to giggle nervously. I liked Frankie and all, but I REALLY didn't want to make out with him in my bed. Just as I was about to speak up, he closed the rest of the distance between us- and licked all the way up the side of my face.
"Gross!" I cried, wiping away Frank's saliva as he cracked up again and rolled off of me onto the floor. I laughed again, too, as I watched Frankie rolling on the floor, clutching his sides. "I really thought you were going to... you know..." I told him as he finally caught his breath and sat up, grinning from ear to ear.
"We better go downstairs so we can eat," I suggested. "I'll make some toast or something."
"You," Frank reprimanded, "are not allowed to touch the toaster. I will make toast. And what about catching the bus? It leaves in five minutes."
"We'll go to school Monday. It's already halfway through the week, and I'm not looking forward to facing the student body at this point. I'm sure the principal will understand. We're still recovering from our 'mishap.'" He smiled again and tossed me a T-shirt.
*
Frankie and I chatted and sipped coffee as we chowed down on eggs and toast. Gerard came sown the stairs as we were cleaning up, and the smile dropped from Frank's face. Gerard was red-eyed and had the obvious signs of a hangover.
"Have you been drinking?" I asked incredulously as he dropped down into a seat at the table.
"Whatsitoya?" He slurred, grabbing a piece of cold toast. "I need coffee." He started towards the pot, but I barred his way, my arms folded over my chest. He sighed.
"Move, Michael."
"One, my name is Mikey. Two, I will move when you tell me what the hell you're thinking!" I said defiantly, standing my ground.
"Why don't you ask our dearest Frankie over there?" he muttered, shoving me. I stumbled; Gerard was much stronger than me; and let him pass. I glanced at Frank, who was staring at Gerard with a mixture of openmouthed shock and- guilt? I couldn't tell. And as soon as Gee turned around, Frank walled up his face, hiding the emotion.
"I will be at the comic store. So if you'll excuse me, I'll get out of your hair, since I am obviously unwanted. Goodbye Frank, Michael," Gerard said, his voice cool and collected despite the awkward circumstances. He quickly glided out the door.
"WHAT is going on?" I demanded.
Frank's POV-
I stopped walking when my head forced me to, leaning heavily against a tree that was hidden well enough from the lot. For the first time since we began our trek, I let my eyes wander to Gee. He was smiling at me, and that smile made me want to cry because I knew I was going to be the one to wipe it off of his beautiful face.
Better to get to the point than to drag it out, I thought miserably. I steeled my heart and did it.
"Gerard, I don't think we should be together anymore."
His mile disappeared, replaced by a desperate look. Fear and pain washed over his face. His shoulders slumped.
"Is this because of... what I did? I didn't mean to-" he stuttered, his voice small and pained, his eyes filling with tears.
"No, Gerard," I assured him. "That's not it. I don't love you like I did." That was true; I loved him more. Now for the lies. "In fact, I never did. I was using you for a good time, but now I realize that you are going to end up hurt if this continues, which I never anticipated. Thank you for saving me from her, but it's over." My heart shattered.
Gerard's eyes widened in shock. Anger and pain filled his face before all of the emotion left. I had never seen him this completely emotionless and empty, and it scared me.
"I see," he said, his voice monotone. "That changes things."
He turned on his heel and strode back towards the parking lot where Mikey and Mrs. Way were waiting, leaving me no choice but to follow.
That night as I lay in Mikey's bed with him snoring beside me, I finally let myself cry.
Gerard's POV-
I lay in bed for hours, tears of rage pouring down my cheeks. He used me. He fucking USED me, and I loved him. He never cared.
I roused myself and walked down the deserted hallway to the bathroom where I knew my beloved Xanax was waiting. I dumped four times the recommended amount into my palm and hid the bottle in the back of the medicine cabinet. I did NOT want my mother seeing that I was using my pills again.
Now for something to wash it down with, I thought, clenching the pills in my fist. My mind immediately flew to my father's liquer cabinet. It was late; he was away on business; he wouldn't notice having one bottle of whiskey or vodka missing when he got back from his trip. I crept down the stairs, skipped the creaky step, and pulled the key from it's hiding place in the freezer. I could've just picked the lock, but I didn't want to take the time or risk waking my mom with the noise.
I grabbed a bottle of Goldschlager and downed the pills, taking care to leave just enough in the bottle to make it seem as though I hadn't touched it. I re-locked the cabinet, stashed the key, and went back up to my room, closing the door silently behind me. I opened my sketchbook, flipping sullenly through the pages before finding the one I was looking for.
It was THE drawing, the one he didn't know about, the one I did the first night that I'd seen him. He was sleeping innocently; his mouth was turned up in a slight smile. My anger flooded away, leaving only sadness behind. I reached up to tear the picture, intent on destroying it, but stopped. I would keep it, as punishment for allowing myself to be so blind, and as a memory of the first person I ever truly loved.
The alcohol and pills began to catch up with me, and I started to sing groggily.
"Oh motherfucker, if life ain't just a joke then why are we laughing? And why am I dead?"
With that last line, I fell into a drug induced stupor.
Mikey's POV-
I slammed the snooze button on my alarm clock and rolled over- right on top of Frank.
"Omigosh I'm so sorry!" I gasped, jumping up. He grinned at my embarrassed look and took a good look at me.
"Are you checking me out?" I asked as his eyes raked over my nearly naked body.
"Yup. And you look VERY good. I advise you put some clothes on before I tackle you. I only have so much self-control, you know."
I smiled deviously, striking a pose while standing on the bed. "Take one long look at all this sexiness before I go cover it with black clothing!" I exclaimed, making Frank break down into hysterics. I went to hop down from the bed when he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back to the bed.
"What, so now I'm not ALLOWED to go put clothes on?" I asked, still laughing, as Frank straddled my chest.
"Nope," he replied, a huge grin breaking across his face. "I told you I only had so much control. Prepare to be eaten!" He started growling hungrily, leaning closer to me. I began to giggle nervously. I liked Frankie and all, but I REALLY didn't want to make out with him in my bed. Just as I was about to speak up, he closed the rest of the distance between us- and licked all the way up the side of my face.
"Gross!" I cried, wiping away Frank's saliva as he cracked up again and rolled off of me onto the floor. I laughed again, too, as I watched Frankie rolling on the floor, clutching his sides. "I really thought you were going to... you know..." I told him as he finally caught his breath and sat up, grinning from ear to ear.
"We better go downstairs so we can eat," I suggested. "I'll make some toast or something."
"You," Frank reprimanded, "are not allowed to touch the toaster. I will make toast. And what about catching the bus? It leaves in five minutes."
"We'll go to school Monday. It's already halfway through the week, and I'm not looking forward to facing the student body at this point. I'm sure the principal will understand. We're still recovering from our 'mishap.'" He smiled again and tossed me a T-shirt.
*
Frankie and I chatted and sipped coffee as we chowed down on eggs and toast. Gerard came sown the stairs as we were cleaning up, and the smile dropped from Frank's face. Gerard was red-eyed and had the obvious signs of a hangover.
"Have you been drinking?" I asked incredulously as he dropped down into a seat at the table.
"Whatsitoya?" He slurred, grabbing a piece of cold toast. "I need coffee." He started towards the pot, but I barred his way, my arms folded over my chest. He sighed.
"Move, Michael."
"One, my name is Mikey. Two, I will move when you tell me what the hell you're thinking!" I said defiantly, standing my ground.
"Why don't you ask our dearest Frankie over there?" he muttered, shoving me. I stumbled; Gerard was much stronger than me; and let him pass. I glanced at Frank, who was staring at Gerard with a mixture of openmouthed shock and- guilt? I couldn't tell. And as soon as Gee turned around, Frank walled up his face, hiding the emotion.
"I will be at the comic store. So if you'll excuse me, I'll get out of your hair, since I am obviously unwanted. Goodbye Frank, Michael," Gerard said, his voice cool and collected despite the awkward circumstances. He quickly glided out the door.
"WHAT is going on?" I demanded.
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