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“Brian?”

“Gerard?” Brian, My Chem’s manager, was wary. He and Gerard had several of these 5 a.m. phone

calls in the past few months. The first few, he had admitted he had a problem. The next few,

he denied he had a problem. What was this call going to bring?

“I’m gonna do it this time.”

“Do what?”

“Off myself.”

“What?” Brian’s brain kicked itself into gear.

“I can’t do this shit anymore man. The alcohol hasn’t helped. The drugs haven’t. Even the cocaine—”

“Cocaine?” ‘Shit’ he thought.

Brian thought fast. This subject needed to be changed, fast.

“When was the last time you spoke to Paisley and Helena?”

“Several hours ago. I told them goodbye. I’m tired of disappointing my family. Paisley would be so much better off without me. All I’ve done since we were teenagers is disappoint her.”

For the next few hours, Brian tried to talk Gerard down. The phone call managed to last long enough for Gerard to begin sobering up. He was about to lay his phone down when the voicemail chime sounded. Dialing it, Gerard lit a cigarette as he listened to the message.

“Hey daddy! It’s me Helena. Now that you’re back in America I can call you! I miss you daddy and mama does too. Mama has been really sad since you left . I can’t wait for you to come home, cause she hasn’t smiled in a long time. I gotta go daddy. I love you and come home soon!”

Gerard froze. He hung up the phone and placed it on the table next to the half full beer bottle. Scowling, he stood up and took the bottle with him to the bathroom. Gerard stood in front of the bathroom mirror , studying his reflection. Glancing down, he tipped the bottle on its side and watched the amber liquid disappear down the drain. Focusing back on his reflection he swore.

“You selfish bastard. What the hell were you thinking? You look like death.” Gerard examined the bags under his bloodshot eyes. He splashed cold water across his face, then went to find his cell phone.


“What the—” “Ray spat as his phone rang somewhere in the unfamiliar hotel room. “What,” he asked?”

“I need to get my shit together.”

Ray rubbed his eyes, “That’s great to hear. I’m glad you are finally doing this for yourself.”

Gerard shook his head, “Not for myself. For my family.”