Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > I'll Jump, Then Fall
A Miracle Will Save Me
6 reviewsRosemary decides to speak to Gerard. Things don't go quite as well as she'd hoped or planned.
5Exciting
I just got back from vacation. That's why it took two weeks to upload. I would really like a lot of reviews for this chapter in particular. It's a different take on Gerard. And I think I Like it. ;) It's pretty sad and dramatic. What should you expect from me?
Edit: I will not be updating another chapter until I have atleast 5 reviews on this chapter. Thank you. I hope you understand.
Neither of us had said much since the kiss. We were in his car, on the way back to his house. I couldn't think of anything to say and apparently neither could he, it was probably for the best.
Out of no where the soft whisper from Brendon could be heard. It was as if he wanted no one to hear but needed it to be said. "I think I love you." His eyes did not stray once from the road and his body was rigid, not even making a move.
I wasn't sure what to respond with, or if I was even suppose to say anything at all. Was it too soon to speak the truth? I wanted him to know how I felt but I didn't want to seem as if I was moving too fast, I had just broken a serious relationship off.
But what's the worst that could ever happen? Brendon knew me, and he also knew I wouldn't say something unless I meant it. "I've fallen for you too, Brendon," my voice was strong, stronger than ever in fact.
A grin spread across his face. He said, "You don't know how long I've dreamt of saying that and hearing that response. Do you really mean it?"
"Of course I mean it. I've tried so hard to keep things safe but I can't stay away from you any longer. It was difficult to see but you picked me. And I'm picking you. It's as if you've been hiding out, away from me. You're my best friend, Bren. What could go wrong with us?"
"You know, we're both really messed up," Brendon said. I looked at Brendon intently. Both of our faces were discouraged, as if that simple gesture was enough to see back in the past. Memories didn't leave me in the present, it paled me in comparison with Brendon.
"I know we're messed up. Who else could hurt someone so easily?"
The day began very melancholy but had produced itself into an amazing, eventful day. But it had to end soon. At one point, I had to visit Gerard and speak with him. I wasn't positive if I was ready to do this yet but I needed to see him. I grabbed my purse and asked to borrow the car. I would have to pick mine up from the apartment tomorrow. I owned a small Honda Civic. I needed desperately to upgrade into something bigger. It was difficult to place Eliza in her car seat, Lilly beside her, and still find room for the groceries after stowing the stroller away in the trunk.
The apartment felt eerily discomforting. I would have given anything to turn back and leave, but if I wanted to see my daughter this had to be done. I wasn't expecting to mend a friendship, although I wished that was so. I loved Gerard, but it wasn't the same. It would never be the same. We had no more to give, no matter what we said. I was lying to myself, pretending to be some one else.
My hand rasped the door, I couldn't just left myself in. It simply was not allowed. I heard the bolt locks unlocking and the door swung open, revealing a surprised Gerard. He was overwhelmed, that much I could tell. He hadn't slept, evidence were the circles under his eyes. His tired, defeated expression changed to a look of wonder. To a look of hope.
"Rose," he said while grinning. He stood away from the door, letting me inside. I sat adjacent to Gerard on the small couch.
"We need to talk." Worry crossed over Gee's eyes after I said that.
“I know. Rosemary, I love you. I don’t understand what the problem is. Do you nor love me back? I really thought the feeling was mutual. That’s why I proposed to you. I thought you wanted to spend forever with me but I can now see the truth. I’m not so blind and naïve, I can see past the lies and deceit. That’s all you did, lie! You never told me the truth!” Gerard chewed me up and spit me out, snarling his words at me. His intentions were to hurt me, he was succeeding, acting as if he were nailing me to a board.
“It wasn’t that at all! I loved you so much, I would give up eternity for you! I still love you, Gerard. My parents and best friend just died,” I moaned. I wiped away the tears from my eyes and looked back at Gerard. “You don’t propose to a woman when a tragedy like that has happened. You used me, you were trying to manipulate me. I never once lied to you!” We were both angry and couldn’t contain it.
“Damn it, Rose! You were my everything. Every breath, every thought was revolved around you. You don’t even know what you did to me. You’ve killed me inside and out. Things will not be okay. I don’t know how I feel. But I don’t- I can’t believe you. I never used you! I did nothing but good to you, and how do you repay me?”
My mouth was dry with words I couldn’t verbalize. I always ran away from the ones who loved me. The truth was, I didn’t want to wake up and see the sun anymore. It just wasn’t worth it to me.
At my lack of a response Gerard kept going. “How could you do that? Was my love not enough for you?”
“When will you begin listening to me? I love you. I adored you, I thought you were the one I was looking for. I don’t know what happened between us. I worshiped and loved you but we grew apart. It was then that I learned we weren’t meant for each other. What we were feeling together wasn’t love.”
Gerard interrupted me before I could go any further. “Could you have realized this before we made the mistake of having a child together?” Gerard spat toward me.
“Don’t you dare speak of Eliza as a mistake!” Gerard had finally made me fuming hot, furious. He could see just how angered I was but didn’t back down.
“Fine. Then, how about you act like a Mother and not rely on your best friend to take care of your kids?” Gerard was screaming again but there was nothing I could do about it.
“ I was having a difficult time yesterday. I needed time alone to think.”
“And you don’t think I was having a hard time too? I still stayed around and took care of our child! Were you even alone yesterday?” After I said nothing, giving a guilty sigh realization snapped him back. “You were with him weren’t you?” I only stared at the monster Gerard had become. “Weren’t you!” he screamed. I had to admit, I was scared. I tried to turn my face away but his hand came in contact with my jaw, forcefully bringing me back to stare at him.
“Did you leave me for him? Do you love him?” Gerard calmed down, he wanted a sincere answer. And a sincere answer is what he would be receiving.
“I didn’t leave you for him. Do I love him? I don’t know, I think I may. It’s complicated, I still love you but I feel like I’m falling for him too.”
“It hurts to hear you say that but I’d rather you be honest then lie. I do still love you. I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to quit loving you.”
“I’m so sorry, Gerard.”
“Please, just leave.” His words were like a sharp blade, they cut right through me. I whimpered when I cried. Gee shot me a look of sympathy. “I’m sorry. This is just too much for me to take in and handle. Just go.”
Gerard led me out of the door that had once been filled with many happy memories. After starting the Escalade I began sobbing. I stifled my tears and speed-dialed Hayley.
She answered on the second ring. “Are you okay? Need to stay at my house for a few days?”
“I’m fine,” I tried to hide the shakiness of my voice. “I’m coming to pick up the girls.”
“No you aren’t. They’re fine here. You are not mentally stable and we both know it. When you feel better the girls can come back with you. We’re having an amazing time. Lilly has quite a voice on her. Just like her big sister.” I heard Hayley chuckle.
“Thanks, Hales.”
“Not a problem. So what all happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye, Hun.” Hayley sounded worried. I could hear it in her voice. I must be a bad friend for not even speaking of the small details. She must have already known what had happened. I was thankful that she didn’t try to bury it out of me anyways though. I don’t think I could of handled it if she did.
“Bye.”” I felt terrible for blowing off Hayley but I wasn’t ready to tell her everything.
I had went back to Brendon’s and locked myself in the bedroom. I felt petty and I was acting pitiful too. I sobbed into my hands hoping no one would come home and find me this way. My cell phone started buzzing and ringing. It was Gerard. He must of needed something important, I went to shut it off then rethought my plan. What if something was wrong with Eliza or Lilly? Of course he'd be trying to get ahold of me. I snapped the phone open to my ear.
Holding the hiccups from my sobs deep in my throat I spoke. "Hello?"
"I-I I'm so sorry. I was such a jerk. I just felt so mad. I can't believe I touched you like that or screamed at you. I love Eliza. She wasn't a mistake and neither were you."
I was silent on my end.
"I want to get back together. I love you, Rose. Do you really want Eliza growing up without a Mom and Dad?"
He would not try and pull a guilt trip on me. I wasn't falling for it. "Goodbye Gerard." Then I flung the phone shut and through it across the room, shattering it into pieces. Talk about break up distruction. I needed a miracle to save me.
I'm not going 'cause I've been waiting for a miracle
And I'm not leaving
I won't let you, let you give up on a miracle
When it might save you
We've learned to run from
Anything uncomfortable
We've tied our pain below
And no one ever has to know
That inside we're broken
I tried to patch things up again
To calm my tears and kill these fears
But have I told you, have I?
Edit: I will not be updating another chapter until I have atleast 5 reviews on this chapter. Thank you. I hope you understand.
Neither of us had said much since the kiss. We were in his car, on the way back to his house. I couldn't think of anything to say and apparently neither could he, it was probably for the best.
Out of no where the soft whisper from Brendon could be heard. It was as if he wanted no one to hear but needed it to be said. "I think I love you." His eyes did not stray once from the road and his body was rigid, not even making a move.
I wasn't sure what to respond with, or if I was even suppose to say anything at all. Was it too soon to speak the truth? I wanted him to know how I felt but I didn't want to seem as if I was moving too fast, I had just broken a serious relationship off.
But what's the worst that could ever happen? Brendon knew me, and he also knew I wouldn't say something unless I meant it. "I've fallen for you too, Brendon," my voice was strong, stronger than ever in fact.
A grin spread across his face. He said, "You don't know how long I've dreamt of saying that and hearing that response. Do you really mean it?"
"Of course I mean it. I've tried so hard to keep things safe but I can't stay away from you any longer. It was difficult to see but you picked me. And I'm picking you. It's as if you've been hiding out, away from me. You're my best friend, Bren. What could go wrong with us?"
"You know, we're both really messed up," Brendon said. I looked at Brendon intently. Both of our faces were discouraged, as if that simple gesture was enough to see back in the past. Memories didn't leave me in the present, it paled me in comparison with Brendon.
"I know we're messed up. Who else could hurt someone so easily?"
The day began very melancholy but had produced itself into an amazing, eventful day. But it had to end soon. At one point, I had to visit Gerard and speak with him. I wasn't positive if I was ready to do this yet but I needed to see him. I grabbed my purse and asked to borrow the car. I would have to pick mine up from the apartment tomorrow. I owned a small Honda Civic. I needed desperately to upgrade into something bigger. It was difficult to place Eliza in her car seat, Lilly beside her, and still find room for the groceries after stowing the stroller away in the trunk.
The apartment felt eerily discomforting. I would have given anything to turn back and leave, but if I wanted to see my daughter this had to be done. I wasn't expecting to mend a friendship, although I wished that was so. I loved Gerard, but it wasn't the same. It would never be the same. We had no more to give, no matter what we said. I was lying to myself, pretending to be some one else.
My hand rasped the door, I couldn't just left myself in. It simply was not allowed. I heard the bolt locks unlocking and the door swung open, revealing a surprised Gerard. He was overwhelmed, that much I could tell. He hadn't slept, evidence were the circles under his eyes. His tired, defeated expression changed to a look of wonder. To a look of hope.
"Rose," he said while grinning. He stood away from the door, letting me inside. I sat adjacent to Gerard on the small couch.
"We need to talk." Worry crossed over Gee's eyes after I said that.
“I know. Rosemary, I love you. I don’t understand what the problem is. Do you nor love me back? I really thought the feeling was mutual. That’s why I proposed to you. I thought you wanted to spend forever with me but I can now see the truth. I’m not so blind and naïve, I can see past the lies and deceit. That’s all you did, lie! You never told me the truth!” Gerard chewed me up and spit me out, snarling his words at me. His intentions were to hurt me, he was succeeding, acting as if he were nailing me to a board.
“It wasn’t that at all! I loved you so much, I would give up eternity for you! I still love you, Gerard. My parents and best friend just died,” I moaned. I wiped away the tears from my eyes and looked back at Gerard. “You don’t propose to a woman when a tragedy like that has happened. You used me, you were trying to manipulate me. I never once lied to you!” We were both angry and couldn’t contain it.
“Damn it, Rose! You were my everything. Every breath, every thought was revolved around you. You don’t even know what you did to me. You’ve killed me inside and out. Things will not be okay. I don’t know how I feel. But I don’t- I can’t believe you. I never used you! I did nothing but good to you, and how do you repay me?”
My mouth was dry with words I couldn’t verbalize. I always ran away from the ones who loved me. The truth was, I didn’t want to wake up and see the sun anymore. It just wasn’t worth it to me.
At my lack of a response Gerard kept going. “How could you do that? Was my love not enough for you?”
“When will you begin listening to me? I love you. I adored you, I thought you were the one I was looking for. I don’t know what happened between us. I worshiped and loved you but we grew apart. It was then that I learned we weren’t meant for each other. What we were feeling together wasn’t love.”
Gerard interrupted me before I could go any further. “Could you have realized this before we made the mistake of having a child together?” Gerard spat toward me.
“Don’t you dare speak of Eliza as a mistake!” Gerard had finally made me fuming hot, furious. He could see just how angered I was but didn’t back down.
“Fine. Then, how about you act like a Mother and not rely on your best friend to take care of your kids?” Gerard was screaming again but there was nothing I could do about it.
“ I was having a difficult time yesterday. I needed time alone to think.”
“And you don’t think I was having a hard time too? I still stayed around and took care of our child! Were you even alone yesterday?” After I said nothing, giving a guilty sigh realization snapped him back. “You were with him weren’t you?” I only stared at the monster Gerard had become. “Weren’t you!” he screamed. I had to admit, I was scared. I tried to turn my face away but his hand came in contact with my jaw, forcefully bringing me back to stare at him.
“Did you leave me for him? Do you love him?” Gerard calmed down, he wanted a sincere answer. And a sincere answer is what he would be receiving.
“I didn’t leave you for him. Do I love him? I don’t know, I think I may. It’s complicated, I still love you but I feel like I’m falling for him too.”
“It hurts to hear you say that but I’d rather you be honest then lie. I do still love you. I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to quit loving you.”
“I’m so sorry, Gerard.”
“Please, just leave.” His words were like a sharp blade, they cut right through me. I whimpered when I cried. Gee shot me a look of sympathy. “I’m sorry. This is just too much for me to take in and handle. Just go.”
Gerard led me out of the door that had once been filled with many happy memories. After starting the Escalade I began sobbing. I stifled my tears and speed-dialed Hayley.
She answered on the second ring. “Are you okay? Need to stay at my house for a few days?”
“I’m fine,” I tried to hide the shakiness of my voice. “I’m coming to pick up the girls.”
“No you aren’t. They’re fine here. You are not mentally stable and we both know it. When you feel better the girls can come back with you. We’re having an amazing time. Lilly has quite a voice on her. Just like her big sister.” I heard Hayley chuckle.
“Thanks, Hales.”
“Not a problem. So what all happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye, Hun.” Hayley sounded worried. I could hear it in her voice. I must be a bad friend for not even speaking of the small details. She must have already known what had happened. I was thankful that she didn’t try to bury it out of me anyways though. I don’t think I could of handled it if she did.
“Bye.”” I felt terrible for blowing off Hayley but I wasn’t ready to tell her everything.
I had went back to Brendon’s and locked myself in the bedroom. I felt petty and I was acting pitiful too. I sobbed into my hands hoping no one would come home and find me this way. My cell phone started buzzing and ringing. It was Gerard. He must of needed something important, I went to shut it off then rethought my plan. What if something was wrong with Eliza or Lilly? Of course he'd be trying to get ahold of me. I snapped the phone open to my ear.
Holding the hiccups from my sobs deep in my throat I spoke. "Hello?"
"I-I I'm so sorry. I was such a jerk. I just felt so mad. I can't believe I touched you like that or screamed at you. I love Eliza. She wasn't a mistake and neither were you."
I was silent on my end.
"I want to get back together. I love you, Rose. Do you really want Eliza growing up without a Mom and Dad?"
He would not try and pull a guilt trip on me. I wasn't falling for it. "Goodbye Gerard." Then I flung the phone shut and through it across the room, shattering it into pieces. Talk about break up distruction. I needed a miracle to save me.
I'm not going 'cause I've been waiting for a miracle
And I'm not leaving
I won't let you, let you give up on a miracle
When it might save you
We've learned to run from
Anything uncomfortable
We've tied our pain below
And no one ever has to know
That inside we're broken
I tried to patch things up again
To calm my tears and kill these fears
But have I told you, have I?
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