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Author's Note: So today I found out that I'll Jump, Then Fall is the features story. What can I say? I'm pretty proud! Enjoy!

I'll Jump, Then Fall (4)

Chapter Four:

Stop thinking twice! You made the right decision! Everything happens for a reason. I couldn't help but try and talk myself into calling Gerard back and apologizing. But I couldn't. I had to stay strong, for myself if not anyone else. 

Gerard and I together were nothing but a beautiful disaster. It was a heartbreaking story to retell. I could not listen to music without thinking of him. It used to be my life, my everything. The sad, melancholy tune killed me inside, music was Gerard's and mine's release together. Nothing and no one understood me better.

Something was wrong with me; it had to be. Gerard was my almost lover. Brendon was safe, I loved him too. But it wasn't the same. Brendon couldn't fill up the entire hole in my chest that Gerard had left. At first, I had believed it to be all my fault. But now, it wasn't and I could see that. We had both done are equal parts to seperate each other. I had hurt him and he had hurt me, broken my heart. It was irreplaceable though. I hoped he was happy, even if I were not.

He was gone and he'd never be back. My Gerard left me here, alone and scared. Brendon walked into the room. 'You're all I've got right now,' I thought. No one understands how difficult it is to feel this way. Take me far away. Please always be here. Don't leave me alone any longer. 

"Are you okay?" He whispered, taking a seat right next to me. 

I began to attempt a lie but couldn't bring myself to. I simply shook my head, a tear rolling down my cheek. "Am I okay? Absolutely not."

"It's going to be okay." Brendon scanned the room awkwardly as if he would much rather be a fly on the wall than stand here speaking about this once again. 

Anger flooded my vains. "How are you so sure?" 

"I just know life will get better for you. It's just a bit difficult right now. Think about it this way, before the rise there must always be a fall. This is your fall. Before you know it, he'll be there waiting to cath you."

"He won't want to catch me. Not after what he just said. I guess I'll just have to be ready to catch myself." Even as the words rang through my ears, I knew they weren't true. Or at least not completely true. 

"Fine. Then when you fall, you'll have to catch yourself. Can you do that?"

"Apparently. I am right now," I snarled and rolled my eyes. 

A low, throaty laugh escaped Brendon's lips. "Sweetheart, if you think you're alone right now you are mistaken. Just wait until I'm not here to support you."

I looked at him, astonished. How could he have said that? Was he true? Was he all that I had now? Brendon shook his head, "If you need someone, I'll be there to catch you when you fall because without you, I'd be miserable."

Brendon was attempting to make me smile but it only made me feel ashamed and saddened to be speaking of this with him. My head was tucked securely in my hands, away from anyones view. His words shocked me, twisting my head up as fast as I was capable of. "Do you love him?" Those four words seemed so difficult to answer, too difficult to answer.

I swallowed hard before answering, "Yes." I didn't need to think too hard about that question but speaking my response out loud was another challenge, especially to him. 

"I can understand why you love him." Brendon's hand gently found my chin and he lifted my head up so he was eye level with me. "Do you love me?"

My eyes shut in dissapointment. Tears were forming, I felt as if I would be betraying Gerard if I answered honestly, even though we were over. "I-I. Yes," I finally said. 

"Then let me try and help you live again."

I was defeated, I knew that. Brendon would find a way to make me happy again. He always did. I just wasn't sure if my wounds were ready to heal. They were so painful that they could possibly kill, like a snake's venom in the Summer heat. "Okay."


I had not spoken to Gerard again, I would not answer his phone calls. I felt very weird though. I was strangely aware that something was off. I just couldn't be sure what. The feeling was bitterly familiar. As if, I was simply recalling a past event. 

I wasn't sure if I was simply going mad from everything happening. I highly doubted it though, I was recovering from the great attack quickly. Some days, I felt just as I had before I met Gerard. Others it was as if Cupid shot me with an arrow and ripped it right back out.

I finally recognized the feeling at dinner with Brendon. I had no doubt in what I was about to say. No doubt at all, no reason to even question my beliefs. My voice sounded gruff, and scared if anything. Panic arose in my eyes as I stared at Brendon. "I'm pregnant."