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Author's Note: Can't believe it took me a month to update again. My defense: it was difficult to write without a computer, I now have one so be expecting timely updates.

Chapter Five: I Can Hear Your Heart Breaking From Across The Room

Brendon looked up from the dinner table at me, shock written all over his face. “What are you talking about, Rose?” Brendon didn't seem like he believed me, I'm not sure if he just didn't want to believe that I was pregnant or if he truly didn't believe it possible.

“I'm pregnant,” I repeated.

“I heard that. Why would you say that though?” He seemed angry almost, as if he hated what I was saying.

“I know the feeling from Eliza. Besides, they always say that a Mom knows. I know, Brendon.” I sounded crazy, I knew that for sure. Brendon stood from his seat to stand over me. My eyes moved up to look at him. I was unsure of what his reaction would be next. He looked like he was internally battling with himself, I hoped he wouldn't be mad at me.

“Rose, you can't be.” Brendon was rapidly shaking. I was about to speak up but he interrupted me. “How can you be pregnant? You can't be pregnant! This is not going to be good. Don't you understand? How will the baby grow up? You aren't stable, Rose! I understand that you're going through something really difficult right now but how do you expect to support another child. You have two little girls that are waiting for you to take care of them. Two little girls that have no clue what's wrong. I've talked to Hayley, Lilly's scared. Hayley continues lying to her and she's sick of it. You can't bring another baby into this world. Not right now, Rose. If you are pregnant, and that's a big if, you have to figure out what you're going to do. Because one thing is for sure, I'm not going to allow another little baby be brought into this chaotic world. Definitely not Gerard's. You two won't even speak. How do you plan on raising his child? It's going to be difficult enough with Eliza.”

Had he really just said that? Was I an unfit parent? Was Hayley disappointed in me? I couldn't imagine any of that. Hayley was my best friend, she would have my back no matter what. Eliza? I hadn't thought about how she would be raised by both Gerard and I. Brendon did have a point though, Gerard and I won't even talk to each other. So how do I expect to raise TWO children with him? I did not have an answer to that question. I knew I was pregnant. I had no doubt in it. I was scared now though. I'm pregnant, what am I going to do? I had all of my hopes set that Brendon could help me. But now, I'm not too confident about that. Brendon isn't taking my side on this. That's something unusual, Gerard may have turned his back on me quite a few times but Brendon never had. Was this a sign, that Brendon was right?

“What if I am pregnant, Brendon?” My voice was shaky, worried. Brendon's face had softened and he took my hand in his to console me. Tears streaked down my cheeks. I finally realized just how bad of a situation I'd be put in if I truly was pregnant. That would mean me having to speak to Gerard. Possibly even put aside our problems. I wasn't ready to do that yet.

“If you're pregnant then we'll deal with it.”

“Deal with it? I don't want to just deal with it! I need a plan of what to do.” When I discovered being pregnant with Eliza, it was a miracle. Eliza was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. This could possibly be a disaster but this baby still wasn't an “it”. I couldn't think of just dealing with it.

“Abortion?” He suggested. I gasped at his proposal and stared him in the eye, as if he were crazy. “What Rose? What else could you possibly do? You aren't keeping it. I know you, you won't give it up for adoption. That's the only choice left. Abortion.”

“Are you serious? Are you really freaking serious, Brendon? Even though it's not a good time, I already love this baby. How could I just abort it? Doom it to this world before it ever even had a chance. I'd hate myself if I did this. If I was a 16 year old girl, a drug addict, if I was raped I could understand aborting it. But not like this. I'm not going to because it wasn't a mistake. I loved the man, I just became crazy and I have no clue what I want now. The only mistake I ever made was leaving a life that was perfect.”

“If it was that perfect why don't you go back?” Brendon snapped at me.

“Because I can't. I'm not welcome there.”

“I can understand why you aren't.” He mumbled under his breath.

“Oh trust me honey, if it was up to me I'd already be out of here. But this seems like it's turning into a contest to see who can act as though they care less.”

“Go ahead Rosemary, the door is that way.” Brendon pointed to the door. I only sat there staring at him for quite some time. I couldn't comprehend what was happening with me.

I stood from my seat and turned to the door, grabbing my bag in the process. I slammed the door open but was blocked from going outside. “I didn't mean it, Rose. Stay here, don't go.” Brendon's brown eyes were pleading to me. I shook my head and said, “I need some fresh air.” I pushed past him and began walking toward the highway. I looked behind after getting some distance away from the house to see Brendon baffling at me from the front door. He hadn't followed me.

I felt like a crazy lady. I tried to stop myself from acting that way but in the end, it made no difference. It was as if everything that had happened these past few months had completely changed me into a different person. I had battles with myself, trying to shut my crazy side up. But of course I had no luck.

My feet ached by the time I hit the highway. I was unsure of where I was heading, all I knew was that I couldn't stop. I'd walk all the way to Kansas if I had to. It began to rain, allowing my tears to disappear and mix with the rain. It was nearing dark when I heard a shrilling honk behind me. I looked behind me from the grass, expecting to possibly see an Escalade. But I didn't. Instead, bright red hair caught my attention. He was in his Trans Am, driving as fast as he could to get around cars. I ran as fast as my blistered feet would move away from the car. I had little to no where to hide so I could only continue running. I felt like I was running from the pigs. Actually, I'd be relieved if that was the case because this was just so much worse.

I wished I could have disappeared and combusted into thin air. Gerard screeched to a stop and got out of his car. His boots echoed behind me and I knew he was close. I wouldn't turn around though, hoping if I didn't see him he couldn't see me. But that didn't work. “Rose!” I continued walking. “Rosemary!” Gerard began running so I also ran. He was faster though, he pulled me to a halt and spun me around. My face and hair was soaking wet along with my clothes. I tried to hold back the sobs but couldn't. I had missed Gerard and seeing him made me want to fling my arms around him and feel comforted.

In any other situation this should have been strangely romantic. The rain was crashing over us and we were now both drenched to the bone. Gerard's gaze was intent and worried. Mine was attempting to be apathetic.

“How long have you been out here?” His voice was stern.

“Only a couple hours.” I responded, I hiccuped from crying.

“You're going to get sick if you're out here any longer. Get in the car.”

I tried to protest by shaking my head and walking away from him. “I'm fine, Gerard.”

“No you aren't. Get in the car, Rosemary. Willingly or unwillingly, you'll be getting in that damn car.” His hands rested protectively over my shoulders. I tried to shake myself away from him but his grip only got tighter. “Please, won't you come home?”

“I can't.” That wasn't home to me anyways. That was now his home. Not our home. He didn't love me anymore. He had every right to hate me now.

“Fine. I warned you.” Gerard picked me up and ran to his car. I tried to kick him but I gave a lousy attempt. After buckling the seat belt for the passengers seat he ran to escape the rain. He sped onto the highway again and turned toward me. “Have you lost weight?” He scanned up and down my body.

“What were you doing?” I avoided his question.

“I was about to pick up our daughter and Lilly. Then I spotted you. Hayley can watch them another night though. The real question is, what were you doing out there?”

“I needed some fresh air.”

Gerard laughed and rolled his eyes at me. “Sounds like something you'd do. So you say you needed fresh air, is there a certain reason why you choose to go onto the busy highway to get that? Or was it just a non rational thought?”

“Fine. If you want the truth. I needed to get out of that house. Brendon and I got into a pretty big fight. He made me feel humiliated. I had no intentions on going back so I just started walking. I didn't know where I was going, but anywhere would be better than there.”

“So you're saying he just watched you walk away and not try to come get you?” Gerard tensed and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “If you weren't in the car, I'd be turning right around to rip him a new one.”

I didn't say anything after that. Gerard wasn't like Brendon in many ways. One of those reasons were because Gerard didn't sugar coat things, he said things that would make you uncomfortable and he wouldn't leave them alone. I wanted to wait to have some of those conversations later. We passed a Walgreen’s and I almost jumped out of the car. “Pull over!”

Gerard pulled over. “What?”

“I'll only be a second.” I rushed out of the car before he could say anything or follow me inside. I went straight to what I needed. I plucked a pregnancy test off of the shelf and waltzed up to the counter. Displayed on one of the magazine racks was a People's Magazine and on the front cover was a picture of Brendon, Gerard, and me. I flipped through the pages until I find the article. The check out line went by very quickly so I decided to buy the magazine along with the test. Might as well have something to read while waiting for one of the most important and threatening answers in my life.

“What was that about?” Gerard said when I entered the car again. He tried to take a peak of the bag but I slid it away from him. “Oh, nothing. Can we go home?” Gerard shut his mouth and drove until we got to the house. He unlocked the door and I collapsed onto the couch. I was exhausted so I snuggled my face into the decorative pillows I had placed there months ago.

“Rose, get off the couch and go lay down in bed. I'll sleep on the couch.” I was going to protest but instead all that came out was, “Are you sure?” Gerard nodded. I went to the bedroom and jumped onto the bed. I cuddled the pillows and blankets. I found myself taking particular interest in Gerard's pillow, it smelt exactly like him. I pranced to the dresser and pulled out my favorite pajamas and pulled them on. I already felt much better. I used the connecting door to get to Eliza's room without having to go through the living room. Although I was feeling better, I wasn't feeling well enough to talk to Gerard. Seeing her nursery made me cry. I sat in the glider and wrapped my hands around her baby blanket. It smelt of Johnson & Johnson Baby Powder. My tears trapped themselves in her blanket. I couldn't believe I'd lost my daughter. That's exactly what had happened, I was slowly losing everything. I had finally come to the realization that someday everything I love will be gone.

I left her room to take the pregnancy test. I couldn't wait any longer. The results seemed to have taken hours to process. Finally the results showed up, two pink lines. My stomach seemed to drop. I flung my head over the toilet and emptied all the contents in my stomach. I fled to the one place I've found comfort, Eliza's room. I rocked myself back and forth in the chair. My tears were no longer controllable. I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe my eyes and nose.

Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out. You're going to be fine. Everything is fine. Ugh! What am I saying? Of course it isn't going to be fine. How could you have been so stup-

“I had a feeling you'd be in here.” Gerard spooked me. I jumped up, wiping away the tears from my eyes. “You okay, sweetie?”

That only caused me to choke out another blood curdling sob. I had to tell him. He had a right to know. “No. I need to show you something.” I took him to the bathroom and pointed to the sink, where the pregnancy test still lied.

He glanced at it first, then looked at me with shock. He picked the stick up to examine it more closely. “You're pregnant?” I nodded reluctantly. “Are you sure?” I couldn't speak so I motioned toward the test in his hand.

He sat the test down and enveloped me in a tight hug whispering, “It's okay. Don't worry, we'll get through this.” Strangely, his reassurance made me more confident. Perhaps, it will be okay. Then again, perhaps it won't.