Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > This Is Where It Starts
A/N
This chapter is going to be strange. We get some of Gerard’s perspective for the first and only time. Thank you for all the lovely reviews everybody!
BABETTE
Days and weeks passed and I remained void of all emotion. I couldn’t even hear his name without feeling a pang of sadness course through me. Nights were the worst. It left me alone with my own thoughts, thoughts of him. I missed every inch of him with every fiber of my being. I wanted him back, but I knew there would be no way. He was either done with me, or he was dead. I received no contact from anybody. Nobody would tell me how he was doing or what was happening. I just wanted to know that he was okay, that he was doing well. Despite everything, I still wanted him to be happy.
But, I had to get on with my life. I got a new job modeling for a fetish magazine called Scars And Cars. It basically featured me in bikinis or frilly underwear while sitting on motorcycles of cars. It wasn’t anything too dirty like Hustler or Maxim. And it was the only modeling job I could really book with my scar.
Elodie and Ben had to move on, too. Elodie was crushed that Mikey had abandoned her, but she pulled herself together for Ben and kept going. It was more than what I had done. I was in hiding. Hiding from myself, him, and all my memories.
GERARD
It was late after a show and I was exhausted. I sat on a ratty couch backstage, throwing up into a trashcan. I was so wrecked on vodka tonics and Xanax I could barely keep my eyes open. There would be no memory of tonight. So much vodka, pills and coke were running through my veins.
And yet all I could seem to think about was her.
Was she thinking about me? Probably not. She’d probably moved on with her life, gotten a new boyfriend. God knows it wouldn’t have been hard with charm and looks like hers. I missed her so much it ached and I threw up again. At this point, nothing was coming up except black bile. I felt like I was going to die, I wanted to die. Anything would’ve been better than this.
But god I missed her so much. She would never take me back after what I said to her that night. I wouldn’t if I was her. She deserved so much better than what I had given her. I should’ve listened; I should’ve stayed with her that night. Every time I pictured her face when I told her I felt a wave of regret pass over me. Why didn’t I listen? She’s better off with out me anyway. Its not like there’s any chance of getting her back now. She didn't get to see how I was affected. She didn't have any clue that I was in tears on the car ride home. She would never know either. Hindsight vision is twenty-twenty.
But why was I doing this to myself? Drinking myself sick every night, and for what? All booze has done for me was tear me apart. It ruined my life, my sanity and my relationship. This had to end. Now.
BABETTE
It was two AM my time when my phone rang. It was Brian.
“Brian! What’s going on? How is Gerard? Is he okay?” I asked, not caring if I sounded desperate. I was just thankful to have contact with anybody.
“No, he isn’t. We’re coming home early tomorrow afternoon. He nearly drank himself to death.” Brian said. The reception was terrible and I could barely hear what he was saying. All I could make out was “no”, “home early”, “tomorrow afternoon”, and “death”. My heart dropped to my stomach.
No, this couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t be dead, could he? He told me that he was dying, but I thought he was just saying that. But he looked so sick when he told me. Why hadn’t he just stayed that night? Now he could be dead! Maybe I was blowing this out of proportion.
I could see it clearly in my head; them finding Gerard face down on the bathroom floor. I shook my head, trying to erase the thought. I couldn’t bare it.
I went to the kitchen and prepared coffee. There would be no sleeping tonight.
This chapter is going to be strange. We get some of Gerard’s perspective for the first and only time. Thank you for all the lovely reviews everybody!
BABETTE
Days and weeks passed and I remained void of all emotion. I couldn’t even hear his name without feeling a pang of sadness course through me. Nights were the worst. It left me alone with my own thoughts, thoughts of him. I missed every inch of him with every fiber of my being. I wanted him back, but I knew there would be no way. He was either done with me, or he was dead. I received no contact from anybody. Nobody would tell me how he was doing or what was happening. I just wanted to know that he was okay, that he was doing well. Despite everything, I still wanted him to be happy.
But, I had to get on with my life. I got a new job modeling for a fetish magazine called Scars And Cars. It basically featured me in bikinis or frilly underwear while sitting on motorcycles of cars. It wasn’t anything too dirty like Hustler or Maxim. And it was the only modeling job I could really book with my scar.
Elodie and Ben had to move on, too. Elodie was crushed that Mikey had abandoned her, but she pulled herself together for Ben and kept going. It was more than what I had done. I was in hiding. Hiding from myself, him, and all my memories.
GERARD
It was late after a show and I was exhausted. I sat on a ratty couch backstage, throwing up into a trashcan. I was so wrecked on vodka tonics and Xanax I could barely keep my eyes open. There would be no memory of tonight. So much vodka, pills and coke were running through my veins.
And yet all I could seem to think about was her.
Was she thinking about me? Probably not. She’d probably moved on with her life, gotten a new boyfriend. God knows it wouldn’t have been hard with charm and looks like hers. I missed her so much it ached and I threw up again. At this point, nothing was coming up except black bile. I felt like I was going to die, I wanted to die. Anything would’ve been better than this.
But god I missed her so much. She would never take me back after what I said to her that night. I wouldn’t if I was her. She deserved so much better than what I had given her. I should’ve listened; I should’ve stayed with her that night. Every time I pictured her face when I told her I felt a wave of regret pass over me. Why didn’t I listen? She’s better off with out me anyway. Its not like there’s any chance of getting her back now. She didn't get to see how I was affected. She didn't have any clue that I was in tears on the car ride home. She would never know either. Hindsight vision is twenty-twenty.
But why was I doing this to myself? Drinking myself sick every night, and for what? All booze has done for me was tear me apart. It ruined my life, my sanity and my relationship. This had to end. Now.
BABETTE
It was two AM my time when my phone rang. It was Brian.
“Brian! What’s going on? How is Gerard? Is he okay?” I asked, not caring if I sounded desperate. I was just thankful to have contact with anybody.
“No, he isn’t. We’re coming home early tomorrow afternoon. He nearly drank himself to death.” Brian said. The reception was terrible and I could barely hear what he was saying. All I could make out was “no”, “home early”, “tomorrow afternoon”, and “death”. My heart dropped to my stomach.
No, this couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t be dead, could he? He told me that he was dying, but I thought he was just saying that. But he looked so sick when he told me. Why hadn’t he just stayed that night? Now he could be dead! Maybe I was blowing this out of proportion.
I could see it clearly in my head; them finding Gerard face down on the bathroom floor. I shook my head, trying to erase the thought. I couldn’t bare it.
I went to the kitchen and prepared coffee. There would be no sleeping tonight.
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