FicWad

I hadn't expected James to have said anything nice to Lars about me, but I hadn't really expected him to be quite so mean. After all, everything he had said was certainly not true. I was most certainly not with Kirk all the time...or was I? I had spent a lot of time with Kirk lately to be honest. However, that was not at all because I had supposedly "lost interest" in James. The only reason I spent more time with Kirk was because he was new to the band and always seemed ready and willing to talk to me. James had been busy with the new "Ride the Lightning" album, and so it only made sense for me to find a new friend to hang out with.

After all, Kirk and I really were just friends regardless of what James thought. The look in Kirk's eyes showed that he cared about me, but only in a manner of friendship. I knew there wasn't more between us than that. Nevertheless, whenever Kirk held my hand or gave me a hug, I couldn't help but feel an electric shiver go up and down my spine. I wasn't sure what caused that, but I decided it was best not to think about that right now. Right now, I should be focusing on my upcoming surgery and not my tangle of relationship problems. However, whenever I turned my thoughts back to the surgery, I always ended up concentrating on the pain within me.

"Olivia? Are you okay? You haven't said anything," Lars' voice jerked me out of my reverie and back into the present. When I looked up, I was surprised to see that Lars still seemed to have that caring expression on his face. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all. Maybe he just had to warm up to me or something. Trying to smile, I answered Lars' question, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just thinking about what you said about James. Was he flirting at all with any girls when you left the club?"

Lars paused for a moment to think my question through before answering, "Not that I know of. Of course, I don't keep an eye on James the whole time. I was drinking with some of the guys from Anthrax and James was hanging out somewhere else, so really, I'm not exactly sure what he was doing. When the guys and I found him later, it looked like he was trying to drown himself in beer."

James trying to drown himself in beer didn't sound so good. Drinking always made James do a lot of things he wouldn't normally do. I hoped that the drinking would make him pass out before any pretty stripper girl found him. Okay, maybe that was kind of a mean thought on my part about wanting James to pass out, but he was my boyfriend after all!

At that moment, Kirk and Cliff wandered back over to the examining table with Kirk holding Cliff's phone against his ear. Before they were within hearing distance of us, Lars leaned in close to me and said anxiously, "Whatever you do, try to hold on, Olivia. James may be pretty pissed off at you, but I know he'd be devastated if you died from this. Hold on for his sake." With that said, Lars gave me a haphazard smile and wandered towards the door of the examining room just as Kirk and Cliff reached the table. Cliff was watching Kirk and Kirk was tapping his foot impatiently as the phone rang.
Just when I was about to give up all hope of James picking up his cell phone, Kirk's voice lit up. Bringing the phone away from his ear, he pressed the speakerphone button so we could all hear what James was saying. In as cheerful of a voice as Kirk could muster, he said, "Hey James, this is Kirk. Where are you right now?"

"Where the fuck do you think I am and why do you fucking care?" James slurred back in irritation. Kirk grimaced at James' words and mouthed to me, "He's obviously pretty drunk. Maybe we shouldn't talk to him right now?" I quickly shook my head. It didn't really matter to me whether or not James was drunk, I just wanted to hear his voice before I went into surgery.

Sighing loudly, James finally answered Kirk's previous question, "If you must know, I'm still at the club. Why are you calling me though? I don't think you've ever called me before." James' voice was still irritated and I could tell he wasn't all that happy to have received Kirk's call. Nevertheless, Kirk still managed to keep his tone calm and polite as he replied to James, "I'm calling you about Olivia. You know, your girlfriend? You do remember who she is, right?"

"Oh, I know exactly what this is about," James snarled into the phone, suddenly sounding vicious. "You're calling me so you can break up with me for Olivia so she doesn't have to do it, right? That figure. Olivia's way too fucking scared of facing me." Kirk looked at the phone in complete shock and horror. It was clear that Kirk didn't know anything about the fact that James thought he and I were romantically involved. It was also quite clear that Kirk had lost his patience with James.

"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about," Kirk said in a dangerously low voice, "But I don't want you talking about Olivia that way. Anyways, it's obvious you don't care about her so I guess my call was pointless." There was a pause from the other end of the phone. Finally, James said in an apologetic tone, "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. If you weren't calling for her, than what exactly are you calling me for then? If it's nothing serious, I'd like to get back to my whiskey."

Kirk looked really mad. I didn't usually see Kirk mad, but he was definitely mad now. His eyes were narrowed and glinted dangerously in the light. Taking a deep breath, he replied, "Oh, it's nothing serious at all. Your girlfriend is in the hospital and could potentially die from a tumor found in her stomach, but no, it's not at all serious. Why don't you just go back to your drinking?" With that, Kirk slammed the phone shut and literally threw it at Cliff as if it was poison.
Cliff just barely caught the phone as Kirk shoved it at him, "Whoa, be careful with that! It's an expensive phone!" Kirk, who looked like he could start breathing fire at any moment, finally calmed down and apologized, "Sorry. I'm just really pissed at James at the moment. That guy can get pretty crazy when he's drunk."

I wasn't all that happy about James' lack of concern for me, but I had wanted to have the chance to talk to him. Deciding to voice that aloud, I turned to Kirk and said, "Why'd you hang up? I wanted to talk to him." Kirk gave me an incredulous look as a few doctors came back into our examining room, "I wasn't going to let you talk to that bastard when he was stoned like that! He'd just say a whole lot of things to you that you don't need to hear right now. Believe me, you can talk to him all you want when he's calmed down. However, in the meantime, just try to forget about him and calm yourself down."

Right now, I was feeling anything but calm as the doctors approached my examining table. I had never had surgery done before and it wasn't exactly something I was looking forward too. I was also feeling guilty and mad. I think the guiltiness was coming from the fact that James was partially right about Kirk and me. Even if it was one-sided, I did find that I was kinda attracted to Kirk. Kirk was nice, smart, funny, and always kind. On the other hand, James could be quite moody sometimes. However, that wasn't any excuse to be feeling attracted to another guy besides my boyfriend. Regardless of all that though, I couldn't help but feel mad that James didn't trust me. True, maybe I did like Kirk to some extent, but I wouldn't sleep with him or do anything like that physically. It was just a small attraction that I was going to keep to myself.

"Olivia?" one of the doctors called my name. I looked up and saw that she was looking down at me. I nodded to show her I was listening. The doctor continued, "I'm Doctor Kate. I'm going to be the one mainly working on your surgery today. We're going to have to bring you into a different room now. You can take one of your friends along with you." Doctor Kate motioned towards where Lars, Kirk, and Cliff were standing in the background.

For a minute, my worst symptom was my aching heart. Deep down inside, I knew it should've been James who was with me right now. I didn't let myself think about that though. Instead, I immediately said the name that automatically came to my lips, "I want Kirk with me." Doctor Kate gently placed me back onto the stretched and started out of the room, motioning Kirk to follow her.

As we disappeared from the room, Cliff and Lars gave me good luck signs and sad smiles. Wondering if there was a possibility that this was the last time I would ever see them again, I attempted a smile and a wave, but that was kind of hard to do since I was forced to lie on my back on the stretcher. Doctor Kate brought me down a hallway and turned a corner into a small, dark room. I was immediately set into the chair into the middle of the room. I tried to look around and get a bearing on my surroundings, but it was much too dark to see anything. I wondered if that was intentionally. Seeing the surgical knife probably would've freaked me out.

Doctor Kate put on some new gloves and pointed towards a wooden chair sitting next to the one I was lying back in, "You can sit there, Mr. Hammett." Kirk perched on the edge of the chair next to me and held my hand tightly. He looked almost as nervous about the upcoming surgery as I was. As I gazed around the room, fear quickly overtook me and I started to choke again. Normally, I was able to stop choking after a few minutes. This time, I choked and choked until Doctor Kate came over and slapped me hard on the back a few times. It hurt, but it did do the job and I stopped choking.

"Alright, we're ready to start the procedure. If you want to say anything to your friend, do it now," Doctor Kate said a-matter-of-factly. I turned and looked apprehensively into Kirk's dark, chocolate eyes. He wasn't trying to hide the fear in them anymore as he tightened his grip on my hand. With my last words, I made a last request, "Um, Kirk? Tell James I love him if I don't...um...make it through this." For some reason, I didn't want to say the word "die". It just sounded too tragic.

Kirk nodded in response to my question and lifted his other hand up to touch my cheek gently. Doctor Kate coughed loudly behind us as a hint that she wanted to start the procedure now. Kirk suddenly bent down and kissed my cheek lightly before saying, "It'll be okay, Olivia. You're strong. You can do this. Do it for me and for everyone else who cares."

Kirk backed away from me after that, but continued to hold my hand. Doctor Kate gave him a wry smile as she bent over me. The figure her shadow cast over me made the room look even darker. Turning to Kirk, she said, "You're going to have to let go of her hand." Shit. I really had liked the comfort of holding Kirk's hand. The way he had been squeezing my hand was actually quite comforting. Plus, his hand had been warm and was helping to warm up my freezing one.

Slowly, Kirk dropped his hand from mine and I was left alone. Leaning up over me, Doctor Kate turned on some dark machine and presented a mask in front of me. She showed it to me before she put it over my mouth and explained, "This is just some gas we're going to give you to put you out for the procedure. It shouldn't hurt much. You'll just be sleepy."

I felt strange as soon as the mask was put over my mouth. Doctor Kate's face began to blur and sway in front of my eyes as I started breathing in the gas. Oh god, this was it. This may be the last vision I ever had of this life. Trying to imprint this last vision into my head, I felt everything swirl and come together before it all went black.