Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > This is our Beautiful Lie, Sweet Heart. 100 Suns Until We Part

Looking at us from the outside world.

by nikluvsjay 6 reviews

Finding out what you really look like from another persons view. It's not good is it? You will never know what hides behind this smile, you would never feel my pain. Read on

Category: 30 Seconds to Mars - Rating: R - Genres: Drama,Humor,Romance - Warnings: [V] [X] - Published: 2010-12-14 - Updated: 2010-12-14 - 1623 words - Complete

Chapter 6- Looking at us from the outside world.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Plz review and rate that would be good thanks :) enjoy)
I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.

This place is so empty,
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don’t know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
that nothing can save me,
But it’s the only thing that I have.

If you believe it's in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.

On my own...
Sum 41- Pieces
Today felt different I rolled over to turn myself to face Jay; he looked so peaceful asleep, so cute right there. I started to move but he put my arm around me and pulled me back to bed. He was holding me just like a little kid would hold their teddy bear. I had to wake him up soon just in case Tijana walked in that would be just awkward. I put my face near his and whispered in his ear “Jay Jay, babe” “mmmhhh” he replied. “We gotta get up” he pulled me closer to him and I just smiled “Jayyy” he finally opened his eyes at me he smiled back. “Hey babe” he kissed my forehead. “ Hi Jay” I looked at him “ You gotta go” I looked away from him and then he put his hands on the side of my face and looked into my eyes brown on blue. “I know why, your crazy sister” and giggled a little. “Yer her come on, I’ll take you out”.

Both Jay and myself got out of bed, I quickly fixed my hair and Jay took his leather jacket. He kept trying to pull me back on the bed but I knew he had to go. I took his hand and he took mine, we quietly walked down stairs not making any louds sounds, footsteps walking the quiet, old house. We had to make sure that Tijana wouldn’t noticed that he stayed the night. We really didn’t want the awkward conversation.

“ So this is bye then” I faked a smile “ No this isn’t a goodbye, this is just the start babe” Jay whispered in my ear. I went over to hug him and this hug felt like forever I didn’t want him to let go, Jay kissed me on my forehead again. “ This is always beating for you, no matter what. These feelings I have for you. These feelings I can’t control or understand are just for you” He placed my hand on his heart. His heart was beating fast and he locked my eyes on his. “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye” I didn’t know what to say I was frozen in those words what he just said. I closed my eyes and then when I opened them he was in his car driving off. I watched him go to the end of the street and I closed the door behind me, to walk to the kitchen.

nails tapping on the table “Had a nice night?” Tijana smiled, and then she gave me a grin. “ Ah yer I just went to sleep” “ Oh reallyyyy, someone didn’t stay over” my eyes shot up, I started to shake. “ What are you on about?” “ Oh Nik, you know tell me”. I gave Tijana a grin, I turned around and faced her “ Sis that’s for me to know, and you to dot, dot, dot”.

“ Don’t go Damon Salvatore on me, it’s NOT going to work out you know”
“ YES it will, how would you know? How would you know what it feels like?”
“ How would I know? I don’t I have been rejected by guys all my LIFE!” she started to yell “ YOU CAN’T BE WITH HIM, why do you get the happy ending?”
“ I CAN! IT’S MY CHOICE TIJANA, NOT YOURS I LO-“ “what nik, you love him? You can’t”
“ FUCK You!, just because you have no one, doesn’t mean you can mess my life up” A tear escaped my eyes “ Because Tijana, I need this happy ending. Everyone I have ever loved died. I can’t take that anymore” Tijana just looked at me, she was shocked more then ever or just frozen at what I said.
“ When dad left I had to look after mum, by myself while you go out and have parties get drunk, have sex with strangers”
" You don't see her cry, you don't feel the way she did, you don't stay up all night with her in your arms, YOU JUST DON'T.
I was trying to push away the tears that were just running down my face. I put my fists together. "

“ Tijana I have been here forever for her, mum would cry herself to sleep I was there to comfort her to make her forget, but then nana died and I knew I was going to break apart, I can’t lose him, he is the only good thing I have that isn’t broken”
Wanna know what it feels like Tijana?
"When someone you Love dies it is that emptyness way beyond lonliness. You don't look forward to anything because no matter what happens good or bad they won't be there to share it with. All of the dreams and hopes and plans that were you go with them. When you loose someone you love you push on... one minute, one hour, one day at a time, even though most of the time you feel numb.That is how she felt Tijana, but you could never see it, she would put on an act to hide it.

“ Nik, I’m sorry. I didn’t have the right to say that” she went to hug me but I walked away. I ran up stairs and fell on my bed and broke down. The day passed on and I needed an escape route now. I didn’t answer the knocks on my door from Tijana saying sorry.

Are you falling?
Is it just me?
That dark hole is appearing again
The tears are falling
I need you here,with me
Hug me and say it's ok.
But where am I?

Lost without you

The Next Night
Nik’s POV:
I was sitting in my room, having nothing to do. When I heard a sound on my window a rock was thrown up. I pulled myself from my bed and walked over to my window it was Jay. I opened up my window.
“ Jay what are you doing here?”
“ I wanted to see you I had some things I had to sort out, I’m coming up.” Easily for some reason Jay leapt onto a low hanging limb and began to climb the tree which was going near my window so he could easily get in. He got hold of my window and now he was fully in my room. I hugged him as soon at his feet touched the floor. “ Hey hey, what’s wrong babe?” Jay looked worried he pulled me away to face him and put both of his hands on the side of my face, he looked at me in my eyes and knew I was crying before. Jay pulled me back into his arms and just hugged me, I felt safe and secure right here, right now. I pulled out of his arms.
My thumb trails over his bottom lip as I smiled up at him sweetly, knowing he'll respond because he has no defence against me.

He lowers his mouth to mine and Jay sighs against my lips.
Jay puts his lips near mine and kisses my lips softly.
Reaching up, I smoothed my palms down his cheeks, delighting in the feel of the stubble he sometimes leaves just to add to the hotness.
“Everything ok?” we both took a breath and leaned our heads together.
“ yer just some crap going on” I put my arms around Jay’s neck.
“ You sure?”
“I’m sure” “ we have four weeks remember “ “ wait what?” I totally forgot about that, in four weeks I will lose him. Jay will be going back on tour with the band.
“ We will talk about that when it comes” “ you have to meet Shan and Tomo, they have been waiting”
“You told them about me”
“Something like that” he smirked at me

“ Ok tomorrow then, I’ll meet Shan and Tomo” I got really happy and jumped on my bed “ Happy I see” “ Why yes Mr. Leto I am” “ It’s good to see you smile Nik” I patted an area on my bed and Jay came on he hugged me again “ No one is going to separate us, no matter what. You are the one I chose”

Tomorrow I was going to meet Shannon and Tomo. Jay said he will never leave me, I trust him when the last day comes we will talk then. I just want to enjoy being with him.
I think we dream so we don't have to be away from one another. If we're in each other's dreams, we'll always be together.
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