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“These few days with my favourite people will be so awesome!” Ray had his arm around me and Gerard. He was obviously excited to spend time with his band mates for the first time in a long time.
I let out a chuckle and hugged him, “It’s been awhile, we’ll all have fun!”
“It sure will be,” Frank dropped a heap of bags on the wooden floor.
“It has to be, we made so much food for you guys,” Gerard exclaimed and fist pumped Frank. It was their own greeting.
I crossed my arm; I kind of wished that Gerard and I had our own greeting so I could feel special like Frank.
“So much food? Aww Gerard, you thought of me and my love for food. Let’s eat!” Frank ran into the kitchen without missing a second.
“Dude! We just had Maccas an hour ago!” Bob called out.
“We all know Frank never stops eating,” I shrugged.
“How have you been Nicole?” Ray put his arm around me and we started walking to the kitchen. “How’s the studying?”
I laughed, it was such a typical question. “Study is good, life is good.”
“If your life is good then it must mean that Gerard is treating you well and buying you all the things you want.”
“Of course I am! I’m so awesome at it,” Gerard pointed out and grabbed a handful of chips.
“That’s how a father should be anyway,” Ray patted him on the back.
Gerard choked on his food he was eating and looked at me with concern.
I froze and my gaze dropped to the floor. I know that Gerard is my step father, just the way Ray has said that just hit me close to home. It felt like I knew exactly what was going through his mind right at this moment, but I refuse to look up and see the thoughts from his hazel eyes.
“You okay Gerard?” Ray patted his back more and looked at him.
Gerard just nodded and kept his face down.
I silently breathed in deep and planted a smile on my face before looking up to the guys standing around the kitchen counter. Frank was still munching on the chips and Bob was pigging out.
Ray jumped on the counter and swung his legs about, “Kerri-Anne did good with leaving you to look after Nicole,” he smiled at me. “I’m sure she’s looking down at you two and smiling with joy.”

Leave. was all that running through my head. I obeyed without another second sparing and jolted out of the kitchen. My mind was fuzzy, my mouth was trembling and dry, my eyes were blurry from the tears swelling up and still I managed to leave the house. I was never a good runner in elementary school or even high school but at this unpredictable moment I could not stop running. It was as if my body collected extra energy to run a distance so far away from home. I was always good with my direction but I couldn’t even remember the corners I turned at or the number of blocks I have ran. I couldn’t hear anything, just only my staggering breath and fast rhythm of my heartbeat beating at my ears. Where could I go? was all I heard from my thoughts. It was like my ability to think straight was thrown in the trash now. I just ran, I didn’t think. I should have, but I didn’t.

I couldn’t control my body or let alone my mind. I jumped onto the road; the common sense of looking if there were cars didn’t come across my mind. But it did when a car on my left screeched its wheels as the driver put on their breaks and stopped just a few inches away from me. The driver was about to yell, his face all scrunched up and red but as soon as he saw the rushing tears on my face he stared. “Are you okay?” he called out.
I nodded and kept running. That encounter with almost getting hit by that car made my legs turn to jelly, I was scared that any minute they would give way. I needed to keep running though, I wasn’t even close to being far enough from home but I knew I wouldn’t make it any longer but ‘keep running’ was being chanted in my head so I couldn’t give up easily.

But I fell. I fell onto the concrete sidewalk and scraped my hands, elbows and knees from the impact. I lay on the concrete floor for a moment and looked up to the evening sky. It was so peaceful; it was too peaceful that my mind began to start up the chain of thoughts. I couldn’t let that happen! I needed to run. I pulled myself up from my lying position and blinked letting the excess tears fall to the floor making dark stains on the pale concrete. I used the last amount of energy in my painstaking arms to pull myself up but couldn’t. I was too hurt on the inside and out. My legs were still jelly from the encounter so I dropped back down and lay defeated on the sidewalk. I formed a cave around my face with my bare arms and cried. I didn’t care if bystanders saw me. It was like I was an out of control psychotic patient but again I didn’t care at that moment.

“Nicole!”
I knew the voice but didn’t look up. I was angry, confused, embarrassed and all kinds of emotions that stopped me from looking up to that voice. I didn’t want be looked down on with pity. That was the last thing I wanted. Oh god, what have I put myself into?
“Nicole, please calm down. Just let me help you,” he pulled me up to a sitting position.
I shook my head, “I’m only just crying ‘cause Ray just mentioned… her. I haven’t thought of her in awhile, I just feel guilty okay?” I didn’t dare look at his face. I could imagine the expression his face was holding right now.
“I know that’s not the only reason why you feel guilty, but it’s okay.”
I let out a gasp and looked up to his brown eyes. “You can’t know…”
“Nicole, did you forget that I’m Gerard’s brother? I know what goes through his mind. I knew all of this before it happened and you don’t need to worry, I’m not here to judge.” Mikey looked at me with a sincere and calm face.
My gaze rose up to the sky. “I bet… my mother is looking down at me with disgrace. I bet that she’s upset…” I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth. “that I stole him off her!” I yelled.
“Shh,” he hugged me. “You didn’t steal him off her. For all we know, she must be happy that Gerard isn’t alone in this world. He’s got you,” he gave me a faint smile.
I shook my head, “I stole him… off her…”
“You can’t help who you love. I’ve seen the way you look at him.”
“I shouldn’t look at him that way!” I cried and squeezed his arm to vent out the pain that my insides were going through.
“It may seem like it’s wrong but no one can fight against love.”
“Well I can! I need to! I shouldn’t be…” I gulped, I couldn’t say it but I thought it. “with him…” I push him away from me.
“You’re going to fight against it?”
I looked up and saw his silhouette.
“You’re going to fight against what we have?” his voice grew louder.
“Gerard, please. She’s not in her right state of mind,” Mikey said calmly.
Gerard ignored him and looked hard into my eyes, “You’re going to fight against all I have given you? All that I have opened up to you about? Do you know how hard it was to open up to you about my feelings? I risked all that for you! And now you want to fight against this and throw it all away?” he roared.
“Gerard…” Mikey started.
Gerard interrupted him and went down on his knees and stood at my eye level. “Are you going to fight against the place in my heart that belongs to you?” he yelled.
“Come on Gerard, please, not here.”
He grabbed my shoulders and shook me violently which where I began to sob and squeeze my eyes shut, “Answer me!” he roared.
“Gerard!” Mikey stood up and pushed him off where he fell back and looked up at his brother. “You don’t know what she’s going through right now!”
I hugged myself around my shoulders, the place on my shoulders where he grabbed me were hot as if he put me on fire. I didn’t know what to do with myself.
Gerard stayed silent as he sat on the concrete floor.
I heard Mikey sigh, “Okay, this is going to obviously bring the guys to their attention. So Gerard, you get back home and act normal. Nicole, you stay with me.”
Gerard sat there and looked at my brother blankly.
“I said go Gerard!” he told him sternly.
He gave his brother a nod and disappeared into the night.



I'M SO EXCITED TO ACTUALLY FINALLY WRITE DOWN A CHAPTER! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE REVIEW THIS FOR IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE HEARD FROM MY REVIEWERS ^________^
Also, I'm really sorry if this chapter make you sick or disgusted...