Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > From The Earth To The Morgue
Gerard's POV
Hour after hour slowly drifted by, each seemingly more slow than the last. I spent most of each one speaking with a doctor, when I wasn't looking for one, or staring at a conveniently placed clock. I knew I had to keep going, just to figure everything out, but my body protested just a little more with every step.
My mind refused to allow it any rest. Not until it was satisfied with the answers it'd recieved, and convinced that Mikey would be safe if he left now. When I finally allowed myself to trudge back to his room, my little brother was wide awake and anticipating my arrival.
"Well, is everything okay?" he asked, voice hopelessly hopeful. I shouldn't have been surprised that he knew what I had spent my day doing. As I gently cleared my throat, his face clouded over with something I couldn't quite understand.
I approached without saying a word. We both knew they weren't necessary to tell him what I needed to. Even though I had signed the form, right after the doctor had left the two of us alone, I had promptly insisted that he climb back into bed while I tried to get the things we'd need.
Honestly, I didn't know if everything was okay. I wasn't even sure if it ever could be.
Sure, Mikey was healing. He was getting better, and I was so relieved. I loved him so much, and I had been so afraid to lose him. But his only brother had been unable to protect him onstage, while he was standing right there.
Maybe that's why I was so reluctant to let him leave this building, no matter how much he wanted to go. Within these four walls, I could be with close to him at all times. I could protect him when he was here, and letting him walk away felt like I was tempting fate.
I knew something bad would happen.
I just knew.
Doing it felt like I was going to lose my baby brother.
I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking while I stood there , his eyes trained specifically on me, and nothing else. I knew I looked somber, but I offered a small smile anyways. He returned it instantly, but it never quite reached his eyes. They didn't show me anything at all.
Usually, they would send his emotions off to other people in waves, telling you exactly what he's thinking. They would tell me all his thoughts and let me right inside his head. They were a window to a secret communication, in a language that no one else could understand.
However, today was a different story. His face was completely indifferent to me, not letting me anywhere near his thoughts.
What changed? I thought, while swallowing the lump that formed in my throat. Is he angry at me for taking over his life? Should I back off? Is that what he wants? All these thoughts attcked me from all angles, and I eventually had to close my eyes and push them away. I already knew the answer. I just didn't like it. Something inside me broke.
"Yeah," I finally answered, my voice completely contradicting the smile that still quivered on my lips. "seems like everything is set to go. You're allowed to leave." I paused, debating on adding one more piece to this statement.
If you're sure...
I didn't.
His entire face lit up, a huge grin surfacing on his lips. "I love you, Gee!" he shouted excitedly, "Let's go!" He threw the sheets back as if they'd burned him, to reveal his still fully clothed figure. He swung his legs around and stood, swaggering slightly. I could see the pain that filled his face, though he was trying his hardest to hide it.
"Mikey?" I murmured softly, after watching him slowly shuffle around the room to pick up all his extra things. He barely glanced at me, too focused on walking in a straight line.
"I'm fine." he instantly responded. The tone of his voice told me he didn't want to hear the words that he knew were going to come next.
"I didn't ask that."
He turned around completely and met my eyes again. He had an intensity radiating out of them, a fire burning behind them that made me shiver. In the short time we'd been here, something had changed. Something was different than it had been before.
"You can't always worry about me, Gee."
I scoffed. "It's what I was born to do, little brother." I even threw in a genuine smile, which he returned, moving forward to hug me.
"It could have been you..." he whispered into my ear, but I wasn't sure what he meant by it. I just focused on having him close, and wrapped my arms around him in return.
"Love you, Mikey."
As long as we have each other, maybe everything will be okay.
Just maybe...
Hour after hour slowly drifted by, each seemingly more slow than the last. I spent most of each one speaking with a doctor, when I wasn't looking for one, or staring at a conveniently placed clock. I knew I had to keep going, just to figure everything out, but my body protested just a little more with every step.
My mind refused to allow it any rest. Not until it was satisfied with the answers it'd recieved, and convinced that Mikey would be safe if he left now. When I finally allowed myself to trudge back to his room, my little brother was wide awake and anticipating my arrival.
"Well, is everything okay?" he asked, voice hopelessly hopeful. I shouldn't have been surprised that he knew what I had spent my day doing. As I gently cleared my throat, his face clouded over with something I couldn't quite understand.
I approached without saying a word. We both knew they weren't necessary to tell him what I needed to. Even though I had signed the form, right after the doctor had left the two of us alone, I had promptly insisted that he climb back into bed while I tried to get the things we'd need.
Honestly, I didn't know if everything was okay. I wasn't even sure if it ever could be.
Sure, Mikey was healing. He was getting better, and I was so relieved. I loved him so much, and I had been so afraid to lose him. But his only brother had been unable to protect him onstage, while he was standing right there.
Maybe that's why I was so reluctant to let him leave this building, no matter how much he wanted to go. Within these four walls, I could be with close to him at all times. I could protect him when he was here, and letting him walk away felt like I was tempting fate.
I knew something bad would happen.
I just knew.
Doing it felt like I was going to lose my baby brother.
I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking while I stood there , his eyes trained specifically on me, and nothing else. I knew I looked somber, but I offered a small smile anyways. He returned it instantly, but it never quite reached his eyes. They didn't show me anything at all.
Usually, they would send his emotions off to other people in waves, telling you exactly what he's thinking. They would tell me all his thoughts and let me right inside his head. They were a window to a secret communication, in a language that no one else could understand.
However, today was a different story. His face was completely indifferent to me, not letting me anywhere near his thoughts.
What changed? I thought, while swallowing the lump that formed in my throat. Is he angry at me for taking over his life? Should I back off? Is that what he wants? All these thoughts attcked me from all angles, and I eventually had to close my eyes and push them away. I already knew the answer. I just didn't like it. Something inside me broke.
"Yeah," I finally answered, my voice completely contradicting the smile that still quivered on my lips. "seems like everything is set to go. You're allowed to leave." I paused, debating on adding one more piece to this statement.
If you're sure...
I didn't.
His entire face lit up, a huge grin surfacing on his lips. "I love you, Gee!" he shouted excitedly, "Let's go!" He threw the sheets back as if they'd burned him, to reveal his still fully clothed figure. He swung his legs around and stood, swaggering slightly. I could see the pain that filled his face, though he was trying his hardest to hide it.
"Mikey?" I murmured softly, after watching him slowly shuffle around the room to pick up all his extra things. He barely glanced at me, too focused on walking in a straight line.
"I'm fine." he instantly responded. The tone of his voice told me he didn't want to hear the words that he knew were going to come next.
"I didn't ask that."
He turned around completely and met my eyes again. He had an intensity radiating out of them, a fire burning behind them that made me shiver. In the short time we'd been here, something had changed. Something was different than it had been before.
"You can't always worry about me, Gee."
I scoffed. "It's what I was born to do, little brother." I even threw in a genuine smile, which he returned, moving forward to hug me.
"It could have been you..." he whispered into my ear, but I wasn't sure what he meant by it. I just focused on having him close, and wrapped my arms around him in return.
"Love you, Mikey."
As long as we have each other, maybe everything will be okay.
Just maybe...
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