FicWad

Gerard opened his eyes to find Mikey looking at him, his eyes brimming with tears. He brought his hand up, and traced his fingers along Mikey's face. Mikey blinked rapidly as to keep his tears from falling. He didn't want Gerard to have to worry about him as soon as he'd woken up. A lone tear managed to fight its way out of Mikey's eye, and fell slowly down his face. Gerard wiped it away, his fingers lingering a little on the tear track. He pulled himself up into a sitting position and looked directly into Mikey's eyes, searching for something that could possibly reassure him that his little brother was really okay. Mikey tried to look away, but he couldn't bring himself to leave Gerard's somewhat expectant gaze. There was something strong within it, and it made Mikey feel like Gerard was willing him to understand something. Gerard leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Mikey's.

"You still think that this is your fault in some way or another." Gerard stated.

"It is." Mikey replied, his tone seeming almost emotionless. Gerard had managed to catch a little bit of guilt and pain in Mikey's tone, and it killed him inside to know that his baby brother was still beating himself up over something that he didn't have much control over.

"Don't start with that again, Mikey." Gerard whispered. He closed his eyes for a moment, bracing himself for the discussion he was sure would happen. He wasn't prepared for Mikey's next statement.

"I never stopped."

Gerard's eyes shot open. He pulled away, and looked at Mikey. "Excuse me?"

"I never stopped, Gee. I just pretended so you would stop worrying."

"Mikey, no. This isn't your fault." Gerard started again.

"If I had only been able to defend myself from the beginning, none of this would have happened, Gerard. Don't say that this isn't my fault." Mikey whimpered, clearly not hearing what Gerard was trying to say. Gerard held Mikey's face so that he was looking directly at him.

"Michael James Way. You listen to me right now. You and I both know that you can defend yourself. You just couldn't at the time, but that's not your fault. You didn't cause this. That man caused all of this, and no matter how much we wish that we could change that, we can't. All of this is out of our reach, Mikey. We just have to move forward with everything." Gerard said.

"But I can't, Gee. That's the problem. If I could, don't you think I would have? Things are easier said than done!"

"Did I say that this would be easy, Mikes? No, I didn't. We both have to work at this, but I know that we can make it. God doesn't throw things at people if he doesn't think that they can handle it." Gerard said. "You need to understand that, Mikey."

"Gerard, if we can handle this, how come it's almost destroyed us?"

"We let our guard down, Mikey. That's what causes the downfall for the best of us."

"I don't know if I can do this, anymore." Mikey whispered.

"Do what?"

"Any of this. The band...Or us." Mikey finished, holding back his tears. The last part of Mikey's statement broke Gerard's heart.

"Is that really how you want to leave it, Mikey? After all of this time, and everything we've been through together...You just want to give up? This is how you want to leave it? You really want to leave us behind?"

"I don't know, Gerard. I don't want to, but I don't know if I can do any of this anymore. It's killing me, Gerard. I thought I needed this, but...Maybe I was wrong."

Gerard looked down. He felt like everything had fallen down around him. Mikey might not have needed him anymore. That killed him.

Gerard's head shot up, and before he knew what he was doing, he had tackled Mikey, and now had him pinned down in his bunk.

"Do you really want to leave us behind, Mikey? Think of all that we've been through together. You can't just leave it here, Mikey!"

"Gerard, maybe we've just been living a lie this whole time. Maybe...We're each other's downfall."

"You can't possibly believe that! We've been breaking whenever we're apart."

"Why is this such a big deal?!" Mikey asked.

"Mikey, you're everything to me. If we let this go...I-" Gerard got cut off by Mikey's next action.

Mikey pulled Gerard close, and had Gerard's face buried into his chest. Gerard pulled himself away from Mikey.

"What the hell?"

"I can't believe I just told you that I could live without you."

Mikey and Gerard looked at each other while in each other's arms, and refused to let go.

Their emotions were running high, and they both had no clue what to expect. Either way, they knew that this would be a very long, unusual road to recovery.