FicWad

Gerard felt as though he was falling a thousand feet per second, and somehow, Mikey still took him by surprise. Even though they'd had that fight that morning, Gerard knew that they couldn't be over. Every time he looked at Mikey, he could see it in his eyes. The hint of regret for letting those words out of his mouth, and the relief that he had because he knew that Gerard wouldn't let this happen. It was simple; As long as they could feel each other holding on to what they had, neither would fall, no matter how many times they fought, or said said that the other was wrong.

Gerard knew that as a being he wasn't perfect, but he swore that he would keep trying to be. That was a promise that he had made to himself and his family from the start. Gerard wasn't alive when he was lonely, and he was lonely without Mikey. The thought of being away from his baby brother the way he was when he went on hiatus was enough to make him shudder. The only thing that he could really do was beg Mikey not to leave, though he had a feeling that he wouldn't. What they had was too strong, and even if he wouldn't admit it, Gerard knew that Mikey suffered while they were apart, too. Gerard was always trying to be careful when it came to what he did around Mikey, because even though they were adults, he kept in mind that it was his responsibility to look after Mikey, and protect him. The last thing that Gerard wanted to do was push Mikey away with something he did, or just his personality.
Gerard was always aware that when it came to him and Mikey, and every kind of silence there was, no matter how much it took them to realize, it would be worse to finish it than to start all over, going back to that bitter beginning, and never let it lie. After all, nothing seemed to get away from them easily. Mikey and Gerard always kept these things in the backs of their minds.

Mikey also noticed that when he and Gerard were surrounded by every kind of silence, their thoughts were louder than words could ever be. To him, it would devastate him if he had to end what he had with his brother. That bond was what helped him stay in check, and if he didn't have that, he didn't have anything. Mikey would rather go back to the beginning, start it all over, and go through it all again, rather than finish it off.

Mikey kept in his mind that he wasn't perfect. He knew that he was far from it. That didn't mean that he would stop trying. Gerard was everything to him, and if he could, he would model himself into the perfect brother for him. What he seemed to forget was the fact that Gerard wouldn't have him any other way. Mikey wouldn't dare admit it to anyone, but when he was away from Gerard on his hiatus, his lonliness was killing him. He wasn't alive when he was lonely. After all, is anyone? He would beg Gerard not to leave him, because he was always so afraid that he would make Gerard want to leave by an action of his. Mikey couldn't live with himself if that happened.

Gerard and Mikey felt like they were constantly getting caught in the lies that the rest of the world put around them, and it became as though they were trapped out in the open, with absolutely nowhere to hide. These were the times when Mikey ran to Gerard for protection, and all Gerard could do was do his best to protect his brother, and pray that it would work.
Even during these times, they seemed to run out of places to run, and that was when Gerard had to wonder, Am I really good enough for him? because if he wasn't, he would leave, no matter how much it killed him, because Mikey deserved the best. If Gerard wasn't the best, then he would leave. These were times that Gerard could see that Mikey had nothing left inside, and he would just try to hold him up. After all, that was his job, and if he couldn't do that, he couldn't do anything.

All of this tore right through Gerard, and the fact that Mikey thought that he knew him, and everything that he felt, tore through him even more. Mikey didn't know the half of what Gerard was feeling at this point. Gerard was so ready to admit defeat, but he wouldn't admit that. He was the older one, and he wasn't allowed to give up. Mikey needed him, and Gerard was going to give all that he had.

"Mikey, you know that I'm doing the best that I can, right?"

"Of course, Gerard. You always do. You're perfect."

"No, Mikey. I'm not perfect, but I'll keep trying. I'll never stop trying."

"Why would you keep trying? Why would you put yourself through that?"

"Because that's what I said I would do from the start."

"Gerard, you don't have to. I mean, sure, if it's what you want, go for it, but...I just have to ask. Would you leave if you couldn't take it anymore?"

"Never, Mikey. Never."

"Why? It would cause so much pain to stay."

"I'm not alive if I'm lonely, Mikey, and I'm lonely without you. I just need you to promise that you won't leave me, and I'll never leave you."

"I'll never leave."

"Good." With his voice barely above a whisper, hot tears welling up in his eyes, he turned, not wanting his younger brother to see him in this fragile state.

"What is it, Gerard? Was it something I said? Or just my personality?"

"None of it, Mikey. It's all me. We can get through this. I promise."

Gerard knew he wasn't perfect, but he would keep trying.