FicWad

So everything went back to normal. I found my brother, Frank had Jamia, and me and Bob hooked up.

Yeah right. You seriously didn’t believe that did you? I could only wish for that to happen, but that’s like believing in Santa Claus or the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I was still having that unnerving feeling, with Frank’s words of wisdom still burning in my brain. Did I really want to chance it and find my brother?

Lord knows it would take some time…I mean it has been 10 years…it just wouldn’t be…I don’t know how it would be, but I don’t know if I could handle it to begin with. Unlocking a door, would mean unlocking all the shit that’s been hiding behind it and I’m not sure if I wanted that to reemerge in my life.

This was something that should be a lifetime movie or some shit like that. Nevertheless, a couple more days had passed with me being Frank’s advocate in the love department. I think we were getting closer and Jamia seemed to be noticing Frank more when we would catch her at the café. I kept asking Frank if this bitch was really worth it, but it seemed to me like she was. I was willing to do whatever it took to get that over with it and just get back to my own little world. I had longer nights at Generation for the holidays and I was obviously more pissed all the time. It’s not like people wanted to buy other people records as gifts or something. The store wasn’t even crowded half the time so what the hell?

“I think we’re getting close.” Frank beamed as he decided to come stalk me at Bob’s place, probably to see if we were shagging each other, which by the way seemed to out of the question. Bob had avoided me a little more than necessary and that kind of bothered me. Did I do or say something wrong? It could only happen to me that I fucked up another situation.

“Oh yeah.” I smiled a fake smiled. “Any chance we could be finish by this umm…today?” I asked sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

“Relationships take time my dear.” he said pointing a finger at me as I laughed out loud.

“Right.” I rolled my eyes as I drank a can of soda while looking at the TV. I was expecting Bob to come home, but he hadn’t yet. He usually came home around 7 or 8, but it’s past 8:30. God, what was I doing? Waiting up for my room mate like we were together or something. I guess I just got used to him being around. Maybe because I liked the fact that he never talked.

“Well she or you better make a move soon.” I pointed out as he shrugged and sipped his coke.

“Maybe.” he replied as I shook my head.

“Well I never mind helping out charity.” I teased as he smacked my arm.

“Shut up.” he retorted as I smiled at him.

“You’re blushing.” I cooed as he covered his cheeks.

“I’m not!”

“Are too!” I shouted back.

“Back off sister.” he warned me as I raised an eyebrow.

“You want to go?” I asked him as I stood up and put my arms out in a fighting stance.

“Oh, you don’t want to go there, trust me.” he clarified putting his soda down and doing some move that couldn’t be classified as karate.

“Bring it short cake.” I retorted as he glared.

“AH!” he screamed before charging at me as I squealed while he pushed me to the floor as we both wrestled on the floor.

“Surrender!” he cried as I tangled his hands behind him as he yelled while I began to laugh so hard tears seeped out my eyes. It was just like when were freshman, rolling around the courtyard.

“Say mercy!” I shouted as I bumped him on the floor as he groaned.

“Neeeeeever.” he seethed as I twisted his arms tighter while he yelled out once more and tried to kick me as I blocked it and laughed.

“Say Superman is better than Batman.” I smirked as he glared at me.

“Hell no.”

“I’ll break your arm. Did it once, I could do it again.” I warned him as he squealed.

“Fine! Superman is better than Batman, get off me you oaf!” he laughed as I let him go while his face fell to the floor with a thud as I covered my mouth.

“Are you o-okay?” I sputtered as he whined and rubbed his head.

“Go away, you’re mean.” he retorted as I rubbed his head.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized with more giggles as he smiled at me.

“It’s not funny.” he pointed out as I shook my head.

“Oh contrary. I found it hilarious.” I smiled as he poked me.

“Hey, remember that time we got in trouble for fighting with Gerard in the courtyard?” he asked as I smiled.

“Oh my God yeah! And then the teacher got all pissed and said our ‘violence wouldn’t be tolerated.” I mocked as he grinned.

“So we said fine. Then Gerard got up and I pulled his pants down in front of her!” he grinned.

“And then her face flushed as she saw Gerard’s boxers!” I finished as we both started cracking up.

“We got detention for a week!”

“And Gerard was so embarrassed, remember how pissed at me he was?” he asked as I nodded and covered my face. It felt good to laugh for no reason at all.

“God we were so fearless back then. We didn’t have to pretend we were bad asses, it just came naturally.” I said softly with a smile as I thought back to all the times I had felt normal. He nodded and laid on the ground before sighing.

“We really knew how to make the most out life back then.” he replied as I nodded.

“We were strong too.” I whispered as he looked at me before sitting back up.

“We’re still strong Billie.” he replied confused.

“Not me.” I said shaking my head.

“Are you kidding? You’re stronger than anyone other person I know. What happened to you, doesn’t make you weak Bills. How many times do I have to remind you?” he asked softly while I put my hands up.

“I don’t know Frank. I feel like I let him down. I let myself down.” I whispered. “I let it go so long, hoping I would just forget everything and it worked. I made myself forget him. My own brother.” I added as my lip trembled while he put his arm around me.

“You didn’t forget him and I’m more than sure he never forgot about you. I’m telling you honey, if want closure, this is the only way you’ll feel peace. For the sake of both of you.” he replied as I nodded and sighed.

“I thought short people weren’t smart?” I teased as he laughed.

“We’re smarter than anybody else on this planet. What we lack in length, we make up in brains.” he said pointing to his head as I smiled.

“Thanks Frankie. For always being there.” I replied as he smiled at me.

“It’s my job.” he replied as I laughed and noticed his arm was still around me. I got this feeling that I didn’t know how to explain. It was almost like a flutter. I couldn’t look away from him as he stared back at me like we’ve been doing.

“Frank I-” I began to speak but got cut off when the door opened. Frank’s arm dropped back to his side as I straightened myself up when Bob came through the door.

“Oh hey guys. Frank what are you doing here?” he asked surprised as he set his backpack down on the counter as Frank smiled.

“Oh I just thought I come for some tea.” he smiled as Bob laughed.

“I’m sure you did.” he smiled as he locked the door behind him.

“So what’s going on?” he asked as Frank shrugged.

“Waiting for you to come home. Now get in the kitchen bitch.” he retorted with a giggle as Frank flipped him off. I sat on the floor in awkwardness as I couldn’t define the feelings that brewed in my stomach. The one I felt with Frank a moment ago and the feelings I feel with Bob when he was around. These weren’t right, I couldn’t possibly be….never mind forget. It’s not possible.

“Well I was going to make some spaghetti, you want some? We can make it a dinner for three.” Bob shrugged as Frank beamed while I groaned inside. Please say no.

“You know it!’ Frank smiled as Bob nodded and looked at me.

“That cool?” he asked as I nodded to please him even though I had lost my appetite. It was going to be strange having both Frank and Bob around I could just tell.

The hole I buried myself in had just dug itself a couple more inches…
___

“Fine I change my mind to Hulk, cause you make me feel shitty about Superman. So the Hulk.”

“Fine.” Frank shrugged.

“Cause he’ll kill you.” Bob pointed out as I smiled to myself. I had stayed quiet most of the time while the two guys next to me carried conversations. It still felt awkward to sit with both of them.

“Billie you want anymore?” Bob asked as he pointed to the large pot of spaghetti as I shook my head.

“No I’m full thank you. It was delicious.” I smiled at him while he smiled back.

“Thanks, it’s one of my mom’s recipes.” he replied.

“Well you did it justice.” I smiled once more as he blushed.

“So Bob, did you get any news from The Used and if they’re going to get to tour?” Frank cut in as I looked at him confused while he eyed me before I looked away.

“Oh umm….yeah it’s going good. They’re getting big.” he nodded.

“That’s good.” Frank smiled before he looked at his phone and sighed.

“Well I’m going to go, it’s getting late. Thanks for the dinner Bob. I’ll see you later Billie.” Frank smiled at me.

“See you.” I said softly before he left quickly as I watched him leave with a raised eyebrow. Bob didn’t seem to notice so he left it alone.

“How is the match made in hell going?” he teased.

“Great, you know about it to?” I asked him as he nodded.

“Sorry. We don’t keep secrets in our group if you haven’t noticed.” he smiled as I shook my head.

“I’m just hoping the two elves get together soon before I go crazy. I have a feeling it’s not going to be easy.” I sighed.

“Knowing Frank, I have no doubt it’s not going to be easy.” he put in.

“Thanks for the support.” I retorted sarcastically with a smile as he laughed.

“I think it’s cool you’re doing that for Frank.” he said genuinely as I blushed.

“Well at least someone appreciates it.” I smiled before standing up. I felt grimy for a reason, it made me cringe. I even smelled myself, but thankfully I wasn’t smelly. I just still felt…unclean.

“I’m going to take a shower.” I said to him as he nodded at me while I trailed to the room and sighed before grabbing a towel beforehand and my pajamas. I slipped into the bathroom and let the water get hot this time before I stepped in and let it soothe my muscles that felt strained. It was then that your thoughts were released into the peacefulness of a shower. It was supposed to be relaxing, but I felt slightly tense. I was still thinking about Frank earlier and the way he suddenly left. He had been acting strange these few days, but I thought it was just Frank. I didn’t know if talking to him would do any good, but it was a worth a shot.

I finished with my shower and dried myself before noticing a bottle of cologne on one of the shelves. I picked it up with curious hands and smelled it before I smiled. It was musky but it had become my new favorite scent.

So this is what he smells like… my mind smiled as I set it down and shook my head. I slipped on my pajamas and before I knew it I was crawling into bed cause I didn’t give a rat’s ass about anything else. It was a relief when sleep came over me sooner than I expected.

“Henny, who are those people?” Billie asked as she noticed a woman in a black pant suit with a man in matching colors with sunglasses as they knocked on the door. Billie jumped up and cradled herself in fear as she heard hushed voices before there was shouting and arguing

“I don’t know Billie. Stay here though.” he told her as she nodded obediently as the door opened and she heard footsteps up the door and suddenly the woman and man were opening the door to the bedroom.

“Billie, Hendrix? You’re going to have to come with us for a while.” the woman said to them as the boy shook his head. .

“No! Who are you? I don’t want to go!” he protested as the woman frowned at him.

“I’m sorry but you have no choice. Your mom and dad have a lot of issues to work out, you have to come with us.” she said grabbing his hand as he tried to fight her off.

“Let me go!” he shouted as the man took hold of Billie’s hand as she looked at him with frightened eyes.

“Where we going?” she asked him as he stared down at her.

“Some place better honey.” he smiled at her as she nodded and followed him down the stairs, noticing the woman was getting clothes out for them. She walked down the stairs where her mother was crying and trying to reach out to her daughter but she was held back as she cried.

“Don’t take them from me!” she yelled as her pleas were ignored and her father was being questioned by a man in a uniform. What was going on? Billie did not understand who were these people and why she was being taken away from her parents, but she almost felt happy. She was taken outside the house without another word where two cars waited outside. She looked around Henny as he followed behind her.

“It’s going to be okay Billie.” he smiled at her as she took his hand before the woman and man had broke their grasp onto each other.

“Hendrix, you’re going in that car.”

“But I want to go with Billie.” he said immediately as she shook her head.

“I’m sorry, you have to go in this one.” she replied firmly as she grabbed him once more as he looked at Billie.

“No, I don’t want to leave her! Where are you taking me? Stop!” he begged as he was walked to the car as Billie began to cry.

“Henny! Don’t leave me!” she yelled at him as she looked at the man.

“That’s my brother, I want to go with him!” she shouted.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, but this is how it has to be. You’ll see him soon.” he said softly as she was being dragged to the other car with her protests being ignored and the crying of her brother was muffled by windows.

“Henny!” she cried for him as they were separated with no reason at all.

“Billie.” she heard someone say as she looked around.

“Henny?” she asked as the voice kept calling her.

“Billie! Wake up.” I heard it say.

“Stop! Please don’t.” I begged as I felt a hand on my shoulder and shaking me.

“Billie wake up. Come on.” it said more forceful as I snapped my eyes open and was breathing heavily as Bob stood above me as I felt sweat and tears on my face.

“Are you okay? You were screaming.” he asked me as I looked up at him before I suddenly busted into tears.

“Whoa, hey.” he said sitting on the bed and putting a hand on mine.

“What’s the matter? What happened?” he asked me as I shook my head speechless.

“I-I-I” I stuttered as he shushed me.

“It’s okay.” he whispered as he rubbed my hand while I calmed down.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered back with full embarrassment.

“No, don’t be sorry honey. Were you having a nightmare? I heard you screaming ‘no’ and ‘stop’, I thought someone had broken in.” he told me as I shook my head.

“It was just a dream.” I whispered.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked me as I hesitantly shook my head.

“Are you sure. You can come to me Billie, you know that right?” he replied softly as I stared back at him with a tired look as I could see he was concerned, as if he actually cared.

“It’s a long story.” I put in as he held his hands out.

“I have all night. Come on, I’ll make you some warm milk.” he replied as he stood up and offered his han to me as I reluctantly took it. He walked me to the kitchen where I leaned against the counter while he grabbed the milk out of the fridge and warmed it up into a coffee cup. He brought it to me as I thanked him quietly while he looked at me expectantly.

“What happened?” he asked softly as I sighed and put a hand to my face.

“I’ve never told anyone about my past…will you please not think differently of me after?” I asked him as he nodded.

“I would never.” he assured me as I nodded.

“You see. I had a brother, Hendrix. We were closer than anything. He was my only friend. My parents…they were awful people. My dad used to beat us and my mom. My mom turned a blind eye on us all the time. She would even pretend she couldn’t hear when my dad used to hit me right in front of her. My dad was so cruel. He drank and he was just a monster.” I said as I felt tears fill my eyes.

“I remembered he would put me in a cage because he said I was bad. He would stick his snake inside the cage and he knew how terrified I was of them. I would have sit there motionless with fear as I was afraid the snake would bite me. It did on multiple occasions. The hisses it would make at me, it scared me to death. It would crawl over me and I would just cry and beg him to let me out but he didn’t listen. He even left in there one day the whole day.

He made up excuses to punish us. My brother, he would protect me. He would take the blame for me so I wouldn’t get hurt. He was my everything. We didn’t have any family that lived close to us so we couldn’t tell anyone. We were afraid to because of our dad. He told me he would kill Hendrix if I ever spoke a word. I would sit in my room and I’d be too scared to come out. I hardly ate, much less slept because I didn’t know if he was going to come in and hurt me.

It started since I was two when my dad first started drinking. If I had to guess, I would say it was because he was injured at his job, I don’t remember. But then it just started getting worse. All he did was drink and he took it out on us. My mom just sat there too afraid to protect us. Then one day these people came and they told me I was going somewhere away from my parents with Hendrix. I didn’t understand but I followed them, because I was happy to be leaving for some reason. Hendrix on the other hand, freaked out because he didn’t want to go. They told me we were going somewhere together, but then they separated us. They lied to me. I haven’t seen my brother since I was 10 and I was put in a foster care system. I don’t know where he is but I miss him so much.” I whispered as I couldn’t catch the tears that fell as I felt his arms embrace me as I didn’t pull away.

“I’ve spent the last couple years just forcing myself to forget what happened because I didn’t want to feel the hurt anymore. I didn’t want to think about him, but I can’t do that. He’s on my mind all the time now. I just can’t bring myself to find him and I have no idea why.” I added as he rubbed my back.

“Maybe you’re scared that if you let yourself back in, it’ll be like how it used to be. But things are different now Billie. You’re older. I’m so sorry this happened to you.” he whispered as I cried into his shoulder and he didn’t care. He held me like no other guy had. He smelled just like the cologne in the bathroom and he was warm…so warm.

“I didn’t want you to find out this way. I didn’t want anyone to know.” I apologized as he silenced me.

“You don’t have to be sorry Billie. You don’t owe anyone anything.” he replied as I nodded and couldn’t find the nerve to break away from him.

“Thank you Bob.” I whispered as I looked up at him.

“You’re always welcome Billie.” he replied as he smiled softly at me as I smiled back. It felt good to have what I bottled up out in the open. I just wanted to trust something. I wanted to feel something.

I didn’t know what it was but I leaned into him until our lips touched. He didn’t pull back, but I felt a slight resistance, he eventually let it go. He kissed me back as the soft flesh of his lips meshed with mine in a delicate kiss as I put my hands on his strong shoulders as he suddenly pulled back as I did. I then realized what I had done. I felt a pang of guilt as I studied him. He had a look on his face that matched mine.

A face that said we both regretted what we just did.