Categories > Original > Humor > The Book of Hondo
‘ “…But That Burp Was Burly!” ’
And the Enterprise’s saucer didst separate and crash-land on Earth, and the people didst say; ‘Here cometh the fortune cookies! Here cometh the fortune cookies! They art wearing paper hats!’
For drinking Pepsi shalt bring back thine ancestors, and they didst walk down the street looting the world of the living. (After all, what didst thou think was going to happen?)
Though all was silent in the Halls of the Dead, the Machines That Make Nothing waited there until a blinking green light turned red. For the Operator sayeth: ‘Thy call is very important but hath no value.’
For the streets of South City were in chaos, after the Enterprise accidentally beamed down a cargo hold full of Tribbles, instead of much-needed asswipe.
And the Low Men were out cruising for eighth-graders, for they had taped the weather channel so that they couldst watch it later.
And it came to pass during all this that Homer Jay and Poppin’ Fresh didst gain the Invincible Balls and were chillin’, for still the stuffed animals on the wall didst laugh at them, saying: ‘Whilst thou wasted thy time taking dot tests, thy teachers were drinking psychedelic coffee and juggling penguins for the purpose of betting!’
And they, fearing that the Death-Penguins wouldst cometh after them, didst run down the street screaming, and the whole world didst get to see their Invincible Balls, for even the cops’ daisies didst bounce off of them.
And they didst run through the henhouse of Jedi ninja chickens and a posse of pink and purple kittens with sultry powers, who eateth fire flowers, and spinneth like a sum’bitch, till ye can’t tell which is which, tossin’ fireballs at each other, and it didst light off a fireworks factory.
This didst cause a man with a rocket in his pocket to go perspiring and crasheth into a bald fat guy named Hambone, who had just eaten a side of turkey on rye (with a little bit of mayo), and he didst belch loudly, such that all around him didst hear him.
‘Whoa! Dude!’ quoth a passing skater, ‘Verily I say, perhaps ’tis the baloney talking, but that burp was burly!’
And the people didst applaud Hambone as the skater didst whiz by and roll right through a space-time anomaly and didst end up in the thrice-cursed city of New York, where people were fighting and imbibing in the streets, in the traditional fashion.
Inspired by Hambone’s burly burp, the skater didst give a great rallying cry unto the people saying, ‘New York City is ours tonight!’
And it came to pass that the homeless were armed, and there came cries of ‘Down with guys!’ and ‘Power to the people!’
And so power was restored unto the people after so much market manipulation and rolling blackouts, and there was much rejoicing.
For with the power restored, the Goddess couldst install a certain little black box for the Technomage, who, being her bitch, didst oweth her some major favors…
(props
AuntyNay4/ Green Mile
Peanut/ Green Mile
Offchick/ Pennywisdom
and a shout out to y’all who didst partake of the original Hondo Mad Lib!)
And the Enterprise’s saucer didst separate and crash-land on Earth, and the people didst say; ‘Here cometh the fortune cookies! Here cometh the fortune cookies! They art wearing paper hats!’
For drinking Pepsi shalt bring back thine ancestors, and they didst walk down the street looting the world of the living. (After all, what didst thou think was going to happen?)
Though all was silent in the Halls of the Dead, the Machines That Make Nothing waited there until a blinking green light turned red. For the Operator sayeth: ‘Thy call is very important but hath no value.’
For the streets of South City were in chaos, after the Enterprise accidentally beamed down a cargo hold full of Tribbles, instead of much-needed asswipe.
And the Low Men were out cruising for eighth-graders, for they had taped the weather channel so that they couldst watch it later.
And it came to pass during all this that Homer Jay and Poppin’ Fresh didst gain the Invincible Balls and were chillin’, for still the stuffed animals on the wall didst laugh at them, saying: ‘Whilst thou wasted thy time taking dot tests, thy teachers were drinking psychedelic coffee and juggling penguins for the purpose of betting!’
And they, fearing that the Death-Penguins wouldst cometh after them, didst run down the street screaming, and the whole world didst get to see their Invincible Balls, for even the cops’ daisies didst bounce off of them.
And they didst run through the henhouse of Jedi ninja chickens and a posse of pink and purple kittens with sultry powers, who eateth fire flowers, and spinneth like a sum’bitch, till ye can’t tell which is which, tossin’ fireballs at each other, and it didst light off a fireworks factory.
This didst cause a man with a rocket in his pocket to go perspiring and crasheth into a bald fat guy named Hambone, who had just eaten a side of turkey on rye (with a little bit of mayo), and he didst belch loudly, such that all around him didst hear him.
‘Whoa! Dude!’ quoth a passing skater, ‘Verily I say, perhaps ’tis the baloney talking, but that burp was burly!’
And the people didst applaud Hambone as the skater didst whiz by and roll right through a space-time anomaly and didst end up in the thrice-cursed city of New York, where people were fighting and imbibing in the streets, in the traditional fashion.
Inspired by Hambone’s burly burp, the skater didst give a great rallying cry unto the people saying, ‘New York City is ours tonight!’
And it came to pass that the homeless were armed, and there came cries of ‘Down with guys!’ and ‘Power to the people!’
And so power was restored unto the people after so much market manipulation and rolling blackouts, and there was much rejoicing.
For with the power restored, the Goddess couldst install a certain little black box for the Technomage, who, being her bitch, didst oweth her some major favors…
(props
AuntyNay4/ Green Mile
Peanut/ Green Mile
Offchick/ Pennywisdom
and a shout out to y’all who didst partake of the original Hondo Mad Lib!)
Sign up to rate and review this story