FicWad

Thank you so much for your amazing responses! No long intros this time haha XD Just know I appreciate all your enthusiastic responses so much! You make me feel warm and fuzzy inside!

Maybe it's masochistic, but it really does make me happy that he's so clearly uncomfortable now. Whether it's from Mallory's watered down questionaire or my painting, I have no clue. It doesn't matter. I just like to see him struggle. To knock him back down a few notches.

"So, Mallory, aren't you gonna tell me what you make of me now? After the third degree?" Frank smiles dazzlingly, meandering back to the couch and sitting down.

She smiles and I feel like I'm looking at a completely different person than the girl I had (sort of) come to know. She's putty in Frank's very capable hands, and he knows it.

"Sure." Mallory looks at me with an odd expression, almost like she's asking for permission to go sit with him. I don't know what she sees in my face, but she seems to find what she was looking for, because she leaves my side and sinks onto the couch comfortably beside Frank. I run my hand through my tangled hair, biting my lip. Mikey sees how stressed I am, and sits down next to me on the floor, putting a long fingered hand on my shoulder, squeezing me gently. He looks at me with those wide, innocent eyes, in a way he used to when we were younger. Hold it together Gee. You're doing alright.

"Soooooo?" Frank says expectantly, drumming his fingers against his knees, the tattoos on his arms rippling.

Mallory takes a deep breath and exhales, preparing herself. "Well, firstly, you're extremely confident in yourself."

"Pfffftt." Frank says, waving his hand dismissively, then grins. "I coulda told you that."

She giggles. How is she so taken with him? How did she not see through this? "You're very passionate. But very...defensive." She says after deliberating. Frank struggles to keep his carefree expression. She's getting to him. Thank god.

"You're very protective over the people and things that you care about. I think you hold yourself accountable to keep them safe."

Wait, what? Where the fuck is she getting THAT from?

"You're very hard on yourself."

Or that? Really? Frank has so clearly shown that he thinks he hung the moon himself. He thinks he's never done anything wrong.

"And you're extremely intelligent, though I get the feeling that's not something you try to show off."

I can't handle this. She's just complementing him. Where are all his flaws, all his issues? Why is she being so gentle with him?

Frank's smile in return is so sickeningly sweet and seductive. Ugh. This is perfectly nauseating.

I drop my head into my hands, making hard circles with my thumbs on my temples.

"Gee, are you okay?" Mikey says softly, his hand still on my shoulder.

I sit up and sigh, ruffling my already mussed hair. "Yeah."

"You're shaking Gee."

I didn't even notice it, but as I looked down at my hands I realized they were trembling violently.

"Oh." Is the only response I can think of.

Mikey's eyes are chocolate brown, wide with concern.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Ha. Haha. Was I feeling okay? No. No I was motherfucking not feeling okay.

"Yup. I'm in tip-top shape."

Mikey narrowed his eyes, looking like a suspicious little kid. "You don't look okay. "

"Mikey, please."

Mikey glances at his shoes, then says softly, "Frank told me you haven't eaten in two days."

Somehow the way he says that makes me feel almost guilty, like somehow my not eating is hurting Mikey.

"Mikes, I'm not starving myself. I've just been busy, ya know?"

Mikey takes one long hard look at me, then squints over at the couch where Frank is twirling Mallory's long dark hair around one of his fingers. My whole body tenses as I watch him, which Mikey clearly notices. He stands up and holds out a hand, which I look at skeptically.

"Come on," he gives me a half smile, jerking his head towards the door.

I open my mouth to ask him where we're going, and then decide against it. I can't stand to witness anymore of what's going on between Frank and Mallory now. I just want to get out of here.

"Hey Frankie?" Mikey calls, sounding hesitant.

Frank looks up quickly, with an expression that clearly says please do not fuck this up for me.

"Me and Gee are gonna head out, we'll be back in a little bit." Frank beams at Mikey with a gleeful expression. I attempt to conceal my disgust as I follow Mikey out the door, trying not to notice how mallory hadn't even paid attention to the fact that I was gone.

There's an eerie silence between Mikey and I as we make our way downstairs to the car. My stomach churns and I dig my fingernails into my palms. Before I was happy to escape. Now I'm terrified. Where are we going? Why is he making me leave? What will Frank do to Mallory while I'm gone?

Mikey stares at his feet almost the entire time. I can see his mouth moving, and I know that he's talking to himself. Preparing, most likely, for whatever he is about do to. He doesn't look at me until we're in the car, when he confidently climbs into the driver's seat, his lanky frame squeezed into the too small space. He adjusts the seat with a frown, then meets my eyes for the first time.

"Gee, I'm real worried about you." I open my mouth to combat him but he holds up a long fingered hand, looking at me with dark, soft eyes. "Let me talk okay?"

I nod, feeling embarrassed for some reason that I can't explain.

"Something's wrong with you Gerard. I can feel it. Whenever you're around. You're just..." Mikey pushes his glasses up and smooths his already straight hair down, fidgeting as he tries to come up with the right words. He twitches his nose, opening his mouth several times before finally completeing his sentence. "Empty." He nods as he speaks, knowing that he just described it perfectly. "I dunno. You used to be so inspired! You used to run around with all these crazy ideas and I remember I always watched you and thought, wow. He's so talented. I was always so proud of you. I always believed in you. Always. I thought you could do anything."

With every use of a past tense, my heart sinks a little lower, and by the time Mikey stops speaking I'm sure my heart has dropped right out of me.

I think he can see it in my face, how much that hurt, because he rushes to add, "I still do Gee! I still do. You've just, changed a little." He twitches his nose and says softly. "Okay. Maybe more than a little. I dunno, I just watch you now and it's like..." Mikey smooths his hair anxiously again. "You used to always have this drive behind you, like you were running somewhere, like you were being pulled towards something amazing. Now I feel like you're just living to kill time. You don't look like you're running towards anything anymore. You just look like you're waiting for an end to come or something." That statement sounds strange, falling from the mouth of my ever cheerful baby brother. He doesn't look cheerful now, as he fingers his glasses and taps the steering wheel subconsciously. He just looks sad.

"I'm sorry Mikey."

Mikey's expression twists and becomes horrified. "Why are you apologizing? It's not like I'm mad at you or anything. I'm just real scared. I haven't ever seen you like this before. At first I kept waiting, telling myself you'd snap out of it. But you never did." He sighs. "I just want you to be happy. I just wanna help you." Every word Mikey says is so honest and clear. I'm jealous of how pure he is. There's no lying, no sidestepping, no other intentions. He means exactly what he says.

"Will you tell me what's wrong? Please?" His eyes are so wide and honest when he looks at me. His expression is so earnest, so hopeful. He sounds so young. And he is. He's simply a boy who is worried about his big brother.


As I run a shaking hand through my hair, I remind myself to breathe. I try to steady myself, come up with a way to get out of this conversation. And then I realize I don't want to. I want to talk to someone. That's the only way I'm gonna get out of this. Mallory is not the answer, though I think she can help me. And it's clearly not something that I can wait out, that will go away if you give it enough time. I have to talk to someone, and frankly, there's absolutely no one that I would rather talk to than Mikey.

I squeeze my eyes shut, rubbing my face hard, feeling my cheeks stretch and then contract.

"I'm such a fuck up." I can only whisper. I can imagine Mikey starting to contradict me, then stopping, folding his hands in his lap. Mikey's much too smart and sensitive to interrupt me now that he's got me.

"I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm such a mess. I can't get happy. I just can't. And I don't know why."

I force myself to open my eyes, to look at my brother as I pour my heart out. This needs to be a confession, not a private rant.

"You were right, when you said I was empty. That's how I feel."

Mikey's mouth is twitching, and his eyes are beginning to water. I know this is hurting him. And it's killing me.

"I'm just...lost. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I used to think I was going to grow up and do something amazing. And now I'm grown up and all I can think to myself is, now what? I just can't find a reason for anything."

Mikey is trying so, so hard not to cry. I'm sure this is even harder for him, maybe even harder than it is for me. To him, I'm pretty sure this is the equivalent of seeing Batman fall. To me, it's just Batman taking off his mask and admitting that he's just a man.

"I've been really trying Mikey. I really have. And every now and again I have a good day, or a good moment, and it's enough to give me hope for myself. But then something else will happen, and I'll be right back where I started. I feel like I'm trapped."

It's so deadly quiet.

"What'll it take Gee? For you to be okay?" Mikey looks so small. I almost want to laugh because I truly feel like we're five and eight.

"I don't know." I shake my head back and forth hypnotically. "I don't know."

Mikey's jaw clenches and he takes a deep breath, trying to be big and strong for me.

"You're not a fuck up Gerard. You're the most amazing person that I know. You're so talented. You could change the world if you really wanted to.And I'm not just saying that, I believe it. I really, really do." I want to tell him no, but it's clear in his voice that he's telling the truth. How can he not see how wrong he is? I'm just a mess of a person. I'm not amazing.

"I think you're just in a funk." Mikey speaks with conviction, and I love him for being exactly how he is. For Mikey, most things are very black and white. Everything has a simple answer. I've always been the opposite, over thinking everything and reading between every single line. In all honesty, I'd probably be much better off if I adopted his way of thinking.

"We can get you out of this. You just need a little kick start is all."

I can't help but chuckle, and he's encouraged by it. He grins at me, putting a bony arm around my shoulder. His smile quickly changes.

"What's wrong?"

"I can feel all your bones." Mikey looks at me with an almost chastising expression, that is foreign and somewhat comical on his face.

He looks at me sternly. "I'm not gonna go deep into this one okay? I'm just gonna say this- this starving yourself is bullshit, and don't try and tell me that you aren't, because I watch you and I know you are. You're gonna start eating every day, more than once!" He sounds like my mother and I smile.

"Okay."

"I mean it Gee!" He looks me over again. "Sheesh. There's nothing left of you."

With a determined look he fires up the car, fighting with the keys and the engine.

"Where are we going?"

He looks at me with a somber expression. "To get you the biggest cheeseburger we can find."

This is going to be part one of their little boys day. Mikey's POV next part. R and R please!