Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Send In The Clowns

Can You Stake My Heart?

by lostmyfearoffalling 9 reviews

"Could you stake my heart? If it was what was best for me? If it was what I wanted, but was too afraid to ask for?"

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Drama - Characters: Gerard Way,Mikey Way - Published: 2011-04-21 - Updated: 2011-04-22 - 2850 words

Helloooooooooooooo to everyone! So I took a hiatus-got completely uninspired, life got in the way etc. However, after seeing MCR play last Friday I am back with a vengeance, and with an intent to write with some small amount of consistency. Here's the next chapter, to cut to the chase. Hope you enjoi it. Go back and refresh your memories, should you feel the need. I know I had to xD

Gerard is looking at the cheeseburger in front of him like he thinks a gigantic cockroach is going to crawl out of it at any second. He squints a little bit, and though he tries to hide it, I can see something that looks a whole lot like fear in his eyes.

I smile at him the best I can, and take a giant bite of my own cheeseburger, hoping that if I eat more, he might feel a teensy bit less uncomfortable.

“Mmm!” I say, beaming, “Gee this is sooo good!” I give him a very deliberate look and take another exaggerated bite.

He looks brave, like Luke Skywalker as he joins the Rebels for the first time to destroy the death star, as he picks up the cheeseburger and stares at me with a face that clearly says “Mikey, this is only for your benefit.”

I watch him while he nibbles around the edges, like he’s forgotten exactly how to eat. I feel really bad for forcing him to do this, when it’s clearly making him miserable.

I slurp my soda loudly and look out the window, giving Gee a moment without my eyes on him. He used to love attention, but lately I get the feeling that when I try to look after him, it makes him feel like he’s under a microscope.

When I look back at him he’s trying hard to swallow. Once he meets my eyes he manages to force the bite to go down all the way.

“Not too bad right?” I ask.

“Nahh,” he bends his mouth into a painful half smile.

He chokes down some more bites with
difficulty. It’s tough to watch him like this. Most of the time I find other stuff to look at; the cute roller-skating waitress with the huge glasses and Audrey Hepburn hair-do, the thugs leaning on the wall across the street, and the weird variety of people going into Great Clips- some look normal, good even, and others clearly just left their trailer meth labs. I’m considering the possibility of going inside after so that I might people watch better, when I hear an awful gagging sound.

I turn my head too fast and my neck snaps, burning and then tingles uncomfortably. Still I only just look in time to see Gerard getting up very quickly, booking towards the bathroom with his hand capped over his mouth.

“Shit,” I say softly, chasing after him and cursing my legs, that make me run like an awkward baby giraffe. One step from the door my feet get tangled up in each other and I collapse like a shitty tent. The Audrey Hepburn waitress gives me a concerned look as I get back up and barrel into the bathroom, as the door swings back and forth in the frame.

I wish that some truck would flatten me, right here, right now as I walk hesitantly toward the last stall where Gee is hunched over the toilet, bracing himself against the wall with one hand, and clutching his stomach with the other.

You jackass, Mikey Way, I think as I touch his shoulder. You idiot. Forcing him to eat. You stupid bastard.

I just wanted to help, I think. I feel helpless as while he gags dramatically, though barely anything comes up. He’s shaking underneath my hand and I wish that I could swap places with him. He’s so sick. He’s hurting so much. I just wanna make him better. I just want my brother back.

I grab a paper towel for him to wipe his mouth with and flush the toilet as he stumbles out. Chalky as he is, he still blushes, meeting my eyes with an embarrassed face.

“I’m sorry Mikes. I really tried.” He looks apologetic and I feel like crying.

That sums up everything. He just apologized to ME because he can’t eat. He doesn’t care that he’s killing himself, that he’s so fucked up he can’t hold down a quarter of a cheeseburger and some Fanta. He doesn’t give a shit about himself; just that he’s upsetting me.

I’m suddenly so angry that I’m seeing little spots floating around Gee’s chalky face, something I always thought was just a metaphor that I never understood. This isn’t fair. My brother honestly doesn’t think he’s worth anything. He’s so disgusted by himself he can’t eat. How can he possibly think that? How does he not see what I see?

“Don’t apologize,” I tell him, trying to sound all soft and soothing. I know I fail, because I see the surprise in his eyes when he hears the anger in my voice.

“Mikes?” He says softly. His eyes look weird and wide and he looks like a little kid- a scared and sad one. When I look at his somber expression, a memory that feels like it’s from a whole other lifetime suddenly starts playing in my head like a movie on an old projector.

“Mikey?” Gerard looks up from the comic he’s reading, an updated version of Dracula. He’s nine years old, but to me he seems ancient, full of wisdom and knowledge.

“Yeah Gee?” My look was equally serious.

He sighed.” If I was a vampire, could you stake me?”

I panicked. “Gee, you aren’t a vampire right? How could you be a vampire? Who bit you? Was it Mr. Gorzynski?” A reference to our creepy neighbor. The dude was always up late, staring out the window. We could see him from our own and had made a game out of spying on him. He was always drinking something red- in retrospect it was most likely a Bloody Mary but at the time it looked like real blood.

Gerard shook his head back and forth, eyebrows coming together in a little frown. “No, no. Of course not. I’m just asking, if I turned into some crazy vampire, could you stake my heart?”

I tried very hard not to cry when I answered. “I don’t want to kill you Gee! I don’t want you to die! Take me to Mr. Gorzynski! I’ll get bit too and we can be vampires together!”
Gerard slid over next to me and put his arm around my shoulder, protecting me like always.

“Shh, Mikey. It’s okay- I promise I’m not a vampire. I was just thinking, and I think that if I ever did turn into one, a mean one, that I’d want you to stake me.”

I was still sobbing as I whispered back, “I don’t want to kill you!”

“But what if it was what was best for me? What if, even though I couldn’t tell you about it, I really, really wanted you to stake me because I didn’t wanna be some soulless evil vampire and end up hurting you or Mom and Dad?”

Gerard looked down at me, with eyes that seemed very old.

I sniffled. “Yeah…I would be so sad without you though.”

“It’d be better off like that. You wouldn’t want an evil vampire for a brother.”

His conviction was so strong I couldn’t help but believe him.

“Okay Gee.” I said, trying to be brave. “If you needed me to, I could stake you.”

The promise I made that day rings in my head and I realize something. Even though Gerard is strong, he can’t kick this himself. He needs me to stake him.He needs a restart- something to remind him how he used to be, to give him some confidence. A little faith in himself. And I have to find some way to do this for him, because he sure as hell can’t do it for himself.

He’s still staring at me when I come back into the present moment, looking concerned.

I take a big deep breath and try to clear my head. I’ll figure out how to stake him later. For now I just gotta get him outta here.

“Are you okay to go now Gee?”

He just nods, looking weird and childlike, though I could still be having flashbacks.He trails behind me- I’m Super Mikey now, energized and powerful, searching for the antidote for the poison that is killing the person he loves the most. Except Gee’s not Mary Jane or Lois Lane. This is a lot more like Robin trying to rescue Batman from himself. And to be honest, if you asked me, I’d never bet on Robin.

I can feel my mouth moving while I say my every thought under my breath- I’ve done it ever since I was a little kid. It’s something I originally picked up from Gerard, but he doesn’t remember it.

The Audrey Hepburn waitress waves goodbye to us, her eyes very large and wide as she watches us leave. In my peripheral vision I see Gerard give her an awkward half wave. I can’t be bothered- Super Mikey is trying to create his master plan, but coming up with nothing in particular. I just want to help him, but I don’t know how.

I sift through my pockets for the keys to the car, which is better known to me by the name Gerard calls it, the P.O.S. I’m trying to jam the keys into the lock but it isn’t working. Frustrated, I kick at it, whiffing and missing it entirely.

“Oy! That fucker’s trying to steal our car!” I look up to see the thugs that I had watched from inside running toward us full speed.

“Mikes…” Gee says nervously. “I don’t think this is our car.”

My cheeks burn as I realize that I had mistaken someone else’s P.O.S. for OUR P.O.S. I hit myself in the forehead, and then freeze. I have made a MAJOR mistake- people in Jersey are serious about their cars, regardless if they’re Ferraris or Buicks with half a fender. And now I just made it look like I was trying to take some thug mobile. Shit.

I stand there gaping, having wicked déjà vu of high school as two giant thugs run towards me as fast they can with their shorts around their ankles. They look a whole lot like orcs- ugly and vicious.

I’m rooted to the spot, wishing that I could do something but knowing that I can’t do anything- you can’t reason with people like that. Arguing is pointless. And it’s much less painful if I don’t struggle. My only hope is that they leave Gerard alone.

I shut my eyes tightly as one of them grabs me, twisting my arms behind my back until I find myself in a sadly familiar position. Super Mikey has fled the scene, leaving Submissive Mikey in his place.

I’m holding my breath, bracing myself for the hit that will make my knees buckle. I just hope that they’ll be satisfied once I’m eating pavement.

“Hey! Lay off him- he wasn’t trying to steal your shitty ass car.”

“Gee- leave it.” I mutter quickly, opening my eyes so he can see the urgency in them.

The thug holding me has extreme death breath that goes right into my face when he replies, “We saw it. He tried to break in- he tried to kick out the window!”

These Neanderthals thought I was trying to kick out the window? Jesus. Amazingly, they were even dumber than I had originally thought. Still, I mouthed fervently to Gerard to let it go. I could take this. Just because it hadn’t happened since high school didn’t mean I’d forgotten how to take a beating. I was a master punching bag. I could take it.

“Why would he wanna steal it? It doesn’t look like it’ll go two feet.” Gerard scoffs, crossing his arms and puffing his chest.

“Shut up scum bag. Better run off otherwise we’ll deal with you once after this faggot.” The other thug nods stupidly in agreement.

Gerard is stationary, looking stoic and stubborn. I can see the anger burning in his eyes- something I didn’t often see other than when he looked at Frank. He was gonna stick around. And if he did, he was gonna get the shit beat out of him.

“Gee, go.” I beg him, trying to appeal with the face I used to use when I was small and I wanted something from him, like an action figure or a tape.

“Let go of my brother. “

“Fuck no. Fuck off, fucker.” Such an eloquent retort.

Gerard exhales loudly. “Let go. Or I’LL hit YOU.”

The thugs snorts, the one’s grip on me tightening till I swear that my bones will shatter.They look deliberately with their tiny bug eyes at Gerard, then grin at each other. The one who isn’t holding me rears back and I shut my eyes again, already cringing as I anticipate the punch.

“Listen-“ Gerard’s voice cuts off very suddenly, and then there’s the unmistakable sound of fist breaking bone. When I realize every part of me is still intact, my eyes pop open and I scan the concrete for my brother, who is probably clutching his face in agony.

There is a body on the ground, but it is not my brother. The thug who was about to hit me is curled into a ball, rolling around like some roly-poly bug on steroids and cursing in a way only a Jersey native can.

The arms around me disappear after the thug yells, ‘Fuck’. He looks completely freaked as he takes in his partner in crime, then turns to look at Gerard, who is, in fact clutching his hand at a very awkward angle. He’s just as shocked as he stares down at the guy rolling on the concrete.

The one guy takes a huge step away from Gerard, then leans down and pulls the Roly-poly’s arm away from his face where he’s been holding it. When he pulls it back I can see his jaw is completely out of place, jutting out in a way that looks more than a little painful.

“Motherfucker.” The one guy mutters. He turns back to Gerard with fearful eyes, then pulls his friend up very slowly, like he’s afraid Gee’ll pop him another one if he moves too quick.

“Sorry man,” the guy says pathetically. “We’ll go, we’ll go.”He drags his whimpering crony into the car and tosses him into the passenger’s seat, throwing Gerard one more frightened look before starting the ignition with a rattling sound and tearing out of the parking lot as fast as the shit car will allow.

My eyes are saucers when I look back at Gerard who is still in awe of himself.


“Yeah Mikes?” He’s still cradling his arm against his chest.

“What the hell did you just do?”

He struggles for words, doing the fish thing where he opens and closes his mouth. “They were gonna hit you- I wasn’t about to let that happen.”

Still stunned myself I ask, “So you dislocated his jaw?” I would’ve thought it more likely for him to suddenly cast a spell or become a vampire.

He’s quiet for a moment, then says, “Like I said, I wasn’t about to let them hit you.”

And he gives me a smile I haven’t seen from him since he was sixteen, when he had just met Billy Corgan after his first concert. His whole face is glowing under that scarlet hair that’s still glued to his forehead.

I think he might have been able to stake himself after all.

Well, back with some sparks! Or so I'd like to think xD What do you all think? Is this enough? Will that knockout punch give Gerard the confidence he's been lacking, remind him of how he can be? Or is this only a small victory, that will lose effect like the buzz from cheap wine? You shall have to wait and see! So I think i'm gonna aim for ten reviews before I update again. Sounds reasonable, no? That way I'll have time to write that next chapter haahah xD Thanks for reading. Rock n' roll. xoxo Evangeline.
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