Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > keeping faith at heart
I woke up, letting my eyes flutter open gently, taking in my surroundings. I then remembered it all again, Gerard… me… in bed… together… having sex…
I was a sinner, I was dirty, I couldn’t resist the temptation of the evil, it was like Adam and Eve not resisting the temptation of the snake and the apple but instead of Adam and Eve it was Adam and Steve and that wasn’t right. God would hate me, I let lust take over and now I have to live with it.
I got up, the sharp pain shot threw me from behind making me yelp out and grit my teeth.
I still got up and slipped on my boxers and t-shirt on, going slowly because of the pain that was so horrible.
I looked over my shoulder to see Gerard sleeping peaceful, his mouth slightly open snoring softly, his naked beautiful body the black covers only covering his lower half, his pale white chest exposed, making me lick my lips as I wanted him again, but I wouldn’t let myself fall for it again I wouldn’t let myself fall for lust, I got up and made my way out of his bedroom and back to Mikey’s. I slipped into the sleeping bag and rested my head on the pillow, I let my eyes close again, as I waited for Mikey to wake me up.
~~~~~~~
“Frank?” Mikey asked, I groaned as I opened my eyes, the light beaming down and shining into my eyes making me groan and cover my eyes.
“You okay?” Mikey asked.
“Yeah, just the light,” I groaned.
He chuckled.
“You want some breakfast?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Pop tarts?” Mikey asked, I looked up at him and let a smiled beam out.
“You read minds well,” I said, making him laugh.
“Come on then,” he said, we both got up and got dressed quickly. We then made our way downstairs, to find Gerard drinking a coffee in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, just standing casually in boxers and a pain black shirt, his raven black hair looked scruffy and sexy, he had a unlit cigarette in his hand, probably going to smoke it after he finished is coffee. He noticed us walk into the kitchen; I didn’t make eye contact, looking down at the floor as Mikey got out the pop tarts.
“Want a coffee?” Mikey asked.
“Yes please,” I answered quietly.
Gerard looked over at me and smirked.
“Hold on I’m just gonna get my phone,” Mikey said as he walked out the kitchen, why did he have to leave me?
Gerard walked over to me, placing his coffee on the counter and grinning at me.
“Morning sexy,” he growled before wrapping his arms around me and sucking on my neck gently making me moan out.
“Gerard…stop…” I moaned out.
He didn’t, so I started to push him off, trying to get out from under his touch.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“We can’t do this, I’m a good catholic, last night was wrong, I mean I was a virgin, I was saving that for when I was married to some girl, I shouldn’t have had sex with a guy, it was wrong, being gay is wrong, God made man and woman to be together not women and women, and men and men, it’s wrong,” I said quietly in case Mikey walked in on us.
“Fine, I get it,” he said, I could see the pain and upset that he was trying to hide in his face, his arms left my waist, it felt as if all the love and comfort had suddenly left me as he moved away, he took his coffee and left the kitchen, leaving me alone, just hearing his footsteps fade away and the ticking of the clock in the kitchen that seemed to get louder as the footsteps disappeared.
~~~~~~
I sat in my room, alone, the thought of last night reliving in my mind over and over again, I just wanted it to stop, it was as if my mind was trying to drive me mad with guilt. I prayed, begged for forgiveness to God, I tried to distract myself by reading, but I wasn’t even reading properly, I just flick threw the words, letting them past me by, just reading them then forgetting them straight away. I tried playing my guitar but I got angry whenever I strummed the wrong note. I tried watching T.V. but there wasn’t anything to watch. I just couldn’t do anything, all I saw was Gerard, just him, I wanted him, he was amazing to me, but I would be going against God, against my faith and family. I looked outside the window, I just looked out for a few minutes, suddenly he walked out, I felt my heart fluttered as I saw him, he put a cigarette in his parted lips and lit up.
He looked distressed as he took a long drag on his cigarette. I carried on looking out to him, wanting him to look up at me.
He looked over to my house, his eyes edging up and up… till finally they met mine. He looked at me, he had no expression on his face. He took another drag on his cigarette and turned away, loosing the eye contract between us.
I wanted him to look at me again but he soon finished his cigarette and walked back inside, not even a glace, I wanted him to look at me, I wanted to see him, to be near him. But I had gone against everything now, my faith, my family, my God, my beliefs. What was I to do?
I was a sinner, I was dirty, I couldn’t resist the temptation of the evil, it was like Adam and Eve not resisting the temptation of the snake and the apple but instead of Adam and Eve it was Adam and Steve and that wasn’t right. God would hate me, I let lust take over and now I have to live with it.
I got up, the sharp pain shot threw me from behind making me yelp out and grit my teeth.
I still got up and slipped on my boxers and t-shirt on, going slowly because of the pain that was so horrible.
I looked over my shoulder to see Gerard sleeping peaceful, his mouth slightly open snoring softly, his naked beautiful body the black covers only covering his lower half, his pale white chest exposed, making me lick my lips as I wanted him again, but I wouldn’t let myself fall for it again I wouldn’t let myself fall for lust, I got up and made my way out of his bedroom and back to Mikey’s. I slipped into the sleeping bag and rested my head on the pillow, I let my eyes close again, as I waited for Mikey to wake me up.
~~~~~~~
“Frank?” Mikey asked, I groaned as I opened my eyes, the light beaming down and shining into my eyes making me groan and cover my eyes.
“You okay?” Mikey asked.
“Yeah, just the light,” I groaned.
He chuckled.
“You want some breakfast?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Pop tarts?” Mikey asked, I looked up at him and let a smiled beam out.
“You read minds well,” I said, making him laugh.
“Come on then,” he said, we both got up and got dressed quickly. We then made our way downstairs, to find Gerard drinking a coffee in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, just standing casually in boxers and a pain black shirt, his raven black hair looked scruffy and sexy, he had a unlit cigarette in his hand, probably going to smoke it after he finished is coffee. He noticed us walk into the kitchen; I didn’t make eye contact, looking down at the floor as Mikey got out the pop tarts.
“Want a coffee?” Mikey asked.
“Yes please,” I answered quietly.
Gerard looked over at me and smirked.
“Hold on I’m just gonna get my phone,” Mikey said as he walked out the kitchen, why did he have to leave me?
Gerard walked over to me, placing his coffee on the counter and grinning at me.
“Morning sexy,” he growled before wrapping his arms around me and sucking on my neck gently making me moan out.
“Gerard…stop…” I moaned out.
He didn’t, so I started to push him off, trying to get out from under his touch.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“We can’t do this, I’m a good catholic, last night was wrong, I mean I was a virgin, I was saving that for when I was married to some girl, I shouldn’t have had sex with a guy, it was wrong, being gay is wrong, God made man and woman to be together not women and women, and men and men, it’s wrong,” I said quietly in case Mikey walked in on us.
“Fine, I get it,” he said, I could see the pain and upset that he was trying to hide in his face, his arms left my waist, it felt as if all the love and comfort had suddenly left me as he moved away, he took his coffee and left the kitchen, leaving me alone, just hearing his footsteps fade away and the ticking of the clock in the kitchen that seemed to get louder as the footsteps disappeared.
~~~~~~
I sat in my room, alone, the thought of last night reliving in my mind over and over again, I just wanted it to stop, it was as if my mind was trying to drive me mad with guilt. I prayed, begged for forgiveness to God, I tried to distract myself by reading, but I wasn’t even reading properly, I just flick threw the words, letting them past me by, just reading them then forgetting them straight away. I tried playing my guitar but I got angry whenever I strummed the wrong note. I tried watching T.V. but there wasn’t anything to watch. I just couldn’t do anything, all I saw was Gerard, just him, I wanted him, he was amazing to me, but I would be going against God, against my faith and family. I looked outside the window, I just looked out for a few minutes, suddenly he walked out, I felt my heart fluttered as I saw him, he put a cigarette in his parted lips and lit up.
He looked distressed as he took a long drag on his cigarette. I carried on looking out to him, wanting him to look up at me.
He looked over to my house, his eyes edging up and up… till finally they met mine. He looked at me, he had no expression on his face. He took another drag on his cigarette and turned away, loosing the eye contract between us.
I wanted him to look at me again but he soon finished his cigarette and walked back inside, not even a glace, I wanted him to look at me, I wanted to see him, to be near him. But I had gone against everything now, my faith, my family, my God, my beliefs. What was I to do?
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