FicWad

Chapter Two
Gerard’s Point of View (still)
It was two days since I’d found my love for Frank again, and I was still shocked from my discovery.
I also had no idea what to do about it.
He loves me, he loves me not, I thought while staring at the many empty mugs on my windowsill which had previously held coffee.
But this was serious, I told myself. You’re married, you’re a father, and so is Frank. Just get a fucking grip, and let go of your damned feeling, there aren’t getting you anywhere, I scolded myself.

I stayed in my bedroom all day, moping to myself. I’d been feeling ill for 2 days now, and I blamed it partly on just being over-tired, and also from my furious love for Frank; I just felt like I couldn’t be around him without looking like an utter fool, so I stayed away.
Trouble was, so did he.
I was sure Frank was avoiding me, because he was out now, apparently sight-seeing with Mikey, who’d said they’d be back about 2 hours ago. Maybe Frank really hates me, I thought.
I finally got up and started walking up and down my small room, still thinking. It was just impossible for me to love Frankie, but I did; I truly did. Whenever I just thought of the name, I felt soft on the inside.
‘Gah, why is life so...So shitty, and goddamn complicated?!’ I hissed to myself and stomped back to my bed. Grabbing a biro and a wad of paper I sprawled onto my bed and started drawing on an impulse, sketching.
My pen moved so fast it blurred, the ink flowing from my hand, sketching every trace and detail. A line here, a curve there, some shading around that; I was absorbed. My breathing became less raggedy and the constant waterfall of bad language that had been pouring from my mouth had dissolved into a small trickle. I was intent on the little piece of paper.
A knock came on my door; it was Ray.
‘Uh, Gee? Want coffee?’ He asked anxiously, ‘You haven’t been out all day... You gonna come out soon?’
I paused worriedly, then stuttered out a reply.
‘Er, no, thanks, erm, Ray; I, er, I’m fine... I mean, I have a headache, I think I’ll just nap... Er, thanks...’ My tongue stumbled groggily over each syllable.
“Okay.” Ray’s voice replied as I heard him trudge back to his guitar and started soloing on it gently.
I looked at my clock in wonder, contemplating how much time had passed when I had been drawing. Nearly an hour, I thought groggily.
My muscles stiffened as my eyes lingered upon the page, and I would have ripped it up, I was that disgusted and embarrassed what I’d let myself think of.
It was Frankie.
I stared at the drawing for so long and so hard that my eyes watered madly.
‘Frank...’ I breathed.
It was a beautiful picture, a real still-life portrait thing, very different from my usual cartoons. Everything was perfectly outlined; it was exactly what made my heart throb.
Frankie was stood a little way away, leaning over his guitar; carefully tuning it before a performance. His jeans were ripped, his hair was tousled and his lips were turned up into that funny little smile of his. His eyes had that same spark of delight and danger in them, and his expression was aimed at me – I melted before it.
At least after half an hour of staring, I folded the picture up carefully and placed it underneath my pillow. I took a deep breath and just lay, staring at the ceiling, not bothering to wipe away my long-flowing tears.
---
When I woke up again, it was midnight. I stretched around groggily, listening for the others.
An owl hooted outside; everything was still and quiet.
Rubbing my eyes fiercely, I decided to get up and rehydrate myself before collapsing into unconsciousness again.
So I blearily made my way to my door and opened it. Stumbling onto the landing, I took a lungful of fresh air (which felt incredible after my stale bedroom) then made my way to the kitchen unit.
After filling the kettle and turning it on, I just stared at it lifelessly, just turning things over in my head. Frankie, family? Frankie, music? Frankie?
I stayed stock still, even after the kettle boiled. I watched the moonlight reflect off the steam. Everything was deadly quiet.
I could smell Frank’s deodorant in the air.
I could feel the sadness that welled up inside me when I knew we would never, ever be together.
I started whispering under my breath, just to try and calm myself down.
‘Frankie... Frankie... Frankie... Frankie...’ I jabbered aimlessly, pouring about an entire tablespoon full of coffee into a mug mechanically.
Then I gasped.
A feeling on my neck –
‘You called?’ Came a barely audible whisper behind me; breaking the silence.
I nearly flopped to the floor as Frankie kissed my neck again smoothly, his arms creeping round my stomach.
‘I....I...I-I..’ I stuttered madly, my mind practically exploding.
‘Love me?’ Frankie turned me round and gazed into my eyes. I felt transfixed, elated. And also a tiny little bit nervous. ‘You...love...me?’ His eyes bored into me, and it was all I could do not to faint.
‘...Yeah.’ I whispered. ‘I do.’