Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Go Ahead and Burn it Down.
I Refuse to Be Part of Your Past
Pete slid into the booth across from Chris. “Hey,” he said smiling. “How was the vacation?”
“It was fine.” Her response was clipped. She offered no elaboration. She just sat there.
Pete tried again. “What did you guys do?”
“Stuff.”
“Ok…” Obviously he wasn’t getting anywhere with small talk. “Why can’t you see me?”
Her eyes, which had been cold and staring straight ahead since he sat down, softened and dropped to the table. “It hurts too much.”
He took her hand across the table. “It doesn’t have to.”
“Peter,” her hand slipped out of his and into her lap. “I mean it. I can’t hang out with you anymore.”
“Why not?” Pete was starting to panic.
“It’s like,” she looked up to the ceiling, thinking, “It’s like, our lives are made up of these pieces. Things we do and people in our lives are the pieces.”
“Ok, I’m following so far.”
“So Matt was like this huge piece for me, obviously. But now, he’s gone. I’ve got a huge hole in my puzzle…”
Under any other circumstances, Pete would have laughed. But she was so serious. “I don’t understand why you can’t hang out with me. Matt’s gone, but I’m not.”
“I have to fill in that hole. I need new pieces.”
“But you also need something to build off of. Why can’t I be the piece that stays the same?” Pete was pleading now.
“Because you, and the guys in the band, and Stacy. You were the closest pieces to Matt. My new pieces won’t fit with you guys. I have to let go and move on.” She was crying now. “I’m going to Austin. Tomorrow. UT accepted my transfer. I’m going. And you can’t come with me.”
“Chris. This is ridiculous.” Pete felt tears in his own eyes. “You can’t just give us up. We’re around. We’re not going to quit just because you go to Texas.”
“Goodbye Peter.”
It was obvious this conversation was over. Pete was seething. How could she just do that? How could she just cut him out. She got up and left.
***
Pete had come in the house in such a rage that Mrs. Wentz called Patrick, Joe, and Andy to come over to make sure he was ok. Pete wasn’t saying anything, so they just sat in Pete’s room.
Chris showed up a few hours later. “I figured this is where you were when I couldn’t find you at your houses. I assume Pete told you what happened.”
They all shook their heads, puzzled, except Pete, of course.
“Well, I’m leaving in the morning. I’m going to Austin to go back to school.”
“Good for you, Chris,” Patrick said. He was still confused. Pete was mad just because she was leaving? That was kind of selfish.
“I’m saying goodbye because-“ she took a deep breath, but seemed unable to finish her
sentence.
“Because why?” Joe asked.
Before she could answer, Pete exploded, “Because she’s never talking to us again. She’s moving on to bigger and better things because she can’t stand to be in the same room as us.” Pete stormed out of the room.
“Is that true?” Joe asked, hurt obvious in his eyes.
“Well, yes,” at that Joe also left the room. “But not like that,” she called after him. She turned to face Patrick and Andy. They looked wounded, but they would give her a chance to explain, she hoped. “I just can’t do the same things and hang out with the same people I did when Matt was here. I have to let go.”
“You don’t have to. Pete isn’t. Matt was like his brother too, but he is managing.” Patrick said sadly.
“I’m sad you feel this way.” Andy said.
There was nothing left to say. “I guess I’ll go then,” Chris said. She walked out of the room, Patrick and Andy following. Pete and Joe were sitting on the porch steps. Patrick and Andy stood with them as Chris went to her car. Just before she got in she turned to them with tears rolling down her face.
“Hey Fall Out Boy, I love you.”
When no one responded, a sob escaped her lips and she climbed in the car and drove away.
***
The boys recorded Take This To Your Grave in Wisconsin. They thanked Matt and Chris in the liner notes. They sent a copy both to the Henry’s house in Chicago and to Chris in Austin. They had gotten her address from Stacy who had convinced Mrs. Henry to give it to her.
In Austin, Chris threw the CD into the deepest recesses of her closet without opening it.
***
They band signed with Island. They went on tour. They all looked hopefully into the audience at the Austin show. They couldn’t find her.
Chris had outright refused several invitations to go to the Fall Out Boy show. One of her friends came home that night and said that they had mentioned some guy named Chris in one of their songs. She dismissed it.
***
The next year they released My Heart Will Always Be the B-Side to My Tongue. Things were finally falling into place. Matt was still talked about, but the only mention of Chris’ name happened a few times a week.
Chris bought My Heart on a homesick whim. She listened to it constantly for two weeks until, in a heartsick fit, she threw it at the wall and it shattered.
***
The boys toured again. At the Austin show they closed with the same last song as last time. They searched the crowd again. Nothing.
***
Then From Under the Cork Tree happened. The band went from being nobodies with a small but devoted following to having their songs sung by everyone from pre-teens to their moms on their morning commute. Hell their videos were even on TRL. Things were awesome. They launched on another tour. While they played mostly their new stuff, the old fans always made their voices heard and Grand Theft Autumn and other older songs were played.
Then they were in Austin again.
Pete slid into the booth across from Chris. “Hey,” he said smiling. “How was the vacation?”
“It was fine.” Her response was clipped. She offered no elaboration. She just sat there.
Pete tried again. “What did you guys do?”
“Stuff.”
“Ok…” Obviously he wasn’t getting anywhere with small talk. “Why can’t you see me?”
Her eyes, which had been cold and staring straight ahead since he sat down, softened and dropped to the table. “It hurts too much.”
He took her hand across the table. “It doesn’t have to.”
“Peter,” her hand slipped out of his and into her lap. “I mean it. I can’t hang out with you anymore.”
“Why not?” Pete was starting to panic.
“It’s like,” she looked up to the ceiling, thinking, “It’s like, our lives are made up of these pieces. Things we do and people in our lives are the pieces.”
“Ok, I’m following so far.”
“So Matt was like this huge piece for me, obviously. But now, he’s gone. I’ve got a huge hole in my puzzle…”
Under any other circumstances, Pete would have laughed. But she was so serious. “I don’t understand why you can’t hang out with me. Matt’s gone, but I’m not.”
“I have to fill in that hole. I need new pieces.”
“But you also need something to build off of. Why can’t I be the piece that stays the same?” Pete was pleading now.
“Because you, and the guys in the band, and Stacy. You were the closest pieces to Matt. My new pieces won’t fit with you guys. I have to let go and move on.” She was crying now. “I’m going to Austin. Tomorrow. UT accepted my transfer. I’m going. And you can’t come with me.”
“Chris. This is ridiculous.” Pete felt tears in his own eyes. “You can’t just give us up. We’re around. We’re not going to quit just because you go to Texas.”
“Goodbye Peter.”
It was obvious this conversation was over. Pete was seething. How could she just do that? How could she just cut him out. She got up and left.
***
Pete had come in the house in such a rage that Mrs. Wentz called Patrick, Joe, and Andy to come over to make sure he was ok. Pete wasn’t saying anything, so they just sat in Pete’s room.
Chris showed up a few hours later. “I figured this is where you were when I couldn’t find you at your houses. I assume Pete told you what happened.”
They all shook their heads, puzzled, except Pete, of course.
“Well, I’m leaving in the morning. I’m going to Austin to go back to school.”
“Good for you, Chris,” Patrick said. He was still confused. Pete was mad just because she was leaving? That was kind of selfish.
“I’m saying goodbye because-“ she took a deep breath, but seemed unable to finish her
sentence.
“Because why?” Joe asked.
Before she could answer, Pete exploded, “Because she’s never talking to us again. She’s moving on to bigger and better things because she can’t stand to be in the same room as us.” Pete stormed out of the room.
“Is that true?” Joe asked, hurt obvious in his eyes.
“Well, yes,” at that Joe also left the room. “But not like that,” she called after him. She turned to face Patrick and Andy. They looked wounded, but they would give her a chance to explain, she hoped. “I just can’t do the same things and hang out with the same people I did when Matt was here. I have to let go.”
“You don’t have to. Pete isn’t. Matt was like his brother too, but he is managing.” Patrick said sadly.
“I’m sad you feel this way.” Andy said.
There was nothing left to say. “I guess I’ll go then,” Chris said. She walked out of the room, Patrick and Andy following. Pete and Joe were sitting on the porch steps. Patrick and Andy stood with them as Chris went to her car. Just before she got in she turned to them with tears rolling down her face.
“Hey Fall Out Boy, I love you.”
When no one responded, a sob escaped her lips and she climbed in the car and drove away.
***
The boys recorded Take This To Your Grave in Wisconsin. They thanked Matt and Chris in the liner notes. They sent a copy both to the Henry’s house in Chicago and to Chris in Austin. They had gotten her address from Stacy who had convinced Mrs. Henry to give it to her.
In Austin, Chris threw the CD into the deepest recesses of her closet without opening it.
***
They band signed with Island. They went on tour. They all looked hopefully into the audience at the Austin show. They couldn’t find her.
Chris had outright refused several invitations to go to the Fall Out Boy show. One of her friends came home that night and said that they had mentioned some guy named Chris in one of their songs. She dismissed it.
***
The next year they released My Heart Will Always Be the B-Side to My Tongue. Things were finally falling into place. Matt was still talked about, but the only mention of Chris’ name happened a few times a week.
Chris bought My Heart on a homesick whim. She listened to it constantly for two weeks until, in a heartsick fit, she threw it at the wall and it shattered.
***
The boys toured again. At the Austin show they closed with the same last song as last time. They searched the crowd again. Nothing.
***
Then From Under the Cork Tree happened. The band went from being nobodies with a small but devoted following to having their songs sung by everyone from pre-teens to their moms on their morning commute. Hell their videos were even on TRL. Things were awesome. They launched on another tour. While they played mostly their new stuff, the old fans always made their voices heard and Grand Theft Autumn and other older songs were played.
Then they were in Austin again.
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