FicWad

I woke up once again sweating and shaking. I sat upright and pushed my hair back, it had became stuck to my face from the sweat. I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to rub away the disturbing images which tormented and haunted my sleep. I knew that sooner or later, I was going to end up needing therapy to remove them, but I shrugged away the thought, and pulled myself out of bed.

I remembered last night, and figured one of the guys took me to bed. I made my way to the bathroom, and splashed the ice-cold water on my face. I looked up at my appearance in the mirror. My long dark brown hair, almost black was randomly sticking up. My grey eyes never looked so tormented. I sighed and dried my face on the fluffy, powder blue towel. I looked down at myself. My green and grey striped t-shirt was creased where I had slept, and my grey Bermudas had rode up my left leg a little.

It was killing me. I had nothing to do. I wasn’t used to this. I made my way to my bedroom, and changed into my joggers and a baggy t-shirt before tying my hair back. I looked at the clock, and saw the green numbers flashing 6: 30 am. I smiled, and made my way outside, to begin my run. Hopefully this would clear my head a little.

Is it crazy to miss the army? To miss the sounds of gun shots, and explosions? To miss the baking sun, that burnt your skin to much that you’d go to sleep in pain? Well I am. I felt like I belonged in the army. I felt useful, and worthwhile. Back home, I didn’t have that. I didn’t feel a sense of belonging. To be honest, I’ve never felt like I belonged in New Jersey.

My attention was drawn to the cemetery on my left. I swallowed the lump which had formed in my throat as I stared at the graves. I inhaled, before speeding up and trying to get away from the sight as fast as I could. Call me a coward, but there’s one thing I can’t deal with. Memories.

I came to a stop outside Dylan’s house and walked up the driveway. I stopped at the front door and moved the flowerpot, to find the familiar silver key. I smiled as I bent down to pick it up.

Still right where it’s always been, so predictable.

I put the key in the key hole, as I panted, and inhaled deep breaths. My heart rate was so fast it almost sounded like a gentle humming. I quietly shut the front door and poured myself a glass of water. I took it into the living room and sat on the couch drinking it; as I looked around the room. The various memories of our lives hanging inside frames on the walls. I lay down on the sofa savoring the moment of being here. I’d missed this house so much. It’s the only place where I truly feel safe.

I heard movement upstairs, before footsteps coming down the stairs. I looked up at the doorway, where a tired looking Dylan had appeared.

“What are you doing here?” he asked groggily.

“I couldn’t sleep” I said simply.

He sighed, and made his way over to the sofa. He climbed over me, and lay down behind me. I tensed my body for fear that he’d topple onto me. He got comfy behind me and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

“Still having nightmares?” he asked into my hair. I stared at the picture of Dylan and Billy on their wedding day. Jealous fibers swimming through my bloodstream like viruses. I nodded. Dylan sighed and squeezed me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Why me though?” I asked after a few minutes, as I stared at a photo of me, Cameron, and Dylan playing video games in this very room, on the night of the school prom I never attended.

“What do you mean?” he asked sleepily.

“Why has it all happened to me? I must’ve done something major to piss off the big guy up there.” I said, as Dylan tiredly stroked my side soothingly.

“Honestly, I don’t know. You know I’d give up everything to erase it all, and give you a second chance.” he said softly.

“You’re the only thing that’s not gone wrong.” I said as I closed my eyes, shutting in the tears threatening to fall. I wouldn’t allow myself to cry.

“And it’ll always be that way.” he said. I could hear the hope leaving his mouth, as it hitched a ride on his comforting words.

I sighed and moved my arm so that I could put my hand over his. He linked his fingers with mine, in a sort of promise that he’d never leave me.

“I think things are finally looking up.” he said.

“You think?” I asked; as I listened to his warm breath hit my neck soothingly.

“I know.” he said confidently, causing me to release a smile of hope.

For the first time ever I felt completely safe, and I fell into an undisturbed sleep; as his words echoed my head and his arms continued to protect me from everything that would normally creep into my dreams like a disease.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You know when you’re asleep and you can hear faint voices? Well, I could hear Billy telling Ben to leave me alone and that I’d play with him later when I woke up.
I seemed to have fallen back asleep again, because when in stirred and allowed my eyes to flutter open, I saw four bright hazel eyes twinkling at me.


“Morning. Well, afternoon.” the familiar voice of Frank said.

I didn’t respond, just turned over, so that my back was to him and Ben, and my face was squished into the back of the sofa. I was just drifting back to sleep, when a heavy weight suddenly appeared on top of me, squashing me. I let out a small scream which was muffled by the fact that my face was stuck in the sofa cushion.

I managed to pull my face out of the sofa cushion, and turned my head to look up at a laughing Ben who was lying on top of my back rather triumphantly.

“Exsqueeze me?” I asked him, causing him to give me a cheeky grin.

I fake glared at him, before turning over so that he fell off of me, and landed on the floor. I looked over the edge of the sofa, where he was lying on his back in a fit of laughter. He looked up at me, with his mischievous grin, so I stuck my tongue out at him.

I looked up to see Frank watching us with an amused smile etched on his face. I smiled friendly, before it hit me, just like Ben had.

“Why are you here?” I asked, not wanting to seem rude or anything.

“Me and Mikey woke up, and you were gone. We kind of had a panic attack.” he said with an unreadable look on his face. Maybe it was because I wasn’t quite with it yet.

“Oh… sorry.” I said guiltily. “I couldn’t sleep” I said as I sat up on the sofa, with Ben sitting next to me, sitting in the exact same position I was in.

I felt his eyes on me, and crossed my legs Indian style. I saw him crossing his legs too, and then looking back up at me. Frank and I exchanged amused glances, before bursting out laughing. A second later, Ben joined in laughing, and looking up at me. I turned to him, and stuck my tongue out, with him mirroring me. I raised my right eyebrow, with him doing the same. I rolled my eyes and turned to Frank, waiting for the perfect moment. Frank seemed to understand what was running through my mind, and nodded very subtly.

“RAWRRRR!!” I screamed, turning to Ben suddenly and grabbing his sides. He let out a girlish scream and scrambled out of my grasp, and ran to frank. Frank and I burst out laughing, as Ben hid face in frank’s arm.

I got up and walked into the kitchen, stretching as I did so. I looked down at Billy who was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, reading a magazine.

“Morning.” I said as I sat down opposite her.

“Afternoon.” she corrected, looking up at me with a smile. I looked around the kitchen, as if searching for something. There was definitely something missing.

“Where’s Dylan?” I asked, resting my eyes on her concentrated face, waiting for her response.

“Gone to a job interview. He didn’t want to wake you.” she said cheerily, bringing her soft gaze to mine. I smiled, remembering his job interview. She diverted her attention to the article she was reading. I watched her for a few minutes, becoming bored.

“You know. This morning, sleeping here, is the first time in two years, that I haven’t had the nightmare” I said randomly, staring at the front cover of the magazine. He woman on the front cover wearing a gorgeous black party dress. I’d never wear anything like that. It’s just not me. I wouldn’t feel comfortable. Although I’d love to feel pretty.

Billy looked up at me, causing her to gain my attention. She gave me a faint, awkward smile. I could practically hear her trying to compose the right words to say. She gave up and sighed.

“You and Dylan looked so cute this morning.” she said with a smile, as If recalling a fond memory. I smiled too.

“You’ve got a good friend there.” she said a few minutes later.

“Who?” I asked confused. The room was filled with Ben’s shrieks. From the sound of it, he and Frank were play fighting, and being typical boys. Billy nodded her head in the direction of the living room.

“Frank?” I asked quietly. She smirked and nodded. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to explain. I mean. I don’t really even know him that well.

“He turned up here in a frenzied panic, because your bedroom door was open, and you were no where in sight. He said your house key was on the bedside table too.” she said with a smirk.

I smiled at the thought of someone being that concerned about me. It felt nice to have friends, even if it was just my housemates. Half of my brain was telling me not to get attached because I didn’t know when I was going to be called back out, and have to leave everything behind again. However, the other half of my brain was telling me not to worry about it just yet, and to worry about it when the time comes. I shrugged off the thought. I had friends, who care enough about me already to go looking for me.

I was pulled out of my thoughts, when the kitchen was filled with girlish shrieks, and Frank entered the room with Ben over his shoulder.


*Authors Note: I figured that since I went on a hiatus, you guys could have 2 chapters, so enjoy :]