Morefrustration and confusion going on..bt the questioning draws to a close...
Dinner was hard, having to sit so close to Gerard and feeling all these strange sparks everytime our hands touched. I decided that I wasn't going to think about it. I'm not gay. I can ingonre every wierd electricity sensation that passes between us. It'll go soon. I'm probably just nervous around him because I knew what troubles he went through before I even knew his name..
When I thought about his dad, how hard it is for Gerard to talk about him without having tears in his eyes hurt me, a lot more than it should. It made me angry. It made me want to hurt his Dad, see how he likes being beaten half to death. Sitting and listening to him pour his heart out to his mother upset me. Just seeing him in that state made me want to comfort him, and let him know that it's going to be okay and that i'm here for him. But I can't.
I don't trust myself.
I was sitting in Mikey's watching tv when i looked at the time, 8:06,
"Shit, I have to go home now Mikes"
"No, the movie is only half way through!"
"I know! I really want to stay but I told mom ill be back by 8 and you know how she gets if your late.."
"Why don't you stay the night!?" He asked excitedly.
"Yeah, ill ask call and ask"
"Hey Mom, It's frank, is it okay if i stay the night at Mikey's house tonight?"
"Hmm I guess, are you going to come home to get your stuff?"
"Yep I'll be home in about 5 minutes"
"Okay Frank, you can't stay up too late though,"
"Yeah,, yeah i know mom, see you soon"
"It's fine" I told mikey.
"I just gotta go home to get my stuff." I got up from his couch and walked to his door."Be back in a minute,"
I ran down the hallway and passed Ms Way,
"Hello Frank, I'm just going to bed now, but you're welcome to stay over if you want, just check with your Mom first" She smiled and went into her room and closed the door.
I ran down the stairs and SMACK, right into Gerard.
The force of the crash made me stumble backwards, almost completely tumbling over. Luckily Gerrd had a tight grip on my forearm, keeping me steady. The familulair sparks flew between us, which i ignored. I found myself to be in a trance, starring into his eyes. Realising this, i quickly blinked.
"Oh, go, Gerard I didn't mean to run into you like that, I-"
He cut me off by smiling and saying in a soft, familuliar voice:
"Don't worry, Frankie"
Don't worry, Frankie
Don't worry, Frankie
Don't worry, Frankie
Those three words running through my head, the comforting gental, kind voice from my nightmares keep spreading over all the corners of my mind. It was him. He was the one who made me feel alive. I knew it. What does this mean? Fate? Destiny? No, because why would fate lead me to another guy when i'm not into guys. A coinencedence then. Gerard's voice and exact words being a perfect match to the angel from the my nightmare's.
He snatched his hand off my arm and the electricity broke. I looked up at him in disbelief. He looked at me, worried and embarassed. I quickly looked down at our shoes. He probably was thinking that im realing strange for suddenly acting so astonish after he had said a few simple words. Little did he know taht these words gave me a lot to think about...
I looked back up into his eyes and smiled, and without knowing what else was left to say, left. I walked down Mikey's street and around a few coners till I reached my house. I opened the door with my key, my thoughts still jumbled together as i tried to match the pieces together. I almost didn't hear my parents greet me as i walkedd past the lounge where they were watching tv.
I ran upp to my bedroom and stuffed my back pack full of clothes , and walked back down the stairs. I bit my lip as I thought about it all, the dreams, the butterflies, the electric feel. Was it all adding up to something, something big that would change my world completely? No, Stop it frank, i thought to myself, im getting my thoughts mixed up. I'm sure Gerard was straight too. I may as well forget the whole hing and just get on with my life, only ever being friends with Gerard. This is the first time that I have actually seriously questioned my sexuality. If it didn't concern me before, then why does it suddenly come down on me like a ton of bricks because one new person entered my life?
With all my mind games i didn't notce that i had returned to the Way's house. I knocked on the door and Gerard answered it almost imediatly.
"Hey FrankieHe smiled his triple stomach sommersaulting garentee smile.
I smiled, I liked him calling me that, it made him even more unique and stand out even better in my life.
"Miky's just in the lounge, we're watching a movie."
"Great" I smiled at him and he kept his eyes locked onto mine.
I didn;t dare break the contact, i was loving it too much. I admit that I want to do something else than the ocasional eye contact or smile. We didn't move, we just stared at each other for as long as we wanted. My heart raced as I saw Gerard move into me, closer and closer. I was totally wrong, this is exactly what i wanted. I let myself smile as i slowly inched closer into him, centimeters apart when...
What was taking them so long?
"Gerard!" I yelled and jumped up from the couch to walk to the front door, Frank and Gee were both standing there a little awkwardly.
"The movie's started, come on!" I said, grabbed Frank's arm and pulled him across the room, plonking him down on the couch next to me.
"Just chuck your bag somewhere on the floor, we'll get it later" I said
He nodded once and dropped it at his feet, he was very quiet. It was weird seeing him with nothing to say, usaully he would never shut up. Gerard sat on the other couch and put his legs up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. He was quiet too, I guess that he was just tired. I worried about him, He seems very distant and i don't want him to get too caught up in bad thoughts and memories. We watched the movie in slience, with the ocasional squeaks and short intakes of breath from Frank. We watched a scary movie and Frank was practically hiding into my shoulder. I kept getting the sudden side look from Gerard and he would fix his eyes onto the screen with an angry look on his face. Was he Jealous? I knew he likes Frank. Gerard's easier to read than a fucking book, Frank was just oblivious. Maybe Frank knew alreadt though. I don't think that Gee told Frank that he is gay, I difinatly didnt tell him. I would never tell anyone without Gerard's permission, i saw how hard it was for him to tell me, im glad he did. It felt like he had broken the brick wall we built the day that he left...
The movie ended and Gerard got up briskly and left, closing his door rather loudly, I didn't know if it was on purpose or not.
I looked at Frank who had watched him leave and still is staring in the direction of the door. He let out a small sigh and devoted his attenntion to the end credits that were running down the screen.
"Time for bed?" I asked smiling at Frank.
"Um yeah sure"
We got up and got into out pjs, went into my room where I had set up a matteress and blankets. Frank got into his bed and I turned out the lights.
"Good night" I said.
"Night..He said, almost a whisper.
Something was bothering him.
I knew he was lying when he said he was fine. I know the effects of keeping major things to youself and i was woriied about frank.
He wasn't telling me the truth..
And I could tell that the truth was killing him inside.
I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get up, thanks to everyone who rated or commented it reqlly makes me so happy!! Please keep it up, i need the encouragement to keep me motivated. THANK YOU xxxxx