FicWad

I hurried home and slipped through the door. I hoped my parents would be busy doing something or another so that I could slip into my bedroom and lock myself away. Unfortunately, both my parents were sitting in the parlor when I got home. That certainly wasn't a good sign. Would they be upset at me for slipping out this morning? Most likely, yes.

"Hello father. Mother," I said, nodding at both of them. I slowly edged over to the stairs, ready to bolt at the slightest notice. I gave them my sweetest smile and said, "I'll just be going upstairs now..." From my mother's expressionless face and my father's narrowed eyes, I could tell that they had something to say to me. It was probably something that I did not want to hear.

"No," my father said firmly. "I have something to say to you. Sit down." I resisted rolling my eyes and went over to sit on a chair across from my parents. I crossed my legs and looked up at them, "So...what is it you want to talk to me about?" I tried to keep my voice calm and my face expressionless. It might not be bad news...

"You are getting older, Jenna," my mother stated. "It's time you stopped running around outside all the time. You need to settle down with a man, have children, and do all the duties required of you." My jaw immediately dropped. This was certainly not a good sign. Since when had my mother wanted me to have children?

"Basically, what your mother is trying to say," my father said, clearing his throat, "Is that we are going to arrange a marriage for you. Your wedding will take place soon. Perhaps in two weeks? Until then, I expect you to do everything appropriately. No messing around or doing anything that might hinder your marriage in any way."

In my opinion, what he was trying to say was don't have sex. Yeah...too late for that. My heart thumping against my rib cage, I looked up at father nervously and said, "Um, who exactly am I marrying?" It might not be so bad...right? I mean, I could end up marrying a loving man like Cutler or James. But again, maybe not.

"We haven't quite decided that yet," my father said. "But you need not worry about any of that. We'll find you a suitable husband. Don't you worry about anything." He gave me a stiff smile. He looked me up and down and I noticed his eyes focusing on the wrinkles in my dress and my pink cheeks. I sure as hell hoped he wasn't thinking what I thought he was thinking.

"One more thing, Jenna," my mother said. "You know how you keep fainting?" I frowned and nodded slightly. I had been having fainting spells a lot lately. They were annoying, but I didn't have a problem with them. My mother continued on, "I talked to the doctor about it. You're getting them because you're not eating. Your heart just has to shut down when you don't eat enough. So from now..."

Oh god, no. She was going to say something about me eating more. I didn't want to hear about it. Wasn't it enough that they were going to force me to marry a man of their choice and that I got no say in it whatsoever? Did they really need to bother me about this too? Suddenly, black dots rushed up to meet me. I faltered, was consumed by them, and fainted.

~ ~ ~ ~

When I woke next, I was lying in my bed. Brain spinning, I looked around and tried to think of whatever had happened earlier. Suddenly, I remembered about the talk I had had with them yesterday. Oh yes, how could I forget about the unwanted marriage? My heart started crashing against my ribs and my breath came in short gasps.

What could I do? I had to get out of here for a while. I had to go to Cutler. I had to tell him what was wrong. He would understand, wouldn't he? I slipped out of bed and wandered over to the window to look outside. It was a nice day outside. There was a beautiful sunrise display that told me it was still early morning. Thank god for that. Hopefully, my parents would still be sleeping.

Yawning, I wandered over to my wardrobe and randomly selected a dress. I changed quickly and tried to do my hair, but my fingers were too clumsy and I had absolutely no patience for it today. Irritably, I pushed it out of my face and stared in the mirror. I saw a pale girl with scared, hollow eyes. A depressive cloud seemed to be dragging her down.

Disgusted at my own reflection, I turned away from the mirror and looked at the door. Why worry about what I looked like right now? Cutler wouldn't care. At least, I hoped he wouldn't. I pushed the door to my bedroom open silently and crept down the stairs as quietly as I could. I remembered to skip the creaky stair and made it all the way downstairs silently.

Looking both ways to make sure nobody was watching me, I dipped out of the door and out into the crisp, fresh morning air. I took a deep breath and started running. I loved having the wind blow against my face and I loved how free I felt when I was running. Five minutes later, when I had almost reached Cutler's house, I felt strange. Weird. It was a feeling I had never had before.

I felt weak. You know, it was like every bone in my body ached. Me legs crumpled under me and I went pitching forward. My chin hit the ground and scraped against the rocks. I landed on my leg awkwardly. It wasn't broken, but it sure did hurt. I just lay on the ground for a few minutes, completely unable to move. I felt like I was about to go unconscious at any moment.

My brain started spinning and I got dizzy. Blinking, I looked up and realized I was lying in the middle of the road. If I didn't move soon, a carriage would probably come and roll right over me. That would cause even more pain than the pain that I felt right now. Using the very last bit of my strength, I rolled onto my side and out of the way of the road.

God, why was I so tired? Why did every muscle ache and every bone seem brittle? I wanted to lie down and just sleep, but that wasn't a smart thing to do, especially considering the fact that I was lying right next to an alley. Reaching up, I put my hand against the wall of the building to my left. Cutler's office was only a little ways away. I could make it.

Panting and looking like a little old lady, I leaned against the wall and managed to make my way to the door of Cutler's office. Luckily, there weren't too many people out at this time of day, so I didn't have to worry too much about people staring at me. Once I reached the door, I leaned heavily against it and knocked weakly.

"Come in," Cutler said sharply. I didn't see how he could be so awake this early in the morning, especially when I felt like falling down myself. I slipped through the doorway and shut it carefully behind me. I knew I was a mess. There was a cut on my thigh and I had cut my chin when I had fallen as well. Hopefully, Cutler wouldn't mind these flaws.

"Well don't just stand there come..." Cutler looked up and saw it was me. His lips curved into a smile. "Ah, darling, is that you? I wondered if you'd pay a visit to me." He got up and stared towards me, but paused when he got a good look at my body. His eyebrow flew up and he asked, "Oh lord, what happened to you? You look like someone tried to rape you."

"No, no, it's nothing like that," I said vaguely. I was going to say more, but I suddenly lost my balance again and almost fell forwards. Cutler caught me and held me against him. He patted my shoulder gently and whispered, "There, there. You'll be okay. I'm going to pick you up and move you to the sofa. We'll take care of you then."

Cutler's hand traveled over my backside and to the back of my thighs. He scooped me up and carried me bridal-style to the sofa in the other room. I flopped limply down in it, shaking and trembling slightly. Cutler smiled down at me and disappeared for a few minutes. When he came back, he had some ointment and bandages in one hand.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Cutler asked, raising an eyebrow at me. He took one of the blankets lying on the couch and wiped my chin off. I nodded and kept my eyes closed as he tended to my chin, "I fell. It was weird though. It wasn't like how you normally fall. I just couldn't stand up. All my strength was gone. It felt like something was dragging me down."

Cutler finished with my chin and sighed. I opened one eye to look at him and asked, "Why are you sighing?" Cutler shrugged and said lightly, "To be honest, I'm surprised that hasn't happened to you sooner." I frowned at that comment. What the hell did he mean by that? I had absolutely no idea, but I intended to find out.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, tossing him a strange look. Cutler shrugged and said, "Well, no offense intended, but you don't look healthy." Regardless of him saying "no offense intended", I certainly took offense. Was he saying I didn't look good? God, I thought he loved me. Had I been stupid to think so?

Seeing my confusion, Cutler specified what he had been trying to say. He looked into my eyes and said, "I can feel your ribs, your skin is much too pale, your lips and fingers are always cracked, your hair is limp and dull, and your eyes look hollow and empty." It took me a few minutes to register his words, but when I had, I immediately felt terrible.

"Well, excuse me then!" I burst out almost angrily. I tried to get off the sofa and ended up tumbling to the ground. Cutler leaned down to help me up, but I jerked away from him and staggered to my feet and my own. "Don't touch me! You've been messing with me this whole time, haven't you? You never loved me at all!"

"Jenna," Cutler murmured intensely, "Come back." I shook my head and dragged my feet to the door. Much quicker footsteps followed me. Cutler grabbed my shoulders and spun me around to face him, "Are you going to let me finish explaining or not?" I struggled to get away from him and shook my head vigorously, "Not!"

I couldn't believe Cutler had messed with me like this. My heart was splitting and I felt faint. Cutler sighed, "Forgive me, but I will finish whether you want to hear it or not." His words made me angry and I almost spat at him, but remembered that I was suppose to be acting like a lady and ladies most certainly did not go spitting around even if they were upset.

Cutler stared into my eyes. I paused for a slight moment, staring back into his soulful eyes. That was all that he needed. Cutler yanked my skirt up and slid a hand between my legs. He pushed my thighs apart slightly and rubbed my slit with his fingertips. I immediately stopped trying to get away. A little cry came from my lips, "Oh..."

Cutler gave me a knowing look and quickly removed his hand and pulled my skirt back down. He picked me up and stroked my hair out of my face, "There now, isn't this better? No more struggling." I gave him a dirty look, but didn't protest. He laid me back down on the couch and kneeled next to me on the ground so we were at eye level.

"Darling, I love you. I really do," Cutler told me, leaning down to touch his lips to mine. "But you're not well and you need to know that. You're killing yourself, you know." He leaned up and stroked my hair. Several thin strands fell out. Cutler sighed, "See how easily your hair comes out? What if it starts falling out? I know you wouldn't like that."

"My hair is not coming out!" I protested, giving him another dirty look. "There's nothing wrong with me! What are you trying to say?" As far as I was concerned, Cutler was just being downright mean. I had no issue. If he was trying to break ties with me, this certainly wasn't the right way to do it. He should just tell me for god's sake!

"You're not eating. If you don't eat, you're signing your name on your grave," Cutler said with a frown. "There are things wrong with you. Haven't you looked in the mirror today? Do you like what you see? Do you want your skin all dry and wrinkled because you're dehydrated? Do you want your eyes to be holes in your skull?"

I had no answer for that. Cutler reached down and put his hand over mine. He applied a bit of pressure to my fingernail. The tip of it snapped off and fell to the ground. Cutler bit his lip, "Look how brittle your nails are. Don't you see that there's something not right with you? Can't you see you're killing yourself? Do you want to leave me?"