FicWad

Frank splashed water in my face, allowing the chlorine spiked water to catch me off guard. I narrowed my eyes at him and smirked as Ray snuck up behind him and jumped on him, pushing him underwater causing me to laugh. However, my laughter didn’t last long, because I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, and lift me out of the water, before chucking me back in. I resurfaced and gasped for air, looking at the culprit with a glare. Bob stood laughing at me, with a guilty twinkle in his eye. I didn’t know what to do, so I just splashed him. I was already plotting my big revenge.

I heard a female scream, and turned around to see Mikey putting Alba over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift. I smiled, before being tackled sideways. After resurfacing, and gaining my breath back, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I turned around to come face to face with a pair of bright hazel eyes. He removed his arms from my waist, and wrapped his hands around mine, motioning to the side of the pool with his head. I nodded, before he pulled me to the side of the pool. He sat on the side, before holding out his hand. I put my hand in his, and he pulled me up onto the side of the pool next to him. I started shivering from the sudden change in temperature. My body had become accustomed to the temperature of the water, and the water felt extremely warm compared to what it felt like out of it.

I turned to him, as I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to preserve some body heat.

“Look I-” Frank started as he looked me in the eyes; beads of water dripping down his forehead as he shivered also. He looked out at the guys enjoying themselves in the pool, before fixing his gaze back onto me. “There’s something I should tell you”. he stuttered through his shivering. My full attention was on him, and I was curious as to what he had to tell me.

“Go on then.” I urged with a slight smile. I was really curious now.

“I’m-” he cut himself off. I couldn’t tell whether he was nervous or just cold. “I’m fam-” he started, but was cut off, when he was pulling into the water. I stared at where his head was, before looking down to the water, to see Frank resurfacing and gasping for air. Deep down, I wanted to laugh, but I was in a little bit of shock. One minute he was there about to tell me something, which was too important for him to wait until we were out of the pool, and then the next he’s in the water. I shook my head and jumped back in.

*

I sat on the sofa with Frank watching a movie. Mikey had gone to the movies with Alba. I felt sorry for her, because it’s not going to help her feelings for him at all. Instead it’s going to possibly make them stronger. To her it could appear as a date, but to him it’s seen as him going to the movies with his best friend.

I couldn’t concentrate on the movie, because my mind was going into over drive, trying to figure out what frank was about to tell me. I figured it had something to do with when I over heard Gerard and Frank talking, and Gerard telling him to ‘tell her’. He hadn’t even mentioned it since earlier; it was like it had slipped his mind. Either that or he didn’t want to tell me anymore. Being naturally curious, it was killing me not knowing. It’s like giving someone a million dollars, and then saying they can’t have it.

“You know at the pool earlier? What was it you were going to tell me?” I asked, before I could prevent the words from spilling from my mouth, Frank turned to look at me.

“Uhh… Nothing. It doesn’t matter any more. I forgot.” he said. I knew he was lying, but I respected the fact. Besides, I had a few secrets of my own. I nodded and smiled at him, reassuring him that I wasn’t going to press the subject or force him to tell me. He smiled at me, and pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, as I rested my head on his chest.

“You know you’re really different from all the other girls?” he asked. I could feel his chest vibrate as he spoke, and my head rose with his chest soothingly as he breathed.

“How come?” I asked, as I watched the pictures on the TV move. He sighed, causing his chest and my head to move simultaneously.

“Well for one, you don’t seem to change, to fit what other people expect from you.” he said.
“And you respect people and their feelings.” he said looking down at me. I looked up at him with a smile. I felt nice to fell this close to someone. It reminded me of Dylan, and how close we were. It also was an amazing feeling, to me anyway, to feel accepted for who I am.

I mean of all the guys, Frank’s the only one who’s seen me in all my shades of grey I guess. He saw me on the plane home, whilst I was in my uniform, he saw me at the photo shoot. Don’t get me wrong, he hasn’t seen the whole me, but he’s seen a lot more than the other guys have. I guess I just felt a connection with him in that sense. He hasn’t ditched me yet, or given up on me. Now that’s a shock, because it’s pretty intimidating seeing a soldier in an army uniform, but to strike up conversation with them, that takes guts.

“Plus, your pretty hot.” he said, with a hint of mischievousness, and a little hint of dare devil. I looked up at him, and hit him lightly. Despite the smile on my face, I felt bad; it didn’t feel right to be called that by someone else. Never mind somebody I haven’t in all fairness known for that long. I guess I just felt bad. It shouldn't be him saying that. “Thank you for not pushing for information." he said quietly.

*

I studied the calendar in the staff room and took a sip of my drink. As my eyes landed on the date, I instantly choked on my coffee, and spat it back out into my cup. I looked back at the calendar as my heart raced. 19th July. That means that tomorrow is 20th July. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.
“Whoa, what happened to you? It looks like you just saw a ghost.” an amused female voice said beside me.
“I wish.” I mumbled under my breath, before turning my head to see Toyah looking at me contently. A smile on her red lips, as she leaned against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest casually. Her smile faded into a look of concern.

“Are you ok? You don’t look too well.” she said, as she approached me.
“I don’t feel too well.” I replied shakily. I could feel my stomach twisting and turning and he quick flashes of past times raced across my mind so fast it made me dizzy. I felt my legs fail me and I lost all sense of balance. A pair of arms wrapped around my waist preventing me from falling.
“Whoa.” Toyah said, as she sat me down on one of the chairs.
“You stay here. I’m going to tell Eli I’m driving you home.” she said, before rushing out of the room.

I closed my eyes. It couldn’t be the 19th already. I mentally slapped myself for forgetting. How could I forget? It was only one of the most emotional days of my life. Maybe it was just the heat and stress of work playing on my mind. I opened my eyes and looked at the date on the calendar. 19th July. Oh shit.

*
I lay on the sofa wrapped in a duvet. I wasn’t cold to be exact, but I had cold shivers running up and down my spine, and my limbs. I felt the lurching in my stomach, and the feel that I was about to spill the contents of my stomach. I stood up quickly, and attempted to throw the duvet off me, but it got caught on my arm. I flailed my arm around, and managed to get the duvet to drop to the floor, before running upstairs as the front door opened. I managed to make it to the bathroom in time to allow the contents of my stomach to empty out into the porcelain bowl.

I sat there for a while, hating myself. How could I forget? One of the most important people in my entire life, and I forgot. I felt a hand rub my back soothingly, and turned around to see Frank sitting down behind me, a worried expression on his face.
“You ok?” he asked gently. I looked him in the eyes for a few seconds, reading the emotion in them, before shaking my head. He bit his bottom lip, before opening his arms to me. I shuffled along on the floor and lay in his arms. I felt dirty because I just been ill, I felt guilty for forgetting that one day and one person. But most of all, I felt emotionally and physically exhausted. The thing I needed the most at the minute was company and comfort. We stayed there for a few minutes, with him stroking my hair, and me listening to his heart beat, and trying to forget the guilty demon growing inside of me.

*

I woke up to the feeling of eyes on me, and a hand stroking my forehead. I opened my eyes to see Dylan’s blue ones staring down at me; worry clearly evident. I tried to sit up but he pushed me back down.
“Oh no you don’t.” he said calmly.
“I hate myself.” I said honestly, as I closed my eyes. His fingers stroking my forehead gently.
“Don’t say that.” he scolded, but still as quietly and calmly as before.
“I forgot. The one day, and I forgot. I forgot him… damn I’m such a fuck up.” I said harshly. I heard him sigh and he moved his hand from my forehead. I opened my eyes slowly. Dylan nodded to himself.
“I know what this is all about.” He said, and I looked way as another wave of guilt sub-merged me. “Look Max. There’s no point in beating yourself up over this. It’s not going to solve anything. You’re just going to make yourself even sicker.” he said harshly. I know he was trying to alter the way I think, but it wasn’t working. Bottom line is, I couldn’t help but feel this way. He sighed after I remained silent. “Look, if it’ll help at all, I’ll go with your tomor-” he started, but I cut him off.
“I don’t want to go fucking go. It doesn’t help and it never will.” I shouted. My throat screamed with pain. It was so sore from being sick earlier. “It just makes it all worse.” I sighed. I had no energy to shout at him. I wanted to though. I wanted to shout and scream and punch things. I wanted to release this built up anger I’d accumulated over the past few years. Ever since… I wanted to turn back the clocks and change it all, but I knew I couldn’t. I wanted to stop this throbbing, aching headache, but I knew I only had myself to blame.

“Sorry.” I mumbled quietly. I felt a hand grasp around mine, and turned to see those pair of iced blue eyes.
“No I’m sorry. I shouldn’t keep trying to force you into going to see him.” he said quietly. I gave a faint smile and accepted his apology. No one knew how it felt other than me. And the way I was feeling, I wish I could relieve it all, and give some of it to someone else to worry about. If only. “Want me to call in sick tomorrow and stay with you?” he asked as his hand returned to my forehead. I shook my head.
“Nah. It’s ok. I want to be on my own.” I said, before I felt that lurching, twisting feeling in my stomach. I stood up suddenly, before running once again to the bathroom.