Sorry this one took so long. Enjoy(: R+R, It'll get better. Just clearing some stuff up(: xx
I ran into the house and kicked my shoes off. My heart pounded against my chest as I slowly started to walk up the stairs to my room. That's when I heard him. Gerard's muffled sobs coming from my bedroom. The feeling of guilt and misery rushed through me. Gerard and I need to stop fighting. I turned from my door and walked down the stairs to sit at the bottom. I thought about today, it has been one of the worst days I have experienced, not including the day Gee left.
II could feel Frank slipping away from me. I couldn't lose him. He was like me life-support. Without him I would die, even though he is the reason me and Gee are fighting...
Today in science when I was sleeping, my dream gave me an idea:
In the dream I was standing in Gerard's room with Frank, just me and Frank, like it used to be.
We were just standing in the center of Gee's room, looking at each other happily. Then I heard Gerard's voice: "Frankie!" it called and Frank turned on his heel and began to walk up the stairs leading out of Gee's room.
"Frank wait!" I yelled. He stopped and turned.
"No, Gerard wants me."
"Please, Frank. Stay with me. Just for a little bit"
"Don't you understand? Gerard wants me.. And I want him, you're just an object standing between us."
"No" I shook my head "No, Please. Frank, I need you"
He shook his head " I don't need you.. Useless.. unworthy.." He turned to walk back up the stairs.
Something inside me jumped. I didn't think, just moved. I bolted up the stairs and did the one thing that I thought could save us, the only thing that would make him stay.."
I grabbed his shoulders and spun him around, he struggled in my grip but I am much stronger than him. I pressed my lips agianst his and he stopped wiggling. When I pulled away and he looked into my eyes.
He moved in again, "No, I don't know why I did that" I said quickly before he would be able to move closer.
"Sorry, Frankie.." I whispered.
I can't remember the rest of the dream, all I remember is that Frank never ended up going up to Gerard...
The idea was bad.. but just might work.
I felt my stomach twist, I could really hurt Frank. But he was beggining to forget me, We were slowly crawling appart and I couldn't stand it.
When I came home to find Gerard and Frank in the state that they were in, it made me feel sick inside. Gerard's probably the only reason Frank comes over.
When I went up to my room, Gerard came up after about thirty minutes. I squeezed my eyes shut and covered my face with my sweaty palms, these memories were all too much, what I was going to do to get Frank to stay with me... Too much. But it had to be done. I can barely live with myself, I can only feel the dead and hopeless feeling inside.. Like I wasn't even breathing anymore. Like my soul had been sucked out and shreaded. I was a terrible person. I felt worse as I thought about mine and Gee's fight..
Gerard came into my room after I left him and Frank downstairs to finish what they had obviously started before I had come home from school.
"Mikes" He came and sat on my bed and gestured for me to join him.
I collasped next to him and he put his arm over my shoulder. I frowned.. He smelled like Frank.
"Mikey, I know you're not okay. Nobody likes changes."
I felt small tears prick my tear ducts.
"You've no idea.." I whispered.
"Tell me what's bothering you"
"It's obvious, isn't it?"
Gerard sighed and stood up from my bed.
"Mikey.." He said softly and bent down to hold my hand to help pull me up. I jerked my hand from his grasp.
"I don't need your help now... You will let me down."
I stood up, facing him, my back to the door.
"Mikey! What is up with you?" He was keeping his voice down, not wanting to alarm Frank probably.
That's where the fight started. We both got mad. We both forgot Frank was downstairs and let our voices fill the house.
"We've gone over this millions of times, Michael! You can't get everything you want."
"Neither can you, it was fine before you came and got into Frank!"
"Well sorry I can't be perfect Mikey! But you can't change me!"
I shook my head slowly at him, letting the tears fall. "You've changed, Gee."
"It's called growing up, you should try it Mikey! We're not kids anymore."
"It seems like you don't even care anymore!"
"Mikey, I care more about you than anything you could ever imagin. Are you just completely unaware of everything around you!?"
"Stop trying to make yourself the victim! It's not all my fault!"
"You're the one over reacting to everything, why can't you be happy that i've found something that makes me feel better about myself!"
"You don't understand!!" I felt rage bubble up deep inside me. My chest heaving up and down as we kept our eyes locked and kept yelling continously.
"What is it then?!"
"... I-I can't tell you! It's just like I'm never going to be good enough for you!"
I didn't want to tell Gerard all about how I need Frank much more than he really knows and my whole depression thing, sometime in our hurtfull yells Frank had walked in and stood between us. Nothing wwas going to stop us though, it seemed. Frank turned and shoved Me away from Gee. I instantly closed my mouth. So did Gerard. I looked down at Frank who looked at me, pain showing through his bright hazel eyes. I took a quick breath in and turned to run out the door. Not caring where I ended up. But I knew my feet would take me to the same place it always does. I couldn't think striaght, It's all Frank's fault that Gee and I are fighting. He's turned this whole relationship into an unfair triangle that can only lead to heartbreak.
I removed my hands from my eyes and blinked. My surroundings were foggy due to dry tears that still ocasionally leaked down my cheeks. I still needed Frank, now more than ever. But it still pained me to see him. I had to be brave, I had to be fearless. I didn't have a choice, it's courage or death for me now. I had the familiar feeling of remorse and dying rising in my chest. The two people who I loved most, the two people who helped me still be living, my two saviours.. They were fading away from me..
It was then when i heard movement from my bedroom and Gerard had seen me sitting at the end of the stairs before I got the chance to try to escape. He looked down at me, silently breathing. I could tell that he'd been crying, his eyes were bloodshot empty. I stood up and faced him at the top of the stairs. Neither one of us said anything, but our silence said more than a thousand apologies. I know that it was strange, me being furious at Gerard then suddenly calm to be in his presence, but there was something about him that made me relax. I didn't want to lose him again. I didn't know what to do, what to say, anything. He slowly walked down the stairs and stopped at the bottom step so he was a little taller than me. I looked up at him and he looked down at me, swallowed and carefully put his hand on my shoulder. I didn't brush it off, instead I wrapped my arms around his waist, buring my head in his chest. He let out a small sigh or releif before winding his arms over my shoulders.
"Are you okay?"
I shook my head, still resting it on his chest.
"Mikey, you can tell me anything, just like how I can tell you anyting."
I knew he was right, I still didn't say anything, just nodded me head.
He put bother his hands on my shoulders and gentally pulled me away so he could look in my eyes which matched his. "Wanna talk about it then?"
I shook my head and he looked a little disappointed. "Not yet, but I will. When I'm ready"
That seemed to please him, he smiled a small reasuring smile.
"Mikey, It's about Frank though, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it's actually about a lot of things.."
He sighed and pulled me into another hug.
"You don't need to hide anything from me Mikes, If you trust me as much as I trust you, you would trust me with your life."
"It's not that I don't trust you, Gee, it's just a little hard to talk about it. Especially after today.. I.. I've got a lot on my mind and I don't know how to solve it.."
"If anyone knows what that's like it's me, Mikes. To feel lost, to be kicked when you're down. Feeling more alone than imaginable.." Gee's eyes became vacant as he was took over by memories.
"Gerard," I said quickly and I regained focus to look at me.
"Mikey, where's Frank?"
"I-I don't know. I ran away to the grave yard and he followed.. Then we sort of had a tiny fight thing and I left.." I started feeling more awful than ever, poor Frank. I left him all alone. The very thing that I think he is doing to me. I could see the concern dance around in Gerard's eyes as he pondered where Frank could be..
"Gerard, I'll go find Frank.. Okay?"
"I'll come with you."
"No, stay here, I've got to talk to him anyway."
Gerard frowned, but nodded.
I decided to look in the most obvious place first.. The old oak at the cemetery..
I knew what to do when I found him, it wasn't the right thing.. but it was the only thing I could think of...
I knew I'll feel bad about it, but I would rather die than lose Frank forever..