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"Ry..." Brendon started sobbing as he grabbed a mass of teatowels from the drawer and helped Jon mop up the blood from Ryan's head and arms, crying and cursing. After seconds of frantically dabbing Ryan as carefully as he could, Brendon tossed the bloody and pretty much useless towels into the bin furiously and turned to face Jon.
"I can't believe what I've done! Shit! Jon, we need to take him to the hospital!" Brendon winced as he picked Ryan up carefully, holding a teatowel to his head. Jon had wrapped several around Ryan's arms. Jon nodded; his eyes wide and filled with fear. Brendon coughed a bit and started to speak again. "Jon, get the car ready for me please?" Brendon asked almost desperately, holding Ryan closer to his chest and covering his shirt with blood. Jon left the house and Brendon followed after Jon, who was speechless and crying. When they reached the car Brendon carefully put Ryan in the back with Jon. Brendon reluctantly climbed into the front seat and drove way past the speed limit to the hospital. After a few minutes of driving, while silent tears fell down both faces, Ryan started to stir. He put his hand to his head and groaned.
"What? What the fuck are you doing Brendon?" Ryan wiped the dried blood off his cheek with his sleeve and tried to open the door, but Brendon had locked it.
"Let me the fuck out of the car Brendon, I swear to god, where are you taking me?" Ryan climbed over to the front and tried to unlock the car doors, stretching himself over Brendon.
"Shit Ry! I'm taking you to the hospital, you're pouring with blood! Ry be careful, honey, I'm trying to drive!" Brendon dodged Ryan's punches as Jon struggled to grab Ryan without hurting him. Jon gradually managed to pull Ryan back next to him by his chest. Somehow.
"I'll kill you if you fucking call me honey. Let me out Brendon, you don't even have to stop the car, just let me out!" Ryan pulled himself back into the front when Brendon didn't respond, and tried to take over the wheel. "I'll kill us both Bren..don' Ryan threatened Brendon, putting his hands on top of Brendon's pale and trembling ones and tried to prise them off of the wheel. Then Jon cut in. Brendon managed to hastily pull over and stop the car.
"You'll kill us all Ryan? Stop it! Stop being silly! Just calm down and let us take you to the fricking hospital! You're still bleeding! You're gonna die Ryan!" Jon screamed at Ryan through tears, Ryan stopped hitting Brendon to look at Jon. Brendon jumped at the moment of weakness and pulled Ryan into his lap, cradling him. Ryan was hyperventilating again, but he had stopped struggling. Jon grabbed Ryan's spare inhaler from the glove compartment and handed it to him.
"Ry, hon-, shhh, you're okay, shush" Brendon picked Ryan up and put him carefully in the backseat, then kissed his cheek. Ryan death glared at him, and the rest of the journey was silent. Jon pulled himself together and kept a watchful eye on Ryan, who was staring out of the window and crying. Once the reached the hospital, Ryan spoke.
"I don't want to go in" Ryan grabbed a cleanish teatowel from the car seat and put it to his head. "I'm fine, seriously" he spoke quietly.
"Ry, you're not fine, you're bleeding!" Brendon got out of the car and picked him up.
"what the.. STOP PICKING ME UP BREN..don" Ryan shouted, but stopped and clenched his temple where his worst cut was; and yelped from the pain.
"Does it hurt?" Brendon carried him through the carpark, Jon next to him, holding Ryan's free hand.
"I'm scared for you Ryan" Jon wiped his face and squeezed Ryan's hand. "Please just let the doctor treat you" Jon smiled half-heartedly when Ryan smiled at Jon, Ryan probably not realising how much of a bad state he was in.
"Jon, son, it just really hurts" Ryan winced at the pain in his head and arms, and rested his head on Brendon's chest for comfort.
"Ry, can you promise we'll talk later, please?" Brendon stroked the right side of Ryan's head, where it wasn't pouring with blood.
"Talk about what? The fact you're cheating on me, or my feeble suicide attempt?" Ryan tried to raise his voice but it hurt his head. Brendon was speechless.
"This was a suicide attempt? You were trying to kill yourself? I knew you did this to yourself, but why, what?" Brendon stopped talking and started sobbing.
"Yeah Bren..don, I don't want to live without you" Ryan said his as they entered the hospital, Jon behind Brendon. Brendon's heart throbbed in guilt to Ryan's words and his eyes filled with fresh tears.
"Jon, can you call Joe and let him know where we are and what happened? Make sure he doesn't tell Spencer though okay?" Brendon turned to ask Jon. Jon wiped his face and nodded. He squeezed Ryan's hand then went back outside to call Joe. Brendon approached the receptionists desk and knocked impatiently at the door to get the attention of a tired looking and very grumpy nurse on the phone. She took one look at Ryan then hung up.
"Look, he's hurt himself really bad, can you check him in?" Brendon said hurriedly to the nurse who was writing on a piece of paper while Brendon talked. She took another look at Ryan, who had lost so much blood now he was fading in and out of conscienceness. She nodded, grabbed the paperwork from her desk and then guided them to a bed in the ICU. She hooked Ryan up to a drip, and started to dab at Ryan's wound with a cloth. He was unconscious, but breathing. She called to a doctor in blue scrubs who was tall with dark hair, to come over to them.
"Doctor Weekes, he needs stitches and a blood transfusion" the nurse spoke quickly. She then ran off and left Brendon with the doctor, who grabbed a needle and started stitching up Ryan's head.
"What's his blood type?" the doctor said hurriedly, keeping his concentration on Ryan's head.
"He's b negative, is he going to be alright?" Brendon moved over to Ryan's free side and held his hand.
"Yeah, he just needs a blood transfusion, then he'll recover. Do you know what happened?" the doctor asked. The nurse came back, asking for Ryan's blood type, then left again.
"I, I don't know, I wasn't there" Brendon wiped his face. The nurse came back with a large needle, moved Brendon out of the way and injected the blood into Ryan's arm.
"Okay, he should be okay now" the doctor finished stitching up Ryan's head, then patched the place where the needle had just been. It had all happened so fast Brendon sat down and out his head into his hands, core shaking sobs emanating from his body.
"So what's your name?" the doctor asked softly. He put his clipboard in the slot at the bottom of Ryan's bed and sat down in the chair next to Brendon.
"Brendon, his is Ryan, what's yours?" Brendon wiped his face and turned to the doctor.
"Dallon Weekes" Dallon held out his hand for Brendon to shake it. Brendon shook his hand and returned his gaze to Ryan, whose face was covered with bloodstains.
"Do you mind, if I wipe his face clean?" Brendon's eyes filled up with tears again as he heard Ryan's voice in his head "my feeble suicide attempt.. I don't want to live without you" Brendon put his head in his hands again and shuddered. "I don't want to live without you either Ry" Brendon whispered to himself, and started to sob even more. He forgot Dallon was there, and jumped when Dallon put his hand on Brendon's shoulder.
"Sure, I'll get you a towel, I'm guessing you two are together?" Dallon asked timidly and Brendon nodded. Dallon patted Brendon on the back and went to fetch a wet towel. Brendon stood up and ran his hand carefully through Ryan's bloodstained hair, more and more tears running down his face and onto everything.

-Brendons head-

Dallon handed me a warm, wet towel and left me to my thoughts. He seems nice. I looked back at Ry and my thoughts dropped back into the hole I've dug myself. I started wiping Ry's face as careful as I could while sobbing. I didn't ever think I'd do this to my Ry, but it just happened. What started off as just talking more regularly to a colleague, escalated. She kissed me, I kissed her back, and she gave me her number. At the staff meeting, she flirted with me from across the table, and walked me home. She kissed me again, and I kissed her back, again. She then gave me her bra, her bra! I knew then I needed to talk to Ry, and putting my jeans in the laundry pile, I forgot about the bra in my pocket. A week later it came around and bit me in the ass. I looked down at Ry, sweet, innocent, beautiful. I can probably remember every day I've spent with him. I remember when I told him I loved him, 11 years ago. Every night spent with him, every time his small, fragile arms wrapped themselves firmly around me. Every time I comforted him. When we adopted Jon and Spence, and our wedding. Every day I spent with Ry, holding his hand in public as people stared in confusion. It was all amazing as long as I had him. But maybe he won't be my Ry when he wakes up. That scared me. My heartbeat jumped uncontrollably and painfully. His face was clean, so I took the towel and cried into it. What if Ry rejects me? I can't lose my Ry.
"I can't lose you Ry" I whispered to myself, stroking Ry's hand.

"Brendon, is he okay?" Jon asked, with Megan and Shannon behind him. "Megan saw you taking Ryan to the hospital and wanted to see if everything was alright" Megan waved from behind Jon, Shannon nodded. "So is he?" Jon sat down in the chair next to Brendon. Brendon nodded, still with his face in the towel.
"Shannon and I just wanted to drop in, I hope were not imposing on anything" Megan walked over to Brendon and put her hand on his shoulder. Shannon followed closely behind Megan, shadowing her every move. He held her hand, and never let it go.
"No, no you're not imposing" Brendon shook his head feebly while sobbing. "Just cleaning his face off, that's all" Brendon put the towel on the side and stood up.
"Jon, what did Joe say?" Brendon looked over at Jon, who was focusing on Ryan.
"He said he'll have Spencer as long as you need him to okay" Jon snapped at Brendon and Brendon narrowed his eyes at Jon, who had his arms crossed. He looked annoyed.
"What's wrong Jon?" Brendon turned to face Jon, and Jon got up and moved away from him.
"What's wrong? You! You did this to him! It's your fault he's here" Jon started to shout, tears in his eyes.
"Jon! Have you taken your medicine today? Look I know.." Brendon rubbed his eyes and tried talking but Jon cut him off.
"Don't blame this on me not taking my medicine! Ryan nearly died tonight, and it was your fault" Jon stormed off, leaving Brendon shocked and speechless.
"Do you want me to go and talk to him?" Megan asked Brendon as he put his head in his hands once more.
"No, it's better to just leave him to cool off" Brendon wiped his eyes "but he's right, this was my fault"
"Brendon, You can't say that! I'm sorry but you're wrong. We all know how much you love Ryan, this is just a speedbump for you two. Nothing ever kept you apart and that's not going to change Bren" Megan looked at the door, where Jon had ran away and sighed.
"But if I hadn't been so stupid, Ry wouldn't be here. But, it doesn't matter now" Brendon got up and readjusted the sheet covering Ryan, making sure he was warm. Shannon was whispering something to Megan.
"Oh yeah. Sorry Brendon but we really have to go, it's important. I'm really sorry" Megan hugged Brendon and Shannon shook his hand, then left Brendon alone with Ryan. Ryan was still, breathing slowly, his heartbeat regular.
"that must be a good sign" Brendon said to himself as he slumped in his chair.
"Are you okay?" Dallon appeared out of nowhere and made Brendon jump. "Oh sorry, didn't mean to disturb"
"No, no it's fine" Brendon looked over at Dallon, who was holding a cup of water to him.
"You just look really tired is all, water?" Dallon looked over at Ryan as Brendon took the cup.
"Thanks. Are you sure he's gonna be okay? He has to be okay, I just, I won't without him..." Dallon cut Brendon off in mid sentence before he started gushing.
"Don't worry, he's stable, he's stopped bleeding, he'll be out in a say or two" Dallon sat down next to Brendon.
"Okay, okay" Brendon wiped his eyes on his sleeve.
"So, how did you guys meet?" Dallon asked Brendon, trying to take Brendon's mind off the subject.
"Well, long story actually, at school" Brendon smiled as he thought back. "Been together for about 11 years"
"Really? How old are you both?" Dallon dropped his clipboard on the floor and slipped his pen in his pocket.
"We're 26" Brendon looked over at Ryan, who was still, and sighed.
"Wow, that's amazing! Must be some relationship" Dallon rubbed Brendon's back in comfort as he started to cry again.
"Yeah, well I messed it up, he'll leave me after this" Brendon sobbed, looking at the ring on his left hand.
"What happened?" Dallon leaned in closer to let Brendon have something to lean on.
"Well, I'm bisexual, actually. I hadn't been since around a month ago, and I got involved with a girl" Brendon then cursed under his breath and put his head in his hands.
"Oh, well you don't know, it seems like you have a lot of history, surely you'll work things out" Dallon spoke as he stood up and looked at Ryan, who had started to stir. Brendon got up eagerly and went to his side.
"Ry, god how do you feel?" Brendon went down to Ryan's height so Ryan could look at him without moving his head.
"Where's Jon?" Ryan panicked when he couldn't see Jon and tried to get up, which resulted in lots of pain.
"Ry, shhh, be careful, he's fine. He's outside cooling off, he's annoyed with me" Brendon took Ryan's hand, knowing he couldn't pull it away because of his arms.
"Brendon, I want you to leave, I can't trust you anymore!" Ryan's voice cracked and he winced in pain at his head.
"I'll just go find Jon for you Brendon, Ryan" Dallon said, walking towards the main entrance. Brendon looked up to see Dallon making his way to the entrance and looked back down to Ryan.
"Ry, no, please don't say that! Please! Look I did a horrible thing, just please, can we talk it through?" Brendon wiped his eyes then took Ryan's other hand in his.
"No Bren..don, we can't, I can't" Ryan started to cry.
"Ry, just please, you're freaking me out" Brendon grabbed the towel and wiped Ryan's face with a clean part. Ryan tried to fight but it hurt too much.
"Just leave me alone Brendon. This can't work anymore" Ryan said through his teeth.
"Ry, you can't stop being my best friend" Brendon sobbed, stroking Ryan's hands despite Ryan's attempts to pull them away.
"Brendon! There you are!" Brendon tensed as he heard Sarah make her way to Brendon's side.