Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Life's a Bitch....So Are You
You're Usin' Me Like a Carpenter Uses a Tool
2 reviews"Nobody steps on a church in my town." Hands down one of the best movies ever.
0Unrated
A month went by and Mandy and John had only had sex that one time. When Mandy said she’s avoiding sex with him she meant it.
“I can’t Johnny my head is pounding.” “I’m so tired and I can’t stay over tonight because I have a shitload of classes tomorrow.” Two of her many excuses.
Halloween rolled around eventually. Mandy didn’t really want to do anything she just wanted to watch scary movies wrapped up in her Harry Potter throw blanket but instead Jonathan’s friends were throwing a party and he wanted her there.
“What are you gonna be?” Paige asked with a book in her face.
Mandy laughed to herself about her decision. “Tinkerbell.”
“Aw cute. Is he gonna be Peter Pan?”
“I hope not ‘cause that would be fucking corny.” Mandy said as she and Paige laughed.
As she got ready and Paige finished helping her with her Tinkerbell bun Mandy looked at herself in the mirror with teary eyes.
‘This time last year I was on my way to his house. This time last year is when he told me I love you. This time last year I was hell of a lot happier.’
“John’s here.” Paige said with a smile.
Mandy grabbed a coat and sighed as she walked to the door when she opened her mouth dropped as Paige began to laugh like an idiot.
“What? I heard you were being Tinkerbell.” He said as he smiled.
“You look adorable good thing for you we’re in New York and people have seen weirder.”
“That’s what I thought at first I was gonna be a pirate but I heard about your costume and I thought it would be…cute?”
“It is.” She said as she kissed his cheek.
“Let’s go. Bye Paige.” John said as he waved.
“Bye you two be safe tonight try not waste all your pixie dust Mandy!”
“Fuck you!” She called from the hallway and laughed.
The “couple” arrived at the party and Michael Jackson’s Thriller was playing. ‘Wooow wonder what genius thought of that?’ Mandy thought as she rolled her eyes.
John looked around and then smiled and waved Mandy didn’t pay attention to who but then he grabbed her hand and said “Come on I want you to meet my friends.”
“Sure.” ‘It’s been a month about fucking time.’ She thought.
Once they reached the other side of whoever’s fucking house it was Mandy expression screamed confused once she saw his friend’s costumes.
“What are they supposed to be? Road kill?”
John laughed. “No crazy! They’re the lost boys!”
Mandy gave him a look like ‘really’ and smiled. “That’s adorable Jonathan.”
“Hey guys this is Mandy.” John said as he rubbed Mandy’s shoulders.
“Hi nice you meet all of you.”
“She’s spicy!” One of the boys said as he laughed.
“That’s Adam and that’s Brody and that’s Matt and that’s Jason.” He said as he pointed to each of them.
“Do you have a sister?” Brody said as he laughed.
“Nope but I have 3 brothers if you’re interested.” Mandy joked.
Brody raised his eyebrow. “Yeeeah I’m not gay.”
“Umm I was joking.”
“Oh right…that was funny.” He said as he gave John a look and walked away.
‘Okay so far I don’t like 1 out of 4.’ Mandy thought as she listened to them talk about something that she didn’t care about.
The night went slow for Mandy it bored her to tears. John was drunk within the third hour of the party and Mandy was ready to go home.
“Jonathan!” She shouted over the music.
“Yesss gorgeous!”
“I think I’m gonna go. It’s getting late.”
“Noooo you gots to stay!” He yelled happily as he put his arm around her.
“Noo I gots to go.” She said growing impatient.
“Alright, alright we’ll leave in a lil’ bit but first let’s go upstairs all my friends are there.” He slurred out.
Mandy huffed. “Okay whatever.” She said as she threw off her god damned wings.
Once John opened the door for her she didn’t really believe what she saw. It was a bunch of blue bloods doing lines off of an iPhone. It was retarded.
“NO!” She said as she crossed her arms.
“Aww come oonn Mandyy just try one line they’re great!” John said before he snorted it.
“No out of all the drugs Jonathan this is the stupidest one. Cocaine goes straight to the brain!”
He giggled and hiccupped. “That rhymed. Y’know like that guy cat in the hat!!” He said as he laughed harder making his friends lose air supply.
Mandy shook her head. “This is ridiculous. I’m leaving with or without you.”
“Fine go!”
“I am!” She said as she slammed the door.
“Shit.” He whispered as he got off the bed. “Maaaandy! Wait you can’t go you don’t have a car.” He whined.
“Cabs Jonathan. Look it up.”
“You’ll get raped!”
Mandy rolled her eyes as she put on her coat. “Goodbye John call me when you’re sober.”
She hailed a cab and returned to her dorm. Paige was already asleep and Mandy couldn’t wait to do the same. She removed her costume and crawled in to bed not even caring about her make-up she just wanted to sleep and forget about that entire night.
The next morning Mandy’s phone rang 15 times and she had gotten a hundred texts from John. He even left her a voice mail.
“Hey Mandy it’s John. I’m really sorry about last night…call me when you get this.”
“Sure thing Johnny ol’ boy right after I shower.” She said as she gathered her things.
Mandy took a shower and found Paige smiling like crazy while on the phone.
“That would be great baby.” She said she played with her hair. “Okay I’ll call you later. Love you!” Paige sighed as she hung up.
“Looks like you’re having a good morning.”
“I am. Kyle just called and asked if he wanted to have both our families spend Thanksgiving together.” She said her smile grew.
Mandy sighed. “Been there. Your parents are normal so you have nothing to worry about like I did.”
“What makes you think they’re normal? They could be weirdos.”
“They could be but no set of parents can beat mine.” Mandy said as she got her phone. “You reminded me I need to call my significant other.”
Paige laughed as she got up and went downstairs to get them coffee.
“Jonathan? You finish doing your lines?”
He sighed. “I’m sorry about last night. When I drink I get a little out of hand.”
“How long have you been doing this?”
“A while but it’s nothing to worry about I’m not a junkie if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“No but you could always become one. Is this why you wanted to go to college Jonathan?” She asked with coldness in her voice.
“Jesus, you sound like my mother. It’s no big deal.”
“I think it is.”
“That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it.”
Mandy gave him and irritated sigh as she shook her head.
“Wanna come over tonight? My brother is out of town again and I wanted to make you a dinner.”
“You cook?”
“Rather well, yes.”
“Alright. I’ll come by early and give you a hand.”
“Okay. Bye.” He said as he yawned.
“I wonder what my Peter Pan is doing?” She thought out loud. “He’s probably sleeping…fuck it I’m gonna wake his ass up.” She said as she looked for Pete’s number in her phone and dialed it.
“Hello?”
“Peter panda!” Mandy said cheerfully. She felt better hearing Pete’s voice.
“Hey Commanda! What’s happening? How was your Halloween?”
“Let’s not get into that.” She said as she laughed. “How was yours?”
“Good just hung out this year watched some Fear Fest with Sarah.”
“Cuteness. How is Sarah bear?”
“She’s good. I have a bombshell for you boo.”
Mandy’s heart stopped. “Please tell me he’s not getting married.” She said as she gripped her chair.
Pete laughed. “I would never let him marry that dumb slut!”
Mandy gave out a sigh of relief. “Good god Pete you almost gave me a fucking heart attack.” She said as she laughed. “What’s your bombshell?”
“I’m getting married.” He said proudly.
“Oh my god! You asked her?!!”
“Yes I surely did. We’re having an engagement party and everything. I was gonna call you and invite you sooo wanna come? It’s this weekend.”
“Of course I do! Oh Pete I’m so happy for you guys!” She said with a ridiculous smile.
“Yeah well I gotta shower everyone’s complaining. I call you later Tinkerbell.”
“M’kay Peter Pan.”
Pete hung up the phone and found Patrick giving him the eye of death.
“What the fuck stop staring at me!” Pete yelled.
“Why do you keep in touch with her?! Better yet why did you invite her?!”
“She’s like my sister man I can’t just cut her off!”
“She’s not your sister! I’m your brother I’ve been your brother before she was born!”
“Oh come on dude you only have 5 years on her.” Pete said as he rolled his eyes.
“Doesn’t matter you’re my best friend and she’s a fucking bitch who dumped me for no good reason. Best friends don’t keep in touch with ex-girlfriends!”
“Is this a written law?”
“No! But it’s a known fact!”
“Says who?”
“Says me Pete! Stop being smart!”
“You’re being a pussy. Calm down. Man up. And get over yourself and if you ever call her a fucking bitch again I’ll make you regret it.”
“She dumped me for no fucking reason! What do you want me to call her a saint from above?!!”
“No just calm the fuck down you fucking prick.”
Patrick clenched his fists as he sat down. “I bet you anything she dumped me for Gabe. That’s why she applied to NYU.”
“Bull fuckin’ shit!” Joe shouted as he walked in.
“Come on dude Mandy wouldn’t do that.” Andy said as he sat next to Patrick.
“Why does everyone think Mandy is so sweet and nice?! She left me for NO REASON!”
“She has a fucking reason okay shut the fuck up!!” Pete screamed.
Patrick shook his head. “Fuck you guys go get Mandy and she’ll sing for your band since she’s so nice.” He said as he stormed out.
Around six thirty Mandy threw on some make up and headed to John’s apartment she knocked on the door and he smiled at her.
“Hey. You look beautiful as always.” He said as he kissed her head.
“Thank you. What’s cooking? It smells good.”
“Meatloaf.”
“Yum.” She said she set her purse down. Mandy sighed as she paced around his living room.
They stood quiet for a moment as John turned the oven off.
“I’m sorry about last night.”
“You should be. Cocaine Jonathan? Like my god that’s the trashiest drug that’s right up there with crystal meth and crack.”
“I know. I’m sorry it’s just something I do when I’m stressed okay?”
“Fine just don’t ask me to join you.”
“I promise I won’t.”
The rest of the evening was painfully quiet.
‘That’s it. He is officially the most boring person I’ve ever met and when he does cut loose he does drugs. Great catch Mandy.’ She told herself as she played with the horrible meatloaf he made. ‘Good cook my ass.’
Mandy sighed. “This just isn’t working.” She said out loud.
“Excuse me?”
“We have nothing in common just the fact that we both write that’s it! You’re boring as hell you’re friends are weird you’re horrible in bed and you fucking suck at cooking. My dead grandmother could make better meatloaf.”
“Bull shit I’m horrible in bed.”
“I faked it Jonathan! I didn’t even orgasm!” She shouted.
“Oh yeah?! You’re obnoxious and bitchy!”
“Why? ‘Cause I won’t do lines with you? Fucking coke head.” She said as she got up.
“You’re never gonna get off my back with the coke thing aren’t you??”
“No I’m not that’s why I give up. It’s over, good riddance. Enjoy your coke with your sex addict brother and your corny ass pictures of horses in central park taking shits.”
“I can’t Johnny my head is pounding.” “I’m so tired and I can’t stay over tonight because I have a shitload of classes tomorrow.” Two of her many excuses.
Halloween rolled around eventually. Mandy didn’t really want to do anything she just wanted to watch scary movies wrapped up in her Harry Potter throw blanket but instead Jonathan’s friends were throwing a party and he wanted her there.
“What are you gonna be?” Paige asked with a book in her face.
Mandy laughed to herself about her decision. “Tinkerbell.”
“Aw cute. Is he gonna be Peter Pan?”
“I hope not ‘cause that would be fucking corny.” Mandy said as she and Paige laughed.
As she got ready and Paige finished helping her with her Tinkerbell bun Mandy looked at herself in the mirror with teary eyes.
‘This time last year I was on my way to his house. This time last year is when he told me I love you. This time last year I was hell of a lot happier.’
“John’s here.” Paige said with a smile.
Mandy grabbed a coat and sighed as she walked to the door when she opened her mouth dropped as Paige began to laugh like an idiot.
“What? I heard you were being Tinkerbell.” He said as he smiled.
“You look adorable good thing for you we’re in New York and people have seen weirder.”
“That’s what I thought at first I was gonna be a pirate but I heard about your costume and I thought it would be…cute?”
“It is.” She said as she kissed his cheek.
“Let’s go. Bye Paige.” John said as he waved.
“Bye you two be safe tonight try not waste all your pixie dust Mandy!”
“Fuck you!” She called from the hallway and laughed.
The “couple” arrived at the party and Michael Jackson’s Thriller was playing. ‘Wooow wonder what genius thought of that?’ Mandy thought as she rolled her eyes.
John looked around and then smiled and waved Mandy didn’t pay attention to who but then he grabbed her hand and said “Come on I want you to meet my friends.”
“Sure.” ‘It’s been a month about fucking time.’ She thought.
Once they reached the other side of whoever’s fucking house it was Mandy expression screamed confused once she saw his friend’s costumes.
“What are they supposed to be? Road kill?”
John laughed. “No crazy! They’re the lost boys!”
Mandy gave him a look like ‘really’ and smiled. “That’s adorable Jonathan.”
“Hey guys this is Mandy.” John said as he rubbed Mandy’s shoulders.
“Hi nice you meet all of you.”
“She’s spicy!” One of the boys said as he laughed.
“That’s Adam and that’s Brody and that’s Matt and that’s Jason.” He said as he pointed to each of them.
“Do you have a sister?” Brody said as he laughed.
“Nope but I have 3 brothers if you’re interested.” Mandy joked.
Brody raised his eyebrow. “Yeeeah I’m not gay.”
“Umm I was joking.”
“Oh right…that was funny.” He said as he gave John a look and walked away.
‘Okay so far I don’t like 1 out of 4.’ Mandy thought as she listened to them talk about something that she didn’t care about.
The night went slow for Mandy it bored her to tears. John was drunk within the third hour of the party and Mandy was ready to go home.
“Jonathan!” She shouted over the music.
“Yesss gorgeous!”
“I think I’m gonna go. It’s getting late.”
“Noooo you gots to stay!” He yelled happily as he put his arm around her.
“Noo I gots to go.” She said growing impatient.
“Alright, alright we’ll leave in a lil’ bit but first let’s go upstairs all my friends are there.” He slurred out.
Mandy huffed. “Okay whatever.” She said as she threw off her god damned wings.
Once John opened the door for her she didn’t really believe what she saw. It was a bunch of blue bloods doing lines off of an iPhone. It was retarded.
“NO!” She said as she crossed her arms.
“Aww come oonn Mandyy just try one line they’re great!” John said before he snorted it.
“No out of all the drugs Jonathan this is the stupidest one. Cocaine goes straight to the brain!”
He giggled and hiccupped. “That rhymed. Y’know like that guy cat in the hat!!” He said as he laughed harder making his friends lose air supply.
Mandy shook her head. “This is ridiculous. I’m leaving with or without you.”
“Fine go!”
“I am!” She said as she slammed the door.
“Shit.” He whispered as he got off the bed. “Maaaandy! Wait you can’t go you don’t have a car.” He whined.
“Cabs Jonathan. Look it up.”
“You’ll get raped!”
Mandy rolled her eyes as she put on her coat. “Goodbye John call me when you’re sober.”
She hailed a cab and returned to her dorm. Paige was already asleep and Mandy couldn’t wait to do the same. She removed her costume and crawled in to bed not even caring about her make-up she just wanted to sleep and forget about that entire night.
The next morning Mandy’s phone rang 15 times and she had gotten a hundred texts from John. He even left her a voice mail.
“Hey Mandy it’s John. I’m really sorry about last night…call me when you get this.”
“Sure thing Johnny ol’ boy right after I shower.” She said as she gathered her things.
Mandy took a shower and found Paige smiling like crazy while on the phone.
“That would be great baby.” She said she played with her hair. “Okay I’ll call you later. Love you!” Paige sighed as she hung up.
“Looks like you’re having a good morning.”
“I am. Kyle just called and asked if he wanted to have both our families spend Thanksgiving together.” She said her smile grew.
Mandy sighed. “Been there. Your parents are normal so you have nothing to worry about like I did.”
“What makes you think they’re normal? They could be weirdos.”
“They could be but no set of parents can beat mine.” Mandy said as she got her phone. “You reminded me I need to call my significant other.”
Paige laughed as she got up and went downstairs to get them coffee.
“Jonathan? You finish doing your lines?”
He sighed. “I’m sorry about last night. When I drink I get a little out of hand.”
“How long have you been doing this?”
“A while but it’s nothing to worry about I’m not a junkie if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“No but you could always become one. Is this why you wanted to go to college Jonathan?” She asked with coldness in her voice.
“Jesus, you sound like my mother. It’s no big deal.”
“I think it is.”
“That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it.”
Mandy gave him and irritated sigh as she shook her head.
“Wanna come over tonight? My brother is out of town again and I wanted to make you a dinner.”
“You cook?”
“Rather well, yes.”
“Alright. I’ll come by early and give you a hand.”
“Okay. Bye.” He said as he yawned.
“I wonder what my Peter Pan is doing?” She thought out loud. “He’s probably sleeping…fuck it I’m gonna wake his ass up.” She said as she looked for Pete’s number in her phone and dialed it.
“Hello?”
“Peter panda!” Mandy said cheerfully. She felt better hearing Pete’s voice.
“Hey Commanda! What’s happening? How was your Halloween?”
“Let’s not get into that.” She said as she laughed. “How was yours?”
“Good just hung out this year watched some Fear Fest with Sarah.”
“Cuteness. How is Sarah bear?”
“She’s good. I have a bombshell for you boo.”
Mandy’s heart stopped. “Please tell me he’s not getting married.” She said as she gripped her chair.
Pete laughed. “I would never let him marry that dumb slut!”
Mandy gave out a sigh of relief. “Good god Pete you almost gave me a fucking heart attack.” She said as she laughed. “What’s your bombshell?”
“I’m getting married.” He said proudly.
“Oh my god! You asked her?!!”
“Yes I surely did. We’re having an engagement party and everything. I was gonna call you and invite you sooo wanna come? It’s this weekend.”
“Of course I do! Oh Pete I’m so happy for you guys!” She said with a ridiculous smile.
“Yeah well I gotta shower everyone’s complaining. I call you later Tinkerbell.”
“M’kay Peter Pan.”
Pete hung up the phone and found Patrick giving him the eye of death.
“What the fuck stop staring at me!” Pete yelled.
“Why do you keep in touch with her?! Better yet why did you invite her?!”
“She’s like my sister man I can’t just cut her off!”
“She’s not your sister! I’m your brother I’ve been your brother before she was born!”
“Oh come on dude you only have 5 years on her.” Pete said as he rolled his eyes.
“Doesn’t matter you’re my best friend and she’s a fucking bitch who dumped me for no good reason. Best friends don’t keep in touch with ex-girlfriends!”
“Is this a written law?”
“No! But it’s a known fact!”
“Says who?”
“Says me Pete! Stop being smart!”
“You’re being a pussy. Calm down. Man up. And get over yourself and if you ever call her a fucking bitch again I’ll make you regret it.”
“She dumped me for no fucking reason! What do you want me to call her a saint from above?!!”
“No just calm the fuck down you fucking prick.”
Patrick clenched his fists as he sat down. “I bet you anything she dumped me for Gabe. That’s why she applied to NYU.”
“Bull fuckin’ shit!” Joe shouted as he walked in.
“Come on dude Mandy wouldn’t do that.” Andy said as he sat next to Patrick.
“Why does everyone think Mandy is so sweet and nice?! She left me for NO REASON!”
“She has a fucking reason okay shut the fuck up!!” Pete screamed.
Patrick shook his head. “Fuck you guys go get Mandy and she’ll sing for your band since she’s so nice.” He said as he stormed out.
Around six thirty Mandy threw on some make up and headed to John’s apartment she knocked on the door and he smiled at her.
“Hey. You look beautiful as always.” He said as he kissed her head.
“Thank you. What’s cooking? It smells good.”
“Meatloaf.”
“Yum.” She said she set her purse down. Mandy sighed as she paced around his living room.
They stood quiet for a moment as John turned the oven off.
“I’m sorry about last night.”
“You should be. Cocaine Jonathan? Like my god that’s the trashiest drug that’s right up there with crystal meth and crack.”
“I know. I’m sorry it’s just something I do when I’m stressed okay?”
“Fine just don’t ask me to join you.”
“I promise I won’t.”
The rest of the evening was painfully quiet.
‘That’s it. He is officially the most boring person I’ve ever met and when he does cut loose he does drugs. Great catch Mandy.’ She told herself as she played with the horrible meatloaf he made. ‘Good cook my ass.’
Mandy sighed. “This just isn’t working.” She said out loud.
“Excuse me?”
“We have nothing in common just the fact that we both write that’s it! You’re boring as hell you’re friends are weird you’re horrible in bed and you fucking suck at cooking. My dead grandmother could make better meatloaf.”
“Bull shit I’m horrible in bed.”
“I faked it Jonathan! I didn’t even orgasm!” She shouted.
“Oh yeah?! You’re obnoxious and bitchy!”
“Why? ‘Cause I won’t do lines with you? Fucking coke head.” She said as she got up.
“You’re never gonna get off my back with the coke thing aren’t you??”
“No I’m not that’s why I give up. It’s over, good riddance. Enjoy your coke with your sex addict brother and your corny ass pictures of horses in central park taking shits.”
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