FicWad

As I stared at none other than Cutler Beckett, I suddenly realized that I really shouldn't be surprised to see him here. After all, just like James and me, he had also died at sea and had to be ferried to the afterlife. Very excited to see him, I pushed past everyone else crowding the deck and hurried up to where Will and Cutler were standing, looking like they wanted to murder the other.

Cutler noticed me out of the corner of his eye and said snappily to Will, "It appears someone is here to see you. I believe I shall be going now." Cutler gave Will a short nod before turning and walking away. I wasn't sure if he had seen me or not, but I immediately followed him. Will rested a hand on my shoulder as I went by and asked, "Jenna Cook? Is that you? I remember some of the men picking up a body off the shore of Port Royal, but I would never have guessed it was you."

I gave Will a small smile and nodded, "Yes, it's me. It's good to see you, Will, but if you'll excuse me, I have someone to talk to." My eyes followed Cutler as he strode to the side of the ship and looked at the water beneath us. Will gave me a funny look and replied, "I'm not sure if that's the best idea, Miss Cook. Mr. Beckett has been quite argumentative."

Will's jaw stiffened and I remembered he and Cutler had been enemies in real life. Frowning, I murmured under my breath, "It's Lord." Despite the fact that we were all dead, I still thought that Cutler should be given some respect and his former title. Unable to hear my muttered words, Will asked, "What was that? I couldn't hear you, sorry."

Figuring it was not good to upset or talk back to the captain of the ship and our destinies, I tossed Will a fake smile and said, "Oh nothing. Just talking to myself I guess. I'm going to go try to talk to Cutler. I'll come see you a bit later, alright?" Will gave me a funny look and shrugged, "If you want to, but good luck with that. He's very upset today."

"Meaning more than usual?" I asked Will curiously. Will nodded in reply, "Yes, I would say so. He keeps whining about how long it will take to get to the afterlife. It really annoys him to be dead and yet not really dead if you know what I mean? He wants revenge on Jack and all those pirate lords who killed him. To be honest, I'm glad that he's stuck here so I don't have to worry about Lizzy."

I nodded distractedly and said, "Well, I guess I'll go see if I cheer him up then. Talk to you later, Will." Will waved at me as I stepped after Cutler. It took a few minutes to get to Cutler. I had to weed through the large group of people on the deck before I finally reached his side. He was leaning out over the ship, looking down at the water below.

Feeling the slightest bit awkward, I leaned over the side of the ship next to him and wondered what he was up to. For some reason, he looked very upset. His eyes were narrowed and his lips had formed a thin line. The other strange thing was that he was pointedly ignoring me. Finally, I tapped his shoulder to get his attention and said, "Hey."

Cutler finally turned his head in my direction. Raising his eyebrows, he said, "Ah, Miss Cook. It seems we knew each other in the past lives although I don't think that passes on between lives." Totally confused, I gave him a puzzled look and said, "Cutler? What are you talking about? I'm confused. What are you trying to say? Why are you acting this way?"

"Oh, I wonder," Cutler asked sarcastically, giving me a nasty look. Still not getting what he was talking about, I placed my hands on his chest and looking up into his eyes pleadingly. He was acting as if I had done something very wrong, and yet, I couldn't think of anything I had done. After he had died, all I had done was bear his child and mourn for him.

"Cutler," I said, pressing my hands tighter against his chest, imagining how that bare skin would feel under my nerves, "Please explain. I don't understand." Cutler took one look at my hands and grabbed them tightly with his own. He pushed them off his chest and turned to look me in the eye. They were steely and cold, not warm and loving as they used to be.

"Please," Cutler sniffed, giving me an annoyed look that obviously interpreted to keep-you-hands-off me. I felt like I had been slapped in the face. Feeling very hurt and lost without Cutler's normal affection, I asked, "But I thought you would be happy to see me! We haven't seen each other for so long and now you're acting like you hate me. You just saw me for the first time in over a year a few minutes ago and you're acting like I'm poison. Don't you remember how you asked me to marry you before-"

Cutler cut me off and raised a hand. I shut up and waited for him to speak. Looking into my eyes, he contradicted. "No. I did not see you for the first time a few minutes ago. I saw you for the first time last night." Without waiting for my reaction, he started walking away from me. I blinked at him and tried to register what he had just said.

It took me a few minutes before I realized that by last night, he meant that he had saw me sleeping with James. Of course that was it! Fuck, why had I been so stupid last night? I had lost James and Cutler within an hour. Needing him to understand, I ran after him and yelled, "Cutler! Wait! Please listen to me. I can explain. Just give me a chance."

Cutler didn't turn around or even stop walking. He just acted like he hadn't heard a word I had just said. Furious with myself, I grabbed Cutler's shoulders and spun him around to face me since he was so small. Not liking to be grabbed, Cutler narrowed his eyes at me and tried to wrench away, but I just grabbed him tighter in an attempt to get him to look at me.

"This is not the place," Cutler hissed at me, slapping my hands off him as he looked around. I turned around too and noticed that we had the whole crew staring at us. At the moment, I didn't really care what the crew thought. All I cared about was what Cutler thought of me. Looking up at him imploringly, I whined, "But I need to talk with you!"

Giving me a fed up look, Cutler grabbed my wrists in one hand and started yanking me down to the cabins. His grip on my wrists was tight, his fingernails biting deep into my skin to the point where it actually hurt. Whether or not he meant to cause me pain, I did not know. Cutler dragged me down to the darkness of the below deck area and kicked a door to our right open. He thrust me inside quite roughly before shutting the door with a click behind us. Still standing in the doorway, he raised a brow at me.

"I'm sorry," I started out miserably, wishing Cutler would at least look at me again. Currently, he was looking everywhere any anywhere but at me. Stalking across the room to give him something to do, Cutler said coldly, "I believe I've heard that before today. Do you have anything else to say or do you wish to waste my time for no reason at all?"

I gave Cutler a what-the-fuck look and frowned, "Why are you all mad at me this time and you use to not care when I did it with Ian?" I remembered when Cutler had said he didn't care if I fucked Ian. Why was it really that different with James? Unfortunately, Cutler and I were not in the same frame of mind in this matter because he was giving me a huffy look.

"Giving yourself willing and being raped is not the same thing," Cutler stated bluntly. Thinking about it, I realized that he did have a point. I tried to protest with him, "Look at it from my point of view for a moment. You arrive at some unknown place after you died and find yourself with a man who has offered to marry you. Can you blame me for what I did?"

"I don't believe I said anything about blaming you," Cutler murmured, going to the window and looking outside. It reminded me of how we had watched the Dutchman and pirate battle out the window so very long ago. Now, we were both dead and both upset. Sighing, I kept trying to reason with Cutler, saying, "Can't you forgive me then? You're obviously mad."

"Mad? No. Disappointed? Yes," Cutler responded, still choosing to stare out the window. Tired of that, I went to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn't turn around. Biting my lip at my lack of progress, I said, "Can't you please give me one more chance? I'll do anything to be with you again. I'll do anything you ask me to. Please?"

Annoyed at my begging, Cutler turned from the window and looked down at me with stormy blue eyes, "If you're looking to sleep with me, you're wasting your time." My eyebrows formed one line as I looked at Cutler in confusion. I still couldn't figure out what was going on with him. This was certainly not the Cutler I knew. What had happened to him?

"That's not all I want," I told him anxiously. "I just want to talk to you. Don't you remember everything we shared? Don't you know I love you?" At that comment, Cutler sniffed in a uppity manner and looked down his nose at me as he replied, "At the moment, I am not so willing to believe that. Love. That's what got me killed. That's why I'm stuck in a damn ship going to the afterlife."

"What?" I asked, trying to figure out how he was blaming his death on love. Cutler got a faraway look in his eyes and stood motionless for a few minutes. Finally, he glanced down at me and muttered, "I wouldn't expect the likes of you to understand. But once you are dead, everything dies with you; your job, your home, and everything you worked for. You can never get it back."

"You still have me," I tried in an attempt to get him to look on the bright side. Cutler merely smirked and said, "If you wish to have sex, I suggest you go looking for Mr. Norrington and leave me to myself." Realizing that I was getting nowhere, I decided that maybe I should leave Cutler alone. Tears brimming my eyes, I stumbled towards the door.

Just as I was about to slip outside, Cutler called after me, "Oh no, no, no, no. Just where are you going?" I paused and turned around, hoping Cutler was forgiving me. Unfortunately, it was anything but that. Meeting his eyes, I replied honestly, "I don't know. Probably to talk to James if you don't want to see me. Why?" I prayed he wanted me back.

"It seems you have something that belongs to me. I would like it back," Cutler requested, holding out his hand. Not understanding what he was asking for, I inquired, "What do I have of yours?" Cutler motioned me to him without responding. I stepped back over to him, wondering what object of his I had. I could think of nothing, but obviously there was something.

Cutler reached down and took my hand when I got close to him. He looked down at my finger and slipped the ring he had given me off my finger. Expressionlessly, he dropped the ring into his pocket and went back to the window. Tears welled up in my eyes and started sprinkling down my cheeks. Cutler didn't care. He didn't even bother to look around.

I didn't think I had ever been this upset before. I ran out of the room, a mess of misery and tears. Once I was back outside, I searched wildly for somewhere to go and randomly burst into the cabin nearest me. Unfortunately, there was already someone inside. Cussing under my breath, I quickly ducked out of the doorway and ran to the next cabin.

Before I could get the next door open, I felt hands grab my shoulders firmly. Thinking it was Cutler, I tried to pull away until I heard a deep, calming voice in my ear, "It's okay, Jenna. Calm down. I'm sorry about earlier. Look, we can make this work. Come with me." Turning around, I saw James looking down at me with deep concern, obviously sorry for what he had said to me earlier.

Needing the comfort, I stopped running and went limp. James carefully put a hand on my lower back and started leading me back to the cabin, saying, "I came up with a plan for us." Plan? Hm, that sounded interesting although I wasn't sure how in the world we were going to make this right. To be honest, all I really wanted was to get my Cutler back.