FicWad

DESOLÉ
Being on tour again was both good and bad for me over the next few weeks. It was good because I loved my fans and my band and I loved performing. It was such a rush and hearing people tell you how much you meant to them was always nice. But on the other hand, it seemed that Gerard was always trying to catch me alone. I tried avoiding him as best as I could without it seeming too obvious but he was always there, trying to talk to me. I honestly was not up for talking to my ex, but he was being stubborn about it.

Today I was in the hotel bathroom shaving my legs when there was a knock on the door. Before I could tell whoever was out there that I was inside and indecent, the door burst open and Gerard was standing in the doorway. I was shocked and annoyed at the same time.

“Get out!!!” I shouted, throwing a wet wash cloth at him. He dogged it and sat on the edge bathtub next me, ignoring the fact that I was in my underwear. “What do you want?” I grumbled, continuing shaving my legs.

“I want to talk. You’ve been avoiding all tour. And we haven‘t really talked since you yelled at me a few weeks ago. Its important.” Gerard said firmly. I sighed; had it really been that obvious? I bit my lip as I decided what I could say to make him leave me alone.

“I don’t think it’s really appropriate for you to be in here while I’m not dressed.” I muttered bitterly, not looking up. If somebody were to walk in they would most certainly get the wrong idea it would be hell for the both of us. Not that I actually gave a shit about that, of course.

“I don’t care. Besides, Lindsey probably won’t mind. She’s cool like that. But we need to talk. It’s important.” He said. I sighed and again and looked at him. I fought an eye roll when he said that Lindsey would be cool with this.

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked, rather grumpily. I was trying my hardest to seem aloof but I was secretly glad he was here. It gave me a weird sense of satisfaction to know that he was seeing me in my underwear.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I put you through a lot of hell when we were together and I wanted to apologize for that. You have to understand though, I wasn’t right. I was really messes up.“ Gerard apologized. I was shocked, but also kind of touched.

“Why are you doing this?“ I asked in a quiet voice, unable to take my eyes off of his,

“AA said that it’s important to take responsibility for your actions. I did this for everybody years ago, but I haven’t talked to you since you left. So there, I’m sorry for everything I did to hurt you. I just want things between us to be okay.” Gerard explained. I was touched by this and couldn’t help the smile that was creeping across my face.

“Thank Gerard. That really means a lot to me.” I said honestly. Gerard smiled gladly and I did too. It felt much better to be on good terms with him than it did avoiding him.

“So you forgive me?” He asked, his eyes like that of an eager puppy. I let out a soft laugh and nodded. How could I not? He was being so sincere and I think I would always be a sucker for those hazel puppy dog eyes of his.

“Of course I do. But I think I should be the one apologizing to you though.” I said, my smile fading as I became serious. Gerard furrowed his brow and I sighed. “I left you when you needed me most and that was really selfish of me. Truth be told, I haven’t been able to forgive myself for that.” I admitted sadly. I couldn’t believe we were actually having this conversation. I finally had my chance to clear the air. Maybe doing this would get rid of all these awful feelings.

“I understand why you left. I would’ve done the same thing if I were you. You were really young and in too deep. But if it really bothers you that much, I forgive you.” he said emphatically. His empathy had always been his best and worst trait. He always saw the good in people, even me.

“Thank you so much for this Gerard, you have no idea.” I said, feeling a burst of happiness surge through me. Gerard grinned and gave me a hug, holding onto me a little longer than I expected he would. Not that I minded of course…