Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > Faithfully I'm Still Yours

On the Turning Away

by LauraiSlaxl 0 reviews

Guns meets Gilby Clarke; Izzy and Laurie have one last conversation.

Category: Guns n' Roses - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Drama,Romance - Published: 2011-04-02 - Updated: 2011-04-03 - 1847 words - Complete

As the months flew by, Laurie began to observe the slow descending into depression that Izzy was starting to experience. The longer he was forced to remain on tour with Guns, the longer he was forced to endure Axl and all his cynical, belittling remarks. After Laurie's brief talk with Axl in their hotel room in Syria, the insults were never outright, but more subtle: Axl would hit on a minor fault that Izzy had; he'd bring up past occurrences that were rather sensitive subjects for the rhythm guitarist; he'd approach Izzy with Laurie hanging off his arm, exhausted, and he'd say, "You want this? I'll bet you wish you'd held on to her, but that's too bad, because she's mine now, and you can't have her back." On those occasions, Izzy's face would flush crimson, and there was always a brief moment when he almost, almost gained enough courage to hit Axl, but it never happened.

"I can't put up with this much longer," Izzy complained to Laurie backstage one evening while they were all waiting for Axl to arrive. "He's not the guy I grew up with; he's blowing this way out of proportion. He won't even talk to me, Laur, unless he's cutting me down. I'm going to leave the tour if he doesn't quit."

"You think I can do something about this?" Laurie asked angrily. "I already told him to lay off; he doesn't listen, you know that. Besides...he's been working at finding a replacement for you."

"This is so fucking gay," muttered Izzy, pressing his forehead into his palm. He took a drag of his cigarette and looked away from everyone. Laurie put her hand on his wrist, tentatively; he turned and looked back at her for a moment.

"It's gonna be okay," she whispered. "Once you get back to can start a whole new band, and you can show him that he can't bring you down." She squeezed his arm, then let go. "Don't let him get to you, okay?"

"Okay," Izzy murmured, reaching over to briefly touch her stomach before turning away again. Slash and Duff exchanged glances; both men knew that it was probably the last time they'd ever hear Laurie speak ill of her boyfriend.

A few minutes later, Axl appeared backstage and swept Laurie up in his arms. "Let's go on stage and kick their asses, babe, what d'you say?" he said, and she giggled and kissed his jaw and said, "Love it, Mr. Rose."

"Took him long enough," Izzy whispered to Slash as the band and Erin headed on stage, and the lead guitarist wondered, as he adjusted his guitar strap and prepared to rock the kids' world, whether Izzy had been referring to Axl's delay in arriving, or his delay in reclaiming Laurie as his one and only.


One evening, after a particularly raucous concert in England, Axl, Laurie, Slash, and Duff were hanging out at an after-party when a tall, gangly, dark-haired man approached them. He was wearing an open red shirt, paisley scarf, dark jeans and shoes, and a fair number of rings on each hand. He smiled at Axl, who removed his arm from around Laurie's waist so as to get closer to the stranger.

"Hey, man, what's up?" asked the lead vocalist. "You want an autograph or something?"

"Actually," said the dark-haired man, "I was thinking...I heard about how you're looking for someone to replace Izzy Stradlin, and I wanted to know if I could audition."

Axl and Slash exchanged glances, eyebrows slightly raised. "Uh...yeah, sure, man, that'd be cool," said Axl finally, avoiding Laurie's gaze at all costs.

"Nice. When are you available for me to come and play for you?"

Axl touched Laurie's shoulder, and she reached into her purse and pulled out the mini-calendar she'd composed, the one that contained all events from now (October 1991) to March of 1992. She flipped through it for a bit, then:

"Um, we have a break next Monday evening; we'll be in Glasgow at the Plaza Hotel."

"Excellent," said the dark-haired man. He reached into his back pocket, pulled out a pen and his wallet. He flipped through it until he found a clean piece of paper, on which he wrote, "October 14, 1991--Glasgow, Scotland; audition for Guns N' Roses".

"By the way," said Slash as the man re-capped his pen and prepared to go, "what's your name?"

"Oh, me?" The dark-haired man turned, smiling, back to the four friends, and held out his hand. "I'm Gilby Clarke."

"Nice to meet you, Gilby," said Axl, and he and Slash and Duff and Laurie each shook the man's hand, none of them knowing that they were each looking at their future band mate.

Axl in particular had no idea that what he was doing to Izzy would eventually spell out the downfall of the greatest rock band ever to walk on the face of the earth.


The following Monday, while Axl, Duff, Slash, Matt, and Dizzy were sitting at a loaned-out recording studio, listening to Gilby Clarke play and determining whether he was good enough to be in their band, Laurie was knocking on Izzy's hotel room door and hoping to God that he would let her in.

A moment later, the (former?) rhythm guitarist opened the door and said, "Hey, Laur, what's up? I thought you were gonna be down at the studio with the rest of the guys."

"I--I wanted to make sure you were okay." She put her left hand on her bulging stomach and swallowed. "Can I come in for a bit?"

Izzy let her in and watched as she slowly sat down on his bed. She tucked one leg under the bowl of her stomach, let the other leg hang down loose beside the mattress. She looked up at him; he noticed for the first time how tired her eyes were, the bags underneath them from a lack of sleep.

Izzy folded up another one of his shirts and put it in his duffel bag. He wasn't sure what to say to Laurie; he hadn't felt comfortable with being alone with her since their breakup. He wasn't sure how far he could go before he lost all control; he was afraid to look at her because he didn't know if the feelings he'd once had for her were still there or not.

After a bit, Laurie said, "Why are you packing now? They might not even like Gilby."

"Even if I don't get kicked out today, we're still leaving for Dublin tomorrow. I wanna be prepared." Izzy hesitated, adjusted his hat, then:

"How're you doing, honey? With the baby and all, I mean."

"Oh, this?" Laurie poked her stomach and laughed a little. "It's fine, and I'm fine, and whenever I have time I've been looking through adoption ads for possible future parents."

This news surprised Izzy so much he dropped the shirt he was folding. "What?" he said softly. "You're not keeping it?"

Laurie looked at her ex-boyfriend, head tilted to one side. "You sound surprised."

"I am." He walked over to sit beside her on the bed. "I thought you wanted kids, Laur."

"Not really," said Laurie. "Not right now, anyway. Maybe when the tour is over...I don't know. But I don't feel like raising a kid in this crazy environment; can you imagine growing up with people like this? I can't do this to it, I want it to have a great childhood and I want it to be successful, and I don't want it to know that its mother was constantly running from one man to the other, or that its father was...well, that its father and its mother didn't really love each other."

Izzy's cheeks flushed. "Y'know, Laurie, I kind of wanted this kid."

"Oh, really? And just how do you propose I get it to you when I have it? You think I could ship it across the Atlantic Ocean, straight into your waiting arms? Please, Izzy, you wouldn't want this child either. You'll be making a new band, you'll be struggling so hard to prove Axl wrong that you won't have time to take care of a baby."

"Yeah? Well, Laurie, maybe you should have thought of all this before you slept with me."

The words were out before he could stop himself; Izzy watched as Laurie's entire demeanor changed. She opened her mouth, hesitated, shut it again, and turned away. He heard her draw in a shaky breath, a moment later she retaliated:

"I'm not the one who decided to get pregnant in the first place, Izzy. You're the one who forgot to put on a fucking condom."

"Fuck you, Laurie! Don't blame this on me!"

"Don't blame it on me, either!"

"You know what? Sometimes I wish that I'd never told you how I really felt about you!"

"Oh, believe me, I've been wishing that ever since I found out I was carrying your child."

Izzy opened his mouth to yell at her, but before he could get the words out he found himself kissing her, hard, with as much passion as he'd used the night their child was conceived. He wasn't sure if he'd kissed her or if she'd kissed him, only that it felt strange to have her lips on his once more. It took Izzy a moment to realize exactly why this felt so wrong: Laurie didn't just taste like herself anymore; she also tasted like Axl. And nothing could ever remove his mark, like an iron brand, from her mouth.

After a bit, they broke apart, breathing hard. Laurie studied Izzy's face and whispered, "I'm sorry, Izzy, I--"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" yelled Izzy. "You came in here to talk to me, and now suddenly you're just a big cock-tease, is that what it is? You want to try and get me all excited for something I can never have again?" He was crying, but he didn't seem aware of his tears. "You were right, Laurie, I never really loved you. But I've wanted you since I met you. You think I've stopped just because Axl took you back? I lie awake almost every night, wishing that I could be with you, instead of alone, like I usually am. I hate myself for having done this to you; I completely ruined our friendship."

Laurie opened her mouth to protest, then shut it again. No sense in lying to protect him; they both knew it was true.

After a bit, Izzy said:

"You--you'd better go, Laur. I hope you are able to get the baby to a good family that will take care of it. Maybe--maybe I'll see you again someday."

"You never know," whispered Laurie, though she sincerely doubted it. She walked to the door and twisted the handle to open it. As she stepped out into the hallway, she said it again:

"I'm sorry, Izzy. I never meant to hurt you." And then she shut the door and was gone from the rhythm guitarist's life forever.
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