Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Goodbye And Goodluck
DESOLÉ
“Please don’t go, I’ll eat you up, I love you so…” those words kept ringing in my ears all throughout the day. I sat by the window as we drove to our next venue, mumbling them to myself the whole way. I was happy. I craziest dream had come true. Gerard was mine again. I gazed out over his tour bus, wondering if he was thinking about me as madly as I was thinking about him. I still remembered everything about last night, every kiss, every touch. All were fresh in my mind.
I was guilty. I had ruined his engagement. And Gerard wasn’t really mine to keep. He belonged to Lindsey and I was stealing him from her. Oh god did it make me sick to think about it. I couldn’t eat or keep my fingers from trembling. Milo could tell that something was wrong. He had been watching me all throughout today. We pulled up to a rest stop for a break and he cornered me.
“Something’s up chica, what’s going on with you today?” Milo said, practically chasing me back behind the gas station where we would be alone.
“Nothing, its nothing!” I insisted, trying to walk away from him. I couldn’t take being questioned like this, not with the way everything was going currently.
“Uh, uh. Ooh, I know what it is!” he said, grabbing my arms and forcing me to stay right where I was. My stomach dropped. Was I really that easy to read?
“You do?” I asked, having to fight to keep my voice from shaking.
“Yep, you had sex last night while we where out partying.” he said slyly. I felt slightly relieved, but also slightly skittish at the same time.
“I did not!” I lied, trying to act offended. Milo scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“As if! Who was it? Was it some random fan boy groupie? Ooh or did you order pizza?” Milo said with a sneaky little wink. I laughed and tried not to sound nervous.
“I didn’t have sex with anybody!” I lied again, this time moving away from him successfully. He crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow at me as if to say “yeah right”. “If I did, you would’ve been the first to know.” I reminded him. He sighed and uncrossed his arms, following me back to the bus.
“This is true.” he admitted, still sounding suspicious. “I’ll figure it out somehow.” He promised me before getting on the bus. That’s exactly what I was afraid of.
THAT NIGHT
“Five minutes chickpea! Hurry, hurry!” Fred called to me as I left my dressing room for that night’s show. He was always calling me by pet names like that.
I had successfully evaded Milo and Gerard all day. Milo was pretty easy considering he was my best friend and was rather easy to elude. Gerard on the other hand was a scary things. I didn’t think I could face him without crying, so I avoided him at all the rest stops. But I knew I had to talk to him about what happened and how it could never happen again. The near disaster with Milo earlier made me realize that this couldn’t go on and I decided to talk to Gerard after the show.
“Hey, there you are.” said Gerard’s voice from behind me. Before I had time to react, he pulled me into the side stage bathroom and locked the door.
“Gerard!” I gasped, right before his lips fell on mine. I couldn’t help but blush wildly as he pulled away.
“Did you find my note?” he asked, smiling like a love-struck puppy. I was dazzled for the moment by that kiss, the room spinning and my head twirling.
“Uh huh.” I said dumbly. He went to kiss me again and I remember what I had to say to him and pushed him away gently. He looked confused and kind of hurt, which made my heart twinge painfully.
“I wanted to do this after the show, but I guess I’ll have to now.” I said, not looking up from my feet.
“What’s wrong?” Gerard asked, coming a little closer to me. I backed away a bit more.
“We have to end it.” I whispered, turning away as he tried to touch my cheek. He blinked in shock and I found that I could barely look at him.
“What?” he asked, looking so hurt and confused that I myself were hurting.
“We have to end it. Last night was a mistake Gerard. We both slipped up. I’m sure if we jus explained to Lindsey that it was a one time thing that maybe she would understand. Or if you want we could pretend it never happened, I’d be fine with that. As long as it doesn’t happen again.” I explained, my mind and mouth racing to complete this thought.
“I don’t want to pretend it never happened. I want to continue this, explore it. I think we should be lovers.” Gerard said, his eyes pleading with me.
“We can’t do that!” I hissed as lowly as I could as I heard people walking by the bathroom.
“We should and that’s a fact. We were meant to be this way.” He said, cupping my hands in his and going to kiss me again. I bit my lip and pulled away so hard I rammed myself against the wall.
“Gerard, I can’t do this with you!” I said, trying to bite back the tears that were threatening to fall. I was angry with him and myself. Why couldn’t he just let last night go? Why couldn’t I just let last night go?
“You did it last night.” Gerard retorted. In a burst of blind rage I smacked him right across the face. We both stopped for a moment. I was shocked at myself. Gerard bit his lip for a second and shook his head.
“I deserved that.” he admitted, touching his reddening cheek gingerly. I wanted to apologize but all that would come out was a dry croaking sound because of the lump in my throat.
“Desolé? Are you in there! Two minutes till the house lights go off! We’ve got to get a move on!” I heard Fred call, banging on the door. My heart stopped.
“I’m coming!“ shouted. “Gerard, I’m sorry. I have to go.” I whispered, touching his hands as I pushed him behind the door I was about to open.
“Please, just meet with me tomorrow night. Please Dess, please.” he said, calling me by a nick name he hadn’t called me by in years.
“Gerard!” I hissed, my tone pleading with him to stop.
“Desolé! Sugar we have a show to put on!” Fred said, banging on the door once more.
“Coming, just one second!” I shouted back again. I glanced at Gerard and I saw those hazel eyes of his and my resolve melted completely. “Fine, fine I’ll meet you tomorrow at midnight.” I whispered.
“I’ll see you there.” Gerard said, a smile spreading across his face. He kissed me one more time before I opened the door and followed Fred onstage.
“Please don’t go, I’ll eat you up, I love you so…” those words kept ringing in my ears all throughout the day. I sat by the window as we drove to our next venue, mumbling them to myself the whole way. I was happy. I craziest dream had come true. Gerard was mine again. I gazed out over his tour bus, wondering if he was thinking about me as madly as I was thinking about him. I still remembered everything about last night, every kiss, every touch. All were fresh in my mind.
I was guilty. I had ruined his engagement. And Gerard wasn’t really mine to keep. He belonged to Lindsey and I was stealing him from her. Oh god did it make me sick to think about it. I couldn’t eat or keep my fingers from trembling. Milo could tell that something was wrong. He had been watching me all throughout today. We pulled up to a rest stop for a break and he cornered me.
“Something’s up chica, what’s going on with you today?” Milo said, practically chasing me back behind the gas station where we would be alone.
“Nothing, its nothing!” I insisted, trying to walk away from him. I couldn’t take being questioned like this, not with the way everything was going currently.
“Uh, uh. Ooh, I know what it is!” he said, grabbing my arms and forcing me to stay right where I was. My stomach dropped. Was I really that easy to read?
“You do?” I asked, having to fight to keep my voice from shaking.
“Yep, you had sex last night while we where out partying.” he said slyly. I felt slightly relieved, but also slightly skittish at the same time.
“I did not!” I lied, trying to act offended. Milo scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“As if! Who was it? Was it some random fan boy groupie? Ooh or did you order pizza?” Milo said with a sneaky little wink. I laughed and tried not to sound nervous.
“I didn’t have sex with anybody!” I lied again, this time moving away from him successfully. He crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow at me as if to say “yeah right”. “If I did, you would’ve been the first to know.” I reminded him. He sighed and uncrossed his arms, following me back to the bus.
“This is true.” he admitted, still sounding suspicious. “I’ll figure it out somehow.” He promised me before getting on the bus. That’s exactly what I was afraid of.
THAT NIGHT
“Five minutes chickpea! Hurry, hurry!” Fred called to me as I left my dressing room for that night’s show. He was always calling me by pet names like that.
I had successfully evaded Milo and Gerard all day. Milo was pretty easy considering he was my best friend and was rather easy to elude. Gerard on the other hand was a scary things. I didn’t think I could face him without crying, so I avoided him at all the rest stops. But I knew I had to talk to him about what happened and how it could never happen again. The near disaster with Milo earlier made me realize that this couldn’t go on and I decided to talk to Gerard after the show.
“Hey, there you are.” said Gerard’s voice from behind me. Before I had time to react, he pulled me into the side stage bathroom and locked the door.
“Gerard!” I gasped, right before his lips fell on mine. I couldn’t help but blush wildly as he pulled away.
“Did you find my note?” he asked, smiling like a love-struck puppy. I was dazzled for the moment by that kiss, the room spinning and my head twirling.
“Uh huh.” I said dumbly. He went to kiss me again and I remember what I had to say to him and pushed him away gently. He looked confused and kind of hurt, which made my heart twinge painfully.
“I wanted to do this after the show, but I guess I’ll have to now.” I said, not looking up from my feet.
“What’s wrong?” Gerard asked, coming a little closer to me. I backed away a bit more.
“We have to end it.” I whispered, turning away as he tried to touch my cheek. He blinked in shock and I found that I could barely look at him.
“What?” he asked, looking so hurt and confused that I myself were hurting.
“We have to end it. Last night was a mistake Gerard. We both slipped up. I’m sure if we jus explained to Lindsey that it was a one time thing that maybe she would understand. Or if you want we could pretend it never happened, I’d be fine with that. As long as it doesn’t happen again.” I explained, my mind and mouth racing to complete this thought.
“I don’t want to pretend it never happened. I want to continue this, explore it. I think we should be lovers.” Gerard said, his eyes pleading with me.
“We can’t do that!” I hissed as lowly as I could as I heard people walking by the bathroom.
“We should and that’s a fact. We were meant to be this way.” He said, cupping my hands in his and going to kiss me again. I bit my lip and pulled away so hard I rammed myself against the wall.
“Gerard, I can’t do this with you!” I said, trying to bite back the tears that were threatening to fall. I was angry with him and myself. Why couldn’t he just let last night go? Why couldn’t I just let last night go?
“You did it last night.” Gerard retorted. In a burst of blind rage I smacked him right across the face. We both stopped for a moment. I was shocked at myself. Gerard bit his lip for a second and shook his head.
“I deserved that.” he admitted, touching his reddening cheek gingerly. I wanted to apologize but all that would come out was a dry croaking sound because of the lump in my throat.
“Desolé? Are you in there! Two minutes till the house lights go off! We’ve got to get a move on!” I heard Fred call, banging on the door. My heart stopped.
“I’m coming!“ shouted. “Gerard, I’m sorry. I have to go.” I whispered, touching his hands as I pushed him behind the door I was about to open.
“Please, just meet with me tomorrow night. Please Dess, please.” he said, calling me by a nick name he hadn’t called me by in years.
“Gerard!” I hissed, my tone pleading with him to stop.
“Desolé! Sugar we have a show to put on!” Fred said, banging on the door once more.
“Coming, just one second!” I shouted back again. I glanced at Gerard and I saw those hazel eyes of his and my resolve melted completely. “Fine, fine I’ll meet you tomorrow at midnight.” I whispered.
“I’ll see you there.” Gerard said, a smile spreading across his face. He kissed me one more time before I opened the door and followed Fred onstage.
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