Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Goodbye And Goodluck
DESOLÉ
That night I sat up in the tour bus, waiting for Gerard to arrive. It was getting close to midnight and I could hear the party ranging on outside. I was getting impatient and thinking about maybe just locking the door and going to bed. But I had to tell him what was going on before tonight ended because I didn’t think I could carry on with this masquerade any longer.
“Hey, I’m here.” Gerard said, almost panting as he appeared in my door way. He leaned down and gave me another one of his cosmic kisses which I didn’t not return. He furrowed his brow and sat next to me. “Hey, is something wrong?” he asked.
“Yes! Everything is wrong! This is wrong!” I exclaimed, exasperated by his cluelessness. “You shouldn’t be kissing me, you should be kissing Lindsey.” I said sadly, my tone lowering under the weight of my words.
“If this is wrong why does it feel like this? Why does it feel so good to kiss you and to hold you and to touch you? Why do we both feel this way? When I’m with Lindsey, it just isn’t the same. Nothing is. We were meant to be together. I think its fate that we wound up on this tour together.” Gerard explained, taking my hands in his. I stared at our hands, feeling his calloused fingers and palms in mine. My hands looked dainty and petite next to his.
“Gerard, I can’t do this to Lindsey. It isn’t fair to her. She is your fiancé. You made your choice when you asked her to marry your. And I made my choice when I left. We both decided on a life without each other and that‘s just the way it is…no matter how much it hurts.” I said, trying to gulp down the lump in my throat. Gerard bit his lip for a second, thinking.
“What can I do to change your mind?” he begged, suddenly taking me under his arm and kissing my cheek over and over. “How many times do I have to kiss you? Hold hard do I have to hold you? Just tell me and I’ll do it.” he said, pressing his lips all over my face in between words.
“Gerard, stop!” I said, shoving him off me. I was killing myself by doing this. I wanted all his kisses. I wanted all his love. But he didn’t belong to me.
“No, I won’t stop until you tell me a damn good reason why we can’t be together!” Gerard snapped. I blinked at him a few times.
“Milo almost caught on today. He could tell I’d had sex just by looking at me. If he or anybody else were to find out both our careers would be ruined Gerard!” I retorted. Gerard stopped for a moment, letting what I had said sink in.
“And besides, it wouldn’t be right for you to cheat on Lindsey.” I added sadly, resting my chin in my hand. We sat like this for a long time, just sitting in the dead silence. Well, almost silence; we could hear the partying that was going on loud and clear. He was obviously pondering what to do next, whether to just get up and leave or try to convince me one more time. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with him, I just didn’t want anybody to be hurt by us being together. And let’s face it, if we did have an affair a lot of people would be getting hurt.
“I’ll leave Lindsey then!” Gerard said, standing up as if he had discovered something truly great. I blinked in shock as what he had said hit me.
“What?” I stammered, standing up with him. He grabbed my arms and kissed me. I was still confused, but fell into the kiss easily.
“I’ll leave Lindsey! After the tour I’ll break off the engagement and we can just run away together.” Gerard said. I was still swooning from that kiss; his lips were so, so sweet.
“You mean… you’d end the engagement…for me?” I asked, choosing my words carefully as I said them. Once again, my craziest, wildest dream was coming true.
“Yes, I’d do anything for you! Don’t you see that?” He said, stilling holding onto my arms. I felt my heart give a little sigh as my swoon heightened. “I can’t leave her until the tour is over or the press will have a field day and the rest of the tour will just be hell to deal with. And even after that we should stay on the down low for a while. I don‘t want you getting attacked like before.” Gerard said, my mind racing to keep up with what he was saying.
“And until then?” I asked, trying to let it all sink without drowning in the happiness. “What’ll we do until the tour is over?”
“Until then, we’ll conduct our love affair right under everybody’s nose. Nobody will ever know. It’ll be easy.” Gerard said.
“Gerard, I don’t know…” I said, looking away. Gerard took my face in his hands and kissed me again.
It was the type of kiss we’d shared when we first started dating. Those sweet kisses, soft and gentle. The type that reminded me of sunny fields of strawberries with my little sister. It reminded me of those summers in Tuscany with my family. It made me think of the happiest times in my life, when I was young and clueless when it came to the complications of love.
This was going to be bad for business, I could tell.
That night I sat up in the tour bus, waiting for Gerard to arrive. It was getting close to midnight and I could hear the party ranging on outside. I was getting impatient and thinking about maybe just locking the door and going to bed. But I had to tell him what was going on before tonight ended because I didn’t think I could carry on with this masquerade any longer.
“Hey, I’m here.” Gerard said, almost panting as he appeared in my door way. He leaned down and gave me another one of his cosmic kisses which I didn’t not return. He furrowed his brow and sat next to me. “Hey, is something wrong?” he asked.
“Yes! Everything is wrong! This is wrong!” I exclaimed, exasperated by his cluelessness. “You shouldn’t be kissing me, you should be kissing Lindsey.” I said sadly, my tone lowering under the weight of my words.
“If this is wrong why does it feel like this? Why does it feel so good to kiss you and to hold you and to touch you? Why do we both feel this way? When I’m with Lindsey, it just isn’t the same. Nothing is. We were meant to be together. I think its fate that we wound up on this tour together.” Gerard explained, taking my hands in his. I stared at our hands, feeling his calloused fingers and palms in mine. My hands looked dainty and petite next to his.
“Gerard, I can’t do this to Lindsey. It isn’t fair to her. She is your fiancé. You made your choice when you asked her to marry your. And I made my choice when I left. We both decided on a life without each other and that‘s just the way it is…no matter how much it hurts.” I said, trying to gulp down the lump in my throat. Gerard bit his lip for a second, thinking.
“What can I do to change your mind?” he begged, suddenly taking me under his arm and kissing my cheek over and over. “How many times do I have to kiss you? Hold hard do I have to hold you? Just tell me and I’ll do it.” he said, pressing his lips all over my face in between words.
“Gerard, stop!” I said, shoving him off me. I was killing myself by doing this. I wanted all his kisses. I wanted all his love. But he didn’t belong to me.
“No, I won’t stop until you tell me a damn good reason why we can’t be together!” Gerard snapped. I blinked at him a few times.
“Milo almost caught on today. He could tell I’d had sex just by looking at me. If he or anybody else were to find out both our careers would be ruined Gerard!” I retorted. Gerard stopped for a moment, letting what I had said sink in.
“And besides, it wouldn’t be right for you to cheat on Lindsey.” I added sadly, resting my chin in my hand. We sat like this for a long time, just sitting in the dead silence. Well, almost silence; we could hear the partying that was going on loud and clear. He was obviously pondering what to do next, whether to just get up and leave or try to convince me one more time. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with him, I just didn’t want anybody to be hurt by us being together. And let’s face it, if we did have an affair a lot of people would be getting hurt.
“I’ll leave Lindsey then!” Gerard said, standing up as if he had discovered something truly great. I blinked in shock as what he had said hit me.
“What?” I stammered, standing up with him. He grabbed my arms and kissed me. I was still confused, but fell into the kiss easily.
“I’ll leave Lindsey! After the tour I’ll break off the engagement and we can just run away together.” Gerard said. I was still swooning from that kiss; his lips were so, so sweet.
“You mean… you’d end the engagement…for me?” I asked, choosing my words carefully as I said them. Once again, my craziest, wildest dream was coming true.
“Yes, I’d do anything for you! Don’t you see that?” He said, stilling holding onto my arms. I felt my heart give a little sigh as my swoon heightened. “I can’t leave her until the tour is over or the press will have a field day and the rest of the tour will just be hell to deal with. And even after that we should stay on the down low for a while. I don‘t want you getting attacked like before.” Gerard said, my mind racing to keep up with what he was saying.
“And until then?” I asked, trying to let it all sink without drowning in the happiness. “What’ll we do until the tour is over?”
“Until then, we’ll conduct our love affair right under everybody’s nose. Nobody will ever know. It’ll be easy.” Gerard said.
“Gerard, I don’t know…” I said, looking away. Gerard took my face in his hands and kissed me again.
It was the type of kiss we’d shared when we first started dating. Those sweet kisses, soft and gentle. The type that reminded me of sunny fields of strawberries with my little sister. It reminded me of those summers in Tuscany with my family. It made me think of the happiest times in my life, when I was young and clueless when it came to the complications of love.
This was going to be bad for business, I could tell.
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