FicWad

Despair.

That’s the only thing I felt as my body, controlled somehow, walked over to Party, me useless at trying to stop what I was afraid was going to happen next.

Party sighed as I walked over. “You might as well do it, Violet. Save me the energy,” he said, looking defeated and rejected.

If I were in control of my body and my tongue, I would have let me eyes grow wide, screaming ‘NO!’ and dropping the knife. My feet stepped forward lightly as I felt my mouth mock frown. “Oh? But where’s the fun killing you, Party, if it will just give you the satisfaction? No, I have better plans in store for you,” I sneered, and once again, I wanted to slap myself and curl into a ball. I felt my jaw open just so slightly as I realized I had just spoken the words Korse had said to me. I felt my breathing grow shallow as I felt an asthma attack coming on, but I don’t think my controlled self noticed.

Party flinched. “Look, if you want to kill me, go ahead. I have nothing,” he said, saying the words I said when I caught up with Korse. I blinked, wanting to cry as my hand hit his face, hard.

“Shut the fuck up,” I growled, and hit Party again, making his nose bleed. “You don’t fucking say a word, got it?” I asked, putting Ricky up to his throat. “If you do I’ll slice your head off, cleaner than anything you’ve ever seen.”

Party shut his eyes, a tear escaping his left eyes. “I’m sorry, Violet,” he whispered, taking a shaky breath.

I felt the barrel of a gun against the back of my head, and smirked, feeling the heat of the person behind me as plain as the light in my eyes. My thoughts suddenly turned fearful, and I was afraid that I was going to harm another person. My head turned to face an angry Fun Ghoul, holding his green gun up to my head. No, Ghoul! I wanted to scream so badly, It’s not me! Can’t you see I’m not doing this?! “Fun Ghoul,” I said, trying my hardest to stop the words from coming out. I tried to force my fear and regret into my voice, and I saw Ghoul’s eyes open a little bit wider. “He does like you, so I might as well let you watch.” I lunged for him, feeling my eyes grow wide as I pushed him back to the table, taking gauze and duck tape and wrapping it around Ghoul, who was struggling but dropped his gun.

“What the hell, Violet?!” he yelled, looking at me and then at Party, who was sitting on the couch, softly weeping like a girl. “Are you fucking out of your mind?!”

I bit my lip, something me, myself, and I would do, not this in-cold-blood murderer would. “Ghoul,” I whispered, sounding scared but smiling like Tim or Korse. “Did you realize that Party liked you?” Ghoul’s eyes grew wider as he heard the fear in my voice but still believed me. “You didn’t?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

I turned towards Party, playing with Ricky, turning the point against the flat of my thumb. “You know, Party, you have a funny way of showing love…” I said, hoping a smidgen of the massive glob of fear I was feeling inside myself came through to my speech. I walked back over to Party, who had his eyes shut tight. “Maybe if you appreciated life more…” I spoke softly, plunging the knife into his leg.

Party didn’t cry out or cry, just winced and opened his eyes, his breathing labored. I felt his warm blood beneath my hand as I twisted the blade, making him bit his lip hard enough to draw blood and whimper. “Please, Violet,” he whispered, his breaths shaky against my skin. I wanted to cry so bad right now, but I still didn’t have a say in what was happening.

“I’m so sorry, Party,” I whispered, shocking me with my words as I removed Ricky from his leg and put it against his throat, pressing the delicate skin there. “Pain is only temporary,” I growled, no longer in control of my tongue as I felt my breathing grow hard and the knife drawing a little bit of blood, darker than the blood from his leg on Ricky. I gripped my gun in my hand and shot Party’s foot, not even looking away from his eyes.

Party began muttering bloody murder beneath his breath, and my controlled body hit his in the chest, making him double over. Another tear escaped an eye, but it wasn’t Party. I felt my eyes grow hotter, and I turned towards Ghoul, who was now thrashing against the table, kicking and screaming. I chuckled darkly, smiling a huge, toothy grin. “What, Ghoul?” I asked, staring into his angry eyes with my wide innocent looking ones. “Are you jealous that I’m on top of Party?”

Ghoul growled, not realizing my eyes were wide in fear, regret, and despair. “Fuck you, Violet Rage!” he yelled, managing to give me an erect middle finger through the duck tape. I chuckled again, but it sounded nervous. I groaned internally, knowing I probably seemed like an emotional train wreck right now.

“Ghoulie, Ghoulie, Ghoulie…” I said, forcing my voice into my words. “I’m scared,” I managed, whispering it, but still having Ghoul hear. “It’s not me,” I said, slapping Ghoul in the face. “Don’t you know not to talk back to me? You’ll have to hold your tongue or I’ll cut it out for you…”

Ghoul twisted his face, part of it trying to figure out the simple thing I said and part mad. “Go ahead and try. You can’t.”

I felt my eyes widen as I leaped forward, straddling Ghoul on the table and trying to force his mouth open. I managed to get his tongue out of his mouth, after a series of bites and slaps later. I let my jaw hang open as my hand gripped Ricky and brought it to his outstretched tongue. “You might as well have your famous last words, Fun Ghoul, before I cut them out of you,” I growled, releasing his tongue momentarily so he could talk. I shut my eyes, not wanting my hands to do what I was expecting.

Ghoul spat in my face, me still keeping my eyes shut so I wouldn’t have to see his reddened cheeks. “Fuck you, Violet Rage,” he said, and I shrugged, opening my eyes and trying to stop myself from reaching in his mouth again and pulling out his tongue.

I pressed the blade against his tongue, chuckling darkly. “You silly fool. Looks like nobody’s coming to stop me from killing you this time,” I said, slowly dragging the blade lightly over the middle of his tongue, drawing blood but not cutting his tongue. “It’s a shame too, Ghoul, you had such a nice voice when you weren’t talking…”

I felt four guns nudge my head at the same time, and I shut my eyes in gratitude for whoever’s up there. I opened my eyes again, still not able to control my body or my tongue that much. “You’re very lucky this time, Ghoul. Twice you’ve cheated death. You’re going to die an unpleasant death the way it looks now,” I said as I felt strong arms grip around my torso and arms, making me winch in pain and begin to wheeze. “All I have to say is good luck.” My gun and my knife were pried out of my hands, and I wheeze-cackled, honestly being afraid of myself.

“Somebody get her inhaler,” I heard a weak voice mumble, and I turned to face Party, who looked dead on the couch. I felt remorse and angry at myself for letting this happen, but I smiled uncontrollably at Party’s dead state.

“Oh look, Party’s dying,” I jeered, looking into his dim hazel eyes that looked like they had the life zapped out of them. “If only I were there to make it end now…” I felt strong hands cover my mouth, and I bit down, making whoever placed their hands over my mouth yelp in pain as I drew blood.

I was carried over into another room of the diner, a small, dark room that smelled of rot and decay. I was shoved inside to the ground, and I heard the door shut as I lay on the ground, trying to stop the wheeze. The room’s smelling wasn’t exactly helping, and I had begun to cough. I felt myself grin, still not being able to control myself. I sat up on my knees in the middle of the dark room and looked up, holding my arms wide open. “To whoever’s up there, take me!” I yelled, my voice bouncing off the walls and echoing through my head. “Take me!” I screeched again, feeling myself being kicked forward and I fell to the ground, laughing. “Kill me now!” I yelled to the ground as I felt myself being pulled up by my hair.

“Violet Rage,” I heard Jet Star say into my ear as I laughed. “Wherever did you go insane?” he asked, dragging me along the ground by my hair, me still laughing at the pain uncontrollably, wheezing heavily now. He pulled me up to a chair and sat me in it, strapping my ankles and my wrists to the appendages of the chair. A light clicked on, right in my face, and by now my laugh was just a wheeze, occasionally broken up by a violent cough that shook my body.

“Rage?” I heard Current say over my wheezing, and I smiled a sick grin, looking into the darkness around the light.

“Current, see what happens when you get caught up with life?” I yelled into the darkness, scaring myself and probably Current too. I dipped my head down, swaying slightly in the chair. I began mumbling to myself, incoherent words that seemed to be in a different language. Okay, I’m officially scared out of my mind. And all this was because I got hurt? If that’s the case, I’m never fighting again.

I heard footsteps over my wheezing, and looked up in time to see her walk over, carting a piece of machinery. I cackled as Current looked at me, legally insane. She turned on the piece of machinery, and I recognized it as the Backup machine from the Black. I smirked, looking at Current with glazed green eyes. “Good luck using it on yourself.”

Current shook her head, tears in her eyes. “Rage…” She said sadly, backing out of the light.

I saw a shadow move to my left, and quickly turned my head in that direction, wheezing still. A man I recognized walked over to me, pushing a needle through my skin into my veins. I saw the room moan as I felt a dull pain in the right side of my shoulder. I looked up at the man, who was in the process of hooking me up to the Backup Current had rolled into the light. “If you’re here to kill me, press one. If you’re here to do anything else, please leave,” I said, mimicking a voicemail call, something that I haven’t made in four years.

The man shook his head, taking a deep breath, and looked at me. “Violet, I told you I wished never to see you again,” he said, me smiling and coughing. Dr. Mood Craves stared at me as I coughed, and I saw him inject something into one of the tubes connecting me to the Backup.

I glared at him, my eyes mere slits in my head. “Fuck you, sir,” I said, losing my wheeze but not my attitude. I was worried at what was going to happen to --- “AHH!” I screamed out, feeling a sharp pain in my head that grew in velocity each time it throbbed, which was about three times each second. I shut my eyes and shook my head, wishing I could do nothing more than rub my temples.

I saw Mood Craves walk out of the light through my misted eyes, and I grew worried. I didn’t want to be left alone, strapped to a chair and a machine, surrounded by the dark. I took a shaky breath in. More sharp pains attacked my head, making me cry out and double over in excruciating pain. I hissed as it felt like somebody was squashing my head like putty, then throwing my clay ball of a head to the ground with unnecessary force.

I heard a voice say something, and I strained to hear what it was saying. “---long does --- take?” I heard Kobra Kid’s voice ask, probably asking Mood Craves. I gasped as another pain attacked my mind, this time connected with something. A moving picture played in my head, me kissing Party, telling him I love him, he kissing me back and saying the same. I felt myself tear up, shaking my head. I groaned as I saw another memory: “I have nothing,” he said, looking down and wanting to kill himself. I had shot his foot and knifed his leg, I remembered, crying. Party, the love of my life, was in the other room dying and I was stuck in here, strapped to a chair.

I looked into the darkness, turning my head, straining to see anything. “Please,” I whispered, still looking around, “let me go. I need to go see Party, make sure he’s all right.” I looked back down, swallowing sobs back. I saw my mask, still hanging around my neck, and began crying more, harder, remembering how Party had picked it out with me. “Don’t die, Party,” I whispered, shutting my eyes and resting my head against my left arm, despite the pain running through my back at the awkward angle.

I heard footsteps walk towards me, and I looked up to see Kobra and Moon undoing my restraints, both stony faced with eyes gushing with emotion. Kobra looked up at me once, undoing my ankle, but looked back down, seeming nervous. Moon just undid my restraints without looking up at me. I took a breath, shutting my eyes and remembering how I thought Moon was a pansy back when I first met him back here… I sighed, wishing I could go back to that time where Party and I just knew each other, where I didn’t hurt him or shoot him in the foot.

I felt hands on my shoulders, and I looked up, not knowing who it was gripping me so tightly. I found myself peering into a disheveled set of green eyes, looking moved and worried. “Violet, hand me your gun and your knife,” Kobra said, sounding a little strangled as I gave him my gun and Ricky, placing them in his hand with care. I looked back up at Kobra, who had shut his eyes and was nodding slowly. He opened his eyes again, probably feeling my gaze on his, and he stopped nodding, letting go of my shoulder.

“Can I go see him?” I asked, looking at Kobra, pouting just a little with my lower lip. I wanted to see Party, tell him I loved him, tell him not to die…

Kobra nodded. “Go Violet. He needs to see you,” he said, making overhead lights flick on and a steel door to open in the room. I smiled and jumped out of my chair, running out of the room. I ran into the diner part of the diner, looking around but then seeing the table to my left through a door. I sprinted in there, skidding to a halt when I didn’t see Party on the couch.

“No,” I whispered, walking over to the couch. I touched it gently, trying to feel some of Party within the couch, or maybe just memories. The couch was cold, and I sat down on it, too stunned to say anything. I had literally killed Party Poison.

I collapsed on the couch to my left, taking shallow breaths. Killer… the voices inside my head said, making me shut my eyes, wishing this was some kind of sick dream that will end. I saw Party behind my eyes, standing my Shot Fire, both smiling sad smiles. Then they turned and walked away from me. I shut my eyes tighter, trying to make them stay a little bit longer, but they still left me here on Earth.

I began crying, just these big, heavy sobs into the couch. Occasionally I would scream into the mound on junk on the couch, remembering a painfully beautiful memory of Party. I had killed Party. Me. Not Korse, not a bunch of Dracs, me. I screamed again, knowing life as I knew it was o-v-e-r with a capital o.

I felt a thin hand rubbing my right arm and gasped. I felt my breathing hitch as somebody rested their head on my arm, and a little tendril of red flew in front of my face as to say, ‘Look, Violet.’ I slowly turned my head, shutting my eyes. When I had finished turning my head, my eyes opened to see Party staring up at me, not looking hurt, or sad, or stabbed, for that matter. Party smiled softly as I sat up, looking around, confused. My gun and Ricky were both in their holsters. I looked past my holsters to Party’s leg and foot. Neither looked wounded. I gasped, and Party blinked, looking a little worried.

“Yay, Violet’s awake,” he said, kissing me and smiling. “How’s the dream world been, honey?” he asked, playing with my hair.

I let my mouth hang open and my eyes grow wide. “Holy shit, Party, I didn’t kill you!” I cried, hugging Party as best I could in my current position. “I thought you were gone!”

Party backed out of my hug, confused. “You killed me in your dream?” he asked, pouting and looking a little hurt.

“Party, you didn’t see it! I had gone insane, or something happened, because before I knew it I had shot you in the foot, stabbed you in the leg, and was in the process of cutting Ghoul’s tongue out of his head when I was pulled off and the Backup and here I amandwhythehelldoyouguyshaveawoodenchairwithrestraintsinaroomhere?” I said-asked, rushing to speak.

Party raised an eyebrow, looking slightly amused. “Violet, you fell asleep when I told you to stay still so I could draw you, remember? You talk in your sleep, you know,” Party said, smirking. “You mumbled a lot about unicorns and Skittles…” Party smiled, kissing my slightly parted lips, shutting them with his. “And no, we don’t have a wooden chair with restraints somewhere here in the diner that I know of. The other guys may know, but I sure don’t.”

I let my mouth open again, slightly but still open. “But, Party, you were dying…” I trailed, rubbing my face with my hands. “God, I need to stop drinking so much…”

Party chuckled. “Yes you do, Violet. You’re just lucky you have so many people around you that love you, like me,” he said, pulling me into his arms.

I smiled at Party, still a little confused. “But it had seemed like such a real dream…” I whispered, and Party pulled me in tighter. I remembered something Party said and looked at him, still a little tired and hungry. “Party, what did you draw?” I asked, looking at him, a smile playing on my lips and grinning in my eyes.

Party took a breath. “Since I had four hours, Violet, I drew this.” And with that, Party raised a wondrous piece of artwork up from the floor, handing it to me. “It was hard to get you smiling, Violet, because apparently unicorns and Skittles aren’t that happy, but ---“

I pressed my lips to Party’s, shutting him up. He placed a warm hand on my head and pulled lightly at my red rust locks, running his tongue over my bottom lip. I opened my mouth, searching for his tongue. Mr. Tongue met Ms. Tongue and soon they were dancing like no tomorrow, Party continually hugging me closer to him. I bit his tongue lightly, smiling in the kiss. Party groaned a little, and I nibbled on his bottom lip, Party smiling too. I back away from Party, looking into his hazel eyes, which were looking fiery and happy. I smiled bigger, turning my back on Party and leaning into his chest.

“This is perfect,” I said, shutting my eyes and sighing. “I’m sorry, Party, that I don’t want more, but… Well, you know.” I opened my eyes and looked at Party, who was still smiling beside the small branch of anger sprouting in his eyes, flecking them with a little more brown than green or gold.

Party shrugged and played with my hair. “It’s okay, I understand,” he said, kissing my ear and making me shiver. I don’t know what it was about the ears, but kissing around them made tingles spread all over my body. “As long as I have you, Violet.”

I smiled, shutting my eyes again and letting out a contented sigh. “Party?” I asked, opening one eye.

“Yes, Violet?”

“Would you still love me if I hurt you, even if I wasn’t doing it myself?”

“I don’t understand.”

I opened both my eyes and turned to face him. “In my dream, I stabbed you in the thigh and shot your foot, even though I couldn’t control my movements. It was like something was controlling my body, and I wanted it to stop, and then you wanted to die…” I trailed, looking down and biting the inside of my cheek.

Party cupped my chin in his hand and raised my face so I could look at him. “Violet, I will always love you, no matter what,” he said, kissing my nose lightly. “Now go to sleep, you need the rest, okay?”

I nodded, shutting my eyes a third time and burying my head in Party’s chest. “I love you, Gee.” I said, already falling asleep.

Party kissed my hair. “I love you too, Vi.”