FicWad

"You wouldn't tell...right?" I asked James, feeling quite nervous. James looked at me coldly from where he was sitting across from me on the bed. Shrugging, he replied, "Why shouldn't I? I see no reason why not to tell. You deserve it. You shouldn't have given up your honor at your age and you definitely should not be planning to run away with someone you barely know."

I felt like protesting and pointing that I did know Cutler quite well, but that wasn't going to do me much good at the moment. All I needed was to know that James wouldn't tell Cutler. Frowning, I leaned against my wardrobe and asked, "What do you want from me, James? What must I do so that you don't tell? I'll do anything for your word."

"Hm..." James said, looking me over with expressionless green eyes. James was acting weird. He wasn't acting like James at all. However, ever since he had found me with Cutler, he had been acting very strange. James finally said, "You'll have to give me something of equal value in return. Let down your hair for me. I want to see it all the way down."

Not sure where this was leading to, I pulled the pins out of my hair and let the long strands fall down to just above my waist. Raising an eyebrow, I asked, "Your word?" James gave me a strange smile that I had never seen from him before and replied, "I'm going to need much more from you than that. You're going to have to surrender yourself to me. I want everything."

James looked over me hungrily. It took me a few minutes before I realized what it was that he was asking me to do. Gulping, I begged, "Please, James, please let it be something else. Can't we find some other kind of agreement?" James shrugged and slid off the bed, going to stand in front of me as he said, "Not particularly. I have no problem telling your mother your plans though..."

My lips trembled as I thought about what James wanted from me. I looked at the ground and pleaded, "Isn't there anything else you want?" James turned back to me and shook his head. He gazed at me and I was surprised by how he looked at me lasciviously. His hand came up to brush against my cheek. He had done that several times before, but this time it was different.

"No, Jenna, I only want you," James replied evenly, looking at the eyes I had cast downwards on purpose. Finally, I nodded against my will and murmured, "I'll do it." James looked surprised, but quite happy that I had make my decision. Running a hand through the loose hair that fell over my shoulders, he murmured, "You will? You'll give me all of you?"

Still not meeting his eyes, I nodded stiffly. James smirked at me and raised my chin with two fingers. I still didn't look at him as he took my lips and kissed them. His tongue was forced between my lips and I had to stand there and act like I enjoyed it. Well, not so much. I really just had to keep quite and tolerate it. Unfortunately, that's not the easiest thing to do.

James pushed me down onto the floor. I landed there with a thump, James already on top of me. His hand pulled my skirts up to reveal my bare legs. My breath hitched and I started trembling in shame and fear as James gazed at the parts that were not meant for him to see. I was suddenly brought back to a situation years ago in a different room with a different man, yet I was stuck in the same situation. Ian leaned over me, pulled my legs apart and made fun of me, saying, "You want me, you know you do..."

Having that nightmare of a memory in the front of my mind didn't help the situation out much. James' eyes were seeking mine, but I refused to look at him. I did my best to remove myself from the situation mentally, trying to shut out the world. James' fingers slipped between my legs and gliding over my spot of desire. He stroked me in a teasing manner before slipping both fingers inside me.

A moan formed in my throat, but I forced it back. It was like a test of my strength not to cry out. Annoyed that he couldn't get any response from me, James frowned and unbuckled his pants. I didn't watch him, not wanting to know what would come next. It was inevitable and yet, I wanted to avoid it somehow. Of course, this had been my choice. Had it been worth it?

Doubting my decision, I rested my head on the ground as James mounted me. I gave a soundless gasp as he took me right there and then on the floor. James' eyes sought mine once more, but again, I refused him. Angered by my reactions, James thrust into me hard and rapidly. Pain exploded in little bursts. It was inside of me, outside of me, and deep within my soul.

The mental pain was anguishing; caused from James' lack of care and the memories of the way Ian had treated me. I tried to shut James out, but it was quite impossible from the way he was roughly pressing in and out of me. His pants were loud in my ear, his sweat was all over me, and his body entwined with mine. Tears spilled down my face. I could not stop them.

I was being torn apart mentally as James devoured my body in a predatory manner. I relieved my previous nightmares, feeling my body fall apart as James sought for the core of my being. The blood was getting clogged in my veins and my heartbeats came rapid and uneven as I took ragged breaths, denying myself of the whimpers that tried to break through.

James pushed hard and fast until he reached his climax. He stiffened and released within me, reminding me of how I had made this choice. I had chose to let myself relive the devils of my past and now I lay broken and burned out like before. James stayed on top of me far too long. Finally, he slipped out of me and stood up, body glistening with sweat in the faint light of the sunrise flooding through the mirror. Only now did relinquished sob of desperation break free. Only now did I allow my eyes to meet James.

He looked at the trembling heap that was me on the ground and sighed. Memories burned deep from my core and spread to my head, reminding me of what Ian had put me through. Choked sobs started ripping from my throat. At least when Ian had raped me I had not been a little girl. Now, I was only a small twelve-year-old. I wasn't prepared for agonizing pain like this.

James climbed to the window without looking back at me. Frowning, I cried after him, "W-what about our bargain?" James didn't look at me as he replied, "I told you I wouldn't tell you parents. I won't." With that, he slipped through the window and disappeared. I watched him leave, feeling my soul still breaking within me. How could I ever trust a man? I was silly to let myself be put through this same torture over and over again. Suddenly, I decided I did not want to go with Cutler. I was just going to stay right here.

Trying to calm my body, I leaned heavily against the bedpost and straightened my skirts. Without any warning, the door creaked open and my mother appeared. She looked down at me sleepily and said, "I am not letting you slack off work. You are going to your job...wait, what have you been doing in here? You're a mess! Look at yourself. Are you sick?"

Fuck her. The last thing I wanted to hear was how I was a mess. James had just claimed part of my body and I was never going to be quite the same again when it came to men. Trying not to pant, I said murderously, "No, I'm not sick." Putting a hand on her hip, mother replied, "Well, I expect you to be getting ready for work then."

When I didn't move, mother leaned down and hauled me to my feet. Legs shaking under me, I was dragged to the door. Mother pushed it open and told me, "Now go! I don't want you to be late. You've already made enough of an embarrassment of yourself lately." With that, she slammed the door in my face, leaving me cold and shivering out in the morning light.

Hurt and anger flowed through my veins as the door slammed shut. Just as quickly as I had decided that I wouldn't go with Cutler, I changed my mind. I hated my mother sometimes and right now, she just didn't understand what I was going through. I wouldn't stay with her. No, I would go with Cutler after all. Mind made up, I stomped through the lawn over to Cutler's home.

The window was still open. I slipped through it and landed on the bed. I knew I should go and hide in the wardrobe in case Mr. Beckers came to Cutler's bedroom, but I didn't have enough will power to made myself stand up. Taking a hesitant breath, I flipped onto my belly and buried my face in the pillow, tears gliding down my cheeks and wetting the pillow.

After a while of misery, I cried myself to sleep and lay asleep until a creaking noise awoke me hours later. Praying it wasn't Mr. Beckers since I really couldn't stand any more drama at the moment, I raised my eyes hesitantly from the pillow and saw Cutler in the doorway. He shut the door behind him, locked it, and glanced over in my direction.

"I thought we both agreed on you hiding, not sleeping in the bed," Cutler said in an annoyed voice. He took off his coat and tucked it in the wardrobe as he dumped a pile of boys' clothes on the bed next to me. When I didn't respond, Cutler took a better look at me and asked, "Are you awake? Try these on. I believe they should be your size. But I still think you should try them on."

I still couldn't move. I was kind of stuck on the bed, unable to move. Realizing that something was quite wrong, Cutler strode over to the bed and gave me a strange look, saying, "Something happened. I do think you should tell me what it is. Keeping it inside only makes you become more upset." Cutler sat down on the bed next to me and pushed the pile of clothes to the floor.

I made my heavy limbs move and pushed myself up into a sitting position. I stared at Cutler with unseeing eyes, remembering the way Ian had looked at me. A sob broke free of my throat and I started shivering. Confused, Cutler wrapped an arm around me and murmured, "Bloody hell, what happened? Did someone try to hurt you?"

Unable to speak, I just kind of nodded. Cutler thought for a moment and asked, "Did they try to kill you?" I shook my head and let the tears fall onto his leg. Cutler looked thoughtful and then realization lit up his eyes. Tucking me tightly against him possessively, Cutler murmured, "Someone forced themselves on you. Tell me who it was."